Today is your 7th anniversary in the forums. I read your blog and decided to read on of your stories.
I am not sure how i didn't across one of your stories before. this was intense,creepy and scary. I have no idea what just happened. But i loved it. You are BRILLIANT. if it wasn't for the quiz that i needed to study for, i would have finished this story today. But i guess i will take my time.
happy anniversary! Report Review
oh. Dom. ):
haha, i don't think i'm meant to be upset that he's gone. because if Rose is right, then he's a bit of a prat. but still, i like to think that Rose is, despite being cold and callous and cruel and calculating (gosh, that's a lot of 'c's), wrong about him. he told her he missed her, which definitely seems an improvement from before :D
and bless, poor Jamie. he seems like a genuinely nice bloke as well, which makes it a pity Clara's being such a toad and using him. although Clara's friends aren't the greatest influences either - Olivia seems pretty calculating and hardfaced as well. Blimey, they're all pretty flawed, which I quite like.
anyway, i've loved it so far and hopefully some of those many questions will be answered soon? :D
Hyenni101, Slytherin (: Report Review
This Rose is so cruel and calculating. i have to admit, actually, that there's something very intriguing about her. if i met her in person, i'd probably be severely creeped out by her, but to read about - she draws you in.
...i'm reading a dark fic, but i'm disappointed that there's no Dom in it. i'm glad this isn't all focused on the romance so far, because it would detract from the overall point of it, but i liked Dom. and the relationship between him and Rose is definitely highly mysterious - i'd love to know a little more of what's actually going on between them (:
and bless, Jamie is a nice guy too. Clara doesn't deserve him! although i get the weirdest feeling that she's not the villain in this story. is Rose the baddie? i don't know, but i'm bursting to find everything out!
Hyenni101, Slytherin (: Report Review
oooh. and the drama thickens.
i don't know why, but i really like Dom. am i meant to like him, or am i just being weird? there's just something about him that, despite him being wrapped up in this whole mysterious death malarkey, seems very human. obviously, he's a bit strange and i've got no doubt in my mind that he's using Rose right now, but still. i like him.
Rose seems very cynical and calculating - i'm actually still on the fence about whether i even like her or not. she's a very well built character, that's for sure, but normally i've worked it out by the end of the first chapter whether i like the narrator or not. and Rose - she's just as twisted as Dom, and it's difficult to work out whether i'm meant to like or dislike her. :')
does that even make sense? :p
Hyenni101, Slytherin (: Report Review
it's Rose?! that was a bit of a shocker, I have to admit. i don't know who i was expecting it to be, exactly, but for some reason, Rose has always been a bit of a goody-two-shoes in my mind.
arrgh. you answered my one question about the narrator, and supplied me with a million more. i'm not amused. i'm itching with curiosity and that's not a nice feeling. are you proud of yourself? :p
Dominic sounds like a nice, if strange and unstable bloke. i'm dying to know what he and Olivia have to do with this, and how Clara is supposedly involved in this overdose thing. ARGH. THIS IS TORTURE.
can't wait to start on the next chapter!
Hyenni101, Slytherin (:Author's Response: I won't deny that the reason I picked Rose for the narrator (at first I had no idea what I was writing or who the characters were) was pretty much based in shock value. I do hope that soon enough, she will develop beyond any connotations the audience may have with her name. I actually can't stand most Roses I come across, which is why I torture her so when I get the opportunity.
Teehee, will you hate me if I am proud of myself? The questions pile up at a crazy rate, and it won't let up anytime soon. If it helps, I have a lot of similar questions myself, since writing this fic is like taking a shot in the dark -- it could go in any number of directions, and could lead to any number of resolutions (if any sort of resolution comes at all).
Dominic's a rather important character this early in the game. Strange and unstable, I think, are apt descriptions. And aren't we all dying to know?
Writers are all sadists at heart. That is my philosophy and I am sticking to it. But I'm glad you're putting up with it :D Report Review
this is so intense. and so, so intriguing. i literally don't know where to start.
prepare yourself for a bombardment of questions.
who's the narrator? who's Clara? what happened exactly to Clara's sister? why is the narrator so desperate to bring Clara down? what is this alternative way of ruining someone?
there are several more floating around my head, but that'll do for now, i wouldn't want to overwhelm you :') but seriously, i've been so drawn in by this chapter that it's unreal. your writing style obviously contributes to that as well - i loved the line about there being better ways to ruin and kill someone. that really stuck out for me, so well done! i'm mildly jealous. (;
overall, brilliant start!
Hyenni101, Slytherin (:Author's Response: Eee! So happy to see you here -- a bit mortified that you picked this fic of all of them, since I have done so little work with it as of late, but I'm happy that you've got so many questions! I'm sure you're unsurprised that I can't answer any of them :P I'll say a bit in response to that last question, though. The form of revenge, or ruination, that our narrator seeks for Clara is something I think that isn't clear to that person, either. It's a very fluid concept, ruination, and I wouldn't expect it to be answered in full any time soon. -vaguely gleeful/evil cackle-
But really, this review in general is astonishing. Also, jealousy? Directed at me? Preposterous! But thank you so much anyway, this was such a pleasant/terrifying surprise. Report Review
This is really, truly fantastic! I love how confused I've been throughout this fic. It's definitely mysterious and I LOVE Rose's character. Actually, I love all of the characters you've introduced so far. It's refreshing how you mention Albus as a peripheral character, but he's never actually in the story - since most Next Gen stories can't refrain from throwing every Weasley imaginable into the story in the very first chapter.
I hope you continue!
EvieAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you so much! Any confusion you have is the same for me, possibly even more so because I generally have no idea what I'm doing with this fic, which seems to be something I can't stop repeating. Heh. Rose's character is basically insane, which is fun to write, but also really scary as well, because she ends up freaking me out and making me stop writing for a few months. cough. Albus is actually going to make an appearance in Chapter 6 (which I wrote when I was still intrigued by the unprecedented popularity of Albus/OC fics), but yes, most of the Weasleys are on the periphery of this story. You can only have so many crazy people in the same family, you know? Thank you for the encouragement, and hopefully one day, possibly, there will be an update! Report Review
vis a vis paragraph uno - everytime me and my dad end up in casualty with his latest broken finger/cooking injury/getting hit by a bus, his standard reply to 'how did you get this injury?' is 'stupidity'.
ergo as stupidity is enough to cause a wealth of accidents, I'm sure stupidity can kill you. But your narrator knew that already, seeing as they clarified it in that first paragraph.
and I digress~
oh my word the intrigue in this is overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed with intrigue. Every paragraph brings a new mystery, it seems. Ooh la la.
I should really stop my incessant repetition of 'ooh' in my reviews.
anyway, some proper review. I love this. I love the tone, the mystery of the set up, the tension that's building. It's epic.Author's Response: What can I say? Stupidity is a disease. A very, very dangerous disease. There is no cure. I'm sure scientists are working on finding it, but so far it has evaded capture. Sadface. Digression is fun, I like digression~
Intrigue intrigue /intrigue/. It never ends, because I have no idea what it's building to for the most part, but there's lots of stuff happening all the time and it's all really intense and stuff and one day, maybe, possibly, it will all lead to something.
I love you, and your reviews, and your repetition of 'ooh' in said reviews. Epic. Report Review
okay, a gina banner and a gubby story. could this be the most perfect combination since raspberry jam and nutella were first put into the same sandwich?
i think the answer is yes.
for this i am excite.
ooh I love the tone. It's snarky, full of mirth, and that makes it all the more...ooh, I think evil's the word. This narrator seems...dangerous. To me anyway. For a while I was convinced it was a couple of adults here, and then I read the last few paragraphs, and I was a bit 'woah, mind blown!'. So there's plenty been laid down here to keep me hooked.
very much going on to the new chapter (and procrastinating from everything else I'm supposed to be doing) ♥Author's Response: A Julia review doesn't even need anything to be automatically awesome. Well, nutella would be awesome regardless, I guess. So forget I mentioned that. Ahem.
Ughhh I kind of hate that you are the least bit excite for this of all fics. Why this one? I have so little inspiration for it, but I am so happy that you like it anyway. I didn't imagine that the tone is full of mirth -- a morbid mirth, perhaps? (Awesome alliteration is awesome.) And yes, I do think the narrator is dangerous. Then again, lots of folks are in this story. It's funny because when I started writing this, I had zero idea who the characters were or where they were or what the one the narrator was talking to had done.
Heee, procrastinator-reviewing is the best. -insert heart- Report Review
Oh Gubby! *insert unintelligible spluttering here*
This is pretty awesome. Definitely worth waiting for. Speaking of which, congratulations on finishing your other story! It was great to see you finish another long-length story and I'm jealous of how quickly and persistently you did so. Just wanted to mention that. ^_^
Anyway, this chapter was fantastic with a lot of tension and depth to it. I can't remember where the plot is going (will have to re-read previous chapters - my memory's filled with all sorts of other things from school, hence my crazy review style today), but I just loved the interactions between Rose and Olivia, then Rose and Dominic, the way that Rose manipulates them both, or at least believes she is. One thing that made it for me was how you navigated the switch in Rose's focus from Olivia to Dominic within the classroom. Olivia easily fades into the background when Rose gets bored of her, and Dominic, even though he's behind Rose, suddenly comes into focus. There's a great cinematic feel to that which really appealed to me (who is writing a film essay at the moment :P).
The other great thing about this chapter was how Rose chose to respond to Dominic's question at the end, the way that she leads him on so skillfully - it just adds to my awe-inspired terror of your Rose. She's absolutely freaky, like Hannibal Lecter in her treatment of those around her, not only in her easy manipulation of their emotions and actions, but also in that she seems to consume their willpower and strength. Even she seems bothered by the extent of her perceived powers, unable to look Dom in the eye at the same time that she revels in what she's doing to him.
Yet I think a lot of her commentary on adolescent social life, and probably adult social life too, very true. She sees the world for what it is, definitely through a jaded lens, but she can see through superficiality in ways of which her peers can't even conceive. It probably makes her even more frightening, though I wonder how much of this story is being told in retrospect - I recall you mentioning something like that in one of your responses, that Rose can look back and see the facts of the case in a way that she wouldn't necessarily have at the time they were actually occurring.
She's definitely the most unreliable narrator ever. :P But that's why I enjoy reading this. It makes my mind bend in odd ways, and it's always good to find a story that makes one think and question everything, even the story itself. That's why you're brilliant, Gubby, because you can write things like this. ^_^Author's Response: Susan, Susan, Susan, how you flatter me. *extreme blush*
Haha, thank you on both accounts! I was as shocked that Off-Kilter was finished at all, and so quickly, too! I can only hope a similar spark of inspiration will happen with this fic so I can actually get stuff done with it.
I can't remember where the plot is going, either, to tell you the truth. I have a general idea of where I /want/ it to go, but getting there is a whole other story and will consist of many narrative detours as I try to figure it all out :P But I started off this chapter knowing that I wanted to flesh out the connection between Olivia and Rose. I like the way you word that, btw, "the way that Rose manipulates them both, or at least believes she is" because of course, Rose is the least reliable narrator ever. And yes, I do think Rose was bored of Olivia, because at this point in time, she has nothing to offer to the narrative of Clara's coming downfall beyond mostly innocent jealousy of her boyfriend. Shifting to Dominic is more advantageous for her, on the level of that narrative and on a personal level. I never thought of that moment as cinematic, but I guess essays make you see things differently :P.
I feel like that answer to Dominic's question was a real coming-of-age moment for Rose. It was the point at which I was genuinely frightened of my creation, and after writing that scene I was kind of gaping; conversely, after this point, I started thinking of and describing the fic as "super creepy". I do think she's a bit taken aback at how powerful she feels and how much power she seems to exert on Dominic, at least, but she would think that now is not the time for questions of morality. Now is the time to act, and she realizes that she cannot act if she does not totally expunge whatever residual feelings she had for him.
I've said before that I see this as a play on the typical Next Gen catty-Hogwarts fic (which is a lot of fun to do, especially as I'm writing one myself), so the commentary on adolescent social life is something I really wanted to do. I don't know if she sees the world for what it is as much as she sees what she expects to see -- on one level, she doesn't trust anyone and expects them to be liars, but on another level, she sees most people (except Clara) as much stupider than her, and doesn't believe they (Olivia would be a good example) can even dream of pulling off the level of deception she, Rose, is. It's elitism and paranoia and condescension to others that makes her a bit intimidating when she chooses to reveal herself as such. As we see with her other roommates and with Olivia and Jamie, she usually comes off as mild-mannered, a bit acid-tongued but not malicious; she shows herself that way when she feels like it. That's another reason I look at this chapter as a turning point -- when you talk to someone as embroiled in scandal as Dominic is in that way, gossip starts to spread. The full repercussions of this conversation are explored in the next couple of chapters or so.
I like to think that all first-person past-tense narration is told in flashback, but I can't answer the question of how far ahead Narrator Rose is. :P
I love questioning everything, or at least making people question everything. It gives me a headache when I find something that also requires deep inquiry, but I love seeing other people do it :P I cannot tell you how appreciative I am for these reviews; your thoughts inevitably lead me to think in new ways about the story (which is helpful because I need all the insight I can get, teehee). Thank you so much, as always. Report Review
I love how I really don't feel I can trust Rose. She won't just spit out what her motive is here. Four chapters in, and I'm still wondering, guessing, wondering some more... This whole thing is really well crafted, Gubby - moving the plot along while really not giving away anything at all. I'm eagerly awaiting the next update!!
MelanieAuthor's Response: I don't deny that Rose is an unreliable narrator. The concept of the unreliable narrator is actually something that fascinates me and it's been great fun exercising that in this fic. Again, most of the reason why there is no clear motive (other, of course, than her crusade for "the truth" and for Clara's "death") is because even I'm not entirely sure where this is going. But I'm so, so relieved that even in the uncertainty, you enjoyed it at all. Thanks so much for the reviews and I will update as soon as I can!
*hug* Report Review
Well, the three guesses aren't helping, because I have no clue what's going on - but I like this story for just that reason! Never in my life can I hope to have as much subtlety as this (and if you don't intend it to be subtle, and you think it's really obvious what's going on, then that just means I'm dense, and I can't actually rule that option out - either way, you win.) :-D
Rose is very puzzling to me. In the first chapter I thought she was a psychopath. Then she started seeming disconnected, almost antisocial (which is not actually antithetical to psychopathy, anyway) - and then here she started seeming more engaged, especially with all that talk about how she can be "intense." I like what you're doing with her character so far.
MelanieAuthor's Response: The "three guesses" in the last line is a reference to the other time(s) "three guesses" has been used -- which means that Clara is the reason why Dominic and Rose have not touched. But the subtlety you mention is only because I have an only slightly better picture of what's going on than you do. Seriously, I make up a lot of this as I go. (No, it's not supposed to be obvious because [and I can't stress this enough] I don't know exactly what I'm doing. I have a vague framework but nothing more concrete.)
Rose is a psychopath, I agree completely. But keep in mind that this chapter and the previous one are told in flashback. Flashback Rose is not as psychotic as Narrator Rose. She isn't exactly antisocial, but she's not a part of the mainstream of society, if that makes any sense, because she's sick of the pettiness of it. She wants to be above it, but this drama sucks her back in, I think. She engages in societal interaction when she wants to or when she thinks it's useful. And when she does engage in it, she can be, cough, intense.
All this analysis of Rose's character is making me think. And I like thinking more, even though I may well find a plot hole or dig myself into a grave. But it will have been worth it! *hug* Report Review
Teenage drama on steroids, no? XD
Kidding. I found this while creeping around your author page, because I've decided it's very shameful how little of your stuff I've read and reviewed, and this really looked mysterious so I had to read it.
In a really weird, twisted way, I love your narrator (whoever it is - don't tell me). Completely creepy and psychotic. I don't read nearly enough dark stuff. I'm looking forward to the rest. ♥
MelanieAuthor's Response: Yes, actually! Very much so! That was my whole angle with this fic: the exaggeration of the Mean Girls-type fanfics with the rivalries and social politics and whatnot.
Oh, the narrator. Narrator gives me a lot of trouble all the time now, but in this first chapter, the voice is really clear and creepy. Glad you love the voice, though, since I wasn't sure that would actually be a reaction, you know? But dark stuff is love. Unsure of whether this is love, but I'm so flattered that you thought of me in the first place and stopped by at all.
*heart* Report Review
Now you have me worried.
Rose is diabolical, too. She's creepy! She's mysterious! She's unlike any other characterization of Rose that I've ever seen. My skin is crawling with this chapter because of the way that she's elected herself to be judge and jury against Clara. It feels like such a gross revenge when she doesn't even know all the facts (or she's being clever and keeping them from the readers for some very important reason - she's a wonderful example of the unreliable narrator, something I've always wanted to try), as though she's trying to get Clara back for something more than the sororicide. There's something that she's not telling.
I was equally frightened upon hearing Clara's outburst about the essay. It was filled with double meanings that only her and Rose understood - it's like she was telling Rose that she couldn't have possibly murdered her sister, that Rose doesn't know the full story and never can/will.
Oh my gosh this story is so complex! How do you keep up with it all while writing it? I never could keep all the threads in line like you are, Gubby. It's an amazing story and I'll be on the lookout for updates whenever you have the time. It's definitely the best WIP around. ^_^Author's Response: Rose was always diabolical and creepy and mysterious -- at least Narrator Rose was. The past two chapters, being flashbacks, feature a Rose who doesn't know what she's getting into, but wants to find out. Now we switch into "present time," you could say, and the extent of her craziness becomes more and more apparent. She's such an unreliable narrator, you're correct, and her revenge is gross. She doesn't know all the details, but she knows most of them; she doesn't tell her audience because she admits (maybe not here, but in a later chapter) that she has a flair for the dramatic. She wants Clara to fall in the greatest way possible. She admires the monologue-before-elaborate-scheme trope. What her true motivations are in her crusade against Clara remains to be seen.
The essay outburst was actually hard to write, because how do you hide such threatening phrases in a conversation that can be mistaken for the commonplace? But I'm glad it worked. But what she's saying is not that she didn't kill her sister -- she admitted as much in the first chapter -- but that Rose doesn't understand what she, Clara, has done, or what she, Rose, might wreak if she goes on with this. Of course, Rose's response is to write her off, so... hmm. Intrigue.
The problem isn't that I can't keep up with it -- the few threads I am aware of aren't that bad -- but that I can't WRITE it. Rose's voice is ridiculous. It takes a lot to do it without making her sound repetitive. But... eek eek eek. Best WIP around? I beg very much to differ. But, you know, thank you so much. Now I know that I should update every now and again, just to make you happy (this seems to be a theme with the seldom-updated darkfics, no?). THANK YOU. Report Review
What?! This story gets deeper and more complex with every chapter, and this chapter in particular has left me with a boat-load of questions that I'm raging to have answered. But I'll do so by reading on rather than submitting them to you in a numbered list. That would simply take too long (and you probably wouldn't answer them anyway).
What insane characters you've come up with for this story! Again, I'm very pleased to see that the majority of characters here are OCs, setting this story apart from the numerous Rose-and-her-cousins stories on the archive, especially since your OCs are absolutely and fabulously nuts. The depth of social politics and intrigue among these characters makes them fascinating - there's a fantastic combination of petty grievances and dark secrets bubbling beneath the surface of their lives. And Rose is not so much caught in the middle of it all as eagerly throwing herself into the melee, but always remaining on the margins. With the ending, I'm wondering whether she prefers to be on the outside of things, and that's why she chooses to stay away from him, sleeping with the enemy and all that.
This is brilliant, Gubby. I can't say it enough how much I'm adoring this story and looking forward to reading more of it. ^_^Author's Response: Deeper and more complex, in my mind, means that I'm digging an even bigger grave for myself should I fail. What questions you ask, you're right, I wouldn't answer, mostly because I know very few. Which, in retrospect, isn't a good way to write a dark suspense fic. Ahem.
Like I said, the Weasley clan is hovering on the periphery, I promise, but their roles are, again, on the periphery. The falling triumvirate of Clara, Olivia, and Dominic are the most important, with Jamie sort of falling behind them but growing slowly. Not all of them are nuts, though! (Not entirely.)
Social politics intrigues me like you wouldn't believe. And really, this story is a play on teen high school soaps and how wildly out-of-control they get, so that sort of explains the tone and plot. Petty grievances and dark secrets sums them up pretty well, I must say.
And it's true, Rose does throw herself in the thick of it. But Flashback Rose (this chapter and the last are flashbacks) is not doing this. At the moment she's sort of wandered into it all, with very little idea of what's going on. Narrating Rose (the one from the first chapter) knows now exactly what she's done and what her role is. And in her mind, yes, her role is suited for the "margins."
The ending, though -- about not touching him -- she makes clear is not of her choice. It is Dominic who ends their "relationship," and it's because of his fixation on Clara. Flashback Rose, if given the choice, would have tried to make it work, to delve deeper. Narrator Rose... well. That remains to be seen.
I never thought "brilliant" when I wrote this -- fun, scary diversion, sure, but brilliant, especially Susan brilliance -- just... GAH. How? Why? Thank you, though, as always. Report Review
Well, I could begin this review with "whoa" again, but I'll spare you that and instead begin with "hmm" in regard to what it might actually be that Rose kept secret for Clara. Perhaps she inadvertently promised that she wouldn't tell about Clara having been awake like that in the middle of the night - a sort of alibi thing that Rose, having seen Clara awake, might undercut. I find Clara's thanking of Rose at the end as suspicious as Rose did, and I'm only more intrigued by what's going on in this story.
Rose! Yes! I was excited to see that she was the narrator, being biased in her favour as I am, though I really like your use of OCs instead of her extended family. They're excellent OCs - it's wonderful when an author only needs to provide a sketch of a character for it to be enough for the reader to entirely imagine that character. For instance, you show Dom only for that moment, yet his reactions to Rose's questions and his way of talking with Rose provided a very clear image of what he is like, etc. I hope at least some of that made sense. I'll say more simply that I love the voice you've given Rose - serious and to the point, but somewhat deadpan (as in the first line, which cracked me up).
Another fantastic thing about this story: how you're building up the backstory, the evidence of the case. You give the reader a few answers, but then ask more questions, driving them to read forward (as I now will). Amazing work! :DAuthor's Response: Hmm. Maybe it's my memory of this chapter failing me, but I'm not sure what you mean. The only secret that Clara has told Rose at this point is that she was away all day; the only thing Rose promised her was to let her tell the story of what happened. Narrator Rose knows what happened (or thinks she knows what happened), but Flashback Rose doesn't yet. Clara's thanks at the end was ostensibly because Rose didn't tell people she saw her in the middle of the night, but... suspicion abounds in this story, as I'm sure you can tell.
But Rose! It took a lot of thinking/debating to decide what to do about the narrator (Tom Riddle? Grindelwald? Scorpius?) before I settled on Rose. Mostly it was to turn the Next Gen stereotype of her on its head, to provide a little shock value, but I hope to flesh her out beyond more than just a creepy voice and a name. The same goes for the OCs, who, strangely, are still a bit iffy for me and need fleshing out in my head; it's like I know the broad strokes of their characters but not the nuances, you know? Members of the extended Weasley clan will show up at some point or another, because you really can't escape them, but it's true, they aren't the focus. Dom, however, is a huge part of the cast, so I'm glad he came across well to you. Also, deadpan/psychotic Rose just might be one of my favorite kinds now.
The backstory develops slowly because frankly, I have only a little more information than you do! I have the same questions as you do and only some of the answers. But hopefully the journey to answering these questions is enjoyable :D Report Review
Whoa, Gubby, this is gripping. Truly and terrifyingly gripping. To make a long story short, I'd started by trying out your other new story, the curiosity!fic, but finding it not really my thing (I suppose I'm so much of a gloomy guts that anything too cheerful isn't my thing :P), I delved into this story. I love your dark stories - they have great depth and power to them that draws in the reader and captures them whole. This one is no exception. In fact, I would say that, just from this first chapter, you've bested yourself. "Snow Red" still remains one of my favourite fanfiction stories, but this one is even better.
Where to begin? The "I" voice. Very Hannibal Lecter with the line "Good evening, Clara" sounding out in my head as "Hello, Clarice", but it's brilliant how you've turned the tables of that relationship, making this ominous-sounding voice the interrogator while the girl is the perceived psycho-killer. What was most frightening for me was not having any grasp on who the "I" voice was - it made me feel as though it could be me, sitting here reading the story, torturing Clara in order to get her story out of her. Scary, much?
It only goes to show that you're an amazing writer with huge creativity and wondrous skills. I really have to keep reading because I'm hooked. ^_^Author's Response: Susan! Firstly -- I totally don't blame you for not being able to sit through The Confectionary, my morbidcuriosity!fic, because even I find it hard to do. But I did have a minor heart attack to see that you reviewed this instead because, as I think I told you, this isn't going well. So now this means I have to pay attention to this poor thing as well. :P
I like my dark stories better, too, honestly, but better than Snow Red, which I like to think of as my current magnum opus (Ambrosia, if/when it's finished, would be the actual one)? That's flabbergasting. Flattering and shocking, but flabbergasting. Especially with just one chapter.
Is it bad that I've never actually watched The Silence of the Lambs? Surprisingly, I have serious issues with horror/suspense movies. I am scared very easily. But the reason you don't have a grasp on the narrator's voice is because I didn't have a grasp on it either. I had no idea if it was a girl or a boy, let alone what character. But I'm not going to lie, scary is a good thing in something like this.
But eek, your reviews are just always incredible, and I'm so happy that you liked it, and I hope you continue to! Report Review
SPECTACULAR! It can't end like this! I NEED MORE! GIVE ME MORE!!! Just kidding ... well, not really ... Anyway, excellent, freakish in-depth descriptions of each character. I have no idea what's going on (STILL!) but I'm at the very edge of my seat!Author's Response: I'll admit, I adore my cliffhangers. Especially ones like this. The descriptions of the character are essential, I think, because our narrator does have very... strong opinions of basically everyone, and it matters very much what she thinks of them. I still have no idea what's going on, either, but I'm so glad you stopped by, and thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Curious, very curious indeed ... I don't know what's happening, but I'm intriqued!!! Once again, wonderfully arranged! The suspense is on absolute high, can't wait to get to the real gooey core of it all.Author's Response: No one really knows what's happening, not even me! But I'm glad that vagueness is still engaging and I hope you continue to enjoy ^_^ Report Review
Oh, brilliant! Four thumbs up, I enjoyed every little follicle on this beautiful brainchild of yours! Exquisite detail and intense atmosphere!!! (Ooooh, who is narrating, I wonder? I expect to find out soon)Author's Response: Eee, thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed this first chapter; the atmosphere is sort of the defining characteristic of the fic. Thanks so much again! Report Review
Wonderfully,intriguing story! I love Rose as the narrator and I can't wait to see how this story unravels.Author's Response: I was aiming for intriguing with everything from the concept to the style to the choice of character. Hopefully all of this ends with some modicum of clarity. Thanks for the review! Report Review
it's like i've died and gone to hell ! which, of course, is much more exciting than going to heavan. so, uhm, yeah. very interesting story. and i mean interesting in the good way, not in the '...yeah...that was...interesting (awkward smile)...?' kind of way.
for starters it's defnitely engaging. as in, you keep reading beacuase you have no freaking idea of what's going on! but, again, in a good way. that's one of the things that stuck out most for me so far in this story is the pacing. everything takes it's time in revealing itself, from all the mystery surrounding this gurl's death, to whatever it is dominic is holding captive inside himself, to even in the first chapter, the identity of the narrator.
whom i love. i love the narrator. such a unique voice she has. very tidy, well thought out, with a wide vocabulary and an almost old fashioned way about it. i really had no idea who to expect behind it! i thought it might've been an older, y'know, well dressed, black suit and tie, hair slicked back kinda guy. actually, such a voice could've even belonged to voldemort i think, and yet you've given it to a character who, at least on the outside, seems far less sinsiter than someone like voldemort; a younger gurl, still enrolled in school.
these are contrasting images, i think. to put such dark themes, and such an intelligent point of view to a school setting, and to teenage characters. but, somehow, it works.
i don't know, maybe i'm just talking out of my nose, and i completely misunderstood the whole thing, but either way i still liked it. i suppose if i spent a little more time thinking about it i could find something to be pickey about, but really i couldn't care to. for now, i'm just waiting for the next chapter, and hopefully to understand it all.
-sunday./.Author's Response: Hell is interesting, I'll give you that. And this story is (hopefully) interesting. In the good way.
If you have no idea what's going on, it's because I don't either, honestly; I have a very vague framework of motivations and plot, but nothing concrete at all. So I'm glad it's engaging and not (that) frustrating. My vagueness about plot is also why the pace is rather slow, but hopefully (I'm using that word a lot, I think) it all reveals to something or other at the end!
The narrator is very blunt, in her way. She doesn't see herself as being particularly eloquent or having a wide vocabulary -- she's very focused on getting her point across, and she'll do that however she wants to. Funnily enough, when I first wrote the first chapter and had no idea who the narrator was, Tom Riddle was an obvious candidate. But I chose who I chose to throw the convention on its head and work within a whole new set of rules: the rules of society in school. The contrasting images, the juxtaposition between the darkness of the fic and the supposed carefree times they live in, is exactly what I wanted to achieve, and I'm so glad it actually works!
You're absolutely not talking out of your nose; in fact this is one of the loveliest (hehehe) reviews I've received for this story. I hope everyone, myself included, will come to understand what this fic is really about, but in the meantime, thank you so much for reading and leaving such a wonderful review! Report Review
ep. this is so intense. what could have Clara done? the mystery revolving her sister's death? Why did haven't she touched Dominic? guess 1. she hates him. guess 2. he had to do with the murder. guess 3. something more horrible, horrible that you are planning.
please update! i want to know what happens next!Author's Response: Intense is an understatement! I won't comment on your first two questions, but as to the Dominic question: it's Clara's fault. Dominic, as you might have noticed, never got over Clara (in his own way), and there's an element of his relationship with our lovely narrator that is all about getting his revenge on her. But why would he want revenge on Clara? (I answer this question because it's basically implied in the text already, with the repetition of "Three guesses who/why," meaning Clara). I can't guarantee when I will update, but thanks so much for reading! Report Review
It's always so hard to review someone who is quite talented with words, so I will do my best to address everything that you asked me to look at in your post.
Because both chapters are so short, I decided that rather than leave two reviews (that may or may not have been helpful at all), that I'd leave one (hopefully) helpful review.
Having not read any of your other stories, I don't really know how this one differs from them. However, that being said, I rather like how this one was written. First person is quite interesting to use in such a dark fic, but I think you pull it off quite well.
The characters are quite interesting. At first I had no idea who the narrator was, I was shocked and pleased when I found out. Also, while you never right out say "these characters are in Slytherin" they surely feel like they are too me. However, knowing teenage girls, it matters little what house they are in as they can all be (at times) very catty and vindictive. So it would not surprise me to find that Rose and her friends are in a different house.
I am quite interested in the plot, and can't help but wish there was more of this written so I could continue to read. I really want to know what Clara did to her sister. It is sad really, to think that one would resort to such measures because of 'stupidity'. Also, I feel as though Clara has done something more to Rose to make her turn against her and wish to kill her. While I imagine the term 'kill' is used loosely and means more of "I'm going to ruin you until you wish you were dead" type deal, this seems very strange of our Rose (assuming she is Rose Weasley). Which leaves me hoping for more background information on the narrator so we can begin to put the puzzle pieces together and have that "AH-HA!" moment when everything clicks.
As for creepiness...when I first read it, I wasn't exactly creeped out. More intriqued than creeped out. The narration is amazing and does hold a slight air of creepiness, but as it is only the first two chapters, it is not something that comes across strongly. Rose's personality in chapter one is certainly creepy, because we are uncertain of who the narrator is and why they are doing what they are doing. Yet, one can almost imagine the Dark Lord in such a position of power trying to draw information out without resorting to violence. I am certain that as the story progresses the creepy factor will definitely become more apparent and hopefully send chills down one's back. I just didn't feel that in these two chapters.
Overall, I absolutely enjoyed these first two chapters and am quite interested in knowing what is going to happen next. There is definitely a lot of suspense left over at the end of the chapter. So please, request again when the next chapter is up! I can hardly wait not knowing!
LenAuthor's Response: Hi, Len! Firstly, thanks for such a wonderful review, I really appreciate it! :)
First person is really difficult to pull off in general, especially in something like this (as I'm discovering as I continue to write). Once I knew what I was actually writing about (I didn't at first), I came to look at this story as a play on the typical catty dramatic!Hogwarts story, and since there's a lot of first person in young adult/Hogwarts-age stories, I thought it an appropriate choice.
I'm glad that the narrator's identity surprised you! Part of it was indeed for the shock value, but I want to work around the shock value and make her an actual character. As I told you before, the entire cast of characters (the ones we see thus far, anyway, including Clara's splintered triumvirate) is in Gryffindor, but I didn't mention that because, as you rightly said, it doesn't matter. Although it's very interesting justifying these characters' behavior in the context of being in that House; there's a huge element of pride in all of them, and a belief in righteousness and honesty that the narrator, at least, takes to an entirely different level.
What indeed did Clara do to her sister? But I should tell you now, that isn't the focus of the story. I think the focus is more on the narrator's attempt to kill Clara for what she believes she has done. We will find out what happened, in bits and pieces, but just as the girls' House doesn't matter so much, neither does what actually happened. That's something very important in the scheme of the story. You're right, of course, that the term "kill" is used to mean "ruin," and I find it interesting that you feel that way. She is a strange young witch, I think that much is clear. Since this is from her point of view, we will get to know her better, but at a very slow pace. She's very single-minded in her pursuit of Clara.
Ah, the creepiness. I think that's more something I feel because I've written ahead, but intrigue is definitely worth more to me than creepiness. I'm glad it doesn't come across as strongly because I'd rather show her descent than show her at a stagnant level of creepiness. And I like that you draw that parallel because, when I wasn't sure what on earth I was writing or who the narrator was, I naturally did think about Tom. He is manipulative, awful, easily offended by his victim not appreciating his genius. My narrator is all of that as well, but one thing she isn't is charming. Tom, even as Voldemort, charmed his victims and threatened them when that didn't work. She does not do that; her style is much less... seductive, for lack of a better word. And that element of her personality, and the creepy-factor, will become greater elements as we go on.
I'm really happy you enjoyed these chapters and I hope I can live up to your expectations! Will definitely let you know when I update, and thank you for such a wonderful review! Report Review
asdfghjkl. i am at loss for words. mostly, because i'm still not entirely sure what's going on (totally going to read chapter one again when i'm done reviewing), but also because this.is.intense. i love how you left out the fact who the narrator was until the interaction between her and Dominic; i was getting impatient *blush*. but anyway, yes. i like your portrayal of the narrator (won't name her, just in case), and it's very different from the usual portrayals i've read, which is always a plus. can't wait to see how this story unfolds. you've got a great start here, Gubby :) keep it up.Author's Response: I saw this review and was blown away. I miss you so, so much, Steph and I hope you're doing well and are happy and everything.
Anyway. As I've said before, even I'm not sure what's going on, but it.is.intense. It scares even me. I'll say this, though: the triumvirate of Clara, Olivia, and Dominic are... well, they're not awful. But they're pretty close. I figured readers would get impatient, so I thought I'd stick it in at that point, because that line is very important. She (I'm okay with identifying the narrator as she) and Dominic's relationship, if they have one, escalates as we go on. It is very different from the mainstream understanding of her, and I hope she becomes more of a character instead of a name as we go on.
Really, this review floored me. I'm so glad to hear from you and I genuinely hope you continue to enjoy. *heart* Report Review
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