This was such a cute little piece of finding lost love! I love your Victorie - not the super confident and perfect version you often see of her. She's too proud, and she can't cook, but she's independent and loving and loyal, and overall very real. I liked the shortness of the piece - it was like a short breath of fresh air, and you had some really nice turns of phrase - but, woah! You went a bit comma happy in places, so much so that it slowed me down and made reading a bit difficult. Maybe go through and try to weed some of those out, or get someone who knows what they are looking for to help you, because otherwise this is a lovely one-shot! Great job!

Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for uch a nice review. Me and comma don't get along. I used to never use them so now I use them every where.

I will go over it though :)

Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

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This is heart-wrenching, especially the letter. I could feel Teddy's remorse and Victoire's pain. I'm a Teddy/Victoire shipper so I'm so glad it ended as it did! :D

Your French is good, don't worry. I knew what that meant :)

Only one slight mistake, I think. 'My partner, Kate, nearly died I saved her, from falling down four floors.'
I think it should be more like: 'My partner, Kate, nearly died. I saved her from falling down four floors'.

I did like how you characterised Victoire. I thought she had a bit of Fleur in her and then you confirmed it in the Author's Note!!

Well done! :)

-Sophia xx

Author's Response: Hi!
I am a newly converted Teddy/Vic shipper. I love them.
Well that is a relief. I shall fix that mistake when I am torn away from the review thread haha.

I tried to unmagic this story for english and I forgot to explain how Teddy just appeared. My teacher was just like, how did he get in the house? Not my finest hour.

She did, I didn't want to make her a carbon copy but I needed her to have something and this is what came of it.

Thank You for the awesome review again :)

Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

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Hey! I really like this! It's a good little one shot. I loved the tension between Teddy and Victorie. Keep it up!

-sk8trmafia08

Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you for the lovely review. :)
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

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Good starting.
I feel so bad for her.
I mean why would he cheat on her. :(
Liking the plot line so far :D

-Siriuslover177

Author's Response: Hi. Thank You for reviewing. I am glad you like the story. :)

Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

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Hello, Laurie here.

First of all, Thank you for participating in the challenge!

I think that this piece was written with the correct amount of tension, emotion and humour. I liked the part based around Victoire not being able to cook, it’s good seeing a Weasley who hasn’t inherited Molly Weasley’s cooking abilities, so congrats to you for being original here. “Normally, it wouldn’t have bothered me, I would just order take-away” makes Victoire my kinda’ girl. I don’t normally find I can relate to Victoire much, she’s normally too much like Fleur (who I certainly don’t relate too).

I like how you included the French in the fic, I think it had a fabulous effect.
“He was right the longest phrase I'd ever heard him say was, well actually never mind. That isn't important” really made me laugh! I think its important to have some humour in a sad story, just to break it up a little so this was a good thing to put in, for me anyway.
“Tu as brisé mon cœur//You broke my heart” was a really nice touch, I actually sort of choked a little.

I really like how you ended this. Am I right by reading the him “waiting” for her part as linking with Teddy waiting for her while she was in France?

Overall, I really like the plot of this story. I’ll get back to you about the competition results.
Laurie x

Author's Response: Hi! Thank You for taking the time to review. You challenge was great fun. :)
You know, I never even thought about it like that. I haven't read any Victoire/Teddy fics before. I was just going with what I thought. My kinda girl too. Chinese is my food of choice haha.

I think it is right. It has been two years since I did french, so it took me a while. I felt I had to include it though, with the fact I said she went to France for her last year. That line is inspired by the fact, I can only say one semi- comples thing in french. It is from the song Lady Marmalade, which is why I can say it so well.

I was trying to show she had a softer side. Everyone I asked told me to characterise her like Fleur. So, I edited a bit. I actually do love that line because is it so simple.

No, I was trying to show he knew she would follow him and that he wasn't giving up hope. However, your idea sounds better, so I am going to go with that. Yes, that is exactly what I intended.

Sounds good :)

Ginny45/RandomRed xxx


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Hey it xxPetrapan or my other account here to dish out a review! I really liked it! I liked how Vic could not cook, haha! There are alot of punctution mistakes and you should invest in a beta! They are great! I think you should add more to the story like flash backs of T and V's relationship, maybe even something about the cake.

Overall it was amazing!

-Kattia

Author's Response: Hi! :)
I am working on the whole improve punctuation thing. I am getting there slowly.
I do have to back and edit it, I just needed it up for a challenge but I'll add more flashbacks in :)


Thanks for the Review. :)
Ginny45/RandomRed xxx

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