i like it.. the chapie is just too short & not detail enough..Author's Response: thanks for ur review. i feel its too short too. it justs takes me foreva to write 500 words. lol ill try to make it better Report Review
If you weren't the weren't the one writing this, I would give this story a nasty flame.
But you are, and I have to be nice with my critique.
GRAMMAR! At least email me the next chapter, I can edit and britpick it!
Let's make a compromise. I email my fic to you, and you email the next chappie to me. Then we would have one big happy story.
Remember the grammar Skywalker. Remember it for my bloody sake. :-/Author's Response: fine, but here are da rules, u email ur story 1st, and then ill write and email u next chappie, then u leave my AN where they are! ok?
thanks 4 ur review! also keep in mind, its my 1st HPFF Report Review
Very, very rushed. I dont really see why he kissed her either... It doesnt really seem to go. Want me to help you with your ideas? Because im your friend and we spoke about it in class, remember? :3Author's Response: haha ya i got rachel (my other friend) offering too. i mite just stick to spell check Report Review
Hmm, I've read this only because I /Know/ you, but I've tried to ignore the parring as much as I could. So that I could give this an unbiased review.
Is it working?
Lets see...You are missing some commas here and there for the dialogue. Glad that you listened to my advice about the ANs, but the one in the middle was unneeded, as for the one at the end. 'Said' was overdone a bit. How about using words like, 'commented,' or 'remarked?'
Characterization was a bit ruff, out of the entire story, Ron was portrayed the best. And try to make Malfroy a touch more arrogant, it would fit him better.
I can always edit your next story, Merlin knows how many times I keep missing some errors on my own.Author's Response: thanks voldy smoldy! hey rach, thanks i mite just do dat as u see that i type in dakota style.idk but thanks anyway.SLYTHERIN! Report Review
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