Oh, I liked this a lot! I love little missing moments like these - they're so sweet. Ron's comment about his stomach joining a circus was classic Ron. It sounded like something he might have said in the books.
I've written a couple Quidditch scenes, and they can be really tough to keep from being repetitive and boring, but you did a really great job. I loved the way you wrote Lee Jordan's commentary - it fit with both Lee as a character and the way we saw him announcing. I also really appreciated the fact that you had Alicia score before anyone realized what she was doing - it was a really nice touch that helped bring the game to life.
I also think that you skipped ahead in the right spots, rather than drag it out - Ron walking down to the pitch, the score changing from 80-40 to 90-60 to 90-80... you had really great judgment about what was important to include and what wasn't.
Terrific story. :)
Happy review from a fellow Gryffie!Author's Response: Hello, thanks for dropping by! I'm feeling really glad that people are still reading this and thank you so much for the review! And what a positive review it is. I feel a blush coming on. Thank you for your encouragement and I'm glad I was able to write something that you found enjoyable and managed to capture something of the feel of the books while expanding on a new side of things :) Report Review
I remember listening to this as a podcast just a couple weeks ago, and now I stumbled across the actual story! Which is, just as good, if not better, than the podcast.
I love how you're describing the Quidditch match. The entire one shot is like a commentary of the game, yet it's still fun to read and well written. There aren't a lot of authors that could pull that off, so good job! It's a nice, light one shot that I really enjoyed!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Wow, thanks. I'm really glad you liked my style of narrating the game and still found it interesting. I sometimes have a problem with being a bit detailed at the start and a bit vague at the end. Thank you! Report Review
I loved this! It seems as though it could have fit very into canon. Ron's doubt at his own ability but then when he actually saved a goal...the excitement and pride he felt was so contagious. I just grinned through the whole story. I thought you did a good job narrating the Quidditch game. It's a difficult sport to write and I think you made in interesting enough. I like how you don't really describe what's going on in the game but we know what's happening through Lee's commentating. It was a nice touch.
Good job with this. I really enjoyed it!
forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad I was able to pull off the story well enough that you could get into the whole atmosphere and feel the emotions of the characters. Lee's commentary was the most unified/choesive way I could think to write the story and fits in with how JK often relates the rest of her games. Thank you for the review! Report Review
Oh, this was a great story! I love reading moments in the HP books that are either missing moments, or moments that we know of from Harry's POV, but instead, from another character's perspective. I loved how you wrote this one! The quidditch game was really enjoyable and interesting to read. Haha, I always, always love Lee Jordan in the quidditch games, so I'm so glad you put him in and even gave him nice lines!
I liked hearing how Ron saved the goals. It was interesting to see that the match was actually really close. And of course, it's great hearing that Ginny caught the snitch and won! Overall, you did a great job with all the quidditch action. Nice writing, an enjoyable read.
- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)Author's Response: Lee Jordan is great in the Quidditch games isn't he! Always has something to say and a few witty remarks to throw in. I must agree that missing moment are great as they provide a basic framework to work off but provide a lot of room to imagine it yourself. In this case, I knew that Ron had to save a few, Gryffindor had to win and Ginny had to catch the Snitch. Showing how Ron saved them was quite important to me as I wrote it. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks! Report Review
I should start off saying that I'm not a big Ron fan. That said... I almost felt sorry for Ron in the beginning when he was seeming so completely unsure of himself. I have to admit that the fact that Hermione was glaring daggers at the Slytherins was a bit I rather enjoyed though, even though it was because of their song for Ron.
The commentary was extremely interesting to have going on. I especially liked when Lee seemed to be trying to drown out the crowd. The fact that Ginny gave a pitying look in the first place seemed completely in character and I was glad that it wasn't needed by Ron in that particular match. It was nice to see a turn around for him from being so unsure to managing to help win the match.
I thought that the characterizations were incredibly well done and that every character played their parts well within the story. Ginny catching the snitch and the commentary surrounding it was really rather funny and it was rather sweet how Ron was proclaimed man of the match.
All in all really an interesting and well written story.
(Hufflepuff)Author's Response: Aww, thanks, what a lovely review! I'm really glad that I was able to make the match somewhat lighthearted and enjoyable as that's really what I was aiming for. Just a fun, casual story. Thank you for your kind words! Report Review
Welcome to the Great Gryffie Egg Hunt and thank for joining us. I think people are really gonna like reading this expanded scene of Ron's moment of triumph! Poor Ron, he doesn't get many of those. :D Well done, good pacing, nice tight story! E for Exceeds Expectations!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad it managed to work alright :) Cheers for the review and the comp! Report Review
Herrow again! I actually really enjoyed this! I will admit that I normally skim over the Quidditch parts of stories, but this was written really well and keep my attention (that is a hard thing to do bc I am so easily distracted, lol). I really liked how it was written from Ron's POV. Interesting take on what he thought, not too far from the books, but still your own. Anyway, I really enjoyed it. Good job. 10/10
~KatAuthor's Response: You skim over Quidditch? :o Shun!
Haha, nah thanks! I'm honoured you thought it was so good even though the content isn't your normal cup of tea. Report Review
Hellooo Cally! Great to see you again! And out with a new story already?! Hurrah! :) Don't forget my challenge too! :
First off: "Davies had the Quaffle and was weaving amongst the Gryffindor chases with a skill that made it look easy."
~ Please tell me you meant 'chasers' and not 'chases'! ( so that I get to finally spot a mistake, hah! Bleh!!! :P XD )
The graphics of the game wasn't bad at all! I kinda forgot a bit though, is this the game with Felix Felicix (is that even the spelling?) or not?
Also, I'm looking forward to an update in "Igniting the Ashes"! Great job!
~SEVVY (muahahahaha!)Author's Response: Haha, yep. I was plotting some elements of ItA and decided I needed to know how good I was at writing Quidditch before I attempted it.
Dang! No, that should have been Chasers... There's always something you miss.
As for what game this is, the summary quote should have helped with that :P. It's the third game in Order of the Phoenix. Harry's banned and initially watches with Hermione but they get dragged off to see Grawp after Davies scores the first goal. There's a little more information at the start of the next chapter but generally I had a clean slate to work with.
And don't worry, I haven't forgotten your challenge, though it's a little more difficult.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
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