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13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ravenclaw_princess First Impressions Come In Threes

20th March 2011:
This was a great chapter. I thought that Jack was characterised quite will with his curiousness but yet cautiousness with the new world around him. He was very mature too with the way he spent his money. He definitely didn't go out buying candy and ice cream like some kids would when suddenly given money which show a maturity beyond his years.

He handled himself very well with Timothy (who I think talked more than Goyle did in the entire series). I'm curious where he ends up as he doesn't sound very much like a Slytherin except for his talk about mudbloods.

Harry seemed a little out of character to me. It was just in what he said and the way he did things. It just didn't seem like Harry to me. I would imagine he would be a little kinder and more understanding in the way he talked. I know that it was from Jack's perspective, but still, the dialogue just didn't seem like Harry to me.

The chapter flowed quite well and was a interesting glimpse into Jack. He diverted a lot from Riddle in this chapter was was good.

You have made a really good start to this story. It is refreshingly original and you have a nice writing style. There are also very little errors in it. Well done.

I'll happily review any further chapters. Just post a link in my thread with the name of the story.

Author's Response: Hello again!

I think Timothy's house placement will definitely be a complicated issue, in possibly surprising ways. And yes, I decided I was quite tired of the dumb male Goyle legacy, so clearly he takes after his mother. XD (His mother's identity might come as a bit of a surprise later on.)

Harry's characterization is something I was very worried about, because on the one hand, there are other factors that the reader doesn't know about yet that might make it seem more OOC than it is, and on the other hand, it might really be OOC and I just can't tell for sure yet because I haven't revealed the other factors yet. So we'll see how it goes in the next few chapters and I'll keep it in mind.

I'm glad you like it though, and I will definitely be coming back for more reviews. XD

Thank you!

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Review #2, by ravenclaw_princess No Ordinary Boy

20th March 2011:
This was a really good follow up chapter and it flowed nicely on from Chapter 1. It was intersting how it was from the Professors point of view as we are seeing everyones thoughts and opinions about Jack, but as of yet, not his. It's working quite well and I like it.

And once again, Jack definitely reminds me of Tom Riddle. I have a feeling it is more in how others are perceiving him though. I'm sure as the story progresses, his own background and personality traits will come through. He is somewhat of a mystery though at the moment. Ie, why he wasn't to be called Jack, not John, and why he was angry when Penelope moved the bowl. He was also extremely understanding of magic; it really didn't seem a surprise to him at all. Another interesting part of him I'm interested to know more about.

I thought it was nice that Madame Pomfrey is the headmistress. That was a nice touch, and it's also nice to see Penelope. I'm looking forward to seeing her develop as a character. So far I really like her.

Author's Response: Hello!

I will definitely be weaving in the answers to all of those mysteries, although honestly, a lot of it is quite subtle: it won't get explained explicitly, but the underlying reasons will show up again and again, and hopefully people will be able to put it together. Hopefully. It'll definitely be a bit of a balancing act. XD

There will definitely be more Penelope. I wasn't planning on her being a very big character, but I really loved writing her, so I'm sure she will be. XD

Thanks again!

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Review #3, by ravenclaw_princess Prologue

20th March 2011:
Hi, Ravenclaw_princess from the forums

This was a very nicely written prologue. I liked that it was from a muggles perspective. I always find that prologues work best when the style they are written in differs slightly from the body of the story. It was a very clear overview of the boy who we are about to be introduced to.

When I was reading, I was very much reminded of Tom Riddle. He seems to have similar attributes. Mature for his age and incredibly perspective which makes him slightly creepy.

The prologued flowed really well and had a nice narrative feel to it. I didn;t notice any spelling errors, and generally grammar was good, although there were several sentences which were quite long and with so many parts to it, that they can be just a little confusind require a second read which interrupts the flow...ie "He wasn't a child, Mrs Melton, the neighbor, had insisted once, after a few more glasses than she was used to, and although the friends from out of town had dismissed this notion out-of-hand, she was remarkably spot-on."

But over all, lovely star :D

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you liked it. XD

The sentence length is definitely something I was concerned about, so I'll be sure and fix that when I do the edit.

Thanks again, I'm glad to hear your thoughts!

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Review #4, by GryffinClawTherin_Vicky First Impressions Come In Threes

17th January 2011:
This chapter was rather intriguing. Since the last chapter I had wondered what Jack would think once he was at Diagon Alley. And, it's nothing short of what I expected. Jack seemed to be rather cautious. First I thought that since he's a Muggleborn as far as he knows, then maybe he wants to lay low and not attract any attention towards the fact that he doesn't much about the wizarding world, but his cautiousness seemed to have taken place even before meeting anyone. It's a little strange, but I think it keeps Jack in character.

Jack's exchange with Timothy was interesting as well. I wondered what Jack would say if Timothy questioned about his parents, but he didn't hesitate and said the blatant truth. Timothy is quite a character. Talkative and all, but if I were him I'd take his mother's advice and not speak that way about Muggleborns even if times seem to have changed. In a way, I hope Timothy does not end up in Slytherin. It doesn't seem too much like him, except for his slight comment on Muggleborns.

Who's the boy who bought Jack the Daily Prophet? I understand if you don't tell :P, but you know it's good to give hints...;D

Harry's characterization is a bit off, I have to say. I think seeing Harry's background of not really knowing anything about the wizarding world when he was younger, I would think that he'd be kinder to Jack than he was. Possibly talk about some Hogwarts experiences. Those odd looks he gave Jack also had me thinking...I'm a bit surprised, though, that Harry didn't have people coming up to him left and right.

I'm glad that Jack didn't react much towards the simple sparks coming from the wand seeing as how he had been shown some spells from Penelope before. I expected something climatic to come from him getting a wand. Dunno what I wanted to happen, though. *shrugs*

Will he and James (Harry's son) become acquainted during their time at Hogwarts? Will the next chapter be on the Hogwarts Express? If so, will Jack make any friends? Sorry, I've got a lot of questions. ;P
Great chapter all in all. Hope to see a new update soon.(:


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for the review.

He is very cautious, and I think he would have been extra cautious in any strange place. The wizarding world is just so much stranger than anything else in the Muggle world, that all of his reactions get a little intensified. And he's a bit in shock, I think, which makes him number than usual, which all together makes it not the best situation in which to get a good idea of what he's like -normally-, but what can you do? :P

I'm actually still considering whether Timothy will be a Slytherin or not, but I do think it would fit him. It doesn't seem like it so much from Jack's perspective at the moment, but Jack only spoke with him for about ten minutes. XD Plus, I'm trying to get away from the cliched ideas of what people from each houses are like, so... well, we'll see.

Oooh, I love keeping secrets. :D Oooh, but I also love dropping hints. *shifty* Okay, I'll tell you this: his name starts with an M. :D And he's important to the main adventure plot.

The thing about Harry's behavior in this chapter is that since you're not seeing it from his perspective, it's hard to see all of his motivations. I think he got a very strange vibe from Jack, and there are some things going on in the wizarding world that Jack doesn't know about yet, that hardly anyone knows about yet, so basically... I think Harry is remembering Tom Riddle too, and is in the same position (sort of) as Dumbledore when Tom started Hogwarts. He thinks that this kid could be very bad news and needs to have some eyes kept on him, but at the same time, is willing to give him a cautious chance and understands that it all depends on the choices that he makes later, not on the potential that he has now. (And yeah, well... it's been like eighteen years now, and he was already talking to someone. XD I think if he was on his own, he'd have been approached a few times, or if it was more recent.)

There might be more about the wand later, but there are already a lot of parallels with Tom and Harry, so I thought it would be interesting if a big parallel was just missing.

He and James will definitely meet, the next chapter will indeed be set on the Hogwarts express and Jack may or may not make friends (there are two ways it could go and I haven't written it yet), but if he doesn't, then he will at least meet some people who will later develop into friends.

Thank you so much for reviewing! Sorry it took a bit long to get back to you, RL is insane just now. I'll update as soon as I can though. RL is busy, but I'll make time. XD

- Evan

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Review #5, by blueirony No Ordinary Boy

2nd January 2011:
Hey there, blueirony here with your review. I know I said it would be done early, but things came up and I wasn't able to get it to it until today.

Now, you didn't have anything in particular that you were concerned about, so I'll just go through what I thought, okay?

First of all, I think that you are correct in saying that this is original. It is definitely original. And I love the idea of it.

Most of all, I love Jack's character. He's just so odd. And cold. And almost... heartless, emotionless. He really reminds of me of a young Tom Riddle. Beautiful characterisation. However, I would remind you to not let him become too much like Tom Riddle. I'm sure that you have plans for him in the future, but I hope that you don't make him a copy of Tom Riddle and flesh out his own character.

I also like how you have chosen Penelope Clearwater. We know so little about her, and it's interesting that you chose her of all the characters you could have. I'm excited to learn more about how you interpret and writer her. I hope you have fun with her! I know it is early days, but I also hope that you will let us get to know her very well. Right now, it is a little difficult to fully understand her personality and character (but what I do know already, I absolutely adore!) and I'm sure that you will do that in future chapters.

A few things that I noticed, though:

This sentence in the prologue is a bit awkward: He wasn't a child, Mrs Melton, the neighbor, had insisted once, after a few more glasses than she was used to, and although the friends from out of town had dismissed this notion out-of-hand, she was remarkably spot-on. I think it has to do with comma placement. Maybe change it to something like: He wasn't a chile as Mrs Melton, the neighbour had insisted once, after a few more glasses than she was used to. And, although the friends from out of town had dismissed this notion out-of-hand, she was remarkably spot-on. You don't have to take that on board, though. It is just a suggestion.

Secondly, I think that the first paragraph of Chapter 1 can be broken. You seem to introduce a few different ideas in there and it doesn't read as one paragraph, but many that have been squished together to form one.

Lastly, and I think this is just me not being alert - but why was Jack angry when she moved the bowl in this chapter? You said something about that and maybe I missed it, but I don't understand why he was angry.

Those are really nitpicky things, though. I am honestly really excited about this. You have chosen a plotline that is original and placed carefully chosen characters into it and it is a really fabulous start. I know I'm hooked.

Joop :)

Author's Response: Hello to you too! And sorry for taking so long to get back to you. RL has been... insane.

I'm glad you like Jack, and yes, I've fleshed him out fairly well in my head, so really, I'm just worried that he'll seem too much like a Tom copy in the first few chapters, before I flesh him out on paper. But that seems to be okay for now. And yes, there will be more Penelope later. XD

*nods* I agree about the sentence. Maybe not with your exact wording, but it definitely does need tweaking. I tend to have complicated sentences and awkwardness is a risk of that, but thanks for pointing it out and I'll see what I can do in the edit. I also know that I tend to have long paragraphs, so again, I'll take a second look at that. I'm sure you're right though, runon paragraphs is one of my usual mistakes. XD

I was worried that the anger might have been too subtle... It's because he's very proud and he took it as an implicit critique of the state of the house. It wasn't that she moved the dish, per se, it was that she moved it to the sink. Where dirty dishes belong. And even though Jack does know that the house could be much cleaner, it stung a bit coming from a stranger (as he percieved it).

Thank you very much for the review! I hope you keep reading. XD

- Evan

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Review #6, by GryffinClawTherin_Vicky No Ordinary Boy

28th December 2010:
I have to say the idea for this story is pretty original. I honestly like it and would love to see where you can go with it.
The fact that you use someone else's POV and not Jack's is great way to show how people view Jack. You allow description of him but it doesn't come from him which I like.
I definitely like Jack as a character. He's really quite interesting...You know, he reminds me of Tom Riddle (the young one, before going off to Hogwarts). He has bits of him that are exactly like Tom, but he's his own person altogether. I'm a bit confused though. Penelope calls him John Thomas Dawkins and he says that's his name, but later he corrects her and calls himself Jack. Does he simply prefer to be called Jack or something of the sort? I can't help but think that he was much too calm when he was told of magic and Hogwarts and the likes. I understand he's perceptive, but to that extent?
Having Penelope as a professor is a nice detail. It's something that I can really see happening, but I haven't seen done anywhere else. And, you already showed us some parts of her personality. In an offhand way, but you still introduced her.
You have a nice writing style and I have to say this chapter was lovely. Great beginning, middle, and end. Good flow.(: The last chapter had a bit of a choppy end, but it was good nonetheless.(:
Update soon!


Author's Response: Ooh! Another review; I must be in heaven. XD

There definitely are parts of Tom in him. In part, this is because I'm deliberately mirroring parts of the books. For instance, the introduction from other perspectives is used a bit in the beginning of the Philosopher's Stone, in addition to being probably the best way to keep Jack mysterious and to build suspense. However, it's also important that readers notice the Tom parts because other characters are going to be noticing them too, which as you can imagine, will make life a little complicated for Jack further down the line. (*teaser!*)

I was a little worried about the name. Jack started as a nickname for John, and only relatively recently has it become a name in itself, so to speak. Sort of how Tom is short for Thomas and its variations, but now sometimes people are just named Tom. As far as characterization goes, Jack's insistence on Jack, rather than John, is very important, because his father's name is John as well and Jack unequivocally rejects everything about his father (look, more Tom references! :P ). I plan to make that clearer in a later chapter, but I'll see if I can clarify it a bit in the edit as well.

And yes, the composure is the other main thing that concerned me in this chapter. There's much more of a story behind it, which will be revealed later on, but for now, in part it goes back to Jack's rejection of his father. He sees his father as weak and cowardly, lacking in self-control and completely ruined by his emotions. So Jack is extremely self-controlled, and is able to hide his reaction, which is already a somewhat smaller reaction due to certain things in his past. Plus, Penelope's demonstration was relatively minor. I definitely don't think that he was quite as calm when Penelope vanished into thin air, but of course, she wasn't there to tell about it. XD

I really wasn't planning for Penelope to play a significant role later on, but after writing this chapter, I think she will, because it was very easy to write her and she does have a good personality for a professor. It'll probably be a minor role, because other professors and students have snagged the major ones already, but there'll definitely be more.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! You touched on a lot of my concerns and I will definitely keep it all in mind for the edit and later chapters.

- Evan

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Review #7, by SnapesBoggart No Ordinary Boy

28th December 2010:
I like that Penelope Clearwater is a Professor, because it's never been done before. It makes the story all the more unique.

I'm surprised Jack reacted so calmly to magic. Was Penelope correct in her assumption that he had witnessed a witch or wizard use magic before? Even then, wouldn't he still doubt himself that what he saw really was magic? I realize Jack is supposed to be perceptive, but I find it a bit hard to believe that he'd be that perceptive...

Anyway, I think I've fallen in love with the way you write. Everything flows really well, and you have just the right amount of detail. I'm really excited for your next chapter! :)

Author's Response: I actually got the idea of Penelope as a professor from someone else, and I can't remember if they were using it themselves or not, but I liked it for exactly that reason. It makes sense, and yet it's usually overlooked. Plus, once I actually started writing the chapter, she was surprisingly easy for such a minor character.

I'm glad you mentioned the bit about Jack's composure though, because it's one of the parts I was worried about. I think he definitely has seen magic before, but it's a lot more complicated than that, and it's one of those things that I have to explain sort of gradually. I will say that even more than his perceptiveness, Jack's most unusual and prominent character trait is his self-control. There have been some hints about the situation with his father already, but basically, for various reasons Jack sees him as weak and cowardly, and has always wanted to be as different from him as he can. So he's very motivated to control himself and rule his own feelings. I think the magical incident in Jack's past (which was of such a nature that he would never be able to forget it, and it happened when he was still very young, so he didn't rationalize it away immediately) would make him more receptive to the idea of magic (and coincidentally, I think it's also the reason that he noticed and accepted his own minor abilities), and that his self-control went the rest of the way and allowed him to hide the already smaller reaction that he might have had. Plus, Penelope's demonstration was relatively small and along the same lines of the things he already knew and accepted: moving small objects. It's not like she lit anything on fire. :P I definitely do think that he was not able to hide his reaction to Penelope's Disapparation, but as she said, it's a pity that no one was there to see it. XD So. To summarize. I do agree that it's a little unbelievable, but there is more of an explanation behind it, it's just coming later. And I don't think it's so unbelievable that anyone would stop reading before we get to the explanation because of it, so it's probably alright. But I will take another look at it when I do the edit and see if I can tweak it.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! The next chapter is already written, and will be in the queue as soon as it opens. I felt like I really got into the story when I was writing it, so I'm excited to see what you (and everyone else) think of it too!

Hope you had good holidays, and thanks once again for the review.

- Evan

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Review #8, by SnapesBoggart Prologue

28th December 2010:
This is a great start to what seems to be a very interesting story. I'm loving the slightly mysterious characterization of Jack, and I really want to learn more about him. I like how you had this shown from Mrs. Melton's view, because it makes Jack seem all the more interesting. I'm really excited to read the next chapter. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!

Mystery is definitely the goal as far as Jack is concerned, so I'm glad you thought it worked. I know the summary strongly suggests that he's a darker character, and indeed he is, but I don't want people to be making up their minds quite yet as to just how dark he is. But he's definitely not meant to be a heroic character either, so I thought the best way was to approach him very slowly. Plus it raises suspense, which is always a good thing. XD

I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and thanks again for reviewing!

- Evan

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Review #9, by notreallyblonde44 No Ordinary Boy

22nd December 2010:
Hi, EvanAsh! Me again!

Ohhh It was Penelope, I was wrong. I'm glad I was wrong :)

'Severus might have turned out to be a hero - it was the version that Potter was standing behind, anyway' -Lol. I liked this line because it showed differing POV and Penelope's skeptical nature. Good character insight and development of a minor character like Penelope.

'Penelope stood in silence for a moment, wonder if perhaps she ought to sit as well, as undignified as that would be.' -wondering

I like the use of another POV to get an idea of Jack. It sets up this eerie-ness and you get to see how different people interact and what they think of him. It's mysterious and enjoyable to read. I really liked what you have done with Penelope. She's very believable and enjoyable to read. I'm excited to see where this story is going and how it is going to develop. I feel like Jack is super creepy and desensitized in a way that really is unnerving, so I think you've done a great job in creating his character around others' opinions.

I'm curious if we will get to experience Jack's POV and what that will be like if we do. I enjoyed your writing. I found it to be precise and full of well-chosen phrases and descriptions. And I like the subtle hints with the bottles too. Like I wrote above, I'm excited to see where this is going. I really don't have much else to write here in this review since the story has only just begun. But I like the progression so far and am very curious in general (which is always awesome for me as a reader) and I can't wait to see what action/adventure and depth that awaits us! Let me know when new chapters are up :) Sorry I couldn't say more...but I guess that's a good thing haha


Author's Response: Yay! Finally got my first review on the second chapter. XD

And yep, Penelope, but I'm still glad you thought McGonagall. (As I said in the first response.)

Thanks for catching the typo! And I'm really glad you liked that line. I've always thought it extremely unlikely that the entire wizarding world would cheer Snape posthumously when for the most part they couldn't even decide whether or not to cheer Harry. XD I mean, Harry had the unfakeable memories, but they're so private that I doubt he'd let just anyone see them. So Ron and Hermione and so forth would just believe it because they believe Harry, but what about people who aren't anywhere near so close to him? I imagine there would be a lot of different theories.

I'll be starting on Jack's perspective in the next chapter, and I'll probably keep that up for the entire rest of the story, with the possible exception of an epilogue. I liked the idea of holding off on entering his brain, to increase suspense and so forth, but it's really a story about him and his motivations and his choices so... next chapter will be it. XD

Thanks very much for the lovely review! I'm so glad you liked it and I will definitely let you know when I update.

- Evan

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Review #10, by notreallyblonde44 Prologue

22nd December 2010:
Hi, EvanAsh! This is notreallyblonde44 from the forums here to do your review. I have seen this story around before and it always looked intriguing, glad you requested! The banner is yummy and the summary draws me in. Also, before I begin, I want to preface my review with: I do serious feedback. I tend to be nit-picky and am always very honest. I do this to help and not to hurt anyone's feelings. So, if you feel like I crossed a line, definitely let me know ;) feedback for reviewers is always cool too haha. *starts reading story now*

'Jack particularly forcefully for the consistently tattered state of his homework.' -er-adverb overload. I personally find adverbs to be best used when used sparingly lol.

'It was the last especially that got Mrs Melton's goat.' -last what? and her goat? lol Also there should be a period after Mrs. and Mr. throughout the whole prologue

There were two hand phrases I did not get at all lol: 'dismissed this notion out-of-hand' and 'the boy needed taking in hand' -as far as I know, out-of-hand means out-of-control and I think I understand what you mean by the second phrase, that Jack needed to be taught some lessons and manners. But I've never heard the expression 'taking in hand' before.

'But she remembered what had happened the last time that she'd ignored her feelings, and her own daughter's life would be better off without any more of such people.' -ignored what feelings?

Overall, I think this was a nice prologue. It opened up your story and gave the reader (moi) a firm ground from which to stand when reading the rest of your story. I'm super creeped out about what Jack's all about and what the woman (I want to say McGonagall ) is all about. I think doing this opening from a muggle (I assume) perspective was a really good choice. It set up an eerie tone and Jack's character was described in full. I was sort of confused at some parts, like the ones I mentioned above, but otherwise good job. Quick interesting introduction and onto the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hello! I definitely do not think you crossed a line anywhere. I also tend to give more nitpicky feedback so I know where you're coming from, and while it's always nice to get gushing reviews, it's the critical ones that point you in even better directions.

Definitely right about the adverbs. I am an adverbs, commas and lengthy, complicated sentences person. For the most part, it's just a stylistic choice, but... yeah, I agree, that sentence needs some pruning. XD

The last referred to the last item on the list. (The speaking to everyone as his equal bit.) See what I mean about complicated sentences? Even when they're short. I'll see if I can clear that up a bit better in the edit. XD And getting someone's goat is an expression, a somewhat uncommon one I suppose, that means to annoy the person. I think it comes from racing horses. Apparently they used to keep a goat in the stable with the horse, as a calming influence, and so if you were a rival jockey, you could steal the horse's goat, which would upset the horse and make it run a worse race. I knew it was a bit old-fashioned when I used it, but I remember I had some reason for using it anyway. Something to do with her character, I guess. XD I'm sort of extemporizing this one, but it definitely felt like the right expression to use.

About the period behind Mr and Mrs, I think the period is an Americanism, and British people don't use it, but I'll have to check that to be sure.

Again, taking in hand is sort of old-fashioned, but that's exactly what it means, yes. Out-of-hand can mean uncontrolled, but dismissing something out-of-hand means dismissing it without any discussion or consideration whatsoever. However, come to think of it, I probably shouldn't use it so close to "taking in hand" anyway, 'cause that's just asking to confuse people. XD

And the feelings bit is foreshadowing for a later revelation, so I didn't want to go too in-depth. Basically just her feelings that something odd is going on. I'll see if I can clarify that too.

Thank you very much for the review! I'll definitely take it all into consideration when I do the revising. It's not actually McGonagall, since she's retired by now, but I'm still glad you thought of her. I'm intentionally trying to sort of mirror the actual books here, because a major theme of the story is how the more things change, the more they stay the same, and also how even in similar circumstances, the little things and choices can make such a difference in how it all turns out.

Thanks so much!

- Evan

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Review #11, by gingersnape Prologue

13th December 2010:
Wow. Just wow.

I don't think I've ever read a fic I can describe as beautiful as this was, but that does not even begin to describe how the sentences rise and fall and show so much with so few words yet the sentences are so filled with meaning, I really felt like I could see exactly what was going on and the air of mystery surrounding the whole thing made it even more intriguing to me. (Sorry for that rambeling sentence, as I myself am not sure how to break that up into something more understandable.)

The way you described Jack, my mind immediately jumped to Tom Riddle, but then to Remus Lupin as well, so I can almost imagine him as having a chance at going either way (well, the summary seems to say he'll go bad, but he act like he could almost be the best behaved child there was. Almost, but not quite.)

Also, I liked how, at the end, it was described by a muggle so the reader could catch onto what was happening, but the way it was told made the scene feel eerier even though one could make a pretty good guess at what was going on. I think that really helped make it seem a little off, which just fits with Jack's whole personality.

I really don't have any constructive criticism about this, as this style of doing a prologue or first chapter with lots of description and just enough happening to set the scene is a really wonderful way of doing things, and I really think it's one of the best ways of starting a story.

I am very glad I found this story, and I will certainly be coming back to see what happens with Jack. Best of luck writing more,

Author's Response: Ohh, I love random reviews! Especially such lovely and flattering ones. Thank you so much!

I envision the point of the story to really be about how and why a person might turn dark (which yes he will do, but I won't say how dark, and there's definitely a chance for redemption), so it's good that at this point he seems like he could go either way. Sort of a nature vs nurture thing, because that discussion never gets old. XD I mean, even though Tom Riddle, for example, seems to have been born sociopathic, without the ability to feel love, that doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't still have had a chance under different circumstances.

For a less extreme example, Snape could definitely have gone both much better or much worse with only relatively small environmental differences. And that sort of character psychology is something that I find extremely fascinating, so that's something that this story will focus on a lot. Not just with Jack either, but with all of the Next Gen characters.

Thank you once again for the wonderful review! Next chapter should be up soon. I submitted it on the ninth, and at that point, the queue was supposed to be six days long, so hopefully within the next few days!

- Evan

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Review #12, by MajiKat Prologue

13th December 2010:
Hey Evan
I thought i'd check this out.

Im glad I did. I really enjoyed this. Nice set-up and nice foreshadowing.

You have some beautiful figurative language and gorgeous imagery - this line I loved: He didn't know why, although he thought it might have something to do with the inexplicable mishaps that followed him around like a stray dog he'd fed once and could never be rid of again.

Just wonderful!

Your sentences should be mouthfuls, but they aren't. They are correctly structured complex and compound sentences, and are therefore easy to read, despite their length!! As an English teacher, I love you for that!!!

I also really like the narrative voice - this is classic third person omniscient and you handle it brilliantly! I tend to avoid writing it - I'm not entirely sure why, only that I don't think I can wield it properly. You, I believe, can.

This feels like it should be read aloud - the pacing is beautiful, the rhythm tempered and it rises and falls, like a good piece of prose should. This is an excellent beginning.

I will be back to read more of your writing.


Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reviewing. XD

I'm really glad you mentioned the sentences. I have always tended to write in long, complicated sentences and it really bothers me when people call them run-on for no reason other than that they are long. I am the first to admit that sometimes they are run-on, but the important thing is that sometimes they are not. XD

Next update should be coming soon. I put it in the queue on the ninth!

- Evan

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Review #13, by hushpuppy Prologue

7th December 2010:
This is a good start to the story. Jack resembles Tom but a little bit of Harry as well. Although maybe I'm seeing something that isn't there?

Your summary to the story is excellent--it draws the reader in immediately and builds interest in the character. I'm eager to read more.

Author's Response: Oddly enough, I didn't notice the Harry in him. XD I've been thinking of him as more of a Tom/Snape mix, but as all three of their backstories shared motifs, I guess it's not surprising. I do know that I plan to repeat a lot of the themes from the books, as one of the points of the story is how "the more things change, the more they stay the same," but at the same time I want it to be an original story, with original characters. So if you do continue to read this story, please let me know if you think parts are a little too derivative. ;)

Thank you so much for the first review!

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