Come back to us please, make more it is great. Report Review
More please X3 this one was a little too short though. XDAuthor's Response: I know the chapters are a bit short, it was hard to break it up! Thanks for the reviews! Report Review
:( no more cliffe please. It is really good though, keep up the good work. :DAuthor's Response: Sorry for making you wait so long, I'm a mess at remembering to update, but everything will be wrapping up soon! Thanks for the review. Report Review
WHY! Man my heart broke in two. Jeez,good story though makes a nice change even though you killed off Harry and Ginny and made Teddy the killer :'(Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! I know, it's a bit excessive with everyone that's dying but it is supposed to be a murder mystery! Thanks for the review! Report Review
Oh, wow. I had kind of hoped he was just Stupified... Who's targeting the Potters?
I have the weirdest feeling it was Teddy. It makes me feel really bad to think that, though... Hmm. Well, I hope Lily and Lorcan figure it out! :)Author's Response: I know :( It's a bit more extreme than that though! Anyways I can't give away who it is, though you'll know soon enough anyways! Thanks for leaving a review! Report Review
Very different from anything I've read on here. Started off solid but I feel like it's kind of sizzled out over the past two chapters. I could feel the emotion at the beginning, but it feels so much less so now. Can't quite pinpoint what it is. Kind of sad you killed off Harry =/
I like that it's a mystery though.Author's Response: I didn't realize it at the time, but I suppose that it is different than most stories, something that makes me rather happy! I'm actually really glad that you pointed out the fact that it was sizzling out a bit though, this was written as a NaNo story awhile ago and looking back at it now I totally agree with you! I'm going to look back at the past two chapters and see what I can do about that! Thank you for stopping by to leave a review, it was very helpful! Report Review
Okay, I'm just dying to know what happened to Harry! And I feel so terrible for Scorpius- he really gets the bad end of this...finds his best friend (who really appears to be more of a brother to him) dead and then gets accused of his murder? Rough night.Author's Response: You'll find out soon enough! And it really would be horrible to be Scorpius right now, he's really getting the short end of the stick! Thanks for reading! Report Review
Oh, Draco. I'm so happy you didn't made him as his father, because he's so much better than that! I really like how you have characterized him.Author's Response: I hate hate hate how so many people view Draco! I think that he would have been able to leave his fathers past behind and reinvent himself as his own person.
Thanks for leaving a review! Report Review
What an awful way to hear that your brother is dead.Author's Response: Oh? I know right! That would be completely horrible!
Thanks for the review. Report Review
Oh my gosh, poor Scorpius! Finding his best friend, dead... Can't be the best feeling in the world.Author's Response: Ack! I know, I feel like this story doesn't really deal with the happiest of times in the least!
Thanks for the review though! Report Review
Love it. Cant wait for more:)Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! Report Review
Oh no! Please tell me he's not dead too :'( don't let him be! James would be so sick with himself if Harry died because he went looking for James!Author's Response: Just keep reading-you'll see what happens! Report Review
This is rather special but I like it! One mistake though; in the first chapter you mentioned Scorpius being seeker but in this chapter Albus is seeker? Since both of them are Slytherins this could not be. And you made Lorcan Scamander a girl? Just thought you ought to know that Luna Lovegood had twin BOYS. Keep up the good work ^^Author's Response: Yeah-this was written for Nano so I really need to go back and fix some things up because there are plot holes. I'll try to go back and fix those as soon as possible. And I know that technically Lorcan is a boy-but it's my fic so I'm doing what I want, even if its not really cannon.
But thanks for the review! Report Review
I think this one is shorter than others, but it covers enough.
I'm glad that you're pretty blunt about the suspicions concerning Scorpius. After all, it's to be expected seeing as Scorpius was the only one to be found with the body. Plus, it moves the story along. I really want to see what Scorpius' reaction is about that suspicion; will he angry, sad, frustrated, or simply confused?
I like how you added in just a tad of Lily's personality. You kinda fixed the issues on her breaking down in the past chapter (I think it was that chapter). You also bring in the question about the whereabouts of James, which brings some of Harry's thoughts as well. So that worked out pretty well.
James' part fit well for this chapter. At first, I couldn't believe how quickly the Gryffindors had known something had happened, but then I remembered that it's Hogwarts. xD Anyways, I like James' frustration. It seems like a good way to go. Not angry, depressed or anything of the sort. Frustration works really well.
Overall, good chapter.(: It was lacking in length a bit, but it was well-written. Can't wait for the next chapter.(:
Victoria(:Author's Response: I feel like all of these chapters are too short, but it was such an awkward story to cut up because I didn't actually write it chapter by chapter, so I did the best that I could.
And I tried to carry this story as upfront and blunt as possible for the most part, obviously the one who found the body will be the first to be blamed. And I think Lily is more consistent throughout the rest of the story, the last chapter had lapses in it.
And James is my favorite, I think he sort of takes a serious situation and makes it a bit more laid back.
Thanks again for the review!
Megan. Report Review
I feel so sorry for Harry and Ginny, especially Harry. They've been through so much already and then their child is found dead. D:
Somehow, I knew that this chapter would be another point of view. ;P
I understand how Neville feels. He's seen Harry at his worst and now he was the one to bring the pain. I'm glad, though, that it was Neville who went. Even though it didn't seem to actually add in too much comfort, he seemed to be more thoughtful about how and when he should tell them than another professor would be. And when he has to see Harry's and Ginny's emotional moment when they break down. That must have been extremely uncomfortable.
I do feel that their reaction was a bit strange. I thought maybe some shock first then for them to break down, but they immediately broke into sobs.
Lily's reaction was a little strange as well. She also began to sob immediately. I like the fact you added about Mrs. Weasley (Nana). It gives us a little background and possible another tragedy that could happen sometime.
Overall, lovely chapter.(: You continued to move the story on at a leisurely pace. Hope to see a new update soon.
Victoria(:Author's Response: I'm actually really glad that you pointed out their rapid reactions, because I had actually meant to change that and had references in the next chapter that didn't make sense, so I went back and edited a bit!
And I really think that Neville was the only one who could have worked for this scene, while the news couldn't ever be easy to take, I think he made everything easier.
Thanks so much for another lovely review! Report Review
Although this one isn't entirely about James, I was on the right track! :D (I should get cookies. :P)
The way you put in both the professors being there and deciding who should go tell the Potters and what Scorpius thinks of it in the same part seems pretty damn good.
What Scorpius thinks of their well, cowardness is very justified. He's right in thinking that.
Neville going to tell the Potters the tragic news is a good addition as well, because it shows that he's enough of a Gryffindor to tell a friend that their son has been murdered. Plus, it'll give some comfort to Harry and Ginny.
The way you added in that McGonagall thought that Harry had already lost plenty in his life seems like a good touch.
James seems just like the James I had imagined. Quidditch-crazy, prankster, and rather impatient. Good job on his characterization. :D That seems to be one of your strengths in writing; characterization. Plus, you showed James' reaction to the horrible news. Nothing short of what was expected.
The prefect was kind of stupid, but then again *shrugs*
Great chapter. Even better than the last two, I believe.(: Update soon!
Victoria(:Author's Response: So you're really awesome for taking the time to leave a review on all three chapters, because that isn't something that many people would do! I'd like to thank you for that first of all!
Neville going to the Potters was something that I found very important, because that's going to be a pivotal point in the Potters life, and you don't want to send just anyone!
And I'm glad that James was James, his character was really fun to write, and I tried really hard to get his character right!
After the break another chapter should be up, so you won't have to wait too long!
Megan Report Review
To start off, I like the fact that you're showing how they call out Albus's immediate family in the next chapter. I suspect the next one will be about James...In any case, it's a really good idea, so kudos on that.
Next, I like that Lily is in Ravenclaw, not in Gryffindor. It's good to change it up and not have all of the Wotters in the same house.
You had some good characterization in this chapter as well. You show how Lily is when she wakes up (something that tends to be quite interesting ;D), what she thinks is the reason for why she's being woken, that she's clumsy, and the fact that she can be quite patient.
I also like that the prefect knows that it's not her place to tell Lily what's been going on. In this chapter you show that Slytherin really isn't what it was. The prefect actually allows Lily a few more seconds of bliss. As the saying goes, "Ignorance is bliss." (I think. :P)
Lovely chapter.(: Off to the next one.
Victoria(:Author's Response: Woot, another review!
You'll find out that this story is going to jump around from POV to POV from chapter to chapter, even within the chapter, because I figured that it was the best way to get the whole story across to the reader. And yes, part of the next chapter has to do with James!
Lily being in Ravenclaw was actually something I went back and changed, because I figured they wouldn't all be in Gryffindor, and you'll find later that she really fits in the smarty pants house.
The prefect and I had a love hate relationship (especially over if they needed a name!) but I think that was the one thing this one was great at, knowing her place and deciding to keep Lily in the dark! Report Review
The way you started the story, making everything seem normal from the anxiety before Quidditch to everyone just sleeping, was great because you don't just want to jump into the well, conflict.
Scorpius's reaction was more or less what I would expect. Him not saying anything, only denying the fact that Albus is dead. You had some pretty good characterization with Scorpius. You show us parts of him right away, but you don't make it rushed or anything. This whole chapter goes at a very good pace.
I like how you don't make the Slytherins very boastful or anything, just them wanting to recover lost pride from the War.
It might have slipped your mind that to enter the Slytherin common room there isn't a portrait. ;D
Very good chapter. I like what you have going and you have a really good writing style. Now, I'm off to the next chapter.(:
Victoria(:Author's Response: Hey, thanks for taking the time to leave a review!
I thought it would be a bit much just to jump into the thick of things, so I'm glad that the set up worked for you. Scorpius is pretty much my favorite, so I had loads of fun with writing him. And I worked for awhile trying to figure out how the Slytherins should act before they came out like that, so I'm pleased that came across right.
The whole path into the Slytherin common room thing will be fixed as soon as the queue is open again, that's what happens when trying to write a novel in a month! xD Report Review
I really enjoyed this first chapter, especially your characterisation of young Scorpius. For me, I got little glimpses of his personality and his perception of the generation he lives in currently - that being how the other houses treat the Slytherins. A lot of people have written similar but to me, it was always like that, just that the Slytherins were more boastful before the war.
I love how you described Scorpius' anxiety about the Quidditch match in a way people can relate...to any upcoming event actually.
I was a bit jealous of him having chocolate cake too, by the way.
And then there's the body. To be honest, I think you could have done more with Scorpius' reaction to finding it. Perhaps more description of how he felt, his actions, etc, not just saying he wasn't able to accept it. Mind you, I'm interested in finding out how Al got there in the first place. I'm a HUGE fan of murder mysteries!
Oh, another thing I wanted to point out...the Slytherin Common Room doesn't have a portrait, the opening is just a wall where when you say the password, a passageway opens to admit you.
Other than that, I rather enjoyed this and I'm going on to read chapter two.
LiaAuthor's Response: Fist off, thank you for taking the time to leave such a detailed review!
I'm glad that you liked Scorpius, it took me awhile to work him out and how I wanted him to act, but in the end I was happy with him and the way that the Slytherins were in general. I really think that your right about it having always been like that, it's more of just the pride behind the house that's been lost.
I really struggled with Scorpius and the body because I've never found a body before so I've got no idea how I'd react. But there will be more with that in later chapters which I think is more realistically, but I think I might need to revisit this chapter and fix that a bit, because it does seem to be lacking something.
*facepalm* I knew that about the Slytherin common room, I don't know how I missed that one! But anyways, that you so much for the lovely review!
Megan Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection