Reading Reviews for Of All Marks
  
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LSU Chapter III

12th February 2013:
update please i loved it so much!

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Review #2, by AlAndAl Chapter III

21st August 2012:
Here is your review finally! I always love a good Marauder story!
Anyway, I really like how you portrayed the pure blood families. They always seem to have a mysterious reason for all the sneaky things they do and you really heightened that aspect of them.
The Sirius/Regulus relationship is also written quite well. The tension between them is quite evident and now that Estelle is in the picture once again, their sibling rivalry is taken to a whole new level.
One thing you can work on a bit is the flow of the story. It seems a little choppy to me, but it's not too bad. Just adding a few more sentences to flow from one scene tithe next would finish it off perfectly.
Great job so far!
-Allie

Author's Response: Hello there! :)

I always imagine pureblood families to be the epitome of sly and secretive so I guess that's where it came from :P

I've always thought that there is SO much between them and since this is set after Sirius has ran away, I'm just pushing the hate right now :)

I'll work on the flow more! & thanks for leaving a review! I really appreciate it :)


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Review #3, by Broken Butterfly Chapter III

15th August 2012:
I have quite enjoyed this. It has humor to it, without really being considered a comedy. It has a plot that is well developed. The characterization is how I would Imagine the Black brothers, the Pure blood family , and Your Oc Ezelle seems to fit right in at Hogwarts between house rivalry and mixed feelings. I have really enjoyed this and I do hope that you continue with it.

Author's Response: Hello :D

I didn't intend for it to have humor :P I guess the Marauders are the comedic relief, as always. It'll turn out to be a lot darker as the story progresses and once they get out of Hogwarts.

Thanks for leaving the review! I really appreciate it :)


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Review #4, by Moonyxluna Chapter I

9th August 2012:
Hi! I'm here with another review for you :)

Alright, so we talked about the translations last chapter so I'm not going to talk about that again but I wanted to say I really do like how you include the English translation right after. I think it just works well with the flow and it shows how she'd rather speak in English, too :)

So, from the last chapter it really seems like her mother's opinion goes for the rest of the family, so I liked that that carried through to this chapter now that Estelle is being transferred to Hogwarts. I also thought it was neat how you used the prologue as sort of distant happy memory for her. I thought it was sweet in the context.

I really enjoyed her attitude towards the people of Hogwarts, and I loved how it shifted the second she actually realized it was Sirius. Normally, I'm not too big of a fan of blocks of text descriptions, but I think with the familiar tone it had it worked here. I suppose that's just something to keep an eye on; sometimes overly-describing someone can really disrupt the flow and it's better to include a few details, and add more in as they become important. Make sense?

Okay, so she doesn't get to be sorted? I think that's a little.. different. I'm not so sure about that.. I understand that the idea would be that she doesn't really want to be in Slytherin, she'd like to be with Sirius, but why not have the sorting hat 'see something special' in her and place her in Slytherin? I mean, if it's something that's going to go along with your plot later in the story than just ignore me, but it's something to think about keeping the magic consistent with the books. It is a difficult spot to figure out what to do with an exchange student, but I think it would keep things a little more.. Hogwarts if she was.

And then Regulus comes into the ending! And what an ending to keep the reader wanting more. I think you've done a great job with setting things up here, and taking the idea of an exchange student with a nice originality. I really would love to hear what happens next, do re-request! Keep up the lovely work.

-Julie

Author's Response: Hello again! :D

I've always enjoyed watching foreign movies with subtitles so I guess that's where I got the idea from :P I'm glad you like it!

I was trying to build up the moment they recognised each other and I just found that making them hate each other at first would be really sweet :P & yeah I know what you mean, I read it again and I'll definitely be fixing some parts!

Well, I'm trying to establish her as someone who's not perfect, and she definitely isn't. She has a lot of flaws that haven't emerged as of yet because she's still new, and the only reason she'd rather be in Gryffindor is because she's gotten to know the boys.

And keeping this story in the context of Hogwarts is a big goal for me! So I'll definitely be making it feel more Hogwartsy some other way, so don't worry about her being sorted because she definitely does belong in Slytherin, even though she doesn't seem that way yet.

I LOVE cliff-hangers so I was hoping this would be a massive one :P

I'd like to thank you for leaving this review!!! It means a lot to me when people review so attentively so I really appreciate it!! Thank you!!


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Review #5, by JChrissy Prologue

6th August 2012:
Hello! Here for your review! It’s JChrissy from the Forums, for some reason my account will not stay logged in while trying to leave you this review. So I’ll just write my name in the name box ;).

So, I review one chapter at a time, if you would like me to do the second please feel free to re-request and so forth :). I will point out any errors first, then move on to my opinions and such :).

-You have them apparating, but apparting great distance, like country to country, is supposed to be very difficult. Considering you also have a child, someone would need to perform side along apparation, and that’s pretty unrealistic even in JKR world. I would suggest changing their arrival to one by portkey :),

-I’m just curious as to why you have the daughter pink eyes. That’s not a natural eye color, is she a Metamorphmagus? If not, I would suggest changing her eye color to one that is possible for humans.

-bulky man who’s sharp nose - Who’s should be whose. Who’s is used for ‘who has, who is’ those kinds of things. 

-just like Estelle,” this should be followed with a period since you are starting a new paragraph and not using a dialogue tag.

-centuries; We - this should be a lowercase

-top of it., smiling - you need to delete one of the punctuation marks here

--

Okay, now onto the review part!


I think you have a very interesting idea here, and you give a good amount of imagery as well as give us a chance to get to know your characters quite well. I think young Sirius was absolutely adorable, as well as Regulus. You really made me excited to learn more about them and see where this is going!

I think this could benefit from a quick edit, just to weed some of those erros out. Also, some of yours descriptions seem a bit forced - not many. I think if you read this first chapter out loud you’ll spot the ones that do!

Thanks for requesting, I hope this was helpful and you are welcome to re-request for the next few chapters!!

Thanks!

Jami

Author's Response: Hi there!

I never thought about that apparition thing in that light before, actually! Thanks for pointing that out!

& the girl's eyes are actually blue :s I'll read through it again just to make sure haha!

Thanks for all these corrections! I didn't do it on Word so i was unaware of all these mistakes, so thank you for pointing them out!!

I'm really excited to portray Sirius and Regulus when they're older actually :D So thank you for liking the way they're conveyed now!

Again, thank you so much for leaving a review!!


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Review #6, by Moonyxluna Prologue

4th August 2012:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)

As I'm sure you probably know, the first sentence of a story is very important. I think yours was a little awkwardly worded. I think instead of saying 'French purebloods' I think it would sound a little smoother if you used their last name, and then went on to describe them as French purebloods. If you do edit, try to move around a few of those words and see if you can find something that flows a little smoother :)

I really enjoyed the interactions that her family had with the house elf. I think they were very familiar to the way an old pureblood family would treat 'inferior creatures' such as house elves, and I think it was well written.

He had a thick black moustache which twitched slightly in the cold. - I thought this was a fantastic line. It caught me off guard with the more serious tone of the rest of it and I thought it was funny :p

eyeing him with a certain niceness - I think you should replace the word 'niceness' with a different word. Maybe humble? (so it would say: she eyed him with a humble smile, or something along those lines) I understand the look you are trying to have her give but I don't think niceness conveys that. Of course, that's up to you :)

I really liked the mannerisms you gave Sirius and Regulus to show the differences in their attitudes towards their parents, especially at such a young age. I think at this point of the story is where my 'reader interest' really caught; It seems 'in character' of pureblood families like this to force introduce their children at such a young age to get them set up to marry in order to save the bloodlines. It makes me particularly interested to see how Sirius will act around her as he grows up.

So, I don't know any French either, but I'd highly suggest not using google translator for your story. I know it tends to slaughter things. I don't know of any offhand, but I'm sure there are people on the forums that speak it and wouldn't mind helping you translate a few sentences if you asked nicely.

Again, the reader interest is definitely there. I'd love to read more of this, so feel free to re-request for the next chapter :) I hope the things I pointed out help you a little bit, but overall this was a very intriguing start to your story!

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for taking so long to reply!

& Yes, I agree! I think it was something that bothered me from the very beginning but I didn't know what to do with it, so thanks for pointing that out! :)

Yeah, well since it's a Sirius/OC/Regulus ship then there's obviously going to be an attraction there but I really don't know either as of now! :P Haha!

I'll certainly try asking the people on the forums so thanks for suggesting that!

Thank you so much for taking your time to review this story! It really means a lot to me!


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Review #7, by Eloi Chapter II

3rd August 2012:
I really like where this is going, and your writing is excellent. However it would suck if one became really attached to it and then you abandoned it again, so please don't do that! :)

Author's Response: Hi! thanks for leaving a review :D
& Yes, I know I felt so bad for leaving it last time... But I promise I won't this time! I have a storyline and I know where this is going so just stick with me even if it takes a while to update :D

Again, thank you so much!! I really appreciate it!


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Review #8, by Reg Chapter II

25th July 2012:
Awesome start please contine

Author's Response: Thanks! :) I'll be updating soon!

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Review #9, by Blackkat13 Chapter II

25th July 2012:
So far, it's an interesting plot, I;m glad someone with your writing skills thought of it. Anyone else and it may have turned bad, so *claps*

Also, why was she just assigned a house, instead of being sorted? That was the only thing that rubbed me the wrong way.

Other than that, 10/10

>^.^< Much love

Author's Response: Thank you so much for saying that! I'm flattered! & I decided to leave sorting to the first years and since she's a new student I just thought to put her in Slytherin (don't worry, she belongs there), but things will clear up in the future chapters so don't worry about that :)

thank you so much for the review, i'll be updating real soon!


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Review #10, by hayley Chapter I

7th July 2011:
i love this story so far! :) can't wait to see what happens next, so please update soon!

Author's Response: I'm updating soon so hopefully you're still here and am still interested in this story! thanks!

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Review #11, by Melody_07 Chapter I

22nd June 2011:
oh great chapter can't wait to read more!! going to my favourites:)

Author's Response: I don't know if you're still here, but I'll be updating this story very shortly.. I'm bringing it back :) I'd appreciate it if you were still here to read it! :P

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Review #12, by DetectiveMenace Chapter I

1st May 2011:
In the words of Slughorn..."Oho!" This is really interesting so far - I'm really curious to see why Estelle couldn't see Sirius or Regulus anymore. And it seems really unfair that they would automatically place her in Slytherin, or did her parents request that, or something? I hope to see an update soon!

Author's Response: Well initially I just thought it was the right place to put her for the storyline's sake :P
thanks for the review!


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Review #13, by naflower05 Chapter I

29th April 2011:
good story so far. one thing though, i know her parents are all important and stuff (which is why im assuming she was put directly in slytherin) but i dont really think that dumbledore would allow anyone to not be sorted and just be put in the house their parents want them to be in. but no matter, it's your story and you must have a reason for doing it this way, so update again soon i cant wait for more! =]

Author's Response: I thought about that too, but I'm choosing to ignore it for the sake of the storyline :P

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Review #14, by ToReleaseMe Chapter I

28th April 2011:
This has a great beginning, everything is so detailed and flows very nicely. I have to admit I'm obsessed with Regulus stories, so expect more reviews from me as you continue this!

10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much and I know this has been more than a year delayed, but I'm coming back to my stories now

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Review #15, by Pen2Paper Prologue

28th November 2010:
Hey,

Pen2Paper here from the forums with your review :)

Well, it's immediately clear that even though this story is just starting out that writing seems second nature to you. You have shown your talent in this chapter by holding the readers attention and making the words flow naturally. The detail you've put into the chapter is just the right amount to captivate the reader and help them "see with your descriptions" and feel what you are telling them in your story. It's a rare ability and you have done well in exercising it.
Your characterisations, settings, conversation are all very good... (I cannot comment on the French though since I don't know it myself) The analogies you use are flawless, forget-me-not eyes in particular was something that left an imprint in my mind.
I believe that the way you have brought to life the Black Manor in all its grandeur was very well written and portrayed.

The ending too was wonderfully impacted,leaving the reader curious for the rest of the story.

Very well done indeed! Wonderfully well written :)
10/10

Thank you for requesting :)
~Cali

Author's Response: Hello!! Sorry for taking so long to reply..

I'm really flattered! :$ I've been working on my descriptions so - hehe - thank you very much :) Yes, as for the French, I guess googletranslator would have to suffice :P

Thank you very, very much for reviewing! I really appreciate it!


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Review #16, by xAstrax Prologue

23rd November 2010:
More! I want more! xD Please continue writing! I'm in love with this story, and I SIRIUSly {I *had* to use the pun*} need to see what happens! xD Please continue.

Author's Response: Hehe! I absolutely adore that pun (L) Well, I'll update as soon as my other chapter is validated! :) Thank you for showing your interest! I really appreciate it!

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Review #17, by Sophia Starkey Prologue

23rd November 2010:
Oh, I love this! The writing is spectacular!

(I get all my French from googletranslate too. XD)
I'm excited for the next chapter (or first chapter, I suppose, since this is the prologue...)

Please continue! (:

Author's Response: Thank you very much :)

Google translate just saves our lives then :P

Hehe thank you! The first chapter is far more eventful than this one.. :)


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Review #18, by Camillleeee Prologue

22nd November 2010:
This is REALLy good so far :D

ps i use google for my french as well lol

Author's Response: Thank you LOTS! :)

Haha, I'm guessing we all do! yay! :P


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Review #19, by BlackRain Prologue

22nd November 2010:
Hah! I use google translator for French too. Funny stuff :D.

I think I'm going to enjoy this story~

-Vi.

Author's Response: Haha I love it! :P

Really? Well, thank you!! :D


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