Really liking your story xAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! It may not say much, but this review had one of the biggest impacts upon me, just knowing that other people are reading and enjoying it. I'd sort of lost motivation thinking that nobody even knew of it. I'll get the next chapter up quick smart. Report Review
This chapter is just so sweet and funny, especially Ginny in the beginning. And Harry saying she wouldn't leave; their banter really made me laugh. I can't wait for the next chapter. :D
Just one thing to point out: "But living with 7 brothers" - six. :)
Sam.Author's Response: Cheers Sam, for the lovely review. Can't believe I missed that! Here I am translating 7 kids to 7 brothers... Oh well, I'm sure people know what I meant :P Report Review
I'm sorry it took me so long to get around this. Guilt trips are very effectual see, and you're right. It was very rude of me to promise to read this tons of times but never actually get to it. (I do still love you, you know that. ;)) I haven't been to the archives or the forums in months, nor have I written anything HP-related if you don't count PW, so I may not be very helpful anymore character/plotwise, having lost the flow and pace of the books and stuff... (I do wish I could regain this though - muse for both reading and writing HP-fanfiction that is. If only I had more time in my life to squish in. -_-" I'm thinking of jumping some forum challenges again, but am worried that old disease will kick in and I'll be jumping into 50 of them and never finishing one. xD)
Onto the actual story, I reread all five chapters from the beginning again since I only read the first chapter months ago and I was afraid I might've forgotten. On one hand, I'm glad to see there were four more chapters to read, yet on the other, I went "Only four? D:". *hintupdatehint* ;)
I'm glad you didn't make Fred die and made it a medical condition instead like in The Healing. :P Amongst all who died, Fred would probably be the most worthy to revive, simply because he deserved it most. No one deserved to die. But Albus was an old man already, and so was Moody. At least Remus and Tonks went together, and let's admit it, no one would have loved Snape as much or took pity on him if he hadn't died. xD Dobby and Sirius was plain injustice, but Fred - there are so many he left behind that needs him yet. You were spot-on in your description, "It felt strange saying just Fred, as he'd always been associated with his twin. Now that was no longer the case. He wouldn't see them laughing together, executing some perfect prank. No longer would they grin at each other, finish the other's sentence and generally confuse everyone listening to them. No, now there was only one." Killing him off and leaving George to suffer through such torture would be heartbreaking. So I'm glad you allowed him to live. Slim chance it is, being that being frozen on the point of death is such an interesting concept (it's ironic that I'm using a similar concept in another dimension of fanfiction), but still there remains hope. :D
Oh, and though minor, I'm quite excited about Hermione and Ron trying to find her parents again. It's just something I would've liked to see resolved after that sad scene in the movies where she had to erase their memory. Their reunion would be bittersweet. :)
I loved the scene of Molly fussing over Ron as it gave a bit of comedic relief to the rather serious pace of the story, and I'm glad for Harry and Ginny, I look forward to more of that witty side of her. Harry's apology rant seemed kinda long though and rushed, hahaha.
"Harry felt a twinge of sympathy for Hermione. She was clearly trying to think of something and Ron was biting her head off as he so often did when he was emotional." -- I loved this line. It was very RxH IC and made me laugh.
I think you already told me about your plans for Kingsley being the temporary Minister of Magic, so it came as no surprise. Lots of your reviewers have already commended you on Harry's 'hero complex', so repeating it would sound unoriginal. :P But you can add my name to that list anyway. xD *thumbs up*
The information on phoenixes and the fact that it was rare has piqued my interest and I look forward to your version of how they are going to catch one. It was nice of you to have them pick Egypt among the choices since they'd been there before, and their choice made me flashback to the third movie and it was clever of you to tie the two scenes together.
Again, Calkins, update, would you? Then tell me and I'll read it right away! :) Congratulations also on your beta-reader by the way. :)
Lots of Love,
~ The Awesome Sevvy Whom You Love and Missed ;)
P.S. I was scrolling through your reviews and happened to come across one that mentioned Severus, which sent 'OOH, SEVERUS!' nerves all over my brain. And naturally, I agree with every word academia has pointed out. :P Don't forget Severus! Because then technically, that'd be like you'd be forgetting me. :O The horror.Author's Response: Wow, big review! Thanks so much for all the lovely things you have posted!
I know I should update more, I just struggle with motivation. I feel like my story is in some dark secluded corner of the site and that no one will care what I do with it.
As for your other points, thanks for the lovely praise. And you're right! I mustn't forget Severus... Report Review
I really hope George, Bill and Charlie are successful in finding the Phoenix and Ron and Hermione are in finding her parents. Good things are starting to happen after the war. :P
I loved the lines between Harry and Ginny about spending time alone together, and Ron's look between them was just hilarious.
I'm really loving this story, Cal. Can't wait to see another chapter. :D
Sam.Author's Response: Haha, I can't wait to see another chapter either, it's taking far too long :P
Glad I'm able to keep some humour in it around Ron, even though I imagine they're all still a little shocked and tired after last year. Report Review
Aww. It's great that pieces of Harry's life are finally falling into place. He has Ginny now. Yay.
(sorry, this review is short and says little. *facepalm*)
Sam.Author's Response: Harry is better with Ginny :)
And any review is a great review! Thanks! Report Review
YAY for Fred not being dead! BOO for dying if they revived him!
But they have a plan and that will do for my "yay, Fred might be okay" dance (I don't really have a dance... :P) It makes sense for Harry not to go, but I'm glad he asked. It was a very Harry thing to do, I think. :)
I'm so excited for this story, it's very interesting, very unique to other Post-War stories that I've read.
Sam.Author's Response: Harry seems to be involved in just about everything that goes on, so I thought it might be nice if for once he wasn't one of the main participants. Not that it's possible for Harry to have an uneventful life for long... Report Review
As I've already read past this, I know, but still, I'm excited. Fred might be alright (he'd better be alright... *shakes fist in air* :P)
I'm so glad Harry has the Weasley family with him and that Fred might be okay.
Sam.Author's Response: Might being the key word ;) Report Review
It's about time I reviewed this. *shakes head at self*
Anyway... Oh, Harry. It's just something you'd see Harry doing after the war; blaming himself for what happened, even though it was bigger than him. Just like when Moody died and he tried to sneak away.
I love how you write Harry, and the others. This first chapter is how I could see things happening the next day, you did a great job with capturing their emotions. And the descriptions, description is my weak spot. So yay.
Sam.Author's Response: Thanks Sam, completely forgiven as I know you have read it already ;).
Thanks so much for the feedback though! Hearing that I managed to capture the essences of their characters is the best praise I can think of. Cheers! Report Review
Glad they got back together :)Author's Response: Thanks for reading. Of course I had to have them get back together, H/G was my original pairing and still one of the best ;) Report Review
Interesting idea. Can't wait to see what happens.Author's Response: Thank you for your review! Report Review
That is interesting. It would be great if Fred wasn't dead. Just wanted to point out that George wasn't actually there when Fred died - it was Percy, Harry, Ron and Hermione.Author's Response: Hmm, thanks for that one. Slipped past me. Well it IS AU ;). I might go and change that bit, as it doesn't really affect the storyline.
Cheers for all your reviews! Report Review
Interesting. Can't wait to see what comes next.Author's Response: Thanks, next part will be up once I get some free time to finalise it! Report Review
I'm here from the forums with your review!
I really liked your view on what happened afterwards. I really felt like I was there; especially at the start when Harry was by himself in the dorm room. I liked that he was so dazed, especially the description of the bludgers hitting him in the head.
As far as characterization goes, I thought you did well. I especially enjoyed the later reactions between all of the main characters. But that was where I also thought that it got kind of off; I didn't really see Harry being upset that they had given him a Sleeping Draught. I mean, maybe he wouldn't have picked it, but I didn't feel like he'd actually have words with anyone over it. After everything that happened, I think everyone would be very gentle with each other.
I also thought you could break up the paragraphs a bit more. They were a bit long, which made my eyes want to start skimming.
Other than that it's a great start to the story, and I'm glad you decided to expand it. I hope I helped some!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the descriptions. Obviously I'm doing something right :). My personal take on the Sleeping Draught situation would be that Harry would be feeling emotional after the deaths and the fact that it's the end. If there's one thing I've taken from the books, it's that emotional Harry can tend to snap without thinking. Therefore I felt it was in character for Harry to feel annoyance at others taking control over his life and going behind his back. I hoped to portray that this feeling would only be temporary though, and he quickly dismisses it and accepts that he's making a fuss over nothing. So we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. Still, I appreciate the contradictory view. I'm always glad to hear other's opinions.
Paragraphs are something I'll keep in mind. Obviously I'm not used to formatting that well on this site yet, so it's something I'll try and correct. Thanks! :) Report Review
Hey there! I have come with your review :)
This is an interesting concept for a story, and I love Fred as much as the next person, so I'm happy to see that maybe he might not be dead after all. I like that you focused on the details of the battle's aftermath, the practical stuff, because I feel like that's often set aside in favor of raw, emotional pieces. I think your characterization of Harry, the Weasleys, and the others was all just fine as well. I do sort of wish you had made more of a mention of Snape, which is partly because I'm a huge fan of him but also because I think his death affected Harry in a large way. However, that's totally a matter of opinion, and it's not like the story is lacking without it or anything, no worries :)
I'm a big imagery buff, and I feel like your description is a little lacking here. It would have been nice to write a bigger build-up with a more full, all-encompassing description of the ruined castle before jumping into the action. It would help to set the scene a little better, and right now things just sound a little too abrupt for my taste. By the way, these comments apply primarily to the first half of the chapter. I think the transition from description to action in the second half went much more smoothly.
Your writing was free of grammar, spelling and punctuation errors as far as I could tell, which is wonderful. The piece flowed very smoothly and held my interest quite easily. All in all, I think you've got a very promising second chapter here!
Great work! Thanks for requesting a review, and I hope that my comments are helpful to you :)
academicaAuthor's Response: Hey Academica, thanks for the comprehensive review! Interesting point about Snape. Having written most of it before his sympathetic portrayal in the film, I may have overlooked him a little. However, he's kind of a tricky character to write about from Harry's perspective, because Harry admires his bravery and dedication, yet still dislikes his character. Hopefully I'll be able to portray this well in future chapters.
The last chapter was strongly imagery based in my mind, and this chapter was a bit more of a joining, progression chapter, where things starts happening and events are set in motion. From the stagnation of the battle's aftermath and the death and despair, I tried to pick up the pace a little and get things happening that would give Harry a jolt. That's my explanation for the lack of much time devoted to imagery, but I do appreciate the comment and will try harder to find a better balance next time :)
Thanks for the review! You've definitely helped me consider a few aspects of my writing which is always a good thing, particularly at the beginning of a story. Report Review
Wonderful writing as always Cal, Why are you so good?
I'm sorry this reviews is so short but I honestly loved it your highness (:P) and I can't wait to read more. Try not to disappear again, please?
You manager Ely xxAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks Ely! Though I never quite disappear. I'm always here for those that need me ;) Report Review
Its pretty good, and I think you've done well with trying to capture the emotions from the final battle. The characters seem pretty good too, and I like your writing style. The ending was great.
I think if you wanted to continue this, you could. It would be a very interesting way do explore the missing 19 year.
~LilyFireAuthor's Response: I am terribly sorry for the lateness of this response :(. I did view it earlier and meant to respond but forgot. Thank you for your compliments, I'm planning to continue this soon. Report Review
So plausible, and well written :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Cal!!! Sevvy had told me to read your story and I'm so glad I did, honestly! This is your first published work on the site? I'm really impressed, siriusly. Your ability to express emotions was perfect, it wasn't over dramatized and it wasn't vague. You found that perfect medium that JK Rowling herself uses when describing the after math of a battle.
The conversations between them, while short, were exactly how imagine them talking and exchanging this could've honestly been an except from the Harry Potter books. You captured the characters and their nature perfectly and never wavered for a second. From Harry to always blaming himself when destruction occurs, to Ron not nagging Harry and knowing he would come around on his own time. Fantastic one shot, I do hope you expand :)
~Lauren/ReneeAuthor's Response: Siriusly eh? :P Thank you for the high praise! Not really sure what to say except that I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope I can achieve similar results in the future. :) Report Review
Sorry I was so late getting back to you on the whole matter of your story in all. all is well though :)
I personalty adored this. The way you brought out Harry's guilt was amazing.
My personal favorite part though was the setting :)
This was definitely something that set your story apart from the others.
Well done :)
and thank you for entering the challenge.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the high placing! :)
Harry's guilt and the setting of Hogwarts after the battle were the two major things that needed to be included for me and I'm glad you thought I carried both well.
Thanks for forcing me to write! Report Review
Kuya! *tackles* :P
I know you must have noticed that my previous comments about this one-shot were mostly reserved to CC's and I have to admit that it was all because of a selfish reason. Haha. I knew from the beginning that I would be reviewing this and I wanted to reserve the good parts for myself so I wouldn't run out of words to give you. So forgive me if I wasn't very encouraging and generous with my compliments before. Heehee. That being said, let me properly begin this with:
CONGRATULATIONS ON PUBLISHING YOUR FIRST STORY! :D
Party! Hahaha. It's a good feeling, no? And judging from the responses you got so far, you did a good job! I am so happy, I think I'm gonna cry! *sniffles* Heehee. Kidding! :P
What really struck me about your style of writing were your descriptions. I'm not really a fan of using clunky paragraphs to start a story, because I realized that they could be taxing to read sometimes, but you know what? I didn't mind it very much this time, because the way you presented that scene with Harry on that bed was very vivid. I could really picture him in my mind lying there with the sunbeams penetrating through the curtains and that's good! That scene on the lake where you described the environs was really well-written, too.
You also captured Harry pretty well, especially his 'hero complex', as some of your reviewers pointed out. I could really see him, the day after the Battle of Hogwarts, moping around and pondering about how it would all somehow be his fault. Yeah, Harry, never mind the fact that you died for all the people who fought in the war, never mind that you defeated Voldemort - blame it all on you. *rolls eyes* That's the thing about action heroes, no? They're all very conceited. Heehee. And it was really sweet that you got Ginny to reassure him to get a grip and stop being dramatic. I think all of us needs that, you know? That one person, that one voice that can calm us down and make us see more sense. Pfft. You just made me think of Gray, for some reason. Heehee. Anyway, it could really be possible that Harry would listen to Ginny, because it works like that, really. No more Sirius, no more Dumbledore to tell him it would all be okay - we all know he's too stubborn to listen to Ron and Hermione, right? So good call with Ginny. ^_^
As for Ron and Hermione... the brief glimpses you've shown us of the two seemed to be IC. You showed us Hermione's cleverness and compassion with that part about her convincing Kreacher to spike Harry's drink with the potion and I dunno, it's very her to be sensitive of her friend's needs, no? So good job on that one. I wish, though, that we'd get to see more of Ron in the future, just in case you plan to expand this *wink wink*, because for this chapter, we only got to see him doing the usual comic relief role.
One of my gripes about this was the way the descriptions seemed to be inconsistent. I mean, you did a very good job with them in the beginning, but the moment that the characters started talking, especially the part when Harry and Ginny came back inside the school, the story lost the descriptions somehow. The flow shifted with that part as well. I guess that's one of the reasons why the ending felt a little rushed? I was thinking the dialogues could use some description love as well. Like describing what the people were doing at the time would be a nice way to balance it out. Just a suggestion. And Harry calling Ginny 'Gin' didn't really sit well with me. It's very... fanfiction-y, don't you think so? Heehee. I hope I'm making sense. But see, I've never read of Harry refer to her as Gin in the books - just in fanfiction, so... yeah. :P And I still stand by my previous comment before that I find Ginny a little too polite on this one. Her lines were a little off for me. I guess I'm just looking for that witty sarcasm from her, you know? Then again, you know that I've never really thought about her character very much, so that's probably just me. ^_^
Your word choices were unexpected sometimes, but I think that's the beauty of it all - it made this story very you, see? I dunno but there was something about the way you constructed your sentences that reminded me of you. Pfft. Makes sense, considering this is your fic, but... yeah. Heehee. I'm rubbish with explanations. :P I guess my point is, I admired how you used words and wielded them together. There were some really good stuff in here like:
... his eyes secrets of a man who had experienced a thousand horrors.
It was just so beautiful and fitting to Harry, because he really did endure a lot. Kudos to you for nailing that line. But my absolute fave would have to be this paragraph:
An indeterminable time later, he felt a presence besides him. He didn't turn or acknowledge them and neither did they speak. Instead, they simply sat by his side and joined his vigil.
Gah! Words like indeterminable time and vigil just made it more unique, you know? And I think it showed your style the most and I loved it. There was an aura of realism about the encounter that I also liked, especially that part about him feeling lost and sort of struggling for words to say to Ginny. You made Harry very human, you know? Reunions are not always that easy in RL, even with those who shared a very deep connection in the past (Gosh. Especially to ex-lovers! You have no idea... *shakes head* :P) and I really appreciated you adding that hesitation in there.
You ended this well, too. I liked it, because it was very hopeful and it was just appropriate just in case you decide to finally add the next chapters. You could just pick up where you left off and the flow wouldn't be a problem. Overall, this was very good for a first fanfic and I am so proud of you! Truly enjoyed reading this and I hope you'll keep writing, you slacker! Heehee. I'll see you around, lurker! ^_^Author's Response: Thanks Tin! Sorry this response is soo delayed. I wasn't quite sure how to respond... But thanks!
There will be more of Ron and Hermione in the future as they are Harry's best friends and I think it's important to keep them as a major focus. I do admit to being a little daunted at writing them because they're so well established in the books and everyone has a very strong opinion of what they should be like.
Yeah, I know what you mean with the descriptions. I tend to write massive sections of them at points and then barely any at others. Maybe I've just got a very narrow minded focus and can only concentrate on one thing at once ;). I'll try and rectify this in future.
As for 'Gin', I hadn't actually realised that she's never called that in the books. It's just something I wrote in subconsciously. I still think it works in the story, but I'll be careful to moderate my use of it. Maybe she is a bit polite, but there's a time and a place for wit and sarcasm. They're both suffering with grief, her having lost Fred and I think both would be a little shell shocked from the battle.
Thanks for the feedback! I hope you know just how much I appreciate your C&C on this story *hugs* Report Review
You rock my socks Cal Cal! That was fantastic! This is candycoatedhappiness (Katie) btw haha. I loved it! Great job!Author's Response: Thanks Katie! I'm struggling not to jump into another chapter ;) Report Review
AW!! I loved it!! Ginny and Harry are so cute together! As are Ron and Hermione!!! I love reading stories about after the battle!! This was sooo good!! Please update soon!! I really really liked it!!!
-GraceynAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm afraid any updates to this story might not be immediate, as I tend to be a bit of a slow writer and want to get the plot sorted out before expanding it (I have a rough storyline in mind, though I'm afraid it would require a bit of an AU rating). Report Review
Ello there, Cal! You know something sad? I originally read this story at 2am last night, and didn't leave a review. If I had, I would have been the first to review. Before SEVVY. Wouldn't that have been something?
Anyway, I digress. For a first story, this was very good. You evoked Harry's emotions very well, particularly the guilt, and you had some excellent lines. My personal favourite was the one about superficially healing the things he had caused, that was good. My one criticism is that the ending seemed a little rushed, but other than that it's a very good Day After the Battle story, and the mix of grief, tragedy and hope was well done :)Author's Response: Haha, I think you might have been in trouble with her if that was the case ;)
Thanks for the comments. I did struggle a little with the ending and I agree that it's probably not the best it could have been. But if/when I get round to expanding it, then it won't really be the ending and I'll be able to ace it the second time round! :) Report Review
My favourite Prince (this is Ely by the way), It feels like I haven't talked to you for ages! Hope you are well.
I really love this! And for your first fic, It was AMAZING. Anyway, I'm sort of in a rush so I must go but loff you!
x ElyAuthor's Response: Cheers Ely, it's always nice to hear from you again, especially in such a nice manner :) Report Review
This was fantastic! Anyway...let me break it down:
Characterization: It was well done. No one was OOC which I appreciate a lot. I know its hard to make any of the characters act just like JKR would've done but some people don't even attempt to get close...anyway! I just wished that Neville was here...he was a big part of it as Luna. However, its your story. :)
Plot: Short and sweet. Perfect.
Best part has got to be when Ginny tells Harry that the battle wasn't ABOUT him but the freedom the Wizarding World needed. Yes, he was the poster boy for it but the people fought for their families. I absolutely love that. Wish Harry, in the books, had realized that because JKR makes HP seem very egotistic. I think that's the right word...
Anyway, maybe another one shot for Neville and Luna? The whole issue with Augusta finally being proud of his grandchild...idk...haha! All I have to say is that I enjoyed your writing style and would read any other one-shots you may have. :)Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad I was able to remain consistent with the books. My aim was to continue with Harry and how he'd be coping, as the books were told through his perspective and I wanted to try and continue that here. Sadly that meant limitting the other characters to the ones closest to him, as he tends to get rather withdrawn in these situations.
And yeah he does seem a bit like that at times. I wanted Ginny to confront the issue and she mostly speaks my thoughts on the issue. But doing this has left me worried I brought Harry around to my point a bit too easily but ah well.
Hmm, a one shot for Neville and Luna would be challenging. Interesting, but quite daunting. I'll have to think on it. Report Review
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