i really liked the fact that you compared being physically wounded and emotionaly wounded, i thought it worked really well.Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
So I finally get around to reviewing! ( would have earlier, but there was camp, school, hmwk, etc... :/ )
Anyway, it was (once again, i'm never going to get tired of saying this) amayzing :)
favorite quote: I might as well have said, “Ohai, Lily, derp. Derpidy derp derp. Herp derp burp. Hurh. Derp.” I mean, LOLOLOLOL.O :p :d
anyway, 'sexual tension'? I do (quite) think so. McKinnon is getting more bearable, but as that happens, Sirius is getting worse. I don't know if i mentioned this b4, but i love how you always refer to htem as 'padfoot, moony, and wormtail' instead of 'sirius, remus, and peter'.
ANYWAY. like i said, i love this writing style, but you might want to cut just a tiny bit (ONLY A TINY BIT YOU HEAR ME?!?!?) of the thoughts out.
hm... i reread it again, and...
1) i'd love to see rachelle again
2) nothing else, that is my only suggestion :/
so... since you met me in school, i bet you can tell i'm kind of a greedy person.
i want more food
i want less homework
I WANT THE NEXT CHAPTER!
:D ireneAuthor's Response: Haha, thanks very much! :) I'll be sure to keep that in mind. :) Report Review
DUDE!!! Best freakin' chapter so far! :) And yep, long chapters are a lot better :3 You should get Lily and James together soon though...Author's Response: I'm so glad you think so!! :) People didn't seem to really enjoy this one, even though I thought it wasn't too bad. :)
They're getting there, no worries. Lily and James have been arguing for the past 6 years, so it'll take a while for them to make up, but it'll happen soon enough. :) A few key events have to occur, though... ;)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Wow this chapter came quickly! :P It was'nt my favourite chapter but it was still good, I liked the quidditch practice and the hospital scene. My favourite quote was.. With some wounds, you can't kiss it to make it better, you can't wait for them to scab and peel. They don't even scar. They sting and stay fresh, and the slightest thought just adds salt to it. You can't see it, but that doesn't mean it's not there... I thought it was really deep haha :) Will you be writing about a quiditch match? Hopefully Lily and James are together before his father dies, so at least he'll have some comfort.Author's Response: Oh, haha, thank you! :)
I should, actually, thanks for reminding me...it definitely won't be chapter 14, but it could come pretty soon. :)
Yes, we'll hope for the best. :/
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Vah. Nicely done =). I don't think it was as good as the last one though =/.Author's Response: Thank you! :D Report Review
Hope you continue it!Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
yay for a faster update :)
here we go. so padfoot and mckinnon, is it?? hahahahaha...ha. ha. sexual tension...of course not ;) but seriously, their arguments are so pointless and far-fetched that i can't help but think they're hilarious. and the use of the word "peachy" was very interesting... :P
and that scene with lily: "I probably smell like sweat mixed with Padfoot’s dog pee and awkwardness in scent form" ACK I JUST CHOKED FROM LAUGHTER XDD
and way to interrupt them every time they have a moment... -.- haha don't worry, i'm not really pissed off, it actually adds to the tension of their relationship.
and to james's dad... :'( i'm glad he brought lily with him, because it really cheered his parents up :') i wonder how he's going to react when his dad really dies??
updateupdate! :D i'm so excited for more :) i still love the new voice, by the way.Author's Response: Ohhh yes. I thought there would be some more...er, significant McKinnon scenes in this chapter, but it was getting way too long, so it'll be in chapter 14. :)
Hahhaha, glad you enjoyed it! :) I love ruining moments, no worries. ;)
Yeah...well, I hope I do them justice when James's father does pass away, because it'll be HUGE. I'm kind of putting that part off so we can see more of happy(ish) James for a while. Lots of angst when that happens, obviously.
Yay, haha, thank you! :) Report Review
Chapter is overall ok, but the scene where james and lily go to see his parents was good. Very very good. truthfully, besides this chapter i only skimmed through the story, but i like how its going so far. my only major problem is that the writing gets a bit awkward at times.Author's Response: Thank you very much for leaving a review! The writing does tend to get a little awkward, especially in the earlier chapters, but I'll try! :) Report Review
So I just read this story in one sitting...so you really should update soon haha I love it!Author's Response: Wow, I'm honored! :)
Thanks so much; I'll try my best...but it's going to be hard with school starting. :( Report Review
Gmorn! This was very vah, I quite liked it =). KEEP WRITING, WOMAN!!!Author's Response: Thanks a bunch! :D
I will! Chapter 13 is in the queue! Report Review
Wow good job. You've already made 12 chapters? That must be a lot of words! Keep up the good work! :) Btw, I don't know if this is my computer, but the background makes it hard for me to read the words...Author's Response: JERRY!!
Thank you so much for the review! :)
Must be your computer...just have back type on gray. :) Report Review
uh-oh D: the rest of the review got off for some reason D: but haha anyways, i'll finish it in a second review, hope you don't mind (: "...Although this might have not been your best, I will always have a special place in my heart for James in Lily and in my opinion, this chapter depicted their relationship wonderfully, I really really did like it (: Keep on posting as always--you're an amazing writer! (:" Also for some reason, the review box isn't letting me add other symbols in:/ but just know that there were a few hearts in there haha (:Author's Response: :) The more, the merrier! :)
Thank you so much!
(Haha, yeah. The review box can be a little messed up at times, but the site owners are working hard. :)) Report Review
Ahhh I'm so so sorry that this is super late, I feel so guilty that it took me so long (especially since I read the chapter the day that it came out...heh heh D:) but I'm finally getting to it:/ My sincere apologies:/ Anyhow, I completely understand that you were busy and therefore this wasn't one of your best chapters (but I know that you've already accepted that) however I refuse to throw the rotten tomatoes at you because I actually, believe it or not, enjoyed it a lot. I would definitely understand how other readers might prefer more action/suspense compared to just dwelling on Lily and James' "romance" if you will, but I personally enjoyed seeing how in this chapter, their complicated relationship was explored and built. They have such a confusing friendship and yet at the same time, it's great to know that in the end it all works out (: Author's Response: AHH! Thank you so much for dropping by! :)
I've actually developed a new method of writing that helps me write more, faster! You'll see in the next chapter (it's a lot better than this one). :)
I really enjoy writing James and Lily scenes, but it's pretty awkward trying to figure out how to charm the girl who's hated you since you met, haha. :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
DO NOT SAY THIS IS A MEHHH CHAPTER.
i love you for finally updating, and i would have reviewed earlier if i wasn't at huang shan in china hiking my legs off... -.- my quadriceps and calves feel dead. but that is irrelevant.
ANYWAYS. i really like the new voice and i'm totally excited for more :DD i'm so happy for james's and lily's relationship. YES PROGRESS :) haha. andd what else...hmm...
oh yes. one suggestion...maybe less new paragraphs? the whole "hitting-enter-every-dramatic-scene-sentence" got really predictable. so yeah.
but i really loved your voice starting in the great hall when he talked to lily, that was really fun :D and his speech in the common room was so sweet. :) even though it was spoken bitterly. :P
but yes. update. since you're done with UW camp...thankyou for finally updating. YOU ARE AMAZING AT THIS :DAuthor's Response: Haha, fun stuff in China...beware of food poisoning!
Thanks! There will be some more Lily in the next chapter (yes, I have it planned out already because I'm a good girl and need to update faster), so I hope you enjoy that! :)
Sure, I'll cut down on that a bit. I just hit enter when I want kind of a pause in thinking type of thing. :)
Yes, well, James /can/ speak from the heart once in a while, can't he? ;) Haha.
YOU ARE AMAZING AT READING AND REVIEWING! Thank youuu! :) Report Review
I love how you develop Lily in the background as her feelings toward James change. It's also a really original idea to have him dating another girl, and a Slytherin at that. I'm sure people have already told you that but thought I'd mention it anyway. And I really like how you describe Sirius. It's very realistic that he'd be pissed about Rachelle at first, and almost everything he does seems in character to me. Anyway, it's awesome so far and I'll surely keep reading :)Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! :)
I'm really glad to hear that you think Sirius is fairly in character. He's definitely one of my favorites in the series, so he holds a special place in my heart, haha. :)
Please do, and thanks again! Report Review
YEAH!!! Been waiting a while for this chapter ;) Well yeah it was a pretty good chapter and it's great the way that you made James a deeper sort of person here. You should make longer chapters!! These things are my procrastination devices and I love them!! :DAuthor's Response: SHAN! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!! I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN 20384098 YEARS!!! GAH.
I'm done, haha.
Thanks so much! Haha, I'll definitely write more knowing that you read this! :) Report Review
Oh, and i forgot this suggestion in my last post:
Maybe, since Lily is constantly doubting James (or she was), i think Lily should do something to make James doubt her. FOR REALS. like, it won't be something fake to make james uncertain, but something like... he sees her going out with someone else.
Okay, okay, i know it's a bad idea, but it jsut randomly got into my head and wouldn't leave.
sorry for wasting your time :/Author's Response: Oh, whoa, you're definitely not wasting my time, haha. :)
I love suggestions!
I'm not sure if I'll do the whole Lily going out with someone else thing, but I'll definitely consider a twist like that. :)
Thanks! Report Review
WHO! :D;D;D;;D gfglkhds fricking emoticons.
this was probably one of my favorite chapters.. for a lot of reasons. you tried a slightly different writing style (like you said in the a/n) and it worked! there was a lot more of what was going on in james's head, him rambling, too, and I liked it a lot more... also, james spoke up and lily's coming around and all that jazz...
Marlene's a. Oh, I don't know, a jerk? I didn't really get that scene, not that much, but I suppose you'll tie it up somehow in other chapters. ya always do :)
oh, and sorry for reviewing a day late :/
my favorite quote is this:
(oh. dang. it was goingg to be the URL, but HPFF didn't allow me to :(. But.. yeah... that was my quote.)
CONTINUE THE GR8 WORK!
(Wow. That was cheesy. :/)
~Irene:)Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I'll definitely keep some of that writing style, but I feel like some other, deeper emotions that will surface in the future can't be portrayed properly if I write it entirely like this...so I'll stick with a combination. :) I find it easier to write in this tone, so we'll see where it goes. :)
Marlene will come in later, for sure. Haha, I love the attention people pay to her! :D
Again, thanks much! :) Report Review
Well, let me start of by giving you a great big thank you! Your story is truly amazing, and I have fallen in love with it! I usually only read Rose/Scorpious fictions, and this was my first Marauders one. Surprising, right? But... I love this story!
You are doing, in my opinion, a wonderful job of portraying the characters. They feel really... Well, real. They act perfectly in character to the way JK wrote them, and that's hard to do. They're believable and so easy to get attached to. The relationships between all of them fit so well. Props to you! (:
Now, I sound like a big idiot going on about your story like this, but this is my first review for this story and I wanted to give you the thanks you really deserve! Great, great job! (:Author's Response: Wow...I'm honestly flattered. :3
You're welcome, I guess, but I should really say thank YOU!
Your review was really sweet and it definitely made my day and inspired me to write more! :) Report Review
Yay an update! when i seen it i was like "yusss!" :P. I thought the chapter was great, but I want James to get his confidence back and get that Marlene one.. Eh my favourite quote was ..If Im not prepared, then youll be the one that will feel the iron fist of McGonagall crashing down on you if we dont win the Cup. I smirk smugly and raise an eyebrow.. I love the relationship between James and Sirius. Oh and I didn't mean to make you feel bad about not posting, I know you have a life besides this :) :PAuthor's Response: Well, you know James, his confidence doesn't go that easily... ;)
Marlene will definitely play a role in the upcoming chapters, but that's all I'm going to say. I'm glad that people are pretty interested in her! :)
I know!! James and Sirius are absolute best buds...and I write them in the perspective of a slightly more reckless version of the friendship I have with my bestie. :3 Glad you enjoy it!
Oh, absolutely not! In fact, thanks for reminding me! It's really ego-boosting to know that someone's waiting for your story...thank you so much! :) Report Review
I'm going to do this review anonymously because it would be weird if you knew who I was.
let me start by saying I love this story. I love the plot line. I love how James talks to himself. I love how he actually progresses through the book. character progression is actually hard to do. But this chapter didn't really cut it for me.
I know you've been busy. I've been busy too. but I don't think you put as much thought into it as you did for other chapters. I mean James isn't even thinking about his dad anymore. I'm pretty sure its the same day as the last chapter.
If your forshadowing something with McKinnon, I would have made that an entire chapter. If your not, then I would have taken it out altogether. Also, whats with the whole dumbledore thing. it seems EVERYONE that writes fanfiction hates dumbledore. thats obviously not how he was in the books or the movies. if something fishy isnt going on, then you should have dumbledore act in charcter.
This chapter didn't really have the flair of the other chapters. it seemed pretty normal. your other chapters had action, suspense, or love to make it exciting. this chapter has james blurting out that he's trying to be a better person and Lily saying i know. Its not that exciting.
I would recomend putting more time into writing if you want to make a good story. now that might make some people very mad, because they think your taking a long time already. but what I mean is maybe think about it on car rides. maybe always carry a sketch pad with you if you have any thoughts.
that was my rant, and hopefully it won't offend you.
I really like this story.Author's Response: I'm really sorry...I know this chapter wasn't exactly up to par with the others, but I just wanted to get something out there and hopefully get back into the swing of things.
Also, there is going to be something with McKinnon, but I felt like putting it in this chapter after just getting introduced would be a little rushed and detract from the chapter in general, but I see where you're coming from.
Okay, I love Dumbledore. I know that the little bit of him that I included in this chapter didn't exactly do him justice, but I really hope that it didn't come across that he's a bad person or anything...he's just not the usual Headmaster. He's got that jovial expression and twinkle in his eye that makes people kind of wonder about him, but through his work respect him at the same time.
This was kind of a filler chapter and I know I should really get going with the actual James/Lily action, but I know it wouldn't have been easy at all for James to win Lily over in the actual series...
There will definitely be some action in chapter 13, and I'll definitely take your suggestions to heart.
Thank you so much for your advice and the review! :) Report Review
:O i'm actually begging you to upload again, I come back all the time too see if you have. This is like one of my favourite stories! You can't just leave it!Author's Response: :')
Thank you so much!!!
I actually put chapter 12 in the queue a couple days ago, so it should be up very, very soon! Report Review
please write more soon the story is soo good! :D 10/10Author's Response: Oh my, this just made my day. :')
I will! Thank you so much! Report Review
I really like this :D Its refressing to read from James' POV for once, and I can tell that you've put a lot of effort into it. Nice grammer ;) Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
Dear awsome friend of mine,
I Author's Response: Er, hello! :) Report Review
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