Great story!!! Fantastically written
10/10Author's Response: hooray!! thank you so much!! it caught me off guard that this was for my padma story cause it hardly get read. haha! so thank you so much! i'm glad you liked it!! Report Review
Happy Hufflepuff holidays, my dear jane! ^_^
I was rather pleased after reading this one-shot, because I saw just how much your writing had improved since I last read one of your pieces and that really made me smile. And the fact that your MC was also a minor character was a plus. Teehee.
I loved the way Padma Patil was fleshed out. We never really have a lot of info about her, but you managed to show us an independent, smart, strong-willed girl with just a touch of arrogance about her wit that really showcased her being a Ravenclaw. What I really admired about your characterization, though, were those tidbits that added depth to her character. Like that fact that her Indian heritage affected how she made her choices and her mother being the perennial matchmaker, which I thought was rather nifty. Oh, and that bit about how the war affected her life and her decisions was very clever as well. You really thought this through, no? Great job. With all those details, I could not help but like her as a character, because I got to know her a little better.
And Parvati, lol what a flirt. Bahaha! I didn't think she meant to do any of it - to attract Badal, I mean - but gah! I was reading about her teasing him and was like 'Oh, no, you didn't!' Teehee. I guess you've chosen to stick to her giggly teenager image a little, which I thought was a good decision, because it showed how different the twins personality really were. I always assumed Parvati to be the more affable of the two. Like she was type B and Padma was type A. Good call.
Gah! Badal... what a guy. I could not even begin... he was irritating. lol I mean, come on! Rude much? Insensitive, if you ask me. Pfft. :P Sorry. Just got carried away for a bit, but gosh, he was on a date with Padma and he was asking her about Parvati? Grr. Anywho, Padma was better off without him and I surely hope that Parvati would have enough sense to realize what a tool he really was. :P
I have mixed feelings as to how the story was presented, tbh. I must admit that when I first saw the word count, I was slightly wary. :P And there were definitely moments when I felt that the story started to drag a little. I mean, there were moments here that seemed out-of-place or unnecessary, you know? But see, I read the whole thing and I realized that I won't adore Padma as much as I did without those unnecessary paragraphs, so I dunno what to think anymore. Teehee. Plot development was a little off, but as far as character-development was concerned, you've done a superb job, so yay!
Again, I was truly impressed with how much you've improved, my dear. I mean, the tenses were consistent and while there were still some noticeable comma misses and run-on sentences, they were not that bad really and they were nothing like a good thorough editing could not fix. Yay! I always suggest this, but reading your story out loud could really help you figure out the pauses and therefore, could help you spot the places where a punctuation should be placed. ^_^
A few nit picky things, though:
Padma focused on the step that had dumbfounded her for the past two years; finding a husband. --> the semicolon should be a colon.
'You don't have to run fly faster than the dragon... --> run fly must be an editing oversight, yes? Teehee.
The formatting distracted me a little as well. I didn't get the pattern behind the flashbacks. They seemed all over the place. And the hefty use of exclamation, especially with Padma's speech, didn't sit quite well with me. I kept hearing her in my mind (if that made any sense :P) like her voice was having this weird inflection at the end of every sentences, which didn't fit her character at all. :P And the word 'Muggle' and 'French' should always, always be capitalized. Sorry, just one of those things I'm always very particular about.
I didn't get what Neville was doing there at first. I assumed he was just helping Hannah out, yeah? But he did prompt the Yule Ball topic that moved the conversation between Padma and Badal to a more revealing course, so I guess he had a role. It felt odd, though, to hear him take their orders. Hahaha.
You know what? All the long build up and the messed up date were really worth it, because I really liked how you ended this. Twas really satisfying for me. I saw it coming, tbh, but I didn't care, because the simplicity of Padma's meeting with Brent at the end was awfully sweet and fluffy and the girly girl in me could not help but smile and be happy for the two of them. Eeep! I was trying hard to fight off the cynical side of my brain that kept telling me 'Hold your horses, lady, they were just getting started - who knows? Maybe Brent was just one of those sweet talkers?', because I'd rather not think about that. As far as I'm concerned, they were off on a good start and that's what really matters in the end, right? Teehee.
That's it for me! Yay! Over all, I enjoyed reading this. Your take on Padma Patil was very interesting and clever and that's really what set this story apart, so great job, my dear! I'll see you around, kk? I hope you'll enjoy your holidays! *hugs* ^_^Author's Response: have i ever told you how much i adore your reviews? so thorough and well thought out and best of all hopeful! i'm seriously going to copy and paste this to a document so that as i read through it i can edit the story too. i'm glad you think my writing has improved though!! i really think a lot of it is thanks to you from your other reviews! so amazing. hehe. thank you so much for the review! I think i know what it's for (; happy holidays to you too!! i hope you enjoy every moment of them! Report Review
Cute story, I liked it!Author's Response: why thank you! :D Report Review
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