I don't really know what to think of this story. It was an interesting idea, but it had elements in it that prevented it from being a success.
"Hermione took a step closer to Draco's body, feeling the warmth radiate off of his body."
"What are you staring at?" Hermione finally murmured a slight tremor in her voice."
Take this 2 quotes for instance. Hermione's been married for 20 years and has 2 kids, but you have her acting like some flustered, infatuated teenage girl. This strikes me as completely unrealistic, especially if we are supposed to believe her later reaction about not being bored with her family. If you're happy/not bored in your relationship, you don't act like Hermione does. Perhaps it's seeing too many stories where Hermione cheats on Ron with Draco, but after reading this it seemed to me like that's where things were headed if there was a sequal written a few months in the future.
Also, where is this idea that Draco is Hermione's intellectual equal coming from? Hermione is always labled the smartest witch of her generation; when has there ever been an indication that Malfoy is anywhere close to her? Perhaps he got good Potions grades under the nepotism of Snape, but that's it. Suggesting that they seek each other out for intellectual sparring matches because Ron's too dumb falls into some of the most tired fanfic cliches, which somehow always seem to relate back to Draco/Hermione stories (see: SexGod!Draco, SecretlySensitive!Draco, Ron-cheats-on-Hermione-and-Draco-picks-up-the-pieces, Hermione-cheats-on-Ron-because-Ron's-boring-and-Draco-is-sexy, shared Head Boy/Girl dorms...) Also, from reading the Harry Potter series, Hermione seems to get along just fine with having 2 average-student boys as her best friends, and not having anyone to "intellectually spar" with. So why does she need to do that now, and why is Malfoy the only one that can provide this? She has no work friends to do this with? The reasons for their meeting are not convincing.
I'm not against Malfoy being friends with any of the Trio, but I get tired of reading stories where he is ascribed characteristics that seem to come from nowhere. It's really perplexing that there is an army of Draco fans out there, but they all like a Draco that is not based on canon!Author's Response: Thanks for your opinion. Report Review
Hello, gingersnape here with your requested review. :)
Wow, just wow. I have to say, I've always been skeptical of anything that has interactions between Draco and Hermione because it is so easy to get them out of character, but I felt like this story kept them in character as well as did a very good job of showing how they had changed and how they were still the same after all of those years.
Now, onto the individual comments for your review, which will mostly be good because I haven't found many places I can give you CC on. I'll just go though the chapter and give you my comments as they come in the chapter, add in my comments on the things you asked about in your areas of concern, and then end off with spelling and grammar, pacing and flow, and then my overall opinion of the piece. :)
I was impressed by how well you managed to show the internal conflict that must have been running through Ron's head in the very beginning of the piece. That is usually one of the most difficult things to show in a fic that's has this friend relationship between Draco and Hermione (or any story like this for that matter.) and I think you did a pretty good job of showing that. I would have thought that he would be a bit more opposed to it, but I ended up liking how he acted because of how much I liked how it was all written.
Despite what you may think, I personally liked the Draco/Hermione banter and found that you did an incredible job of keeping them in character. I love it when unexpected relationships, whether they be romantic or just accepting of another person, come about from the most unlikely of situations in stories, and I can believe it because I can believe that the characters in the story are the characters that I know from the series. I will say that I would think that Draco would be a little less patient and Hermione would try to not get up as quickly as she did, but upon reading the little bit at the end from the barista, I can see that they've fallen into a strange little routine and find it more believable.
Draco's comments on how they were each other's intellectual equal struck me as brilliant, and I don't have any real CC things to say on it, but I did want to point out how interesting I found it. Just one of the things that made me feel like this could really happen based on the Draco and the Hermione I know from the series.
The little thing with the barista ended up helping me understand that this was a routine and it put a smile on my face to think about what having them come every month must be like. It was a very nice touch, so hats off to you. :)
Lack of information: I felt like I didn't know what on earth was going on, but once I got into it, I slowly figured out what was happening and not quite knowing added a bit of mystery to the story, but I also had to focus on what Hermione was doing. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or would be better with more information, but I know I enjoyed that aspect of the story. =]
Spelling and Grammar: *throws down white flag* I can't find anything, and if there is an error in there, it is definitely the new winner of Hide and Seek. :D
Pacing and Flow: It felt very smooth. There were no sudden changes that felt out of place, and nothing felt like it was going too fast. All that I can think to say is that your spacing has some issues that made it a bit difficult to read, but HPFF did that to a lot of people, and that's just a technical error rather than CC on the pacing and flow of the story.
Overall, I was quite surprised at how much I liked this story. It was funny, in character, and the writing in general made this story a pleasure to read. I didn't find many places to give CC, so I apologize for not giving you many places to improve, but I couldn't find many places that need improvement. Good job, and I'm very glad I had the opportunity to read and take a deeper look at this.
Have a great week and good luck with your writing,
-gingerAuthor's Response: Gingersnape,
You seriously get best prize of the week (and potentially month/year) for the best review EVER!
And I just don't say that because you complimented me a lot...^_^
Really, though, I enjoy requesting reviews and answering my own requests but I do grow tired of people just giving less, if not, even a paragraph. You really exceeded any expectation I had for this review with such a long review.
I don't mind the CC, really, but your comments definitely prompted a reread. And I found a spaced period, which isn't spelling or grammar but it was definitely a winner of Hide and Seek :).
I'm really glad to hear that I did well on Draco and Hermione. Draco is a character I tend to stray away from because I fear not doing him justice that Jo already established. I have read too many OOC Dracos to really want to attempt my own.
I have to admit it was stumbling onto a Draco/Hermione friendship that inspired this. And I added the barista's perspective to simply tie up the end of the one-shot. I'm glad it worked so well.
Just thought I'd add at the end that I had to check that your name was in fact gingersnape instead of gingersnap haha ;)
LMW Report Review
Well, it seems as if inspiration has stuck! I like that you made the extra effort with the banner, the artist did a great job.
The piece flows really well, and you have a great knowledge of grammar and have used this to your advantage, it really adds to the reader's enjoyment of the piece. It's also very nice to see Hermione and Draco written in character, I do like the little moments of hostility between them, it's refreshing to see a piece that doesn't make them suddenly best friends, it just doesn't seem feasible after the events of the previous years.
Also, I really liked the barista's perspective at the end, the little insight into their 'friendship', it was lovely.
However, I do believe that Ron in the very beginning of the piece, wouldn't have been so accepting towards his wife going for coffee with a former enemy. Although, I do think he would have softened towards Draco, I think he'd still be a bit bitter, also maybe a little jealous, as we all know Ron can hold a grudge.
I really like this though, it was really nice to see a piece of work that was different from your average Draco/Hermione.Author's Response: It was a brilliant little banner, wasn't it? I was quite pleased with the maker. TDA never lets me down ^_^
I'm glad to see that I could even begin to capture the hostility. Its quite difficult for me to write Draco; he has never seemed to be tame enough for me to get a grip on :/
I really enjoyed the little punchof the barista perspective at the end; I have often found myself wandering around with my friends, wondering how we seem to those around us. It seemed like a good idea.
I am so embarassed that I had the wrong version up. I'm glad to know we sorted out the whole Ron issue.
Thanks for the review and challenge, love. It was a blast! :) Report Review
Hard to picture Hermione being friendly with the Death Eater who poisoned her husband. Harder still to picture Ron being okay with it.
Honestly it read more like Harry and Hermione and just Malfoys named pasted on.Author's Response: Thanks for your honest opinion. Report Review
I liked that one. Personally i'm a canon freak...except in the case of George and Angelina (because it always seemed to me that she was settling after Fred died), but the way I see it, there's always an exception to the rule. I could be a hypocrite, but I think it depends on perspective.
Anyways, I digress. I liked it. Why? Because it stayed true to canon and true to character. Hermione, as is her nature, gave Draco a second chance. Draco, as is his, tried to make amends after all he did wrong, and (reluctantly) accepted her second chance.
The arguments were really good. It toed the line between being friendly and being hostile, and that's what made them believable, because I can just SEE the two of them in a coffee shop, arguing over books. Honestly, if Draco hadn't been such an uppity prick in Hogwarts, he and Hermione could have been friends.
THERE WAS GOOD GRAMMAR. You have no idea how much I ADORE good grammar. It was a really well-written piece. Very few (if any) spelling mistakes.
So yeah, you made me a very happy girl. I love Draco/Hermione friendship pieces, because there are so few of them. There should be more pieces like this out there in the fandom. Are you considering writing another Draco/Hermione friendship?
Your 10/10 is well deserved :)Author's Response: Oh wow, this review offered me such reconcilition. I was SO nervous about this pairing; you have no idea. It was far easier for me to write them hating each other but I decided on some friendship because I feel that there is the opportunity for friendship there.
Aw thanks.I'm glad the grammar was good; I tried to edit it several times and let it evolve over time. I actually have NOT considered writing another Draco/Hermione friendship but your review gives me hope that one day I may be able to. Report Review
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