Reading Reviews for Lucy
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection We love you.

8th July 2014:
Hi there!!

Poor Lucy, I feel so bad for her. I think that you made this story and her character both very relatable. Anyone that has ever been in love or lost someone that they love can probably see themselves in some variation of this situation, feeling these exact feelings, and wondering why it hurts so bad. You made the story believable as well, because to a teenaged girl, her first love moving across the country and not being able to tell him how she feels really does feel like the end of the world. Amazing job.

Lucy typically isn't one of my favorite characters, but you wrote from her perspective so well I've actually warmed up to her. I think her sister was so cute, in the end, how she wanted to help her sister and promised she would, even though she's young and has no idea how to go about it. Despite the depressed and angsty overtones throughout msot of this story, you ended on a pretty high note, with a message of hope for the future, and that sometimes you just need your family (or friends), to help get you through the tough times, even if they aren't sure what you're going through.

I noticed a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing major. the one that I recall off the top of my head is "alter," from the beginning, it's actually spelled "altar" when referring to a wedding arch or platform. The pace and plot were perfect.

---House Cup 2014 Review---
Pretense of perfection, Gryffindor

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Review #2, by Madeleine We love you.

12th July 2011:
It is just lovely! Made me sad but the ending... just lovely!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #3, by kirstenalanna We love you.

30th March 2011:
kirstenalanna here from the forums for your review.

Is this a one-shot, or a chapter in a novella/ story?

Anyways, here you go

CHARACTERIZATION:
the only character that you really explained at all was Lucy, and the entire time she was telling the readers how sad and depressed she was. All because someone she loved moved away. It is sad, however, if you created a tie or a draw with the male character she is pining for, the effect and characters would be much more in depth. I feel like, for the most part, this is just skimming the surface. the characters aren't as well developed as they could be, so you come across as an immature or inexperienced writer.
suggestions: add more dialogue, or memory flashbacks with lucy and the male character. Show us how her mother "doesn't know" her, don't tell us. Lucy telling us how depressed she is gets old really fast. Show us. Is she holding herself as if she's physically falling apart? Does it hurt to breath? Does she have a journal? Is there a picture of the guy in her room? That type of thing.

PLOT:
It's rather slim. I had a hard time connecting with the story as well, because it was so shallow. Try adding mroe characterization.

FLOW:
It flowed okay, but could be improved with more description and more showing instead of telling. It also ended very abruptly.

that's my say!!

kirstenalanna

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing and I'll do my best to re-work as best as I can. Thanks.

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Review #4, by Jane_Volturi We love you.

30th March 2011:
Despite its lack of content, I have to say that there's substance to this small One-Shot that evokes so much emotion in me. I think that Lucy's situation is definitely something that I can realte to, because it's such a vague yet powerfully compelling storyline.
Your writing is pure prose, there are no unnecessary detours or breaks in the text which I find to be very fitting to the mood and theme of the story. Simple, yet effective.
Good job
Katie x

Author's Response: That's percisely what I was going for! Thank you so much!

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Review #5, by Riya Potter We love you.

29th March 2011:
wow! Really a touchy one... I liked it.

Keep writing... :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I really nejoyed this one. Thanks for reading and reviewing and I'll definitely keep writing!

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Review #6, by xxpetrapan We love you.

19th January 2011:
Aww...that was sad and emotional! Great Job

10/10
Kattia

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing and I'm glad you thought I did a good job :)

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Review #7, by lilylunapotter26 We love you.

19th January 2011:
AW! That was so adorable!! Sometime short stories don't really give you the feeling of a story, but this was like an entire story in 500 words! I loved it!! When her little sister came in...AW MY GOSH! It was so cute! Like puppy cute, but different...never mind that didn't make any sense. But I though it was sad I loved it because it showed that there is always some there to help you!!
20/10
-Graceyn

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you so much for being my first review on this story! You make me feel so proud to be a writer everytime you review!

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