Hi, it's innocence from the forums, here with your 5,000 mark reward :P
This is such a great idea - very original; to be able to weave Minerva/Tom into canon, so that it still makes complete sense is quite an accomplishment!
There are a couple of small grammar points, but nothing major to get worried about, and the only problem I have with the one-shot at all is that both Minerva and Tom seem very OOC. However, I can completely understand why this is: having them both completely in character wouldn't work at all for the plot.
I like the reference to the Chamber of Secrets, and Minerva's train of thought as she feels sorry for Hagrid all the time, because she was part of the reason he was expelled. I also thought the last paragraph was great - I loved the fact that even though she knew how evil he was, she hoped that there was still some of his old self there, and that the reason he didn't stay with her was to keep her from evil.
Once again, a lovely one-shot, and I'm looking forward to reviewing more as you write more of NaNo!
Megan xoAuthor's Response: THANK YOU NANO MUMMY! :D
Thank you for the crit. I recently changed this so that it fits in with Pottermore, so it was nice to get some opinions on it.
Thanks again, I really appreciate it. I'm glad you liked it! :)
Leanne xx Report Review
Whoa. Brilliantly written. Quite powerful sentences you used there! I don't know how I stumbled upon this. (I suppose I was stalking your author's page, but...ahem :P), but I wished I could have read this before. This one is definitely going in my favs list! :)Author's Response: Awww. Thankyou. I've always liked Tom/Minerva as a ship, so I thought I'd give it a go! Haha. I'm flattered you were stalking my page! aha. Thankyou for such a lovely review! :D Report Review
Oh wow, again! Thought I'd leave you another present :)
You're a brilliant writer. I know I should be finding some constructive critiscm to pull out the hat, but I can't other than it needed to be longer. this sounded really canon actually. You're not her in disguise, right? lol
I know that we all know Tom wasn't interested in love at all, but I know someone who I've been madly interested in for years and who doesn't care and plays with it a lot. I could really relate to how Minerva was feeling, broken hearts, no, no, no!
I loved this sentence, "I wanted to know why he kissed me if he wanted nothing to happen. As much as he sickens me to this day, I hope that inside the rotten exterior of Lord Voldemort, there is still a flash of Tom." Wow.
I will be reading more of your work!
RachelAuthor's Response: Haha! Yes, actually. Believe it or not, I really am Minerva in disguise! ;) Thankyou for the compliments, it really means a lot to me. Aah! I don't know how to reply to such lovely compliments! :)
Leanne Report Review
Happy Hufflepuff Tuesday!!
Well the way you wrote it I could truly imagine that once upon a time there was truly a Tom/Minerva. Also it was a very interesting idea to make Minerva grow up as a orphan and her ending up with muggles. Also I liked the idea of the letter I mean he would not probably write it when he was a bit older but I think at that age he wasnít that bitter about the muggles. Mmm but I do feel bad for her seeing as her tom turned out to be.
- Cleopatra ( Slytherin)Author's Response: Hehe! Yay! They should have this every week! Thankyou. Yeah, I thought that he's so something like that at an early age. Thankyou for such a lovely review! ^_^ Report Review
A McGonagall/Voldemort story... I couldnít really see these two together, but the way you plotted this, it seems to pretty work. The fact that he walked away just once he realized he might feel something sounds just like something Voldemort would do, as he thought love and such feelings are for the weak ones. I wouldnít agree with him sending a letter to his father, though, although, in the first year, he might have been a bit innocent and yet with not so much resentments on muggles, I guess. Also, that must have been a good reason for killing him and his family... Well, we canít actually say there exists a good enough reason to kill someone, but you know... Itís Voldy, after all...Author's Response: Thankyou for such a nice review...yeah I was thinking that at this point, he didnt hate muggles as much, and also, since he thought that his dad left his mum because she was a witch, maybe all of his resentment comes from something like that... Thanks again! :) Report Review
A girl can indeed hope! Please write more Tom/Minerva, this was beautifully written! It wasn't the usual dark stuff it was a mixture of genre's which I liked. Minerva's characterisation was great as was the whole story. It was very vivid because I felt like I could have been there with her. It makes you want to give Minerva a big old hug, doesn't it!
LpF123 xAuthor's Response: Awww. Thank you so, so much for this review! I'm trying to write another Tom/Minerva at the moment, but exams etc seem to be getting in the way! Thanks again! :)x Report Review
Hello, ilharrypotter from the forums with your requested review!
Immediately after seeing your request, I took interest in this story. This would fall into the category of not-used-to-it, for sure, but as I told everyone in my thread, I'll read anything - who knows, maybe I'll fall deeply in love with Minerva/Tom now! (I doubt it, as I don't like reading stories - other than the books themselves - that feature Voldemort too prominently, especially in a romantic sense, but that's really not the point.)
I found your entrance to the story to be too much like all of the others. This is clearly going to become a unique piece - Minerva/Tom isn't exactly what we would call a common pairing, and it most definitely isn't canon, so this is different - but your introductory sentence doesn't really let anyone see that. It's the same kind of introductory sentence you would expect to see in any kind of fan fiction - when you revise this, try to spend a little time working on this part.
One thing I really like about your piece so far - when you place Minerva and Tom together in this manner, you give reason. She's an orphan like him, so they have a similar past in common. It's nice that you give background and don't throw them together. It shows talent as a writer if you can do this believably, in my opinion.
I've noticed that, throughout this piece, you frequent towards fragmented sentences, run-on sentences, and comma splices. (I hate using these phrases; I feel like my nutty English teacher whenever I do.) They're not huge errors, but when you revise the piece, scan your sentences - you may want to read them aloud and see if your words flow in your speech the same way you've written them here. That's an easy fix.
"Of course, you tend to ignore the slight crashing of teeth, and so on when it was a kiss that you had been willing to happen for years."
With this line here and the passage that precedes it, you capture the fear and the nervousness of a first kiss, along with the excitement and happiness a young girl will feel when it finally happens to her. Even though it's not a perfect kiss, you acknowledge to that your character, who has dreamt of this for a long time, it feels perfect - and that's all she really needs. Excellent job - I love it.
I also love that you capture Minerva's distress when she thinks of what her Tom turned out to be. It's realistic and meaningful, and you've turned your piece into more than just fluff.
All in all, I loved this. You've yet to transform me into a Minerva/Tom shipper, but no less - I still love this one-shot. It's beautifully written and very sweet, along with being canon, realistic, and believable. Even Tom's character is believable - and I expect that that's difficult to pull off, being that he is who he is.
When you revise this, I don't think you'll have much to do. Just a little grammar to fix and the occasional weak spot, but other than that, you've got a brilliant piece on your hands here! Very nice job.
-Paige.Author's Response: You don't realise how happy you've made me to read this! I really appreciate the input. I definately agree with the sentance structure. Although, I never really thought about the first sentence, but I'll try to improve it. I'll definately take this into account! Thanks very much! Leanne :) Report Review
...oh wow... Like REALLY wow...
This is actually amazing!! I like how you never mentioned any names much until the end.
I never thought I'd ever enjoy a romance story which involved Voldemort, or even Tom Riddle, but you appear to have proved me wrong!! XD
It was a truly lovely, slightly sad, story.
x Kayleigh xAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your lovely review :) Report Review
This is really good, but the thought of Minerva and Voldemort together scares me! Imagine if that had really happened! :)Author's Response: hehehe. I know. Imagine if Minerva went bad because of it!
Thank you for the review :) Report Review
Hey Char here from the forums with your review.
This would be my second Tom/Minerva fic. I think I like the idea in general and there is some potential for it especially when you take the viewpoint of one of the two reminiscing as you do here.
Overall it is a very put together piece. Not many typos or grammatical errors. I think you should add more details in terms of their relationship developing from the beginning friendship and into love. The relating of events that Minerva gives is a bit fast and succint at times.
When you describe their first kiss, it is such a sweet and significant moment for the girl that when you enter in "the crashing of teeth" it takes away from the tone as it is overall a bittersweet piece.
I definitely see talent here as you do take the time to point out Minerva's feelings and confusions, just expand on that and also maybe a bit more foreshadowing in the early days of V's evilness and it'll be golden!
x CharAuthor's Response: Thank-you for the review.
I basically agree with you. I think I will add in more detail about the development of the relationships... and I wasn't sure about the kiss. I think I probably will remove the teeth crashing thing. I'll make sure that I foreshadow the evilness more, too, in the future :)
Thanks again, Leanne Report Review
I loved it. It was really bittersweet, but to think that maybe, just maybe, Tom felt something, it's...great. I really liked the kiss, and just the whole way you described it. It's a great story!
~LilyFireAuthor's Response: Thankyou very much! :) Report Review
Very interesting idea :-) I've seen one or two Minerva one-shots, but the idea of her being friends with Tom is one I have never considered. It even works in canon terms, too, as they were at school together. A very clever idea and pairing that hypothetically shouldn't work, but it does.
I found no grammar flaws and the storyline keeps the "real" feel (so it still feels canon) as we know Tom is turning evil but this way, we get to see another side that never got the chance to develop - a side that was left out of the evil being that became Lord Voldemort. I like it at the end, too, where McGonagall knows that she shouldn't be wishing those things (again, keeping it real ;-) well done) but can't help but wonder. Great work!Author's Response: Thank you very much for taking the time to do this! I was always conscious about this Tom/Minerva fic. For some reason, I'm never sure that I get the characterisation right. Thanks again for the lovely review :) Report Review
Wow. Pretty interesting theory. I enjoyed that very much!Author's Response: Thank you! :)
Leanne Report Review
I'm amazed by your writing, and I think this may only be the second time I wished a one-shot was longer. The detail that was later added in made the image lose all subtle-ness, and it really came to life, as it would.
I'm definitely going to favorite this story, thinking over the images and feeling of a lost memory, maybe even the piece of the puzzle you can't find, and the writing that didn't go far from the point.
10/10, and favorited. Nice job.Author's Response: oh my gosh. What a lovely review! you really have made my day :) thank you, Leanne Report Review
Loved the concept. though would have really liked had it been longer.
Keep up the good work.
Take care.Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
I definitely liked the idea behind the story. Your writing could be improved upon, but it wasn't bad. I want more details now (please?!), but I understand that the vagueness was intentional.Author's Response: Thank-you! I've just edited it, to iron a couple of writing flaws, and the rest of the details could be left to the imagination :)
Thank you for taking the time to review, and i'm glad you liked it :D
Leanne Report Review
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