Reading Reviews for Annora
  
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CymorilofMelnibone Anything and Everything

19th July 2011:
Great Idea! When I read 'Amycus' I was just like: 'hey that sounds familiar...' and then when you wrote 'because I am Annora Carrow' only one word crossed my mind and it was 'Awesome.'

I love the idea, it's very fresh! Also, nice writing style, it's believable :)

Author's Response: Heyy,
thanks I'm glad you like the idea and writing style!

More coming soon hopefully ;)
Lily


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Review #2, by CheeringCharm Day One.

15th April 2011:
LOVELY CHAPTER :)
I reallyreallyreally like this story and I've eagerly waited for this chapter to be up, and you can't imagine how happy I became when I saw that it was! :D

Your language and style and characters and just everything makes me want to swallow the story all at once!
please update soon :)

*huggles*

Author's Response: Heyy,
thanks for much for this review!
I am feeling uber guilty that it's taken me nearly two months to reply! :'(
I will get straight back to writing it as soon as I've finished answering my reviews!!
Lily :)


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Review #3, by stepnhunguyen Day One.

12th February 2011:
This is really good story! I love it so far and I can't wait to see what her attempts are to make Draco trust her enough. I love the name Annora; it's so pretty. I'm definitely adding this to my favorites and I can't wait to read the next chapter :)

10/10

Happy daze

Author's Response: Thanks :) Aww, I spent ages coming up with the name and googled the meaning and stuff (it means 'honor' because I think she is very proud...)

Thanks for reviewing!
Lily ^_^


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Review #4, by AWorldBeyond Slytherin

9th February 2011:
i like(: a lot actually, its very well written and you seem to have nailed draco spot on. im a bit amazed that someone as 'ugly' as amycus could produce megan fox, but hey, girls gotta be hot right? overall, definitely looking forward to updates

Author's Response: Heyy,
Thanks I'm glad you like it and think it's well written! I'd had some negative feedback on my portrayal of Draco so that's nice to hear :) Aha, that is all very true :P
Thanks for reviewing
Lily :)


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Review #5, by Aiedail Slytherin

1st February 2011:
Hello again!
I find that you have a knack for the dialogue bits. I really like them and I don't think that they're overdone. I did think that Snape was a little too chatty but that's just what I think of him; nonetheless you did an excellent job with this!
I'm getting the sense that Annora really is a nice girl who doesn't know how to hold her tongue. It surprised me that she would apologize to leaving out Blaise from the conversation but this might have been because she was getting along so well with Draco who tends to be a fathead and I wouldn't have expected him to do anything like that. I liked what you did with their conversation, like he was feeling her out for her loyalties in the most cut-and-dry way. But I don't think that subtlety was ever part of the Slytherins' personality description, so I like this a lot. ;)
I am very interested at this point in the story. I think that Annora and Draco have gotten on too well not to become friends and confidants. However I know that time will test Draco's patience as he fails and fails and I would be interested to see how he treats Annora at these times. I like that Pansy tries to warm up to Annora and that they'll be "friends" because I can't help but wonder how things will be for Pansy when Annora becomes better friends with Draco than she is herself.
Overall this semi-detached writing style is working. Annora sees what she sees and describes it with a little insight as to what she's thinking, but not too much, and I think that this reflects well enough the way that she wasn't raised by her parents and so probably hasn't learned how to express or share her feelings very well.
I would like her to have more of an identity though, even if all it is at this point is not knowing who she is and wondering if she's doing the "right" things. I'd like to know more about her days at Durmstrang as well, since you have an opportunity here to let us all know what you've always imagined it to be like. I for one find it odd that in the books Krum is so dependent on swimming but he comes from a place that is very cold :)
Nicely done, and good luck with continuing on this one!

Author's Response: Hi :)
Ok, I guess I made him talk that much as I think he might be more talkative with slytherins :/ Glad you like the dialogue though!
Aha, I don't think they would be very subtle either, especially with the stress he's under during this story!
Well you're kind of right with the draco bit, but I don't see her and pansy becoming friends really :)
I was getting worried about the narration, as I don't want people to think that I just can't be bothered to explain stuff! I'll try adding in a tad more personality in future though :)
Thanks for the reviews!
Lily :)


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Review #6, by Aiedail Anything and Everything

1st February 2011:
Hi there! Aiedail from the forums at your service :)

Overall the idea that the Dark Lord has actually sent someone to help Draco in his task seems interesting to me. I hadn't had the idea that Voldemort actually wanted Draco to succeed before, so congrats on creativity! :)
I believe that the overall idea is good, yes. I'm interested to see how Annora interacts with Draco and what happens between them and how this all fits in with what I already know, or if it changes my perceptions of Draco at this time.
The writing style is a bit distant for my personal tastes; however, I realise that this is most likely done on purpose because the character is cold and never really had the chance to develop a huge personality... I think that the scene with her parents and Voldemort was pretty well-done! Perhaps the language was a bit different than what I was expecting but that's okay since it's your story and you're allowed to do what you want with it. That being said, it was still believable and you handled it nicely ;)
I like the combination of first-person perspective and present tense. It gives the story an air of immediacy and makes me able to really see what's going on. Also when things are told in present tense I tend to trust the narrator more which is something that you want when you're writing about a character who is less-than-loveable. Not that I can't sympathize with Annora on some points, I do feel bad that she has bad parents and her fate has been thrust upon her as it has.
Overall this is well-written and in its way, intriguing! I move on to the next chapter with pleasure :)
--lily

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you think it's an interesting idea, some people have been a bit negative about it so I was starting to worry :/
Yeahh, I'm hoping you will be able to see her getting less cold as the story moves on and things change! Glad you liked it :)
I find present tense a bit difficult to write so I'm glad you think it works.
Thanks, it's good that you feel a bit sympathetic for her as while I know she's not a very nice character, I'd still like the reader to care about her!
Lily


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Review #7, by TaamBlack Slytherin

28th January 2011:
Once again a good chapter, you flow is good you have nothing to worry about there.

Your characterisation of snape, pansy and blaise was very spot on.
Annora seems more worried if about getting dracos affection then she is about the fact if they mess up theyll die.

But your plot is really interesting and i really cant wait for the next update :)

Author's Response: Heyy,
Thanks, I'm glad you liked the characterisation cause I've been getting some criticism on it.
Yeahh I'm doing an edit of the story so it's less like that!
Thanks for reviewing!
Lily :)


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Review #8, by TaamBlack Anything and Everything

28th January 2011:
A great first chapter, your story flows really well, and the thought you've put into your plot really stands out and I can see it developing quite nicely in future chapters.

The malfoy's were portrayed well especially Lucious i felt as through you hit his character on the money. You portrayed Narcissa uniquely but it worked rather well so good job.

Now to Annora, she is very fiesty and well written i feel as though she could be given more depth as a character if we learn more about her past and where she has been. Also you have portrayed her to be fiesty so I can see her standing up to her parents. Other then that she is a brilliant character. And you have done an amzing job with this first chapter you got me into the story.

Well done

Author's Response: Heyylo :)
Awww, tar.
Yeahh I'm glad you liked them, that's how I imagine Narcissa so I went for it :)
She is feisty but she wouldn't stand up to Voldemort (she is not stoopid) :P
Thankks for the lovely review! :)


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Review #9, by orderofthephoenix Slytherin

23rd January 2011:
The story is progressing nicely and I'm really getting into it despite it's only two chapters long so far :) You describe Annora's feelings and views well and I'm looking forward to reading more.

I really like your writing technique. It's easy to read with little spelling/grammar mistakes which is appealing to me as a reader.

You wrote: 'You see we have three houses here at Hogwarts.' but I think you meant four houses. Just though I'd point it out; I know it only got validated yesterday :)
I liked the quoted on Pansy's t-shirt. It's very her.

I'm definitely going to carry on reading this story. It's got my interest :D

Sophia xx

Author's Response: Heyy again :)

Glad you like it so far!

Ohh thank you, I'm getting beta so soon there should be no grammar/spelling hiccups what-so-ever.

Oopsy :/ I'm going to edit that while it's being beta-ed :)

Hehe, thanks, I was thinking about that for quite a while.

Thank youuu
Lily ^_^ x


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Review #10, by orderofthephoenix Anything and Everything

23rd January 2011:
I liked your first paragraph. It told me a lot about your character without her actually saying it. If you get what I mean :S
The asthma tale was a good one; a bit of humour in a story where I guess it's going to be scarce.

Annora as an OC character is turning out to be a good one. She obviously has issues, so she's not a Mary-Sue and the main plot looks to be an interesting one.
Your writing style is good, as is your spelling and grammar :)

Sophia xx

Author's Response: Heyy,

thanks, I'm glad you thought it was good, I was worried her character was a bit shallow right now.

Thanks, I have asthma so was like 'what will be a good excuse? hmmm I know!' :)

I'm gald she's not Mary-Sue ish because I would hate that!

Thank you!

Lily ^_^


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Review #11, by krissyanne426 Slytherin

19th January 2011:
Hello again!

Okay, another good chapter. Again, there were some grammtical errors that jumped out at me, particularly with the use of sat/sit/sitting. Nothing super big, but if you're looking for something to fix, that's a place to start.

Annora turned out to be a bit more fiesty than I expected! I was suprised by how mean she was at the end of the chapter. I mean I totally get it, I'd be mean to Pansy to me, she's awful, but I definitely wasn't expecting it.

I liked your Snape, he's my favorite character, so I like when people have good Snapes. And I thought yours was good. He's so coniving and sneaky and I think that really came accross here. So good job with that!

I think this was a really great follow up chapter, but it is filler. So I don't have a lot to comment on. Your Blaise was super creepy though!

Good job, and feel free to rerequest if you update again.
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Helloo :)

Thanks, as I said before, I have just got a beta, so those kind of errors should be sorted out soon!

Yeahh, she is quite a mean character some of the time :/ You'll find out more about her as we go along though.

I'm glad you think he's good as I've had a bit of feedback saying he's not one of the strongest characters- I guess it's all personal preference when it comes down to it.

Yeah, I tend to have quite a lot of fillers, and Blaise is meant to be creepy...!

Ok, will do! Thanks!
Lily :)


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Review #12, by krissyanne426 Anything and Everything

19th January 2011:
Hello there! Krissyanne426 from the forums here, with your request. Sorry it's taken me so long, but life has been kind of crazy. And I just totally wrote you this really great, long, detailed review, and then I accidently lost it. So I'm going to try again, but don't be mad if this one isn't quite as good! I'm going to give like a "general" review, and then hit the points you mentioned in your request.

I really liked your story! I thought it was really an interesting concept. I was a bit confused in the begining and I actually thought you were talking about Lucius, not Draco. Until you mentioned Lucius by name. I've never personally pictured Narcissa as someone who hides behind her husband, so that threw me a little bit. But she's not a huge character, and I can totally understand that being your interpretation.

I like Annora. She seems like she's probably a little fiesty. I'd have liked to see her stand up to her parents. She doesn't seem to like them too much right now, which is totally understandable. I really do like her, so I don't want to see her get too wrapped up in this whole death eater thing!

You had a couple of errors and sentences that just seemed a bit quirky and didn't quite flow for me. A beta could totally help with this! It's not anything huge, and definitely not anything that is really distracting to the story. It's just silly things that spell-check doesn't catch, like using "and" when you really meant "an". I totally understand if you're not into the beta thing, I'm not and I have a lot of the same mistakes that you do. It's just something that some people find really helpful.

Okay, you mentioned in your request overall idea, which I like, I would just caution you on how far from cannon you're going to stray. I'm not one of those people that is like strictly cannon. This is fanfiction and the beauty is that we can do whatever we want! But some people are like - hardcore cannon people. If you're trying to please everybody, including them, you're going to have to be really careful. I mean, there's obviously a chance that there are characters that we don't know about from the book, but for someone to come in at such a crucial point in the stories is kind of a big thing. If you don't care about them, then that's cool too! Do whatever you want! It's your story, anyway!

I like your writing style. Again, I'd just say if you're super concerned you could always get a beta. But you're really doing great.

And I think it is gripping. I really liked the first part, when I wasn't quite sure if it was Draco. It made me want to keep reading and find out!

Good job! I'll see you in the next chapter!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Hello :) Thanks for coming, this review is really good!

Glad you like it, I sort of wanted to confuse the reader at the beginning. Hmm, I think it is just my personal interpretation on her :/

I'm glad you like her so far, I'm afraid she's not a very nice character if I'm honest with you... I wanted to show with her how children can be eaten up by their parents views and stuff. I am going to try and show her getting out of that throughout the story though :)

I have just got a beta, so edited chapters should be coming up soon! Hopefully that will sort out most major errors :)

Yeahh, I don't normally like to stray to far form cannon myself and I know by doing so I'm going to loose a lot of readers but I really like this idea so just thought, oh well, I'll go for it! :D

Glad you like my writing style and think the story is gripping!

Thanks for reviewing
Lily ^_^


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Review #13, by LovelyRabbit Anything and Everything

9th January 2011:
Wonderful first chapter! Very clean and very fresh! I love it!!! Poor Annora... She sounds pretty cool, hopefully she's not pig headed. I kinda imagine her being a bit cold but with a good heart. Ah well. I'll just have to keep reading, hm? Lolol! Good story! Keep up the awesome work! :D

Author's Response: Heyy, Thanks I'm glad you like it! I've been getting slightly mixed reviews on this but I'm glad some people are enjoying it, even if others aren't (I can't please everyone after all, and I'm not going to try!)
Lily :)


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Review #14, by notreallyblonde44 Slytherin

3rd January 2011:
Second review!

"The train pulled to a stop I am stumbled off, dragging my bags behind me." -I find this very awkward because of the 'am stumbled off'. I believe you meant that she stumbled off the train...the phrasing could use a bit of work here. And maybe more description. The next line is better and more indicative of what I was talking about in my in terms of description.

In the future, in terms of punctuation, there is always a comma placed before someone's name when they are being addressed. Example: "blah blah, Miss Carrow."

I like the distinction between Snape thinking the school is small and secrets can spread fast versus Annora who thinks it's huge and is clueless. I find that Snape would not have talked so freely to her, but his characterization wasn't too bad. I liked that he snapped to correct her about privacy and that she thinks he is on her side without a doubt. I don't think he would ask is she was nervous. I like that she finds Dumbeldore's statement ironic, when the real irony is that he probably knows and does with her like.

In terms of Dumbledore's description, it was lacking for me. What about his blackened hand? Has she really never seen his picture before? She's 16 in the wizarding world where everyone's heard of him and he has frog cards and surely has been on a few papers.

I'm still curious what Annora thinks about her mission, is she ready to help someone kill? I doubt it. She simply seems to be highly interested in Draco, much like a teen girl. But not a teen girl who thinks she'll die if she messes something up. She's more like a teen girl who finds him attractive, when really he would not have been nice to her. I'm sure there would be questions, but he's not going to try anything with a complete stranger regardless. I think he has more important things on his mind.

Also, ew, Blaise seemed unnecessarily creepy. It made Annora appear Mary Sue to me because everyone was so interested in her in every way possible. Pansy was fine, pretty good actually. I liked the Slytherin politics.

Typos: white, not whit for Dumbledore. And there are four houses, not three. When's she in the sorting hat: definitely, not defiantly. Make sure you re-read your story aloud. It always helps me catch errors.

'like a pair of Rottweilers who knew they were mean but not quite clever enough to work out what to do about it.' -Heavy description! Very nice.

I still think there are a lot of questions I cannot get over, like the believability of Annora's back story. If she went to Durmstrang, she would have been to Hogwarts before and known a lot more than she seems too. So I hope there will be more explanation in the future. Best of luck and hope that I've helped!

Best,
nrb

Author's Response: Hellooo again :)

Thanks for the precise CC, it's good to know exactly what to change rather then vague "some stuff didn't make sense" comments!

Ok, I will keep that in mind. I am getting a beta for this story so hopefully that should help with any glaring grammatical mistakes :)

I'm glad you like the irony and cluelessness and whatnot.

Ohhh, I had completely forgotten the blackened hand (need to brush up on this canon trivia :/)

Yeah, I am going to try and make her less Mary-Sueish! Pwomise! :)

I think Blaise is a bit creepy... no offence to him :/ Glad you liked Pansy though, I think she's funny :)

Thanks! Glad you like that descriptiony stuff!

I don't know if she would neccesarily been to Hogwarts, but she wouldn't be quite as clueless so I will work through those problems!

Thanks
Lily :)


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Review #15, by notreallyblonde44 Anything and Everything

3rd January 2011:
Hello InspiredL, it's notreallyblonde44 from the forums...delayed review I know. I'm sorry about that, twas the holidays :P

Hmm there were a few things that I am very curious about and would like some explanation on. For starters: Where has she been and what has she been doing all these years? I think a back story is much needed in order to develop Annora's character. Right now she is very flat and one-dimensional to me. The dimension being: sarcastic teen goes into mission without a clue. She seems to have ZERO hesitation or reserve about helping someone to kill someone else, especially a stranger like Draco (wouldn't they know each other some how?) the only explanations I can come up with are that she went to another school or that the Carrows never interacted with the Malfoys before. And honestly, I find that hard to believe, but you could go along with the idea of masked murders and scrape by the detail of Draco and Annora knowing of each other at least.

But my biggest concern/question is that, I find it even harder to believe that she doesn't know who Dumbledore is. As a reader, I need more information on why this is and how she feels about her job. The reason I am asking these questions is because of the believability level in the story so far. I find adding more details always helps ground the reader in the story and makes what follows to be better accepted. So I hope some of these questions get answered soon :)

As of now, I wish Annora would question her orders. Also, I would have liked a better impression of her relationship with her parents and how she got into Hogwarts, which seems REALLY unlikely. While I do not like the idea of the Carrows having children lol I think there is some cool things you can do with this story. Like get the Slytherin perspective! Yay!

Your writing was fine; I didn't see any glaringly mistakes, which is always great to read! As far as POV, I'm always hesitant about 1 person narratives and they are not my preference, but you seem to handle it well. I would watch where your character sounds more like you and not a character. One example of this is when Annora is talking about meeting Draco. First, I don't think she would know Narcissa enough to know if she was cowardly and the whole Draco might be like his dad was silly to me.

I liked that you are branching out of the Marauders, as you mention in you author's note, and it's always fun and great to start a new plot bunny! I wish you the best of luck with this story and suggest that you give the reader much more in the future.

Oh and before I forget, I liked that Voldemort seemed to "approve" her. At first I was like, why would he care??? But, in your HP world, her going into Hogwarts would spoil his every plan so he needed to look her over. After this point, however, I do not expect to see Voldiepants in the future because I don't think he would care too much. Like Dumbledore said in the 6th book to Draco, Voldie probably expected Draco to fail. Draco's task seemed more like a joke to him than anything else. Draco's success(ish) is what was more outstanding to me.

On to the next chapter!

Best,
nrb

Author's Response: Hi :)

She didn't go to Hogwarts because she went to Durmstrang (they don't let muggleborns in so her parents sent her there.) I realise that this had thrown a lot of people off and so I am going to try and make it clearer in the first Chapter. That is a good point also, I am going to try and change this story in a week or so and make it more realistic. So this CC helps a lot.

Thanks for that feedback, I will try and make her less one-sided. I will have a think about what you said about Voldemort.

Ok, thanks, I am going to try and improve this story based on some of this to make it less MarySue-esque :/

Thanks for reviewing :)
Lily :)


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Review #16, by OliveOil_Med Slytherin

2nd January 2011:
And now for chapter two!

In this chapter, we are seeing a lot of the same problems we saw in the previous chapter. For the situation you are trying to propose, you don't do enough work to explain it. A sixteen-year-old starting school in the middle of the term is not something that a lot of people would just accept without question, and yet that is exactly what happens here. Everyone has just accepted that this strange new daughter of Death Eaters is going to be starting at their school and that there is absolutly nothing sinister or suspicious about that.

I also see your new explaination of Durmstrang, but it doesn't really solve a lot of the problems. We know that what she said about asthma is a lie, but the truth isn't really much more believible.

Also, a few canon issues that tripped me up, the use of 'Theo' (nicknames tend to be a pet peeve of mine when we never see anyone use them in the books), and you describes Blaise as olive-skinned when he is black. I really do feel bad for poor Blaise...people thought he was a skinny white girl for so long...

I'm sorry, but I find it very difficult to get into this story, because I keep finding myself asking 'How could this happen?'

Author's Response: Hi again!

I think some people are suspicious of her and most students have been told she is joining which is why it is not such a big deal. I will try and clear this up though.

Ok, I will try and fix the canon problems when I am editing :)

I'm sorry about that! :( Maybe it's not your type of thing :/ Right now I'm going through the teenage girl all-I-want-to-read-or-write-is-romance stage so some of my stories may be suffering, but hey I am enjoying it and hopefully some others will enjoy it too! :)

Lily :)


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Review #17, by OliveOil_Med Anything and Everything

2nd January 2011:
Here is my first review, as promised!

There quite a few things about this story that confuse me. For starts, why is Annora Carrow just starting Hogwarts after all this time? I know that she was probably homeschooled, but why? Why did her parents choose not to send her to Hogwarts? And also, the Carrows were Death Eaters right along with the Malfoys. Why does Draco not even know her? I would think if their parents were all Death Eaters, they would have been introduced at some point. Whenever two people who even vaguely know each other have children the same age.

Also, Annora's only function in this story is to fall in love with Draco Malfoy, and it shows. Part of the way this shows is how out of character Voldemort is. Why would he go through all the trouble of sending some odd new student to Hogwarts to make sure Draco is 'feeling alright'? Voldemort does not care about people's feelings, and he certainly isn't going to risk someone knowing he is up to something by sending the child of known Death Eaters to Hogwarts in the middle of the school year. Voldemort is smart enough to know that Dumbledore is not an idiot, and I doubt he would risk a kink in his plans for the sake of Draco's feelings.

I'm sorry, but I just don't really see how this would happen given what we know about the laws of the books. I am certainly not against the romance genre, but what I am against is romance without a well-explained plot. The explaination for how Draco and Annora will come together as a couple is weak and the reader can tell that the only reason for this story is so the two of them can become a couple. And if a reader already knows what's going to happen in a story, they're not going to bother to read it.

Author's Response: Hi :)

She didn't go to Hogwarts because she went to Durmstrang (they don't let muggleborns in so her parents sent her there.) I realise that this had thrown a lot of people off and so I am going to try and make it clearer in the first Chapter. That is a good point also, I am going to try and change this story in a week or so and make it more realistic. So this CC helps a lot.

Thanks for that feedback, I will try and make her less one-sided. I will have a think about what you said about Voldemort.

Ok, thanks, I am going to try and improve this story based on some of this to make it less MarySue-esque :/

Thanks for reviewing :)
Lily :)


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Review #18, by gingersnape Slytherin

27th December 2010:
Hello again Lily, gingersnape here once more!

This time I'll do what I normally do and just go through and pick apart the chapter for you since I've gotten to all of the points you mentioned in the thread. =]

Ooh! Thestrals! Nice way to tie in that she may be prim and proper on the outside, but she isn't an innocent character and she's the daughter death eaters and as much as I like her, she's still dark. :)

You've really got me interested in Nora because I can't quite tell if its an act or if it's real. Right now I'm going with somewhere in the middle, but that may change as I go on.

†I really liked Snape's characterization and how he was described as possibly untrustworthy yet he had to be trusted by association with Voldemort. It's a nice overview of Snape and a good way to reinforce his character subtly, but well.

Very Dumbledore to thank her, even though I think he knows of her task though Snape. Well, I don't actually know that, but that was what popped into my head while reading it. I hope I'm not too far off. :]

I'm really not one to point out typos unless specifically asked to do so, but one thing that really stood out to me was that Dumbledore said that there were three houses. The main reason I point that out is because it goes against Dumbledore's character to not think of each house equally.

Hehe, I thought her sorting was great. I thought she belonged elsewhere, but she couldn't go anywhere else or else her family could have been killed, therefore making her personality a trivial factor in her sorting. My only CC for that would be that it was unclear who was saying what and it took me a while to understand the brilliance of the scene because I couldn't figure out what was the hat and what was Nora.

The part where Snape mentioned Veritasetum really confused me because I couldn't quite tell if he was brewing some and had to leave to tend to it or if he was reminding Nora to use it or if that was the password. If it's foreshadowing, then I think it will be fine if revealed soon but if it's just the password or his excuse for leaving or something, clarifying that would help that out a bit.

I liked how she was interacting with Pansy because it showed her sarcasm and yet again, how she carefully gets around actually and truthfully stating her own opinions by delicately arranging her words so that there is what she says and in-between what she says is what she actually says. Did that make any sense, for I fear I may have even lost myself along the way.

What I wasn't so keen on was how she didn't know the condition she had been sent out of Hogwarts for. I imagine her reason for leaving would have been an important factor in keeping people from wondering about her and therefore blowing her cover.

Also, I found her reasoning to be a bit weak. If she wanted a warmer climate, a school in Scotland wouldn't be too much better. Definitely warmer, but if she were really going for warm, perhaps Beauxbatons or an American school if language was a problem. I doubt any Slytherins would notice, but I still thought I out to point out a possible problem with her story that could be vital to her success.

Just noticed that you switched tenses from the first chappie to the second. I really hate tenses and all of that; they are so hard to control and almost harder to pick up on. Not sure if you find that a problem, but the first is present and the second is past.

Anyway, I can't stand Pansy and I really like Blaise so far. I really enjoyed Nora's comments to Pansy, even if Nora doesn't have that much to judge her on other than jealousy.†

Spelling, grammar, and flow us as usual. I really can't wait to continue and think both of the stories I've read that you've written are fantastic.

Have a lovely day today, and I'll review more soon!
-ginger

Author's Response: Helllow :) Wow, this is lonnggg (I love it obviously but wow, you did this on your phone?? :O)

Hehe, personally I didn't think that much about that when I wrote them in... but now I feel very deep and insightful and stuff :)

I'm not completely sure of that meself if I'm honest, think she's somewhere in the middle, cause it isn't all an act but she would be pretty gosh darn mean if it was all real.

I'm glad you liked Snape because he's the only character I've had a bit of negative feedback on. I guess that's 'cause people just expect him to be all ignorey but then that's just how he is to the trio.

Yeah, Dumbledore says at the end of HBP that he knew about Draco's task (or something like that, I'm a bit rusty on HBP trivia if I'm truthful) so I think he knows about Annora too.

Ohhh, that was just a little mistake on my part, I'll fix it ASAP. Thanks for pointing it out :)

Hmm, I'll have a think about how to improve that (after all I don't want to ruin the 'brilliance' ehehe, I love your reviews :DD)

Veritasetum's the password silly billy, but I'll have a read over to try and make that clearer once the queue's open :)

I had to read it a few times, but I get ya, I get ya :) And I'm glad you thought that was good because I wanted to show how she phrases things so that they are purposely hurtful and yet other people may just think it's an ordinary conversation. She's quite sneeky in that way and is quite good at starting arguments whilst making it look like she's not doing anything wrong. Not very nice but I know people who can do it well in real life so there you go :)

I wrote asthma to begin with but wasn't sure if it would sound to like muggley and people might be like 'they can just wave wands for that'... :/

Yeahh I guess that is true but I do want there to be weaknesses in the things she says because... well I can't tell you why because that would ruin some action later on.

Urrggg, I am terrible at tenses, sometimes I swap during chapters without realising it :/ Once within a sentence I went from past to present which was confusing but anyway I will try and fix it!

Glad you liked it! Can't wait for more reviews :)

Lily ^_^


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Review #19, by gingersnape Anything and Everything

27th December 2010:
Hello Lily, I'm here with your review!

First, I apologize for making you wait for this for so long. I'll try to make it extra helpful to make up for that!

Second, auto complete (I'm on my iPod right now, so I hope I catch all of my spelling mistakes...) is having a fit about the name Annora, so do you mind if I just call her Nora?

Third, I think I'll answer the questions you asked about in the thread, then the new questions from the Authors Note, then spelling, grammar, and flow. Sound good? (I feel a bit like a dentist with my one way conversation right now!)

Wow, well right now I'm working on another OC transfer story right now and have read a ton of them,†and I was a bit doubtful that I'd like this story. Despite my raised eyebrow coming into the story, I found that I really liked it.

My one comment about her transferring is why! Why didn't she go to Hogwarts? there are so many OC transfer stories that readers could come into the story really unsure, and without at least a mention of where she was taught before, readers could have a hard time wanting to continue. The writing is great and it really pulls me in, but not having any references to where she used to go to school could loose people, which would be a shame because it really is a great story.

†Is the idea good: yes! I never really thought that my dear Tom Fel-Draco would need some help but mow that I've read that exchange and thought about it, of course he would need someone there to get him through the tough stuff who wasn't Snape. Narcissa may have only turned to Snape, but he really needed someone who was able to be there for him and gain his trust when his world was crumbling around him.

†Writing style: Lovely. It's lovely to read, it does a lovely job of painting a good picture of what is happening in the story. My only CC on it would be that you have a few word usage issues where things just don't fit. Other than those few spelling and grammar issues, I really liked it.

Is it gripping: I would say so. It's not completely killing me thankfully (because then i might have difficulties reading chapter 2...) but it has done a good job of sparking my interest and making me start really start thinking and wondering about it. So I'd say it's definitely done what it is supposed to.

First impressions of Nora: she's mysterious but not in a way that makes me think of her as a malicious spy, but in a way that makes me like her both as a character who can develop well, but also as a character who I will and have enjoyed reading about. She strikes me as the type who is quiet until she is needed most, upon which she will flourish and show those who took her for granted that she is strong and independent.

Overall thoughts: It's marvelous and is not only interesting as far as the story and plot go, but is also just very well written. I can't wait to read on and it shows every sign of setting itself apart from other OC transfers to Hogwarts.

Spelling and grammar: fairly good and the biggest problem I'd say I've seen is just having words not quite fitting and making that sentence or paragraph a little harder to read. Just a quick read through and a bit of editing would probably be the best way to go, as you would probably catch everything on your own. =]

Flow: I'd say this was very fluid and each section did a good job of transitioning into each other with enough connections to the previous passages that it all fits together very nicely and quite smoothly.

Anyway, this was really marvelous and I can't wait to read on about Nora (and Tina! By the way, I've decided to make Hiding Bruises my project story, more on that in the PM I sent you over in the forums. =]) and †I'm really curious about her house in particular.

Happy holidays, and I'll be continuing on with chapter 2 as soon as this is up!
-ginger

Author's Response: Heyy Ginger,

Woo! Thank You!

Aha, that's ok, I'm thinking of having some people call her that as a nickname anyhoo :)

Sounds very good doctor (do you call dentists doctor? I'm not sure...)

I've only realised how many transfer student stories are about, now that I've started writing this, and they seem to be a pet peeve to many people :/ Annora was at Durmstrang before because her parents didn't want her at a school where they let muggle-borns in (this is explained in next Chappie, and I hope it is a reasonable reason.)

Thanks, I was astounded that there weren't loads of stories like this- it seems so obvious that Draco may need help and support during his task.

I know! I know! I'm thinking of getting a Beta for it but the truth is I just need to get of my backside and proofread stuff before I put it up :/

Good, glad you think it pulls the reader in- that's what the first Chappie's for after all.

Yeah, I don't want her to seem malicious, because I do want the reader to like her; but at the same time she is a death eaters daughter so I'm hoping some views she expresses in the next few Chappies don't push people away.

Yay! Thank you so much! I really hope I do manage to do something different with it as I don't want to be cliche. Maybe I'll change people's views of OC transfer fics!

Ok, as I said before I am going to try and make myself do that but I am a bit lazy :/ Still considering a Beta :)

Hehe, that sounded very professional. I 'transitioned' hehe, wow :)

Can't wait to see your next review and thanks so much for making Hiding Bruises your project! Also, I think I am going to make a review offered page for myself and would love to have a read of one of your stories so do pop over and make a request!

Happy holidays!
Lily ^_^








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Review #20, by leaney Slytherin

23rd December 2010:
Leaney again for chapter too!

Again, I really liked this chapter. I'm getting a better feel for Annora, but I still find her mysterious. I know her family is on the darker side of things, but does she really adhere to all of it? Is she really a dark witch or does she do it out of loyalty/fear? Hmmm, something to ponder. I liked that you took the time to introduce the characters and clearly establish everyone's relationships. I can't wait to see what begins developing between her and Draco. Grammar wise, I didn't spot anything distracting. Oh, and I really liked Annora's interaction with Snape, Dumbledore, and the sorting hat. You've kept everything feeling really cannon! My only suggestion is to just polish up the dialogue some. Can't wait for the next chapter! I hope it gets juicer! Overall, excellent job!

-leaney

Author's Response: Hello again,
Glad you liked it and that you're getting a better feel for Annora but I want her to be mysterious a bit longer and so you'll slowly get to know her and tbh she is exactly a nice person :/
Thank You! So happy you liked it!
I'll try and do that sometime and will defianately concentrate on conversation in the next Chapters.
Lily :)


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Review #21, by CheeringCharm Slytherin

22nd December 2010:
No, I think that alot more happens when nothing does so I quite like this, makes the reader get t know Annora better.

You kept the story flowing and you really did a wonderful job on introducing all the characters, I just have to say that you made Draco and Zabini as-close-to-perfect as I ever could have imagined and Dumbledore too; only characterisation I'm a bit questionning to is Snape, but I guess thats because he's not all cold and ignoring :)

I really like the way you make Annora have these replies in her head, I usually dislike first-person telling the story but you really make it work!
Amazing story! promise you that I'll be following the development closely;P

*huggles*

Author's Response: Heyy,

Good, I like to write chapters like this so you can get to know characters but I'm always worried they'll be boring to read. :/

Glad you liked the characterisation. Snape won't be in it that much by I'll try extra hard on him in future to make him more believable and Snape-ish. Though he might not ignore Slytherins as much as he does Harry/Ron/Hermione, so that's my excuse :)

I'm glad you like the way Annora narrates, I always have a hard time decided what person to write from and my other story switches POVs all the time which is a bit odd but kind of works. But I like doing first person when it's my own character cause I feel like I want the reader to understand and connect with them more then JKs characters (who they already have a little understanding of.)

Thanks! Looking forward to more lovely reviews!
*huggles*
Lily ^_^


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Review #22, by CheeringCharm Anything and Everything

22nd December 2010:
This had me captured right from the start. Of course he-who-must-not-be-named was angry with so many more than only the Malfoys this is a great start to what i suspect will be a thrilling and amazing story.
Annora seems to be a very good character I'm just a bit curious to as why she haven't gone to Hagwarts before she got this task? but i figure that will be revealed in the next chapter :)
She seems like a quite cool character, sort of mysterious but yet sincere...

Love the way you write, it's a real story! and I quite like the tale- look on it (if you get what I mean). The way that you phrase everything out in the sentences yet hide another layer underneath full with emotion. And especially the way that Annora uses sarcasm :)

Really liked this start to the story
*huggles*

Author's Response: Heyy,

I'm really glad it captured you and that you like the idea!

Glad you like her so far and it's cause her parents didn't want her to go to a school with Muggle-borns (Durmstrang) doesn't let them in. Hope thats a good reason, lots of people have ben asking that.

This made me smile soo much, I put a lot into my writing and I'm really glad it comes through when you're reading!!

Thank you!
*huggles*
Lily ^_^ xx


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Review #23, by xxpetrapan Anything and Everything

21st December 2010:
I am here to dish out a review!

Critisms first:
You need to work on work choice and you seem to put words in funny places, that tend to not make sense.
Like these sentences for example: As am I come to think of it. I could feel his eyes scanning every inch of my body, I say feel because I didnít dare look up at him to actually see where his eyes were looking. It was like they had icy lasers in them, pointing right at me, and everywhere they went the hair stood up and the skin froze.

It is very good and would be believable if we had heard of her! I am not a big fan of people transferring to Hogwarts!

I am also curious about why she did not go to Hogwarts before, where did she go?

Great Job, none the less!

_Kattia

Author's Response: Heyyy,
Thank You!
Yes, ok, I will have a look at that! I tend not to read stuff over which I know isn't good but I'll try to now.
Ok, thanks :)
She went to Durmstrang before (because her parents didn't want her going to a school with muggle-borns.)
Thank You!
Lily :)


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Review #24, by leaney Anything and Everything

21st December 2010:
Leaney from the forums here with your review!

To begin, I was initially unsure if I would like this story. I don't read a lot of OC centered stories and it's not exactly cannon. Your plot could've easily gone down a cheesy road and I questioned it at first since this girl was just randomly arriving in the middle of the school year. I know we've all read those stories. Pretty OC, arrives in the middle of the school year, cliche, cliche, and more cliche. However, I'm delighted to say that I actually loved this story a lot (adding to favorites as soon as I get done with this review)! It was a wonderful surprise and the further I read, the more hooked I became. It was insanely gripping. I loved your description/characterization of Voldemort. He was so intimidating and icy! He really was evil and I could really feel the fear and tension flowing between Annora and him. Also, I loved how cannon you made everything feel. It felt as this could really be happening. I'm curious to learn more about Annora as a character (what are her values? what is she really like? is this emotionall a struggle for her? what are her quirks? etc) and I can't wait for the next chapter so I can see the interaction between her and Draco. This story actually makes me excited! Ah, I can see this story really turning out amazing! I didn't notice any immediate issues. Keep up the good work and really develop this story! It has the potential to be amazing!

-leaney

Author's Response: Heyy,
Thank you for reviewing, I will go and say a big thank you for this wonderful review as soon as I'm done with reply!
Yeahh, I had those worries when I started writing it as I really don't want to write a Mary-Sue!
Thanks so much, I'm really glad you like it!
Another chapter is already on it's way and as soon as the queues are open after Christmas more will be up!
ThankYouSoooSoooMuchForWonderfulFeedback!
Lily ^_^


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Review #25, by ashie1324 Anything and Everything

18th December 2010:
Hi. I love this story. Your writing style is the type I like to read. Your very descriptive and your writing makes sense. Sometimes you find those that make no sense whatso ever but yours isn't one of them. XD I love everything about this story. Thats all I can really say. Can't wait for the next chapter. XD

Author's Response: Heyy,
Yay! My first reviewer! Thank you! :)
I'm really glad you like my writing style and the story so far.
Next Chapter on it's way already.
Lily ^_^ xx


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