Are you going to write another chapter?Author's Response: I'm guessing by "Wow" that you like it, I hope so.
And yes, I'm going to write another. Don't worry ^.^ I just have exams at the moment so I'm lacking inspiration with the amount of revision I have.
~Laurie. Report Review
I'm loving this story, please tell me you're not stopping to write, because i got really curious on what is going to happen next. And by the way, please update soon :P
Just one small thing, i got a little confused on the POV's change, maybe next time, you might want to consider putting who's POV it is, i know it's kinda bad to do that, but i just think it would be just a little easier to identify who's POV it is. ;) But, apart from that, i think you're writing is pretty good, and that i really hope you don't give up on this story, because i'm already dyeing to know what will happen next.
Oh, and by the way, i found the plot really original, because i didn't find any other next-gen. story like this one ;) So, congrats on the creativity and originality :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm having alot on atm irl so it's really hard to update, that plus my Potters World addiction. Tehe.
I'm working on the next chapter now!
Thanks for the review.
Laurie. x Report Review
Hi xLaurie!! It's NeverGotHerLetter here with your review!
Now, this is a really good intriguing prologue which really hooked me in. I like that you've made Dominique dark, vain and strange, in a sense, as it gives a different vibe from the cliche 'Dom' we usually see. I like that you haven't really revealed very much, I think it's this which has hooked me in, so that aspect is perfect.
I think that at the beginning you could add a little more description of where she is or her emotions or something, before the flashback, and even after it, just to add a little more spark, but obviously that's totally up to you :) (Oh, and I totally loved the flashback, I think it was perfect!!)
So, I'm thinking Dominique has an affair with Scorpius behind Rose's back?! Ah, that's a really plot twist idea, and I'm really impressed with the way you made Dominique LOOK for people's attention rather than it just finding her, because it shows even though she's part veela, she's still... insecure? I don't know, I might be totally wrong. But thanks for a lovely read!
Tell me when the next two chapters are up, so I can give you your remaining reviews!! I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next! 8/10 :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x xAuthor's Response: Thanks so much (': and for the lovely rating eep.
I'm glad you like my Dom, I'm pretty proud of her. I've always read of this beautiful girl, so thats how I picture her but I wanted to add my own twist and I thought hey, lets write a dark story! So this is my first! hehe.
The next chapter is up now! x
P/s. Thanks again Report Review
Hi electricfeel here with your review :)
This was really dark, Dominique's characterisation especially, which I suppose is what you were going for. The fact that she showed no remorse and actually described the moment as a "treasured memory" was especially chilling. The plot itself was good too, I liked how the Muggles saw the house as haunted now, that was a quirky addition that worked well.
Now for some CC. In the second paragraph you mention how as she walked through the streets no one's heads turned as no one knew what she had done. I really liked this paragraph, it definitely caught my attention. But then you go on to say that "she turned the heads of the passers by". It seems inconsistent yet I understand that you're trying to translate her beauty. Perhaps mention how heads turned at her beauty yet how this beauty masks the crimes she's committed? (A bit Dorian Gray-ish :P) Just a suggestion.
Although the length was a little short, I really think it worked. It was short, snappy and to the point. Your descriptions worked well and I spotted no grammar mistakes. So, overall, it was good. Your summary was especially alluring, it's good to see a summary done well.
Hope this review helped, like I said I'm not too good with next-gen but feel free to request again.Author's Response: Hey ;) I just finished your review too hehe.
Thanks, I'm glad Dom's come across as a dark character, I think this story's going to show the readers the disturbed mind she's planned to have.
Yes, That's come up before. I didn't realise that when I'd wrote it and I think I'll get around to editing that. Thanks for the comments, I'll take into consideration what you've said and I especially like the suggestion. :P
The length was short because I didn't want the prologue to be too short ;P hehe.
Oh wow, I'm glad you liked the summary, I think thats always one of my weak points - I can never seem to draw people in, So I'm glad that it helped it out abit. Maybe I'm better at this dark-writing than I thought I was, huh ;)?
Thanks so much!
x Report Review
Hullo there! DemetersChild here from the forums with your review.
First off, I think this prologue is definitely captivating. It's got a mysterious and dark edge to it that makes me want to read more and find out exactly what Dominique did to Rose and why. I think it's a fairly good length for a prologue--it's vague but it's meant to be that way.
The only thing that made me stop was the beginning. In the second paragraph you said that Dominique walked by unnoticed and then directly after that, in the third paragraph, you said that she turned heads and drew attention to herself. So...that's definitely contradictory and needs to be fixed.
Other than that I didn't really see many problems. Just a few spelling/grammar errors that could use some cleaning up, but nothing huge.
DemAuthor's Response: Thanks so much ;) I'm glad it's done its job, I've never wrote "dark" as such before so that was one of my worries in the beginning
I'll take this into consideration! :)
xo Report Review
Hey hun, it's Shelby here from the forums for your review!
"Dominique let her the sound of her heels echo down the road loudly" The only awkward or criticism I have to be honest was this above statement, in my opinion. I had to read over it a few times, I understood what you meant by the end of it though.*
*"Dominique let the sound of her heels echo down the road loudly" Honestly it's a small flaw, ridiculously small and didn't in any way distract me from reading this at all! :)
Now that I've got the "bad" stuff out of the way I can get on with the good stuff!
This is my.third Next Gen where they are grown up. I'm new to Next Gen but I am seeming to like it a lot more than I expected! And Laurie, you have made another great impression on me! I'm so glad to have the time to read your stuff love, and to help in some way, so thank you for popping by and requesting I read this!
Dominique, is creepy! I got chills reading her, you could feel her attitude and personality so vividly. Your description was simple and subtle yet very effective, I'd just love to get in the head and swim around her thoughts, however shocking they may be! You've created a unique character and I'm already fond of her, I've always had a thing for mysteries and ominous characters!
You said that you were not sure if it were gripping enough! I felt suspense while reading it, I also really loved "Forbidden love normally only occurred in fiction, sneaking around in the night to see one-another, secret stolen glances when no one else would notice and the one fact that it was forbidden." This was a very nice beginning to your story! I could literally picture these little sequences happening inside my head...girl looking longingly at her true, but forbidden love! Tragic yet beautiful, well done hun!
This, I can see, is shaping into a really interesting and terrific story! I am really excited to see where it goes! Let me know when the next chapter is done :)
If you have any questions, advice or anything I'm only a comment/pm away!
Good luck with writing, let blot bunnies flourish your brain and your muse is consistent and just plain amazing! Most importantly, have fun! Oh and did I say...I love your story? Because I do, already!
Lots of love
xoxAuthor's Response: Eep. Thank you so much.
Your review has brought back my faith, as I was lacking it, with this story.
I'm kean to write the next chapter & have it posted.
Thank you very much hun ;)
Lots of Love xo Report Review
Oooh, very interesting!
It's not often one would find a grown-up Next gen story; most have to do with the kids while they're in school. I like that this seems to be after the kids graduate Hogwarts.
I do like Dominique Weasley! From the looks of the plot...did she have a thing for Scorpius? Sounds pretty wicked! I'm intrigued as to what is going to happen next.
Dominique does seem real. I can't say much on Scorp or Rose because I haven't seen much of them yet, but I do like Dominique! I feel like she's given less attention that Victoire, but I like her more.
Great start!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you're intrigued, that means i've forfilled the purpose.
Hope you carry on reading!
~Laurie. Report Review
Ooooh! A Weasley gone awry!
I really like how this story doesn't seem to have a true hero right now, because Dom seems to be the one with the most attention from the narrator, but then again she seems to feel the need to avenge Rose for something that may or may not need avenging.
Normally I would be siding with Rose, as she seems to be the victim, but I really want to read more because the two just show so much with what they don't show and I think the development of both Dom and Rose's stories will be very interesting.
Anyway, you've got me hooked and I want to read more of the twosome!
-gingerAuthor's Response: Fabulous. And yes, I think everyone always seems to make the Weasleys as perfect and sweet so I got my hooks on things and changed it around a little.
Glad you want to read more, I might work on Chapter One later! The rest of the story will probably from Rose's point of veiw, until the end which snaps back to this moment.. If that makes sense. I'll explain in A/N before the next chapter hehe.
Thanks for the lovely review.
Laurie. Report Review
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