13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Cassius Alcinder The beginning of the end

3rd June 2012:
Here from review tag!

It looks like you're off to a good start so far. Draco must have had a vast array of emotions after the final battle, between relief that he and his family survived, to his guilt over having been on the wrong side and the uncertainty of what happends next. I think you captured this very well and gave us geat insights into his character.

If I may offer a suggestion, the transistion from the final battle scene to the azkaban cell seemed a little rushed and abrubt, it might help to try to stretch th scenes out a little more and have a smooter transitition.

Overall you are off to a really good start.

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing..!

i know the transition is rushed and i as soon as my exams are over i will edit all of my stories..
i'm glad you enjoyed it :)

~marlita


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Review #2, by xxstaindrosesxx No way back

2nd June 2012:
I read the first chapter a few days ago and commented on how you spaced the story. I guess why I complained was because it didn't feel like it was written in paragraphs like an actual story, but after reading this chapter, I think I may understand why you did that. It feels like the way you wrote it all ties into Draco's insanity while he is in the cell. It doesn't piece together right because his mind doesn't either, and it is written from his point of view. If that is what you were going for, then it flowed well.

I have to say, Pansy coming to visit him and tell him that he's pregnant really offered no solace for him at all. I mean, it's Pansy, and she really has no proof it is him. She's so full of herself. Haha. Nice job at showing that.

Now poor Draco is trying to end himself. You know that won't lost because this is a WIP and Hermione hasn't even come into the picture yet. It will be interesting to see how he survives though, and who saves him.

Other then a couple of typos, the chapter was pretty good. I hope you do continue it so we can see how you tie Hermione into this story and where the Pansy pregnancy leads to.

Author's Response: hi again! :)
i told you the format was intentional..
yes hermione isn't even in the picture yet and it will soon all click ;-)
as for pansy i think she will serve her part (getting draco out of jail..)
thanks for reviewing!!
~marlita


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Review #3, by xxstaindrosesxx The beginning of the end

30th May 2012:
I think you have a really good start here. The way you captured Draco's dark inner emotions, and bit of brooding is rather good. I tend to like stories where people are broody for their actions because then they're like puppies you want to hug. :D

The way you described his parents was also rather well done. I guess I don't picture them being that cruel, but I'm sure others do. I felt Narcissa cared about him in the books, perhaps Lucius too, but never knew how to explain that, but to each their own. For going in the direction you are, you did it well.

I guess my only complaint would be the spacing of this story? I don't know if that is just how you wrote it or it was an uploading issue? It felt a bit like reading a story in a poem format for some reason. It was a little distracting, but did not distract from the overall story. I really enjoyed it so far.

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: thanks so much for reviewing! :)
i'm glad you enjoyed it!
hmm.. about the spacing: i wanted it to be that way; in the second chapter it changes a bit.
~marlita


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Review #4, by charlottetrips The beginning of the end

4th May 2012:
I would like to say that I see that you have a definite way of telling a story. The flowing thoughts, it's very stream of consciousness and the description fits the whole story as it is. I like that Draco is confronting his loneliness, the fact that he is unloved and has been second-best. It isn't until the end of the war that it strikes him. That definitely would be a big enough event to make that a significant time to start confronting one's shortcomings.

Some advice: You have a tendency to just make one line each it's own line rather than a full paragraph. There is plenty of material to do that with and I would take a look at doing that so it is in a proper story format.

Also, the flow of time from the Battle to him getting ready for his trial and then finally being in Azkaban is a bit rushed and could use more segue. This way the reader isn't feeling like she's in a whirlwind.

Other than that, you definitely have an idea here that could have lots of potential.

xChar

Author's Response: thanks honey for the helpful review; i'll try and revise the chapter to fix problems with its flow..
i'm glad you liked it:)
~marlita


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Review #5, by shadowcat2 The beginning of the end

30th March 2012:
Tagging you!
First of all, i would like to say that your title is very eye catching. Your style of writing is definitely different. I am quite curious about will happen next.

Author's Response: thanks for the positive feedback :)
i'm currently working on the next chapters of my stories..hopefully it won't be long for the next chapter *fingers crossed*
~marlita


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Review #6, by cattish No way back

7th August 2011:
This is so great, I already love your story! Please keep writting, can't wait for the new chapter!

Author's Response: *doin' a happy dance*
i love the story too!
thanks for reviewing!:)
i'm working on the chapter three right now so i will post it asap!
thanks for reviewing!xx


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Review #7, by GriffindorHeadGurl No way back

7th June 2011:
lol! i just read the first chapter before this one came up and then it did!
I don't like Pansy! But if the baby can help, i'm all for it.
Please don't tell me, Draco's trying to commit suicide. thats just aweful if he is.
i like your writing and can't wait for more.


Author's Response: i dont like pansy too..she is one of my least favorite characters but she is essential to my plot...
well draco is feeling awful..i haven't decided yet what to do with him..
thanks again for the encouraging review!
im goin to update soon!:)


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Review #8, by GriffindorHeadGurl The beginning of the end

7th June 2011:
:( Poor Draco! I wonder who her could be? its a reaaly good first chapter though and i can't wait for the next on. Keep up the good work. =)


Author's Response: thanx for the review! :)
(the next chapter is on queue)


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Review #9, by Jakeyboyxxx The beginning of the end

3rd December 2010:
I told you I'd leave a review ;)
Oh my gosh! Aww this story makes me feel so sorry for Draco, he;s been neglected all his life, I actually want to cry for him aw :(
This is really good, your a really great writer
And I love the way you have ended this chaoter ahahaha, its made me want to read more defo. Cant wait for the next chapter so until the next time :D
xxx

Author's Response: kellyyy:):)
im SOO glad u liked it!
there is goin to be more i just want to lay down the plot first...
and i saw you posted a new one-shot ;-)
im def goin to read it :)
thanks for reading my story XD
xxx


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Review #10, by georgepotterlover The beginning of the end

25th November 2010:
Is there gonna be more?
Is her Hermione?

Author's Response: of course there is more ;)
i love this story and there is no way im living it..!!:0)
i just suck at updating :$
u wont say anything cuz i'll spoil it; just wait for the next chapter..
hopefully it won't take too long to write =P
thanks for reviewing!
xxx


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Review #11, by Elegent Lady The beginning of the end

13th November 2010:
WOW! I really like this, i love draco's anger and the background information with him and his father when getting the hogwarts letter so, I'm sayin this is one of my favourite stories ever!

10/10 (I'd give it 100 out of 10 but I can't because it has to be out of ten)

Author's Response: *doing a happy dance* thank you sooo much:)
im SO glad you like my story and im currently working on chapter two..so stay tuned for more!!


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Review #12, by massieblockrox The beginning of the end

31st October 2010:
I really liked it! You captured the bitterness of Draco, the regret, and the sadness. Great job! My only complain is that its too short :)

Author's Response: thanks sooo much for the amazing review!:):)
don't worry i'll try and make the next chapters longer..
xxx


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Review #13, by JKShawhan The beginning of the end

31st October 2010:
Aw, that's so sad. . . . Well written, though.

Author's Response: thank you so much for reviewing! :):)
after a few chapters it will get better..
xxx


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