Reading Reviews for Framed
  
29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Illuminate Chapter 2: The Investigation

19th May 2011:
Hi! This chapter still continues with the dark feel, which I really like, and is quite difficult to do!

I can't really think of any way that you can improve, but the spacing on this chapter is kind of funky :) Good job!

Author's Response: I know about the spacing, I've tried to fix it, but it always turns out the same way :P
thanks for reviewing!


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Review #2, by Illuminate Chapter 1: The Discovery

19th May 2011:
Hi! Sorry I've taken so long to continue reviewing!

This chapter was good, you kept the suspense up. I think it could have done with a bit more of atmospheric description, and that way it could have built up the tension a bit more. But otherwise, your characters are good, and I like the way the story is going! Good job!

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing!

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Review #3, by katebabelovesharrypotter Chapter 2: The Investigation

21st March 2011:
So, I can see this piece going places! You have a nice flow and your whole idea comes over well. Your work is fun to read and you present your plot and ideas in a very convincing and easy to follow manner. You can do great things with this! Good job! :D

Author's Response: thanks for the reviews! the next chapter should be up in mid-may :)

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Review #4, by katebabelovesharrypotter Chapter 1: The Discovery

21st March 2011:
You keep the flow and plot going quite well! I like the way you introduce ideas and characters at a nice pace and in well-thought out manners. It's an enjoyable read. :)

Author's Response: merci buckets :D

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Review #5, by katebabelovesharrypotter Prologue: The Crime

21st March 2011:
Okay, so this was a perfect beginning! You had me hooked and intrigues right away and it makes the reader want more! The plot and flow start out well and I don't see anything major wrong or minor at that. Good job so far!

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing! i'm glad you liked it :D

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Review #6, by Illuminate Prologue: The Crime

23rd February 2011:
Hi! This was an intriguing prologue, definetly got me wanting more. However, I think toward the end it got a little bit confusing as to who was who, referring to the Aurors.

But the flow is there, the style is there. Good job :)

Author's Response: thanks for the review! sorry it took me so long to respond, i haven't been active on the forums or the archive for awhile!

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Review #7, by VioletBlade Chapter 2: The Investigation

10th February 2011:
Hey again, it's me! Interesting development, and I can see that soon a lot of friendships will be tested, including Harry's friendship with Shacklebolt. Unfortunately, as this didn't have the required elements in it to complete the challenge, I can't really consider it for a prize, but I still really really enjoyed reading it and it really came far from the Prologue! If you decide to keep updating I would definitely like to read more!

~VioletBlade

Author's Response: I know, i've been kicking my inner plot bunny to get it moving again, but i think it might have died :( It was a great challenge!
oh well, off to find a defibrillator to bring my plot bunny back to life!!


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Review #8, by VioletBlade Chapter 1: The Discovery

10th February 2011:
Hey there, I know I'm awful for not reviewing this sooner! Anyway, very good second chapter. The grammar and flow of the story has really improved whcih is great! Just to keep track, though, there's been the robbery, the earring, the future bit, and I'm not too sure yet about the demotion or the traitor, but hopefully it will be in the third chapter! I'm glad you submitted for my challenge Philly and I think this story is really shaping up to be a wonderful read!

~VioletBlade

Author's Response: thanks for the reviews!

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Review #9, by Hyacinth Dursley Chapter 2: The Investigation

2nd February 2011:
Actually that would be Chapter 1: The Discovery, for the Egg Hunt. You are our first official hunter by the way! :) I wish they would add an optional prologue button for the chapter sections. :P

Author's Response: i know, that would be nice :)

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Review #10, by Hyacinth Dursley Chapter 2: The Investigation

2nd February 2011:
Thanks for joining the Egg Hunt. You've got a nice little mystery brewing here! It's a good plot and I can't wait to see how to goes. I love a good mystery! We'll be using Chapter 2 for the Hunt! I'll be watching this myself to see where you go with it! :)

Author's Response: sounds good! can't wait for april!

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Review #11, by Melliex Chapter 2: The Investigation

18th January 2011:
Things seem to be movong at a nice steady pace, much like a TV serise like CSI or something or other (:
Your Harry seemed really good to mel; demanding justice be served and a speedy invstigation even if the main suspect is his close friend. I'm interested to see where this goes and would be happy to read and rview your next chapters, PM me if you'd like or post in my thead (:

Really a very unique story, I've seen nothing like this and it seems to be very well thought out and well planned. Your writing is easy to follow and has practically no grammical errors (':

Lovely story, Melliex

Author's Response: thanks for all the reviews! I'll re-request when the next chapter is up

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Review #12, by Melliex Chapter 1: The Discovery

16th January 2011:
Hum (: I actually loved this (: there are practiacly no flaws with your writing and I find that really nice.

I feel really sorry for Owen, bless him, he probably feels really upset and responsible now! ):

The story seems to be coming along nicely with a really quite ingenious twist, seriously this dude is trying to frame the Minister? Good luck random theif dude (: Gillian seems like a nice character and seems like the person that wants the best from everyone but keeps getting involved in the bad end of things... and Artie just makes me laugh with his blatant stupidity but it seems to be his main characterisitic and that's nice (:

Melliex

Author's Response: thanks for all the reviews! Gillian is the main character from here on, so I'm glad I wrote her well enough. And Artie is just. Artie. :)

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Review #13, by Melliex Prologue: The Crime

15th January 2011:
Melliex here (:

Humm... interesting, very interesting! I'm really absorbed by what just went down! There's not a lot I can review here 'sept that you're writing seems to have a nice flow (can't really judge that properly because it is fairly short)

The plot looks really good, orginal and well... as I keep repeating; interesting (:

Look to the next chapter for the other review (:

Melliex

Author's Response: thanks! :)

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Review #14, by harrypotterbeast555 Chapter 2: The Investigation

13th January 2011:
This is really interesting! I can't wait to see what happens next!! At the beginning of the first chapter I thought the 'criminal' had polyjuiced himself as Harry! Beast!! Keep writing and I'll keep readng! (:

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like it

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Review #15, by Aderyn Chapter 2: The Investigation

11th January 2011:
Hello, again.

This chapter is interesting and well written as well. I like having Gillian "narrate" rather than Artie, just because she seems so much more confident and capable than him.

The scene with Harry, Ginny and Lily is nice and seems accurate. Though, if Lily was still out of Hogwarts, wouldn't Victoire be in her 6th year?

I'm glad to see that Gillian and Harry both acknowledge that the earring could be fake or could have been placed to frame him. That seems more realistic. Wat I'm not so sure about is how checking to see if Kingsley was wearing his earring would eliminate him. If he wears the earring everyday, he probably would have a spare or another one that he could wear if he lost the first. If he doesn't wear it everyday, then checking to see if he's wearing it hardly seems like an accurate test.

I hope that my reviews have helped you! This is a great start to the story and I'd love to see how it continues. If you'd like, you can request more reviews when the next chapters come out.

Author's Response: hello to you too :)
As for Victoire, I'm going with her being born in 2001, meaning she would finish at Hogwarts in June of 2018 (the end of Albus and Rose's first year) Lily was born between September of 2007, and August of 2008 since she is starting at Hogwarts two years after Albus did in 2017(so september, 2019). Right now, it's around April/May-ish of 2019, Lily is starting this September. (I just realized how long that took to write out, wow :P )
your reviews have been great, I'll definitely be re-requesting once the next chapters are up :)


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Review #16, by Aderyn Chapter 1: The Discovery

10th January 2011:
Hello again.

This chapter is good as well. I like how you characterize Artie. He seems a bit slow for an Auror, but I guess you could attribute that to the time of night. He does seem very green though, making mistakes that could mean quite a lot of difference. Gillian is a good character is well, I think but a bit less developed than Artie.

I'm a bit surprised that Gillian, an experience Auror, thought of Shaklebolt so quickly when she saw the earring. So maybe it is his trademark, but women also wear earrings. And besides, I think it might be difficult to get an earring caught in the curtains. Wouldn't it be more likely that it was on the floor? Also, I'm surprised that neither of the Aurors considers that someone might be framing Kingsley. They seem to jump to conclusions about him and Harry very quickly, even though (except for the earring) they have very little evidence.


I haven't seen any spelling mistakes or anything like that, so again, good for you.

Overall, really good, except for the few, nitpicky things I mentioned. This story has a lot of potential.

Author's Response: thanks again :)
Artie is a rather new Auror, so that's why he's so green. as for thinking of Shacklebolt so quickly, that was more of the fact that it was 3 in the morning or so, and they're both rather tired.


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Review #17, by Aderyn Prologue: The Crime

10th January 2011:
Hi, Aderyn here for your view.

This is a very intriguing start! It is short, but it definitely left me wanting more, so good job there.

I think that this could have benefited from maybe a little more descriptions. Like what did the earring look like? Or what did the scroll look like? Was it in a case? etc... That might make the chapter a bit longer, if that's what you're going for.

Also, while I completely understand why you did it, the lack of names in the chapter is a bit confusing. You go from having the "narrator" be addressed as "he" but then you say that "they" stole the scroll. I can see you using "they" if you're trying to stay gender neutral (though that is confusing since you used "he" before) but since they could also be plural, you could use some other name like "the thief" "the person" etc.

Overall a great start! I can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing :)
i might go through and add more descriptions later depending on my "free" time :P


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Review #18, by Aurorofthelight Chapter 2: The Investigation

9th January 2011:
Here it is with sugar on it! I can never refuse a pouting puppy! I really like your story so far - especially the Shacklebolt gets framed angle - we never see enough of him in fics! Very interesting plot which hooked me from the start (I love a good mystery)! Also like all the new characters too - a breath of fresh air never hurts! I will be looking forward to seeing where you go with this! You are off to a great start! Arfie Arf Arf! - translation: Good luck!

Author's Response: ha, thanks! glad you like it :)

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Review #19, by leaney Chapter 1: The Discovery

9th January 2011:
leaney again!

Okay, I really liked this chapter! I felt like the reader got a better sense of your writing style and where exactly the plot is going. I found your characterization was done quite nicely and the flow was superb. I found absolutely no issues with anything grammar or dialogue related. Your description fit the bill as well. I can't wait to delve deeper into the story and really get to thick of the plot! Nice chapter!

-leaney

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing again! chapter 3 is now up if you're interested :)

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Review #20, by leaney Prologue: The Crime

9th January 2011:
Leaney from the forums here!

First off, I haven't come across a good HP mystery fic in a long time. So that being said, I was actually pretty excited to get to read this when you requested a review! Your first line was quite captivating. For some reason I really liked that it was inside job. I the tone of the whole story. It was comfortable and casual. On the grammar front I didn't really notice any issues. My only suggestion is to slow down a little bit. I found myself confused at some parts. All in all, your provided us with a nice intro. -off to read Chapter 1-

-leaney

Author's Response: thanks for the review! i was hoping to make it a little confusing, but not so confusing that you couldn't understand where it was going, if that makes sense :P

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Review #21, by lia_2390 Chapter 1: The Discovery

5th January 2011:
Hi again, philly94!

The way you've introduced Artie makes him seem a bit too green for the job. Nevertheless, I like him! I don't blame him for following the lights either, my curiosity would have had to been satisfied before anything else. In terms of characterisation, I felt you could have done a bit more with Gillian. Yes you've given us a back story but it still feels lacking.

As for the thief, whoever he is, he just decked a crippling blow to the integrity of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and the Ministry. I shudder to think what will happen when the media finds out.

As I mentioned in the last review, the earring was a good way of framing someone who for some reason I assumed was a woman but Kingsley? Wow, I'm shocked. I wonder how you'll work his motive into this and Harry too. Gosh, this person really has an axe to grind.

You didn't waste much time getting to the point of the earring yet still, the chapter wasn't rushed, which is a good thing :) But if the scroll is so important, wouldn't that crime scene be swarming with aurors?

The one thing that confuses me is Gillian's age. If she's been with the department for almost 30 years, how could Artie peg her as 40 - 45 years old?

I hope I've helped you somewhat :) I look forward to reading chapter two!

Thanks for visiting my thread!

Lia

Author's Response: artie is rather new :) There's a little more of Gill in the next few chapters, and thanks for pointing out that mistake about the age and all :P
thanks for the review!


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Review #22, by lia_2390 Prologue: The Crime

5th January 2011:
Hey philly94, it's Lia from the forums with your review.

Your opening line sort of pulled me in immediately. I've always been a fan of mysteries and it's an inside job at that! I like the idea of letting the readers in on what was going on, even if you haven't revealed the thief (or thieves). It's a good use of dramatic irony, I think.

When you first mentioned 'the earring', I honestly thought I had missed something so I went back to see of you mentioned it before. I really don't mean to be picky, but I figure if using 'the' instead of 'an' confused me, then maybe it would confuse someone else. Though, that was a good idea...planting the earring, I mean. It makes me wonder what else this mysterious person has in store.

Another thing that confused me was the switching between 'they' and 'he'. I wasn't sure if there was one person or a group carrying out this act.

Anyway, I liked this! And I'm onto read chapter one :) I thought you did a good job with the prologue despite those two things I pointed out.

Lia

Author's Response: thanks :) its my first mystery, so i'm glad it's not too corny. and the earring needed to be "the", just to tie in later in the story.

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Review #23, by _Leo_ Chapter 1: The Discovery

29th December 2010:
Hey there!

I just couldn't stop after the first chapter, I had to read on! Great job setting up the crime, I'm really curious as to who it was.

An enjoyable read, even more so because grammar and spelling and such is good and doesn't draw attention away from the plot!

Great start, I'll definitely come back to see what happens next :)

xxx Leo

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing!

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Review #24, by dream_schmean Prologue: The Crime

12th December 2010:
Hey, it's dreamschemes from the forums!

Wow, this is really interesting! And it definitely caught my attention. (: I love the mystery part of this, and now I'm dying to know who stole the scroll!

Am I right to assume your OC is the thief? If so, you've got me hooked. If not, you've still got me hooked. (: Well, actually don't tell me, I want to read on and discover it for myself.

I didn't notice and grammar or spelling errors, maybe because it's so short. But all-in-all, you did a wonderful job!

Thank you for your request and feel free to re-request!

dream_schmean

Author's Response: nope :) the oc is from the department of magical law enforcement, she shows up in the next chapter.
thanks for the review!


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Review #25, by The Dark Princess Chapter 1: The Discovery

12th December 2010:
I loved it! I love the people in the story =)! Is the thief Kingsley or Harry! Gah I have to know haha

Great Job!

-Kattia

Author's Response: thanks :) they believe the thief is Kingsley, they're just worried that Harry might have something to do with it because he and Harry are good friends.

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