Waffle Ice Cream!!! hahaha but attack of the cheeseballs should be for if you love it

Author's Response: haha. Oh yeah...that makes more sense :D Anyway, happy you liked it!

Thanks for reading,
~P.O.P.


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hello, kirstenalanna from the forums with your requested review!

Characterization:
Really Jumpy and rather shallow. I felt like you just started the story, and pressed the warped speed buton. I don't know the character's name. I don't know who her friends are. I am completely lost admist a bajillion different connecting lines that I have no idea how to untangle (dooes that makes sense)
I'd start by going back and going more in depth with the characters.

PLOT:
I wanted to press pause so I could understand what was going on. It was hard to follow, and could be supported better with stronger characterization.

FLOW:
Too fast. Way to fast. You need more development for sure.

suggestions: go back and read it outloud. if you start speeding up as you read, highlight that section and go over it. If it's too fast, people won't follow whats going on and they'll move to the next story. Also, create a list of characters and list different characteristics about them that you want to incorporate into the story.

kirstenalanna

Author's Response: Thanks a ton! Yeah, I asked my friends for advice, but I felt like they were romanticizing it too much, so thanks so much for the honest suggestions. I've realized how hard it is to really develop a story's characters, and now I can really use your advice for the positive (hopefully). Thanks for reading and for the helpful feedback.

~P.O.P

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cool story
:D:D
update soon

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

~P.O.P.

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IT IS REALLY GOOD! THX FOR GIVING ME CREDIT FOR THE SHIT OCEAN THINGY LALALAL

Author's Response: Thanks! And yeah, just thought I'd let people know that I'm not the genius mastermind behind EVERYTHING. Just most things! Haha, no.

Ya. Thanks for reviewing! Lala,
~P.O.P

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im confused, i thought she was in slytherin why did she change houses

Author's Response: Hi there! Yes, she was in Slytherin, but she changed houses because she had changed as a person. This chapter was meant to sort of explain the title, and start the initiating conflict. Sorry if you were confused!

Thanks for reviewing,
~P.O.P

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WAFFLE ICE CREAM. GREAT STORY!

Author's Response: Yay!! Thanks, I like great stories, don't you? *hint, hint* Well, thanks for reviewing and hope you stick with this (hopefully) future amazing story.

GO MIGHTY TERMITES!!!

~P.O.P.

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chocolate almonds okay job!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! (Don't you love the word almonds? It's like...an Allison Potter marrying Mond. James Mond. Haha.)

~P.O.P.

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no offense but i havent the slightest idea on what is going on.

Author's Response: Haha. Yeah, it's a bit...okay, really confusing. Ah well, thanks for reviewing!

~P.O.P.

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Waffle ice cream :) I'm seriously loving this story!

Author's Response: Aww...thanks! Don't you love waffle ice cream ;). Ha, never even tried it.

Thanks for the review!

~P.O.P.

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erm. i love her ramblings, but i think you should organize it better. it's not as lucid as it should be. =P

Author's Response: Yeah, I went back and checked up on that...sucks that I don't know what lucid means...yeah, but I'm not even in high school, so don't blame me! :) Anyway, I'm so happy that you like the 'ramblings' because I was so worried that they just took away from the story!

Thanks for checking it out!


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Chocolate marshmallow bunnies

- Alie V

Author's Response: Cool, thanks. So happy you like it! :)

~P.O.P.

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great story. write the next chapter soon annabelle

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Though I know that you didn't read the whole thing. ;)

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it was soo interesting! but not countin the swearin part but ya
i already want to read more:D

Author's Response: I'll try not to swear, I guess. But really, its not me, its the characters, yeah? ;) Sorry you didn't like the swearing part. Thanks for the review though.

~P.O.P.

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Chocolate peanuts.

Because peanuts are better than almonds although not quite as great as marshmallow bunnies. The story is good! I like the idea, although I'm still a little confused about where all the characters fit in. It's not a very long chapter, but you managed to squeeze a lot in (which, admittedly, left me totally bewildered as I attempted to read the same sentence three times) and that is a pretty great achievement. Keep writing - glad that you decided to start this story!

Author's Response: Haha. I know, right? I looked back and read it, and it was surprisingly short. It took me a long time to come up with it, actually. And I myself am confused to what I want it to all lead up to. I'm changing the story a bit, which might make a sequel for it later. Anyway.

Thanks for reviewing! That was the best review I ever had, by the way. Shh! Don't tell anyone.

~P.O.P.

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deffinatley a chocolate marshmellow bunnies!
I still can't believe you used my name.
Annabelle, I am so gonna get you back for this!
Oh, and don't you think that Allison would kill you if you said to use jello for a terrible review?
just saying

Author's Response: Thanks! Oh, and its fine if you use my name. I like my name. And Allison didn't get mad at me, by the way. Thanks for the review!

~P. O. P.

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