Reading Reviews for Some Guys Have All The Luck
  
31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by academica Catch Me When I Fall

5th February 2012:
Back! This is prize review #2 :) I was curious about the change in chapter titles, so I'm glad that you addressed it. (Personally, though, I kind of like the 'in which...' theme from 1 and 2. But hey, it's your creative choice there!)

I had a feeling that Lysander would come in to save the day (as any good Prince Charming would), so I'm happy to see that all is not tragic here. I thought the initial scene with Molly and her family was really sweet, especially when Lucy laid down next to her sister to try and comfort her. You've done such a great job of incorporating the close-knit feel of the Wotters without overdoing it with the family drama, and I think that can be hard to do in next-gen, so wonderful work!

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but your dialogue in this story is really great. None of the comical comments or retorts feel forced, and everyone feels in-character as far as the remarks they make and the way in which they speak. Again, I've read a lot of next-gen when the humor is overblown, and it turns me off to the era a little bit, so it's great to get exposure to a smoother piece like this one.

I also really enjoyed the exchange between Molly and Lysander. I think you've got the perfect dose of awkwardness in there, and Lysander reminds me a teensy bit of Luna but not to the point where he's totally detached and dreamy like she usually is. (Another cliche there, thwarted again by you!) In fact, I think his awkwardness jives perfectly well with Molly's awkwardness, and they make a cute pair already.

I'm pretty sure I meant to come back and read this sometime after I did your first review for the exchange, and I guess I never did. Oh, well. I'll favorite it now to try and keep up :)

Excellent!

Amanda

Author's Response: Hey!

Eh, yes. I debated about those chapter titles a lot, and up until now I still cannot make up my mind. I honestly think I might change them back, because it was different from what I usually do.

Well, if you think about it, it was Muffin who saved the day. But as I said in the last review response, he had to come in somewhere. The family scene was one of my favourite scenes to write, actually. Her relationship with those in her intermediate family is shown a bit here too. Molly and her sister have an interesting relationship which is a bit back and forth - I plan to explore this in later chapters - but at the end of it, they are sisters.

I agree with you there, and that was what I was afraid of when writing this story. I've noticed it a lot in fics, not just next gen - Marauder's is famous for it as well. It isn't meant to be of the humour type, even if lines will sneak in, and it certainly isn't stiff (at least I think so), they are young adults after all.

Goodness, let me tell you. I /hate/ that cliche! I like it better when the children are their own people, and are not influenced by their parents quirks. It's exactly why I picked Lysander Scamander, just to prove that he doesn't have to be like his mother. Both him and Lorcan. I think Lysander finds Molly's awkwardness endearing - as was shown by his smirk when she gave him the pie, but doesn't think anything about his own. It's one of the things I think that will draw him to her.

Thank you for your lovely review! :D

Lia


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Review #2, by academica In Which The Epitome of a Real Man is Defined

5th February 2012:
Hey Lia! This is prize review #1 :)

I'm kind of in love with Roxy. Seriously, she is the coolest girl I've ever seen. I love how she kept asking for something stronger to deal with the shame of losing her spot on the team, and then turned right around and started commenting on Lysander's glorious backside. She really cracked me up!

Your imagery here was really gorgeous, as always. I especially love the part where Molly is walking home with Muffin and you describe the wind blowing across the empty streets. The chapter flowed really well, too, and I think you did just enough of an introduction of Dina so as to interest the reader but not to make her an unnaturally prominent topic of conversation, if that makes sense.

The description there at the end was rather chilling, and I'm excited to see what happens next. Poor Molly! Now her mother will surely demand that she come back to live at home...

Great job! On to the next!

Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Amanda!

I'm sorry I'm getting to these so late! I'm currently very swamped.

Heee :D Roxy is a cool girl, I'm glad you like her :) It's because Lysander is a delicious looking guy, him and his bum are enough to steer the topic of conversation into a more promising direction. Roxy is very determined, and will tend to be easily disappointed by things that happen in her life. It's one of her greatest flaws, and what I think make her such a great character. She tries really hard to hide it, but her friends are more intuned to her than she would like, especially Molly.

That is one of my favourite pieces of imagery - any story where the main character walks along a dark street at night where it's quiet, and the wind is blowing and they're left alone with their thoughts is stunning to me. I love to see it! Ah yes, Dina. I was a bit worried about her. I hope she won't come across in the overly-stereotypical sort of way by the time I'm ready for her to make an appearance. I get what you mean too. I thought she was thrown in a tad bit awkwardly at first, so I changed it up a bit.

I had to include it, just to prove to myself that not all hope was lost, and that I can drift back into old habits. There needs to be a bit of drama included somewhere! And it's an interesting introduction for a certain male with the nice bum, yes? ;)

Thank you so much!
Lia


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Review #3, by academica In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

20th December 2011:
Hey! Figured I might as well stick around on your page and fulfill my half of our review exchange pairing :)

So this was a really cute first chapter to what looks like an interesting story. You've definitely chosen an interesting time in Molly's life to focus on, what with her really leaving the nest for the first time. I'm not surprised that her father made it such a huge event, not only because of her difficulty with establishing her independence in the past but also because the Weasleys are really tight-knit and I can imagine that it would be strange to see one of them go off on his/her own.

I really like Molly's characterization here. I'm not usually a huge next-gen fan, but I do tend to like the stories that focus on characters that aren't right in the center of the Wotter clan, like Percy's children, George's children, Luna's, etc. You've done a good job of filling Molly out here in comparing her to her sister and showing her awkwardness in adulthood. She's a nice contrast to her rigid, perfectionistic father. I was pleasantly surprised to see her meeting Lysander here, another mostly "blank slate" ready to be given a personality. (As an aside, thanks for not making Molly a "fiery redhead" or Lysander supremely odd like Luna. I always appreciate when authors take a risk and deviate from the cliche a little bit.)

Overall, this looks like it's going to be good. You did a good job of demonstrating the influence of the Wotters in the post-Second Wizarding War climate (for example, with the mention that working at the Ministry was like a daily Hogwarts reunion... that was amusing) without going overboard with their popularity and fame (no sex gods/goddesses here!). The story flows nicely and I didn't notice any mistakes, aside from one thing -- you've written 'could' instead of 'can', it looks like, when Molly is talking to her cat before leaving. Just something small you may want to take a second look at.

Great job! You're very talented, as I'm sure you know :)

Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Amanda!

I'm so sorry for responding to this so late, and you wrote such a nice review too!

Anyway, I'm really glad you liked it. I have a tendency to avoid Next-Gen stories like these too - but I do have a weak spot for a few of them. I love minor characters because there's so much that can be done with them. I feel they need their time to shine in the fandom as well - hence my choice of Molly and Lysander (with Lorcan featuring in some chapters as well).

Stereotypes aren't fun at all. I don't like reading weird!Scamander twins stories. Luna might be odd, but we know nothing of Rolf or how the twins grew up, so I gave them different personalities which aren't influenced by how people perceive their mother's behaviour. Mind you, their parents' interests in magical animals and plants would influence them, but that's it. I took my creative license and went to work on everyone's age as well - not sure if you noticed or if I included it in this chapter. Lysander, if I went by canon, is still a child...not 26.

The mention of all the Potter/Weasley clan working at the Ministry is me poking fun at the presence of every single member of that family in almost every Next-Gen fic. Even Molly is annoyed by it :) I needed some inspiration with writing chapter four - hopefully your review has gotten me back into the swing of things.

Thank you so much for reviewing!

Lia


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Review #4, by tangledconstellations Catch Me When I Fall

29th August 2011:
Hey again!

This chapter was so lovely! When are you next going to update? Haha! I feel awful for Molly, especially as I know she's the kind of character who shy's away from too much embaressing attention. At least Lysander cared for her okay. I thought her waking up was beautifully and ever so creatively written, especially with the blinding light, that sort of thing :)

I really like this chapter, because, especially after having two older sisters move away to university in cities, I know what its like to worry about them being okay in their houses. Luckily enough, neither of them have ever been robbed, but the fear has always been there, so I think you managed to capture the care and love of her family really well.

What was really interesting was her meeting with Lysander towards the end. Poor, awkward Molly! 'I baked you a pie', haha! Lysander is ever so lovely though, to still invite her in, although it really did look like he was going out. Its going to be wonderful to see how their relationship grows. There seems to be something mutual settling between them both, and knowing that Molly can talk really frankly to him makes this all the more intriguing. Often, a relationship is steeped in awkwardness, but this makes so much more sense. She is in debt to him, I guess, but I'm glad they're getting on okay.

Something that's got me thinking is Lysanders attitude towards family. I'm really wondering whats making him so closed off. Was it Dina, or is it something more?

A really brilliant third chapter. I've enjoyed reading these so, so much! :D L xxx

Author's Response: Ahh, the dreaded question - when am I going to update next? To tell you the truth I don't know. The chapter is already drafted but I need the inspiration to write it. I hope it's soon though but I can't make any promises.

I like the effect of waking up to blinding lights. I think I watch too many movies :P. Ah yes, Lysander. It's rather handy having a Healer right next door, isn't it?

The fear is always there when you go out on your own, away from the sheltering arms of Mum and Dad but it's necessary. They can only take us so far. Like you said in the review for chapter two...the Weasleys are pretty close-knit, so when Molly was robbed everyone turned up. Even her namesake, who I took pride in being the most important person there.

I love awkward Molly. She's adorable. And Lysander's smirk made the entire thing more priceless! She doesn't do well in many situations and at least her awkwardness isn't because of his looks.well, not yet anyway ;) It dies away soon and they're talking like they've known each other longer than 5 minutes. She does owe him, hence the pie but in the long run, I think she will begin to realise that he's much more important that she thinks he is.

Hmm. That question will be answered soon, I expect. Keep on the look out :)

Thank you so much! Your reviews were just LOVELY!

Lia


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Review #5, by tangledconstellations In Which The Epitome of a Real Man is Defined

29th August 2011:
Wow, what a cliffhanger! I LOVE this line; 'I would still feel my skin prickle uncomfortably as the shadows came alive and swallowed me whole.' Its so eerie, and I really can't wait to read the next chapter!

The thing with Roxanne was really sad, and I feel so bad for her! At the same time, though, you really showed the ferocity of her character, the way she perked up pretty soon to talk about Lysander. I have a feeling her underlying insecurities may reappear in later chapters, though. Though I've never heard of Dina (as obviously she's an original character) I can also sense the gravity of her appearance in this story, and as of right now, she's not come off very well... I hope she gets her come-uppance.

Your descriptions are beautiful, and in this chapter more significantly I can really picture every scene, and feel everything Molly can. Its really nice, because everything is in a way kind of ordinary. I can relate to her loads, yet you've still missed nothing when painting a description. It makes it so fantastic to read! Sometimes though, less is more. You didn't need to explain the warmth and love Molly felt when she retreated back home for the evening. It was a really lovely image that you gave me, and you kept it minimal which was nice. Especially with your touches of humour, this fic really is very indepth and just...lovely!

Finally, something I intended to include in the last review but forgot to, your dialogue is ever so convincing! Sometimes dialogue can come across as a bit cheesy or unrealistic, but I felt as though everything was delivered exactly the way it would be in real life. Certainly for me, when I write, I worry that it sounds a bit naff, but yours was flawless. It's so great to have a down to earth story like this, and I'm really enjoying it!

On to the next one :) L xxx

Author's Response: I'll admit, writing that was fun. I eased back into my usual writing style for this chapter. I'm not used to the whole, happy/romantic type of stories. It has to have some sort of broody character or angst-filled moment.

Roxanne is one character I'm proud of. I really hope I don't let her down in future chapters either. I like to think she's quite the strong character but this whole thing with her Quidditch position...hmm. We'll see how that one plays out. As for now, I think she will be fine. Yes, Dina is an OC, offspring of Terry Boot - a Ravenclaw in Harry's year at Hogwarts. Hahaha, oh dear, you paint her in such a bad light already. Yes, she does play an important role, hopefully you'll get to see what it is soon.

Ah, thank you. I really try with descriptions - I never know if it's sufficient when I write them. Ever. And it makes me worry, you know? If I write it like this, will everyone understand? That's the sort of stuff that goes through my head. But I'm happy you can relate to her :) She's an ordinary girl just trying to find her way which I'll assume most of us are doing.

Ooh. I try to base my dialogue on what my friends and I talk about. That conversation about Lysander the girls were having isn't completely out of the ordinary for me, it's just that I'm the one with the appalled look on my face, kinda like Molly. Other things are from everyday observations and the like. Don't worry about dialogue, just write it like how it would be said in conversation with friends :)

This review really made me smile. Thank you!!!

Lia


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Review #6, by tangledconstellations In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

29th August 2011:
Hey! I got round to this review sooner than I thought I would! :)

I thought this first chapter was really lovely. Already, I feel as though I've got a firm grasp on Molly, and I really, really like her, too! Everything was totally realistic, like the dialogue, the descriptions, the backgrounds of everyone. I've always imagined the Weasley's to be really tightly knit, so to have interaction between all of them was really lovely. It was kind of exactly how it should be :) It was really funny, too, and enjoyable to read, which is always a bonus haha! I liked Molly talking to her cat, because I so do that! It was very relatable, and thus I felt, and so still feel, involved in the story.

I really liked the way this chapter was divided, too, into sections. You managed to fit a lot into this chapter, but by no means was it overbearing or anything. Sectioning them off was a good idea, instead of saying 'later that day..' and continuing on from there. Because of this, I feel like I understand the characters and situations more than if you had given me smaller chapters, and so wanting to read the next chapter is almost natural, because I'm expecting it to be just as interesting and intriguing.

I really liked your introduction to Lysander! He isn't at all what I'd imagine him to be like, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. I love Roxanne's reaction, too, haha! It puts into perspective how much of a looker her must be..! Its gonna be really, really interesting to see what unfolds in this story.

Molly's finally flown the nest! Now, something HAS to go wrong..! :D L xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura!

In fanfiction, the Weasley family is always portrayed as a strong, close-knit group. Somewhere along the lines, one cousin is really, really good friends with the other probably because of how their parents were. I imagine Percy and George became close after the war especially after Fred's death. It's something I like to see in families too =]. Hahaha, it makes her a little more human doesn't it? Talking to her cat, who I think she doesn't really see as a cat but as this person that's always with her, doesn't talk but manages to give off lots of attitude. Molly's introduction and her interaction with her family is something I tried to make as normal as possible.

I usually write my chapters like that. Dunno why, it's something I always did. In a way, it doesn't let one particular scene drag on too long, I suppose. To be honest, it's not something I really put much thought into but now you've made me start to look at that more closely.

I'm curious now. What did you imagine him to be like? Lol. Most people see the Scamander Twins as a bit strange considering who their parents are but I try to make them their own people. Sure, there would be some aspects of their lives which are strongly influenced by their parents as you'll see later but otherwise...no. Besides, I wanted to make Lysander hot :P As you gauged from Roxy's reaction, hahaha and Molly's disapproval at the end.

Ahh, so pessimistic. But to be honest, it's true. Something always does. *shakes fist* Murphy's Law!

I'm really glad you liked this! Your reviews made my day :)

Thank you so much!
Lia


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Review #7, by chasingafterstarlight (Mad) Catch Me When I Fall

31st July 2011:
I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CRAZY, BUT YOUR STORY FRIGGING MADE MY DAY, ALL RIGHT. And it would be really awkward for me to say that I love you cause I don't know you, but you're awesome, all right?
I was flipping through the archives and I found this fic after a whole bunch of LilyLysander, which is honestly my least favourite pairing. And I was like, oh my gosh, MOLLYLYSANDER. It's my OTP, since I haven't explained my fangirling yet. It's my always&forever OTP.
Anyway. I found this fic, and I started reading, and I was absolutely hooked. I love this fic soso much and I really hope that you continue it.
First, there's your Molly. I love her. Most people make her just like her father, and I actually adore what you did with her. You gave her some of her father's traits, but kept some of her own personality. I love how she's a secretary but she could probably be more. I also adore her point of view, you write it so perfectly. And also, she's redheaded. I can never get enough of redhead!Molly, and just in case I forget to mention it, your playbys for them are just perfect.
All right, next, Lysander. I thought Lysander was SO AMAZING. All right, he's admittedly my favourite NextGen boy. But sexy!Lysander was awesome, and I love how he's a healer and how sweet he is with Molly. They must date soon or I will die. I love how he was inspired by Flitwick's speech and just, wow. I love him.
Then Roxanne- she's a great character here, strong and willing and I can totally see her playing Quidditch. She's not a MarySue, either, which is always terrific to know.
Lucy. I LOVE HER PERFECT HAIR. Seriously, though, I think you got her perfectly here.
And the plot is ohmygosh awesome so far. I love how her flat was broken into, and Lysander is her neighbour, and wow, I just cannot wait to see what you will do with this.
The only reason that I'm giving this a 9/10 is because of the grammar- there were a few places where you would say "Yeah," and then not put who's speaking beside it. If you do this, it should be "Yeah."
Such as:
"Yeah," Lysander said.

"Yeah."
There were also a few left-out commas.
But other than this, this was an utterly perfect fic and I cannot think of any other way that this could be improved upon. Honestly, if you would update soon, I would love you forever, because this fic is honestly so utterly amazing.
Sadly, I don't have an account here, but if you wish to contact me, I'm chasingafterstarlight on fanfiction. Oh, and I'm Mad, by the way. Sorry if my obsessive fangirling scares you off. I think I might possibly be the biggest MollyLysander shipper ever.
But I've fallen in love with your writing and I think this story is amazing and I must have more. Please, keep writing! :)
- Mad

Author's Response: LOL. WOW. Why thank you so much. I'm really glad you had such a great day by reading my story!

I love Molly/Lysander too! I think they just fit! They're one of my favourite ships alongside Rose/Scorpius but that's another discussion for another time.

I am so glad that you caught that! It was my intention when I started writing this to keep a bit of Percy in with Molly, while letting her be her own person (if that makes sense). Lucy is more like her dad. I really like writing Molly. I wanted to have some fun with her character and this era as I'd never written a fic like this before. It's looser than all my others.

Ah Lysander. Lysander is just sexy. Maybe I could just have him stand and do/say nothing in one chapter and there would still be swooning. He's generally quite charming and nice which helps with his job and I think he genuinely cares about her. He had such a fright when she was robbed. In a way, he's looking out for her now and probably because she's Al's cousin.probably ;)

Yes, Roxy is strong. I love that about her. You'll definitely get to see more of her as the story progresses.

The entire premise of this story is that everyone will have some sort of personal growth in some form or the other. Each happening at different times and perhaps linking events with one another.

Okay, thanks for pointing that out. Ugh...grammar sucks, doesn't it?

No no...you haven't scared me off. Not at all. I like your enthusiasm about the whole thing. I'm happy to see another die-hard Molly/Lysander shipper around her anyway. They're not that many of us.

Thank you so much for reviewing! I enjoyed responding to this.

Lia


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Review #8, by Phoenix_Flames In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

11th July 2011:
Hello there! I'm finally here with your review. I must apologize for the really long wait. Things just got in the way, but I'm here now! And I really quite enjoyed this!

It is generally tough for me to get into a next gen fic these days because so many different types of fics are so over done, but this one seems so original and unique. You really pulled me in from the start.

I love the way you have characterized Molly. She's wonderful and not even straying close to Mary-Sue in the least.

I liked this line a lot:

Of course heíd say that because every bloody Weasley is related to Albus freakiní Potter.

Haha, I just feel that in this one little thought from Molly, we get a lot of what is really going on in her head, and I have always wondered about this aspect as well. The Weasleys must be undermined a lot by being related to the Potters, so I'm actually glad that you brought this topic to surface. It was a nice touch. Well done!

You did a nice job with balancing out all the aspects to the story. Such as the dialogue with actions, thoughts, and descriptions. None of it was overwhelming at any given time, so well done! It all flowed wonderful.

This is off to a great start and I can't wait to get around to the next chapter. Since my queue is so backed up, I'm going to continue to the next in line and once I have emptied it out, I will come back for chapter two. However, if you see it's been two or three days and you haven't heard from me, come request again. ;)

Can't wait for more! Well done.

Drue

Author's Response: Hey Drue :)

In some cases Next-Gen is similar to Marauders in the type of fics that are done, especially when the kids are still at Hogwarts. I wanted to move away from that and focus on them when they were out of school and a bit grown up (i.e. mid twenties). It's honestly a new thing for me as well but I think I like writing older characters (I tend to stick to teenagers).

I'm glad you like Molly, I quite like her too :)

In almost every Next-Gen fic, Albus Severus is featured or happens to be a close friend (and cousin) to one of the main characters. Include Scorpius Malfoy and it's complete. That's why I put it in. However, you do raise an interesting point, I never really thought about that before. The Weasleys have always been undermined but they still are a great family.

As I mentioned, I'm quite new at this. I mostly write angst (I feel it completes me) but I do like this change. Description is a challenge sometimes because in these types of stories, it isn't really used as much as it would be in a different genre and perhaps with this perspective. At least the flow's good, thank you :)

I'm really glad you liked it. Hey, no worries, take your time. I might pop back in with another story actually.

Thanks a lot for your review =]

Lia


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Review #9, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Catch Me When I Fall

3rd July 2011:
I love this chapterrr. It all came flooding back to me and the writing in each one so far has improved from the last, which is one of those things I love being able to see in an author's work.

Lysander is such a good character. He's very sweet - even if that's meant to be Lorcan, according to Roxy/Lucy (I can't remember which - and obviously very caring. I love how easily he and Molly seem to get on. They seem very natural in one another's company.

I really like the writing in this chapter. I judge a lot of stories based on the layout. Lots of gaps tend to make me more skeptical than seeing blocks of writing. Here, it was a chapter that was aesthetically perfect. It balanced its dialogue and description really well without being either too much or not enough and I love the flow and readability of it.

The characters are brilliant, the writing has improved so much, the style is wonderful and I can't wait for plot development. I hope school doesn't eat your writing time too much because I'd love to see a fourth chapter of this!

(Still really sorry that these took me so long!)

Author's Response: This chapter took me the longest to write out of all three and I was so worried that it sounded off to the others but from your editing remarks and now your review, I feel reassured.

I really really like Lysander. He's a character I honestly wish was real or one that I could find somewhere in the world. He is quite sweet and he's what a good doctor/healer and neighbour should be - nice. Lucy said Lorcan is the sweet one.

I felt that this relationship shouldn't be of the love/hate variety and that they start out as friends then work gradually on. At this point, I don't think Molly needs much drama...at least not yet :)

Description vs dialogue has always bothered me because I never knew how much was too much. I've seen people have paragraphs on top of paragraphs of description and it sounded so lovely. I guess everyone has their own preference and I've never really liked having too much description, at least not for a story like this.

I love having a review like this to answer when I've had a bad week. It really cheered me up :) Um, there's been a halt in writing chapter four because the muse has had other ideas and I really can't find the words. It has been drafted though so hopefully I can kick my butt into gear and get it finished.

Thank you for all your reviews! I really really appreciate them :)

Lia


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Review #10, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme In Which The Epitome of a Real Man is Defined

3rd July 2011:
First things first, this is such a good cliffhanger and so well written, too. It's a far maturer perspective from Molly than earlier in the chapter and I think it's that which makes it so powerful an end to the chapter. It adds an extra layer to her character and really shows off your writing skill.

However, I alsooo loved the girly chat about Lysander between Lucy and Roxy. The awkwardness of poor Gary and Molly was adorable (and understandable) but now I'm not sure whether Lucy really fits with the character we saw in chapter 1. She just seemed a little looser than in the first chapter to me.

Roxy, however, was really well developed. I feel like I've got a really good sense of who she is now, and you really built on Molly too here. I know Lysander crops up again in the next chapter and I'm really excited about that too!

So, short though this is, I'm going to move on! Reviewing isn't my friend at the minute so I hope they're okay :)

Author's Response: I feel really bad for not updating this now...it's been a while.

It did get a bit dark and I suppose that was me breaking into old habits. I guess you could say situations change people and this for Molly was no different. She may joke and send her death glares but so far you could see that family is important to her, no matter how they act.

Lol. Such like girls isn't it. I based it off of conversations I have with my friends but usually I'm Molly. I get what you're saying about it not fitting Lucy's stiffer introduction, it's something I can work on. Seems writing Lucy is going to be a bit more difficult than I first thought. Haha, Gary. It's hilarious to see how guys deal with having to listen to such conversations.

I loved writing Roxy, especially her in that scene. I was quite proud of it. I also have more plans for her in later chapters and I'm very excited about them :)

I'm sorry this review is so late. I've been rather busy of late.

Thank you so much!

Lia


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Review #11, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

3rd July 2011:
Lia! I'm finally here. I'm once again so sorry that it's taken me so long to get to these reviews but better late than never, I guess! I hope they'll be decent. Also, as I've already read all three chapters (horrible feeling coming over me now that I owe you a chapter somewhere along the line...), I'm going to nosy over at another of your stories - hopefully tonight, if not then soon - to make up for my horrible laziness.

I love Molly so much as a character, and in this first chapter, you set her up so well. You make the type of person she is very clear and it really helps the reader to get inside her head. I do feel sorry for her, trapped in such a big and successful family and I completely understand how difficult it must be to feel like everything you do is a kind of failure.

Lucy is really very smarmy, very Percy-ish and I really struggled to take to her. I think that's what you wanted, and you really set up the differences between her and Molly very well, which emphasises both of their characters. I really hope we'll see a bit more of Lucy along the way, as I'm sure she'll have something to say as things start changing for Molly.

The style of writing and Molly's voice are strong and they complement the first person brilliantly. The tone is really light and gentle and even though I think that this was quite a long chapter, it didn't feel it because of the smoothness of the writing.

Skipping back to characters, Lysander ♥ I know he's barely featured, really, but I really like how he was brought in and it shows that you've set up the key plot points really well in this opening. I think it'd be nice to have a tad more description on Lysander - more reaction from Molly on this strange(ish) guy, for example - but aside from that, it was a really good intro to the character.

Okay, I'll stop now and move on, or I'll never get these done tonight!

Author's Response: Hi Rachel! Honestly, it's alright! I understand, at this point, I still owe you two more reviews to complete 'One and Only'.

For once, I wanted it to be the elder sister that didn't have everything all planned out. Usually, Lucy's the one that's in this position and has to live in Molly's shadow. I quite enjoyed writing Molly as she's so different from all the other characters I write - they're extremely angst filled, really. At least she's relatable to my audience to that's a good thing.

Hahaha, smarmy, wow. I've never gotten that one before. Both of them are supposed to have Percy-like characteristics but so far, Lucy's the one that's showing them for the whole world to see. She really is a bit snooty, isn't she? There are some instances where she learns to get off her high horse and actually be nice, like when they were at dinner and she gripped Molly's hand under the table. But yes, you will see what she has to say eventually and what happens to her.

As I mentioned before, I really like writing this type of story for a change. I always read them around the site and wanted to try it out myself. Yeah, the length. That's something I don't think I can ever get away from...ever :P

Lysander is most definitely a hit and for that I am thrilled. Honestly, all he'd have to do is just stand in a scene and he is loved. I thought more description would be necessary so thank you for pointing that out. I just need to find what to say. I think Molly's a bit oblivious to it all, or she's trying really hard to remain unimpressed. I think it's the former but let's see how long that lasts ;)

I really appreciate you reviewing this! Thank you so much


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Review #12, by Jellyman In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

8th March 2011:
Len, I am so terribly sorry I've taken so long to review this, there is really no excuse - I'd go on but I think that constitutes as spam :P

Okay, so I really, really like how you've set Molly up - she seems really down-to-earth and quite realistic. She seems like a lovely character, and I can really connect and sympathise with her. However, I don't know if you'd consider expanding on Molly's previous couple of years - she seems kind of down-on-her luck and you kind of breezed over it but, without sounding condescending, I don't think I quite believed it. Maybe some expansion on this area could be worth looking into, as you have set it up as an important premise of the story.

Also, I love the sisterly relationship you've set up - usually it's the "perfect older sister" scenario and I love that you've switched Molly and Lucy's roles, it's refreshing! The only slight issue I had was that it wasn't quite clear what their relationship was like - at first, it seemed like Molly was quite resentful (but not in but-she's-my-sister-and-I-love-her-anyway) but then, in their conversation, she seemed very tolerant and accepting of Lucy's seeming perfection. The change of tone just threw me off a little, so I thought I'd mention it :)

But I don't know whether you've addressed either of the crit I have pointed out in future chapters (and I am in no way an authority on what is right for your story!), so feel free to disregard anything as you see fit :) I really did enjoy this as an opening chapter and dkhfahdshf;a Lysander seems dddrrreeeaaammmyyy ♥

Feel free to request for the next chapter, I'd love to give you some more feedback - it's the only way I can justify spending what could be precious study time (damn uni!) :P

Author's Response: Hey Georgia :) I completely understand about uni, I'm so sorry that it took me so long to respond to this but I found the time to do it :)

*nods* Ok. I'm glad you pointed that out too, I will try to bring up more of how she got were she was. I thought that starting it where her new life opens would've been good but obviously I still need to explain myself. So I'm working on that. I'm glad that you liked how I set her up otherwise :)

Molly isn't the type (or at least I hope she isn't) to really want to step on any toes...except Beatrice. It's not a particularly nice thing to do but people do it - the quite moaning/resentment of someone else but then at like if nothing's wrong. I did point that out at the end of one of Molly's thoughts after she went on about all the things she didn't like about her sister, she did point out some good qualities and said at times that most people didn't appreciate them, even her. However, this pretence does not last long ;)

Nope, not yet but as I mentioned before these issues will come up soon. Ahahahha, I know. I'm really going to enjoy writing him. I'm glad you like him =]

Thanks for the review! I really really appreciate your feedback :)

Lia


P.S. If I haven't addressed all of what you talked about then feel free to PM me :)


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Review #13, by Indigo Seas In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

27th February 2011:
Can I first just point out that your chapter title is pretty much... amazing? Right, well, moving on.

This is, to put it lightly, lovely. I can detect the style you're trying to go for and it's perfect. You've got a knack for writing in such a manner. :) I could never really pull it off, unfortunately, which is why I admire it so much! But yeah, really, this is lovely.

Your word choice to follow suit with your style just fits magnificently. Words like "mournful" when she's glancing at her papers and "bemused" when describing her cat's expression are just priceless. With the style you're trying to follow and write, these words fit perfectly. Kudos to you for using them.

And Molly. I love her already. Pathetic but adorable at the same time. Yeah, she's definitely been well introduced in this first chapter. And Lysander! I would flail around because he is so. freakin'. adorable.

Anyway, this was lovely (as I think I said a few times before).
xx Rin

Author's Response: Hey Rin,

I'm really sorry for the late response! I've been really busy with uni lately.

Haha, I'm glad you like it! I hoped to keep up with titles like that but sometimes they don't come to me.

To be honest, I'm still not quite sure what this style is and I'm still trying to get the hang of it but at least you see it and appreciate it :)
I'm glad you like my choice of words. At times I think Muffin could be a person, like she's an Animagus in disguise or something, shaking her head everytime Molly says something silly. Bemused really does suit her.

Ahahahaha, she is a bit pathetic, isn't she? Molly does have her moments but she will hopefully become less so as the story progresses. I have high hopes for her in the end. Ah Lysander...he is an absolute vision. Believe me, I flail around every time I write him.

Thank you for your review, Rin!! It was, dare I say...lovely :)

Lia


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Review #14, by blueirony Catch Me When I Fall

11th February 2011:
Aw, man. I didn't want that to end! I was fully prepared to click on the little ">>" button but there was none. Damnit. Now I'm just going to have to bug you to write more!

God, this was lovely. And what I liked about it was that it was just... ordinary. And I mean that in the absolute hugest complimentary way possible. All the characters are so real. They seem like they are from a real family that could be living down the street from me. And that's what I mean by ordinary. You're writing about people that I feel I know. And I absolutely adore it.

Your flow seemed a bit rushed at the start but now that we're in chapter 3, it is working. I like the slow relationship you have building between Lysander and Molly. I can definitely see it developing and can't wait to find out what happens!

You also have a a lot of tension between characters and that makes for interesting reading. Molly and her parents. Molly and her sister. I hope that you continue with it. Maybe it's the angst fiend in me, but I absolutely adore it.

I'm not sure what you have by way of plot. Obviously there is the Lysander storyline, but it's too early to see if there is anything more there. I'm interested about this burglary, though. I don't know how much of a significant part it plays in the rest of the story, but it does intrigue me.

Now. In your request, you asked if you could do more to your characters. I think not. You have them set up really well. I know who each of them are. I know what they're like and I can understand the relationships they have with other characters. I'm not sure if you want to have too many things happen to your characters. Word of warning, things can get messy very quickly. I think that you're all set in terms of your characters, though I do hope you flesh out tensions as I mentioned earlier.

This really was an enjoyable read. I just wish there was more!

Joop :)

Author's Response: Hi Joop! I'm really sorry for taking so long to respond to this. I've been a bit busy.

Wow, those have to be the best darn sentences I've read all day. Thank you so much. The ordinary part was what I was trying to go for...trying to make them as real as possible and taking a few hints from my friends too.

When I started this, I didn't want Molly's whole moving process to be drawn out over a couple chapters. The way I saw it, was that it opened during an important change in a character's life which is supposed to be the start of a whole set of life changes for her. Granted, I never got to show what sort of person she was li


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Review #15, by TheProphecy Catch Me When I Fall

9th February 2011:
Hello,

Sorry this took so long, my internet went down over the week so i haven't been able to get anything done :)

So onto the review.

Well, I have to say i thought this story was really funny. I love Molly's mixture of dry and clumsy humour. I love her perspective on everything and how she is so out of it and not very aware of anything. I think it's refreshing because you get so many stories where Molly is a mini Percy.

I felt that Lucy was a bit stereotypical of a Percy child but i think that one of them had to be :)

Your plot is good. It's interesting and amusing but not really going anywhere, i think you need to incorporate something soon that wil make the reader want to come back for more.

I also felt you could develop Molly's emotions slightly more, especially it being in first person, it's a lot of action and showing the emotion but no actual emotions themselves, i would like to see you delve deeper into her feelings about her job, family, lucy, cousins etc.

I thought you also did wonderfully with al of your characters i found them believable and funny :D

Overall it's a good story, Well done.

TheProphecy

Author's Response: Hey,

It's no problem. Sorry I took so long to get you this response, I've been a bit busy.

I'm glad you think it was funny. Although it's not meant to be, it seems I have this sort of underlying tone going on here. I love writing her just as much as I love writing Roxy and Lysander. A lot of people have said that about Molly actually...that they're glad to see that she isn't like her dad. There are still some traits but not they're not so obvious. As for Lucy, I made her the successful younger sibling not really having Percy in mind, though I agree with you there...at least one of them had to be. Hopefully I'll be able to create some friction between them soon.

Hmm, ok. Thank you for being so honest about that. Yes I suppose it's a bit slow to start but I'm trying to get some sort of basis here, I can't cram everything into the first three chapters, then there would be nothing to write about later. In the upcoming chapters you'll see more of that, i.e. Thoughts about her job, her sister and the rest of her family.

Thank you for reviewing! I hope I've addressed everything.

Lia


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Review #16, by LovelyMioneWeasley Catch Me When I Fall

7th February 2011:
Hi love--

I LOVE your chapter image! It is quite lovely and Zac is looking quite fit in that picture. He makes a lovely Lysander by the way. And Lysander is definitely a lovely guy ;).

I really liked the chapter and the belivability of Lysander's Healing abilities! Its kind of a cliche for the whole neighbor rescue thing...but you didn't make it all 'Lysander swept her away' thing; it was more like Lysander tried to be a good guy and Molly admired him for it.

I also loved Lysander's bachelor pad. His plants, records, and clean color choices made me smile! His place reminds me of one of my good succesful friends' brothers. He keeps impressively decorated for a guy without it seeming like an oddly well decorated bachelor pad.

Molly was definitely excellent in this chapter as well; her awkwardness but intrigue with Lysander was funny to read about. Her family was very funny! The Weasleys are certainly a fun bunch and Roxanne was definitely good to read about again.

I loved how Muffin got Lysander to find Molly. I guess Muffin is definitely the hero of the chapter!

Great job--I can't wait to read more from you and I was curious to see if you were ever going to write from Lysander's POV.

Lindsey

Author's Response: Hi Lindsey!!

I love the image too! I was staring at it for a long time before I could find it within myself to actually do anything. Ah, Lysander. I'm going to have some fun with him I think. I'm glad you think he's lovely :)

Yeah, about that...I wanted something that would properly introduce him as a character and perhaps initiate some sort of friendship with Molly. Yes, of course, he saved her and she's grateful but not that grateful. The story is more romance that's secondary to personal growth. I think, for Molly (or anyone) to tackle a potentially romantic relationship, she has to get herself sorted out first. And hopefully, the lovely Lysander can help her.

I'll have to be really honest here, I had to google pictures because I really had no idea how a guy would decorate his place and NOT have it painfully untidy. The plant thing was necessary...just to show his parents' influence on him.

I'm glad you liked her in this! I figure she's bound to be awkward because he's still a stranger to her so this chapter was for them to become more comfortable with each other. It made me laugh to see that you think they're funny and everyone seems to like Roxy even if she barely had a paragraph.

Oh yess, Muffin is the star. I've taken quite a liking to writing about her.

And about writing Lysander, I was thinking about that on Sunday when I was making more notes for this story. I'm not so sure yet. I wanted to keep this to one person's POV but we'll have to see.

Thank you so much! I enjoy reading your reviews. Enjoy your weekend!

Lia


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Review #17, by NeverGotHerLetter Catch Me When I Fall

6th February 2011:
Aww that's really sweet, I like the communication between Lysander and Molly. I think it was a good plot thing and good pace and flow and everything and I really liked everything about it, especially the comment about how if nana molly was there, everyone else would be :) For some reason I imagine Lucy as blonde, but she's not blonde is she? Heh, just thought I'd ask.
So yeah a great story. :)
If you'd like more reviews then don't hesitate to re post on my thread!!
This chapter is... 9/10 :D
~NeverGotHerLetter xx

Author's Response: Hi NeverGotHerLetter,

That was the one part of this chapter I was quite nervous about..that conversation between the pair because it was super important to the plot and to me but it turned out fine.

Nope, Lucy's not blonde...she has dark hair. Interesting you should say that though.

Thanks for reviewing all three chapters! I really appreciate it!

Lia


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Review #18, by NeverGotHerLetter In Which The Epitome of a Real Man is Defined

6th February 2011:
Hello!!
Wow, well I liked this chapter much better than the last; there was so much more spark, and my favourite bit was when Lucy and Roxanne were talking about Lysander Scamander "the sexy one" Hehe that made me laugh. So really good characterisation there. And also with putting Lucy in Ravenclaw and meeting Gary there, who is also very nice :) Only thing; your previous things about Molly make me think that she is least likely to be in Ravenclaw. Why did you put her there? Why not Gryffindor or Hufflepuff? Well, it's up to you I guess, but yeah whatever :D
So, yes again good pace and flow and spelling and grammar and blah blah blah.
And so much better spark!! I loved it!!
One thing; what was the significance of the couple under the lamppost? (Oh and I also liked the fact that Molly talks to Muffin like a real person :D So nice)
So yeah! 9/10 this time :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x x

Author's Response: Hey again!

Oh yes. I enjoyed writing that part, it really reminded me of conversations I have with some friends of mine, in this case, I'm usually Molly, lol.

This is one of the few fics where my main characters are/were not in Slytherin and I figured Ravenclaw was a nice place for Lucy. As for Molly, I expect you'll see why she was there soon. It's not something that is going to be blatant...just like how people wondered why Neville was in Gryffindor. But I like that you asked that question! It make me think.

Ah, seeing the couple under the lamppost made Molly's stomach feel all funny. It sort of symbolises what her life is lacking. I can't make it any more clear than that because it will be discussed later. These chapters are just the introductory ones.

Haha, sometimes people do that with their pets so I wanted to include it and give Muffin some more time...I like her!


Thanks for reviewing!
Lia


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Review #19, by xxpetrapan Catch Me When I Fall

6th February 2011:
I of course loved it! I love Molly, Lysander, and Roxanne! I want to know who broke in, I don't think it was muggles I hope it is a crazy stalker! I hope Molly and Lysander date!!

10/10
Kattia

Author's Response: Hi Kattia!

I'm really glad you're enjoying this so much! I think Roxy is one of my favourites to write, even if I haven't written so much of her yet. She reminds me a lot of my best friend. Haha, I hope Molly and Lysander date too.

Thanks for reviewing!
Lia


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Review #20, by NeverGotHerLetter In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

6th February 2011:
Hi!! It's NeverGotHerLetter here (obviously :) ) From the forums, here with your reviews. Sorry they're so late!
So anyway, This story is really intriguing!! I love your characterisation of Percy's twins, especially Molly, as most of the time people make her unbearably like percy which is unrealistic, but the job thing, and just moving out -- wow it was really good!! I love how she's moving in with Roxanne and the comment about always being associated with Albus was funny and realistic. The only thing is, why is Albus the one she's always associated with? Wouldn't it more likely be Harry? Anyway yes it's great :D
Pace and flow are lovely and I didn't catch any spelling mistakes so well done!!
The only thing is, I think it kind of dragged on a bit -- perhaps you should edit it and add a little more spark. The last bit, from "I stumbled through the open lift doors," to "Well, aren't you a lucky girl?" was fantastic and I really enjoyed it as there was alot of description, but I think you could kind of pump the former bits up a little, just to hook readers in more.
But overall a great read and a potentially fantastic plot.
7/10. ~NGHL X

Author's Response: Hey, NGHL!

Don't worry about the lateness...RL kinda sucks sometimes.

Actually, Molly and Lucy aren't twins, they're born a few years apart and there is some debate as to which one is older. Most people have said that they're not at all like their father but I still included some of his traits in each of them as you'll soon see.

Also, Molly hasn't moved in with Roxanne, Roxy just helped her move out. And it's true isn't it, whenever you see a Next Gen fic, it's always about Albus or some other part of the Potter/Weasley/Granger clan and one way or the other, Albus pops up. Haha, yeah it would more likely be Harry but he's had his time, I suppose.

I'll re-read the last bit to get a hang of what you're saying and see how I can possibly improve it.

Thank you for your review!
Lia


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Review #21, by Aiedail In Which The Epitome of a Real Man is Defined

29th January 2011:
Hi again! :)

Okay, so here I'm still caught up in the beginning-chapter deal, where the plot is just beginning to emerge and I'm just getting to know the characters. I'm extremely interested in what just happened at the end here...I'm a little confused and wish that the next chapter was here to clear things up!!
I enjoy the character interaction that you present here. They all seem to have a comfortable relationship, but I did feel a little bad for Gary when Lucy joined in with regaling Lysander's features :)
I get a good sense for Molly here, but not as much as I felt in the last chapter. I would advise you to try not to forsake character, spunk, sass, what it is that Molly has, in order to be descriptive :)
Overall, good job! I look forward to seeing where you take this.
--aiedail

Author's Response: Hi!

You'll soon get to see what happened there, the next chapter should be up soon. I hope you and the rest of the readers appreciate it though.

Yes, yes they do. Another reviewer pointed that out and I'm glad you see it that way. It means I wrote it properly. Ahaha, I felt a bit bad for him too. I have a habit of doing the same thing to my guy friends...one in particular absolutely hates it, lol.

Another interesting point which I noticed as well when I re-read this after writing it but people tend to present themselves differently depending on who's around them. I guess that's something to keep in mind. But in Molly's situation, they don't vary as much.


Thank you for reviewing!!
Lia


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Review #22, by Aiedail In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

29th January 2011:
Hi there! Aiedail from the forums here :)

You asked me to give you feedback on plot and characterization: so, here goes nothing!

You know it's amazing how seamlessly you've incorporated the different characters into this chapter. Just reading through has really reminded me of how GIANT the Weasley/Potter clan really is. I liked your line especially about how all Weasleys are Albus Potter's cousins :) I actually had to go and research a bit to get all the parents down and that but you've done a good job acting natural about it, not having to explain all their heritages and stuff.
So far the characterization is clear. I can get a very good feel for how Molly feels about what's going on in her life, and what her personality is like from the way that she narrates her life and looks at the other people around her. The plot seems to be developing at a healthy rate, and I find that I have a good idea of what's going to happen, as Molly seems to get herself into silly, bothersome situations, but I'm not uninterested in pursuing the story. I could be wrong--sometimes the best stories are the ones that turn our conceptions on their heads :) I like Molly's wit and her ability to take what comes; her slightly off-beat character will make for an interesting story, I think!
I'm looking forward to reading your next chapter, well-done!
--aiedail

Author's Response: Hi Aiedail!

Gosh, yes it is a ridiculously large family isn't it? So much so that it frightens me. Hahaha, I wanted to include it because it's so true! There so many of them that they're often forgotten.

Clearly you're a psychic or something because I don't even know what will happen past chapter three! Did I make her that obvious? Well, we shall see ;) She does have a habit of getting into situations, I agree but not all of them are silly as you will soon see (or perhaps already did). I'm still trying to get the hang of writing such a character though so hopefully with some more practice she will improve.

Thank you for taking your time out to review this!

Lia


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Review #23, by LovelyMioneWeasley In Which The Epitome of a Real Man is Defined

28th January 2011:
Hello there--second review and what an excellent chapter to read!

I really loved the realistic spin you totally put on this. The fear for me about reading light-hearted fics are the cliches--the perfect friendships, the corny view on life, etc. Roxanne had her dream stolen away; unfortunately, that's real life. And I really enjoyed that Lucy and Gary just came into Molly's flat; that is my friends and I as well.

I also really enjoyed how well Gary handled the Lysander talk; he just got up and left the room. He strikes me as a real solid guy instead of one of the whiny ones that complains while sitting there and just taking it. (Sorry had to ramble about that--one too many whiny guys in my one friend circle). And I also enjoyed the real fellowhsip feeling that I got while reading that entire scene. You displayed the genuine friendship between all the characters really well.

For Molly to get up and just go to her parents' place was a pleseant addition because the reader knew Molly was feeling guilty about the issue with her mum; its all very realistic and the reader can relate to the story. That seems to me to be one of the biggest issues on HPFF; writers create these stories that don't connect with readers especially on a humor level.

Overall, I think you do an excellent job pacing and keeping the flow of the story; you do not interrupt with unnecessary information or give too much away about characters. I really do just enjoy sitting back and reading your story. Well done.

Please, plese let me know when the next chapter comes up because I'd love to add this to my read-for-pleasure list. I was very happy to review your story. I hope it helped.

Sincerely,
Lindsey

Author's Response: Hey Lindsey!

That's the thing about fiction, isn't it? Reality seems to fade away and in its place, something wishful in the author's eyes. Sometimes I do like fics like that, they take me away from the realistic mess I live in. As for Roxy, well, not everyone can get what they want...it's one of the things that suck about life. Haha, I'm glad you liked that. I see them as a group of people who are really comfortable with each other and those are the folks that will stick with you.

Ahaha, I like Gareth, he's ever so manly and mature. Honestly, I don't see why guys should whine because they talk about the same thing! I base their relationship off of the one I have with my friends...or at least some of its aspects.

I couldn't let her sit there and stew without doing anything about how she was feeling. It's part of her growth and throughout this fic, I hope to show more of it. I did think about elaborating on the actual conversation but then, I decided not to because it would've been unnecessary and make this chapter longer than it already is.

Thank you so much. I was concerned about having the cliffhanger so early in the story but from the feedback I've gotten, it works :)

I'm really, really glad you enjoy reading this! It's my first story of this nature...I'm more used to angst. The next chapter will be up soon, probably next week so you don't have long to wait.

You did help me :) I like getting reviews where the reader brings up points for discussion. So as much as you enjoyed reading this, I enjoyed reading and responding to your two reviews , so thank you :)


Have a great weekend!
Lia


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Review #24, by LovelyMioneWeasley In Which We Meet Our Protagonist and Her Cat

28th January 2011:
Hullo there love, LMW from the forums with your review!!!

I have to say to start out with that you have excellent graphics from the lovelies over at TDA and that they always really enhance and help a story. I love seeing how graphics are meant to fit into the scheme of a story's mood, etc. So it was really lovely to see that.

I didnít even mind when Beatrice glowered at me when I passed her on my way to the lift; the stupid cow. -- You can't use a semicolon there simply because 'the stupid cow' is not a complete thought. That was one of very few typos/grammatical errors I saw. I noticed that you had a beta read over this and its almost flawless. So well done as far as grammar and such goes. Even betas can sometimes miss things so there is no shame in a typo or two.

Your characters are certainly very likeable and believable. Beatrice and Mr. Stebbins come across as fairly flat and undeveloped but its simply the first chapter so that is not really an issue; my only concern with them is that you don't have enough of a foundation to build upon. Beatrice comes across as a purely negative character and Stebbins as purely neutral; rarely do such characters exist in our lives especially if they are coworkers/bosses and they play a fairly significant role in our lives.

I liked the sibling relationship between Lucy and Molly. It is kind but flawed in the best way possible. The sisters are close with their own clear issues and tension. It is not overwhelming or underwhelming; I think you have an excellent basis to build off of. The same goes for Audrey and Percy as well; you did them very well. I also like the inclusion of Roxanne as well. You are reaching out and creating a social system for Molly.

Molly's push for independence is grand and believable; I also like the feeling of pride in her own flat. It is a feeling and a time that all readers can relate to even if they haven't reached that age yet--emotions can be invoked and understood. Well done.

Overall, I think it really is an excellent little story with interesting potential and engaging plot. It was a good starting point.

LMW

Author's Response: Hey!

Yes! Aphrodite did a fantastic job with both chapter graphics. I was considering asking her to do the others. You're right about that! They do fit the mood and kind of show a reader what sort of things to expect.

Indeed. Perfection doesn't exist. Thanks for pointing that out to me anyway, I'll go fix it soon.

Someone else brought this to my attention as well...about their flatness I mean. Like you said, it's only chapter one but they do come up again soon...chapter four I believe. I didn't want to talk much about them in this chapter because it was mainly about Molly. To be honest, Beatrice was sort of last minute as Molly was supposed to be the only temp working in that office. Don't get me wrong though, I do understand what you're saying and it's something for me to think about in the future.

I liked the idea of Molly and Lucy being opposites of sorts and the younger sister (Lucy) having an upper hand, if that makes sense to you. She's rather ambitious and knows what she wants while Molly tends to be a bit unsure about some things...or at least she has, which you'll learn about later ;) Most people made the point that neither of them are mini versions of their father but in my opinion, I do believe that they've picked up a few things from him. Roxy is fun to write more than any of the others so I'm glad you liked her inclusion.

Of course! I imagine all teenagers and young adults fantasise about the day they leave their parents home - no one telling them to pick up anything, or to help with this or that, etc.


Thank you so much for your review! You brought up interesting points and I'm glad you like it :)

Lia



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Review #25, by louise_loves_hp In Which The Epitome of a Real Man is Defined

10th January 2011:
The love how you have put across the friendships of Molly, Lucy and Roxy (poor girl not getting that spot, and you had it writen so well that I could see that being how she would take it) even Gary that just mashed together really well but you can she that there is times that they wouldnt. The last part has made me curiuos as to what is to come and I look forward to till then. Over all I really enjoyed this.

Author's Response: Hi Louise!

I'm glad you caught that. I sort of based their friendship off the one I have with my friends. Molly isn't as boy crazy as the two of them (Roxy and Lucy) are, in fact, she isn't particularly boy crazy at all which I think stems from how she sees herself.

You are right when you said that there are times they really wouldn't mesh together so well. I hadn't really considered that! I could see that happening between the two sisters, because they're so different.

You'll get to see what happens to Molly in chapter three :)

I'm really glad you enjoyed this! Thank you so much for your review...it made me think.

Lia


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