OH MY GOD WHY MUST YOU PUNISH MY FEELS SO MUCH?!?! I wanted to cry while reading this, it was so heartbreaking and depressing! But, along with the one-shot, it was an EXCEEDINGLY well-written short story/one-shot and I am seriously very jealous of your skill with words and prose. Even though this was only a short story, it was a very deep, emotional, and dramatic one. You were concise and to the point with impressive language to rival that of professional writers. I read this in one sitting and I'm definitely going to come back and keep reading it now and again because it's that good. Phenomenal piece. :) xxAuthor's Response: Hahaha!!! You made me smile with this! Thank you so much for the loads of niceness you just poured all over me :) I really do love this story so I love that you enjoyed it so much!!!
Char Report Review
I must say, I loved this!! The descriptions were amazing, the action was great and you made the emotions of the characters really believable. I've never been a fan of the Draco/Hermione relationship, but the amount of emotion and depth behind the characters really had me rooting for them in the end. You had me completely taken into the story, job well done! 10/10Author's Response: Wow thank you so much for this review! It's been a while since anyone's looked at the story and reviewed it and I really do appreciate the time you took to leave me your response. I love this story and I love that you loved and enjoyed it!! :) Report Review
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST, CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SECOND. You brought so much to the emotions and strength of love and honor. also ron letting her out of her vow's spoke volumes on his true good and loving nature , to put Hermione needs first. Also Draco's tolet her go. I will read the sequeal. but again say thank you ans well done.Author's Response: Thank you very much for this lovely review! I'm so glad that you liked it. Ron couldn't have been written any other way for me :) Report Review
hERMIONE SO QUICK LOVE FOR dRACO SEEMS UNREALISTIC, NO BASIS SET FOR IT TO OCCUR. WRITING AND EXPESSING FEELINGS AND STRRING UP EMOTIONS IS GOOD, STORY LINE UNCERTAIN. NOT ALL DEATH EATER i GARTER HAVE BEEN RECAPTURED.. STILL AM READING AND IF NOT FOR PAST HISTORY VERY INTERESTING AND ENTERTAINING.Author's Response: I can see your point of view on this. But I think you came around to mine in the end :) Report Review
I'm so sorry this took me so long Char! I read it quite a while ago and as an apology I will review a few chapters this week :)
This is a fresh take on the Draco/Hermione idea; I like very much that you used Draco's POV. You have managed to make him an attractive character for me when typically I can't stand him in canon , so kudos ;)
You did a lovely job setting up the suspense and tension with Dolohov, I'm on the edge of my computer chair and wishing I could go on and review several more tonight! Soon! Thanks for your patience!Author's Response: It's no prob at all Mary! Thank you for getting to it because quite honestly I would've forgotten - had in fact forgotten :)
I find it easier to write in Draco's POV for some reason. My other Dramione has a tendency to be all in his voice too.
I'm glad you like the premise! Report Review
I haven't read a Dramione fic in a very long time, so bear with me, and in this review, I wanted to comment on some of aspects of all the chapters :)
From the beginning, I found this to be quite the interesting story. War definitely has its effects on people, Draco and Hermione are no exception. Both of them have changed a lot, to the point where initially there was an understanding. In DH, I remember the conflict in Draco, and the subtle changes he was making - a notable scene was where he never sold out the Trio to his Aunt Bella. Anyway, it sort of builds in their initial meeting, a few years later. How fitting it was to begin the chapter then with, "she hates me". He would've thought this before, but the circumstances, and certainly, his feelings are vastly different.
To me though, the first chapter was a bit wordy, and not very subtle, in the section where he sees her at the café in Diagon Alley. Something struck me about their characterisations as well, especially Hermione's, but honestly she isn't the easiest character to write.
I thought the plot was great, and a good continuation from 'The Longest Walk of Her Life'. It picked up well from chapter two with some good narrative. I was so frustrated when Mimsy never got to deliver the letter to Harry!
I loved the conflict raised between Draco and his father. It is bound to happen, and you did it well. In the past, I'd read about Draco approaching his father of the idea of him and a muggleborn being together, and it would always turn out bad. The war has taught Lucius some things as well, it seems. His response was well done too, I don't think he came from a family that did well with sharing emotions, so this wouldn't have been easy for him - even 'care' is a strong word.
Draco's interaction with the Trio was a sight to behold - they were all civil for once. Granted, it was a pressing matter they had to deal with, even so, a Malfoy interrrupted a Weasley wedding for the love of a muggleborn (I wanted to say it's not something seen everyday, but us Dramione shippers are stubborn). Some might say it's not really in character, but I love seeing them interact for a common goal, so I'm glad you included this. Harry was written with the amount of honour JKR would write for him herself.
Last chapter was short, but sweet and long overdue. I was rather proud of your Ron, it made me want to hug him when he let her go, because it must've hurt.
In all, I think you did a good job with his story, and you should be proud of it :)
LiaAuthor's Response: Ah! First of all, I am so so so sorry that this is ridiculously late for such a thoughtful and wonderful review! You had so much insight into the whole thing and you bothered to read all the chapters though I don't think that's a required for our review swap :)
I tried to stay relatively close to canon but it was my first completed story and I know that I took liberties with cliches and the like. But overall I'm glad that you liked the characters and that the plot was overall believable. I had troubles with that first chapter I must say and one day I will get a beta for this story!
My favorite part of this review has to be about the non Dramione parts :) Your high praise on Harry's characterization is just...just...it was wonderful to read
Thank you so much! Report Review
This was excellent. It was the first time that I had read fanfiction and I can honestly say that I was not disappointed. I never really thought about Hermione and Draco being together but it somehow works. Thanks for a great read as I've been looking for something since the last movie came out. There are a few grammatical errors, but the content as a whole is still very good. Thanks again.Author's Response: Wow, I am honored to have been the first fanfic! I'm glad you thought it was a good read! It's a story I'm proud of! I am going through the story again so will pick up on those errors. Thanks for reviewing!
Char Report Review
quite an interesting ending there...definitely not what i was expecting. great job on this chapter! i can't wait to finish reading the rest when i get the chance. you are an excellent writer. please keep it up!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you're finding this enjoyable :) Report Review
oh my...so sad and revealing. beautifully written. wonderful job on this chapter. i can't wait to check out some more! (:
onto the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
This was a BEAUTIFUL end to the story. Phenomenal, honestly. It was so bittersweet to see her reconcile with Draco after all that time. To see them finally be at peace with one another. I got a twinge of sadness though, when reading that moment shared between her and Ron. Poor guy. Hopefully he finds his own happiness soon enough!
I especially loved the wedding scene. It was beautifully described and seemed so happy. I like how it contrasted so much with the wedding between Hermione and Ron--not set in a church, not wearing a traditional white wedding gown, Hermione pregnant and truly happy this time. It symbolizes the truth and happiness of this wedding as opposed to the one with Ron, and all the possibilities for their future together.
Loved it! Honestly, there was no better way you could've wrapped this up.
BriAuthor's Response: Yay! You reached the end of the story and you liked it!! I was and am so proud of this story and I'm so glad you were able to enjoy it with me. :)
The wedding and it's comparison to the other one was my favorite part to right since it just compliments the original story that started it all.
Thank you so so much! Report Review
Finally Hermione knows why he left! I'm really interested to see what happens now that she knows--will she still go through with marrying Ron? Will she try and rekindle things with Draco? I feel like she'll want to try something, considering he was the only thing she could think about during her wedding. And now she knows it wasn't his fault!
You're very good at getting the emotions across in your writing. I could feel the awkwardness and tension when Draco was around Hermione yet acting like she wasn't there, and the pain he must've been feeling upon seeing her with Ron.
Lovely chapter again, and looking forward to reading 7! I hope this isn't the end for Draco and Hermione! :(
BriAuthor's Response: Hee, you obviously know what happens next but I'm glad that all the emotions came off fine to you! Report Review
Wow. The last bit of this chapter was so intense. The writing seemed a bit rushed at some bits but I think the action and intensity of it made up for it. I love how Draco, Harry and Ron all teamed up together in the face of danger, despite their pasts together. And I love how Draco put aside his doubts in order to save Hermione. You got the desperation of the scene across very well in your writing and I was immediately sucked in to what was happening as I read!
Lovely job! :)
BriAuthor's Response: Hmmm, you may be right on the rushed writing. I was completely inspired on this and had to get it out so I'll definitely take that into account in any edits.
I'm glad that the rest of the chapter was to your liking though! All three men came together because of their love for the same woman, all in different ways yet still the same kind of love. Report Review
Yet another excellent chapter! I can't believe he managed to escape! Did he do magic without a wand, when he performed Expelliarmus? I found it so frustrating when the people at the Ministry weren't taking him seriously enough. Poor Draco! Also I really liked the part where he apparated to the church by simply willing himself to find Hermione. Nothing like this was ever mentioned in the book but I feel like that's something that could definitely happen, since a running theme in the books is that emotion and love can do many things when it comes to magic.
It seems we're finally up to the point where "The Longest Walk of Her Life" ended! Can't wait to see what happens from here!
BriAuthor's Response: Yup, that was some wand less action there! I totally made it up on him finding Hermione through his love for her, but you make an excellent point about magic working in unforeseen ways because of the power of love! I hadn't consciously thought of that but I guess I was subconsciously thinking that! Report Review
I really like the interaction between Draco and his father in this chapter. You see a side of Lucious most people don't ever write about, and that's really refreshing. I like how he and Draco bonded here, especially since from the last line it seems Lucius's life is ending very soon. At first I thought it was a little odd that he accepted Hermione and Draco's relationship so quickly even if he didn't approve, but then I realized--he's human too. Despite how he's portrayed by other writers and in the books, he's a person with feelings and apathy. Surely he has some for his own son. So I don't think Lucius was out of character in this, and like I said before, I really like the interaction between him and Draco :)
BriAuthor's Response: I'm glad that Lucius didn't seem too OOC. Because you're right, he's just human. He's got his flaws (a whole lot of them) but there's still something of a heart because, really, from reading the books I could see he at least had pride in his family and a drive to see that his family survived.
Thanks for this! I think, if you keep going, you'll help me reach 100 reviews on this one! :) Report Review
I had to continue reading, so here I am. :)
This was very well written. I liked the darkness of this chapter and the revelation of what was really going on during Draco's long months of absence. You can tell how much he really cares about Hermione, it's heartbreaking to see him have to push her away like that!
The house elf's death was so sad. She was so innocent! I also liked how you portrayed Dolohov's helper (Parsons?). He seemed unique and interesting.
Lovely writing! Can't wait to see what else happens as I continue reading.
BriAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you were able to come by and continue. I'm glad that the darkness didn't throw you off. I definitely wanted there to be a good reason that Draco left Hermione so it had to be something really horrible. Thank you! Report Review
This was excellent! I've been meaning to check this out ever since I read "The Longest Walk of Her Life" a little while ago, and I must say I'm glad I finally got to it. :) You write Draco excellently! I love your portrayal of him. He seems so dark and brooding and so, well, so Draco. Haha.
It's really interesting to hear the explanation for what's happened from his perspective, after reading it from Hermione's. It answers a lot of questions and things are starting to clear up. Your writing is excellent. I will definitely be continuing onto Chapter 2 :)
BriAuthor's Response: I'm glad you're liking the first chapter of the sequel. Yeah, this obviously is meant to answer all the questions that sprang up from my one shot, though to be honest, I wasn't planning on doing a follow up until so many people asked about it.
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Back for chapter 2!
I love the extra elements that have been added to the story in this chapter. I'm not really a fluffy romance fan myself, I really enjoy stories with a bit of danger in them.
Draco's emotions were really well handled in this chapter, and its totally understandable that he would take the actions he took in that situation. The major redeeming quality of the malfoys in the books wwas that they would at least do anything for their family, and that really came through here. We could also really feel his pain of having to write that note, and knowing that for her own good he couldn't possibly tell her the whole story.
Narcissa was very well written as well. I can totally see her pretty much withering away after the war, since I doubt the Malfoys would continue to be the influntial socialites they once were.
You've also created some excellent villians, we've seen their sheer brutality, and it makes me as a reader really angry at them on a visceral level.
Very well done so far.Author's Response: I'm glad that the characterization is still believable and showing through. I definitely noticed that the Malfoys were willing to do what they could for their family even if it was to the detriment of the Good or the detriment of the Bad and I wanted to make that clear here.
Thank you for your reviews! Report Review
Here I am with your review!
First of all, the descriptions were beautifully written, it set up the story well, and the feelings of raw emotion and passion really came accross.
The flow seemed to move well, and you managed to include enough backround information to bring us up to speed on the story without being overwhelming about it.
As for the characterization, they did seem a bit different from how I would picture canon Draco and Hermione, but you wrote it well enough to make me willing to suspend disbelief. It also made a lot of sense to have it take place years after hogwarts.
You also wrote Dolohov very well, he was so creepy! Looks like a good start so far!Author's Response: I'm glad that everything seems to be written well. I'd worried about rushing it but it seems okay. This story is definitely different from my other chaptered Dramione in that it isn't so concerned with completely believability. I'm glad you didn't find it abhorrent despite the added drama here :) Report Review
I really like this story, not just because of the plot, but because of the characters. I think you illustrated Draco and his parents extremely well. (: I like how Lucius was able to come to terms with his son dating someone who wasn't pureblood.Author's Response: Thank you. I was happy about Lucius being able to talk to his son too. Report Review
To review both stories, I think they are best summed up in Ron Weasley style. "Bloody brilliant!'
The concept, the execution, the even pace, the characterisations are all first class.
Beginners should be made to read and learn from this.Author's Response: Thank you!! :) These stories hold a special place in my heart and I'm so happy you liked them. Report Review
It was a good story but the dramionie part?Needed a bit more spark I think!Author's Response: OK! Thank you for your input! Report Review
This was such a great story, it made me cry! I read the prequel (if you will) and it lead me to this one. Such a great job! Please continue to write, you have a great talent and I appreciate that you have shared it with me. Thank you!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you were able to enjoy it and get such emotion out of it :) Report Review
Beautiful story...I was so relieved to see an update so that we could have closure with Hermione and Draco. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you. I do like closure Report Review
Hey, it's ShieldSnitch3 from the forums finally here with your review!
All right, so you're just looking for a general reaction, yeah? Well, you said that this was your first story, and to be honest, I'm impressed. It's very well written, a lot better than a lot of what's on here, and the fact this was your first one makes it even better. So I'm just going to touch on a few things, as there's not a lot to say.
First I suppose I'll start with grammar. There weren't many mistakes that I picked up on, so that was very refreshing for me. I think the only things that really jumped out were mostly at the beginning. I noticed a few places where you switched verb tenses, like here: "A vicious slap on the door." That sounds like it's present tense, but everything else in the chapter was past tense. So you might want to go and check back on that. The other grammar thing was that there seemed to be quite a few run-on sentences that I had to read several times to understand. Like here: "She was still smart and smart-mouthed, but now that he was finally taking the time to get to know her without his previous prejudice against muggleborns or his childhood jealousy of Potter that had faded over time, he was able to see that the slightly awkward girl he had known had grown into a woman who was sure of herself and what she wanted, having decided to become a bookseller after not being able to stand being in the public eye after the Great War." That's all one sentence, and I think it would be a bit easier to read if you broke it up into at least two, possibly more. There were a few other sentences like that, so that would possibly be something to look into.
Flow - I thought the flow was pretty good, barring the run-on sentences. Everything seemed to fit together properly, and the breaks in the text felt very natural. Like I said before, this is well written, so I don't think you need to worry about flow at all.
Characterization - thus far, I think it's fine. I didn't see anything OOC, but this was only the first chapter, so that could change. But yeah, as of now, it all looks pretty good. On that note, I'd like to add that I thought it was very unique to write from Draco's perspective - that's not something you usually see. So props to you!
I think the only thing that I can make real constructive criticism on is a bit of a "jump" in the plot. Okay, so Draco's talking about how he runs into Hermione at her book store, yaddah yaddah, and then suddenly he can't stop thinking about her? I don't know, that seems a bit unrealistic to me. I mean, I could see if it if they had run into each other a couple of times, but after the first time... I don't know. It's perfectly fine if you don't really think about it, but I did, so...
And I think that's it! Good job on the story so far :D Hopefully this review helped - if it did, feel free to re-request in the forums!Author's Response: Hey! I'm so glad you could take a look at this. Thanks on your compliments but this isn't my first story, just my first COMPLETED one (that's chaptered) :)
I read that sentence "vicious slap on the door" and I keep trying to see how I could word it differently. Maybe when I get a beta for this, they'll be able to help me on it. I also know I have a tendency for run-on sentences. The one you pointed out actually had me laughing at myself. I've definitely improved on those in writing later on so I just have to go back and fix it :)
I'm very glad that this was natural flow.
I love taking Draco's perspective for some reason. I feel it's easier to write than Hermione. Also, the "jump" in the plot is kind of assuming that you've read the other piece though, most Dramione lovers just kind of accept it :) It's also love at first sight kind of thing.
Thank you so much for this! I'll look you up for the rest of the chapters because this has been so helpful in my time of re-editing!
xChar Report Review
i just read both of ur story.
both are amazing. but i must say i liked the one shot.
it always hurt to me see draco/moine pair as ron is my fav. and he too love her so much.
the best thing u did that u made ron such a mature man who willingly sacrificed his love for the happiness of moine.
i hate this pairing because in most fic. generally author make ron jealous or some thing nasty.
thank you so much that u portrayed ron a great person even though he is minor character in this fic, but he played a very important role.
is wedding is at borrows ...i love it wow
thanks for sharing this fic with us
10/10 ^_^Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to write your feedback on a pair of stories that are very dear to me. They're the first full stories I ever completed and posted anywhere.
I understand your feelings about Dramione and how Ron can be portrayed sometimes. I know too much about Ron from the books to ever write him in a bad light. I would think that he definitely matured as he grew to be a man so I couldn't cast him in any other light.
The wedding is at Harry's house (wherever that is, maybe #12).
Thank you for this! :) :)
xChar Report Review
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