I love how I can relate to Drew--like in the forest scene where she feels like an idiot because she basically reminded James of his cousin.
And how James was a total edjeet on handling the foot in the mouth thing!
Your writing is hilarious and I admire that!
xCharAuthor's Response: Thank you ever so much for the review =). Yes, James needs to take that foot of his out of his mouth lol. Aww thanks *blushes* sometimes it is hard to see whether or not my writing is funny as I am the one writing it but I am glad it does come off humourous =)!! Cheers lovely! Report Review
LMAO! I don't use that often but I'm literally sitting here laughing that part off!!
Once again, your dialogue killed! :D I love the family bits and the inner narration of Drew of the scene. It's really quite sarcastic but so real to me.
Just a few typos here and there and the only other thing I had a bit of a question on was Drew's meanness--is that a bit off for Hufflepuff?Author's Response: Whoop, whoop!! I am glad that you liked it =). Yeah this whole story is actually going through my beta so I am just waiting for them to be together until I update again =). Ha Ha she isn't that mean LOL and she is really nice on the outside and she wouldn't do anything mean. This is just an extra side to her Hufflepuff-ness LOL. Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Oh gosh, this is a funny start to a story :)
Drew seems really nicely characterized in this beginning. I like the fact that you made her a Hufflepuff. It's a nice change from the Gryffie-Gryffie stories that I see often (and, okay, maybe write too...) ;)
Mimi seems like quite the mean bean. I'd be careful with her--her characterization as rude is great for the first couple chapters and makes for lots of entertainment, but a redeeming quality would be a nice thing :) Just so, y'know, we can see why James dated her.
I really like this story so far! I think I'll go stalk the next chapters now. :)Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review =), yes I thought I would try and make the story a little bit different =). I will definitely watch out for Mimi though.Glad you enjoyed it and cheers for the review hun! Report Review
That was hilarious!! I love next generation fics centered around an OC, just because there aren't enough of those, and Drew is freaking awesome! I love how she's a Hufflepuff. I'm loyal to my 'Claws, but I have to admit, there just aren't enough stories centered around a Hufflepuff. In first person storys, there's always the danger of having too much voice from a character, and not really getting to see how others perceive her, so I'm glad you brought that in as well. In other words, great job with Drew.
James. Haven't actually read a lot of fics centered around him. Everyone seems to prefer Scorpius or Albus for some reason, so I can't compare you to anything, but I did like the way you described him. He seems to be the replica of his namesake, which is how JK Rowling has described him, so that was spot on for me. Also liked the way he acts towards Drew and his family. He loves Drew, but you can tell that he loves his family too.
Mimi. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I hate a girl of the same name). I loved your description of her. A lot of stories centered around a ship don't really have a REAL villain, so I like that you worked her in there. Jealous ex-girlfriends always add some drama to the story. I hope to be seeing more of her.
To sum it up, great story, great writing, great original plot. I think I used the word "great" too much in this review...
*hunts for thesaurus*
MAGNIFICENT!!!Author's Response: Aww, WOW! Thank you ever so much for this review, it is greatly appreciated =). I am happy that I manage to portrayed them as you imagined that they would be =). Thanks so much for your kind words and for taking the time to leave me such a wonderful review!! Report Review
'five different shades of purple' YUP DOM WROTE THIS!
'you two aren't even funny.' but they are. jamesie is just in denial :P
i love that james and kieran seem a little barbaric. you have captured the essence of teenage boys as i understand them! and poor james, the unfortunate soul. he should really know by now not to make fun of his girlfriend's house! SHAME ON YOU JAMES! livy is totally right about him :D
i like that you have Drew talk right to us. it was nice to have her explain certain things, because the action might have been confusing if we hadn't known what she'd been thinking.
and oh no, look out Gryffindor! and slytherin, for that matter. great chappie!!! :)
sorry i've been so lame about reviewing! i'll try to be better...but you know the place, procrastination city. yeah, i've been frequenting it...Author's Response: LOL, i didn't even realise that my love for purple seemed to have incorporated it's way in there lol. Oh yes, James is in denial. The barbaric -ness of teenage boys lol *shakes head* and I know shame on him!! But I am sure we will forgive him as he is soo sexy lol =p. I am glad you enjoyed it Lily and thanks EVER so much for the review, means a lot!!! Cheers ma dears =D Report Review
Hah! I loved it! It was really good, really funny and I just... well... loved it! :)
There were a bunch of missing commas, but no major mistakes. :)
I really liked how she's a Puffy and he's a Gryffie. That was pretty original, don't see that in a whole lotta fics. :)
The underwear thing was ePiC! :)
P.S. Team Bronze is where it's at, doh! :)Author's Response: Those pesky commas lol, I was seem to go overboard or not put enough in, I am hoping to get those grammar errors fixed soon though :-). Yes totally need to show the appreciation for the Puffs lol. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the review =D!!
Go Bronze! Report Review
Hey! I'd forgotten I'd read the first chapter of this! Really great one, I love James' family and again felt sorry for Drew. I thought she was a little over-sensitive, but then he is a prat. Just be careful you don't make the girls too perfect - you didn't here but it can happen , and could go that way here. I should know, I do it with Victoire, so please dont take offense! Anyway, again I really enjoyed it, well done and I hope you keep writing it! :DAuthor's Response: Yeah I thought I did a little bit. When I get the time I hope to be able to rework these chapters. Eeeep oh gosh no I don't want the girls to seem perfect, so I will try and re-work that in too when I edit it. Cheers for the feedback =D Report Review
first, i just have to say, i definitely see your personal voice in this :P
i think it's great that you've basically taken a major problem--the whole horde of weasley/potter children who were like a miniature army or something--and turned it into drew's problem. "when you date one of us you date all of us" pretty much sums it up.
you had me giggling throughout the chapter--i'm a grammar nazi so i would have stuck in a couple more commas and periods but hey, you got the tone across nonetheless and i nearly died while the whole shouting across the table thing was happening. poor drew!
i thought it was hilarious how "SCORP IS THERE TOO!" as if she needed one more guest there :)
i love it how Lily reads James's mail, and that Al and Fred are just obnoxious, and that Rose and Lily don't do anything to save Drew's skin--i would go on listing things i love, but it might take too long.
i don't have time right now to, because i should be straightening the dorm/washing dishes/packing etc. etc., but I WILL BE BACK!!! to see what happens to poor drew and james.
oh, p.s. i really like that James isn't a bad-boy womanizer type. it's different already. WOOO okay got to go now :) (*cringe* you can so tell i haven't slept in hours and hours and hours)
--lilyAuthor's Response: Aww thanks for the review ledge, I am so glad that you enjoyed it =D. Omg I know, I am so terrible with grammar. I am looking for a beta and all that jazz but glad it didn't kind of take you away from the story anyway =D. Ooo you can hear my voice in there, I hope that is a good thing *raised eyebrow* lol. Soo happy that you enjoyed it =D means alot! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I think this might actually be the best chapter yet, no kidding! Full of action, drama, girl-on-girl and of course, a hangover! :P
I love James and Drew's characterisations. They seem to spring to life so easily and you've made them quite relateable. The love potion - classic! Believe it or not, but when she was planning on how to steal that muffin from James, a fleeting thought went through my mind that it could be a love potion! Haha!
Looking forward to the next chapter! :D
P.S. Great chapter title!! :DAuthor's Response: Awww, Whoop Whoop Thanks sooo much Sophia, I am glad that you enjoyed it=D. Ha lol i kind of thought people might be able to figure it out. A love potion getting to the wrong person, I think it should happen more often. Glad you liked the chapter title. Thanks ever so much for reading and reviewing=D! Report Review
ahahahahahahahahaha laughed this whole chapter. the love potion was great!Author's Response: =D Sooo glad that you enjoyed it, I hope you keep reading and thanks so much for the review!!! Report Review
Hello! Here for the review swap. ^^
This was such a cute beginning to your story! You've got a knack for writing humor that I find admirable - as many people know, I am a self-proclaimed lover of humor but can't write it worth a darn (all my stuff is more serious and dark than I sometimes wish for it to be, and even my light stuff has only bare traces of humor). I think it's an excellent beginning to your story.
I like your OC, as well - she seems rather believable, and someone to whom I might relate. =] (Did that make sense? My brain's not running at top speed right now!) Your characterization of the canon characters is really well done, as well, and it's obvious you're very into what you're doing here.
I very much enjoyed reading this story - very well done! Only a few sparse punctuation mistakes, really, and these are very easily fixed. ^^ Thanks for requesting this!
OPERATION: Green With EnvyAuthor's Response: Awww thank you for the review and I am soo glad that you enjoyed it =D!! Yeah my grammar isn't top notch but I will try and get those errors fixed. I am happy that you think I have a knack for writing humour as sometimes I feel that what I write just isn't funny lol, so glad you thought it was humourous!! Cheers again for the review=D!! Report Review
Okay, so this was a bit of a filler chapter, I'm sure you'll agree, and because there wasn't much action, I can't comment on much. But I liked the light-hearted banter between Drew and her friends.
The one criticism I have is that I think you introduced too many characters in one chapter. It made the chapter busy but without including much action. Perhaps you could develop a couple of characters at a time in the following chapters?
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: Hey thanks for the review, ha omg I totally know!! This chapter wasn't supposed to be like that but it was the only way i could do it so that i could move onto the next one. Yeah I will develop them more and no more large bulks of characters lol. Thanks for the review ledge =D!! Report Review
merlin, im dying of laughter.
i loved the love potion part! :DAuthor's Response: Aww thanks hun, so glad that you enjoyed it =D, hope you keep reading!! Thanks for the review means alot. Report Review
Oh my gosh, the great hall bit with the underwear had me dying with laughter. It was honestly one of the funniest things ever.
I adored this chapter it was a brilliant opening, I really felt I had a connection with all the different characters and I thought you wrote them all very well. I liked your clumsy Hufflepuff OC, I loved James and Fred, I thought they were brilliant!
Overall this was very well written and i shall be following this story and reading the next few chapters when I have a minute, It is really funny and lovely :)
Hannah xAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review!! Aww I am so glad that you found it funny *massive grin* . So happy that you enjoyed it and thanks so much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
I've already reviewed your first chapter, as you know, so here's my review for your second :D
This was certainly an interesting chapter with lots of action! ^^
First off, I simply love your description! You must have put a lot of thought into it to produce such beautiful imagery.
You wrote those paragraphs really well. I felt Drew's anticipation and then disappointment as she waited for James to say those special words. Poor Drew, but yes, that pretty much is the boy version of 'I love you' :P
James really knows how to put his foot in it! I think you've got his characterisation exactly right. He can be romantic but most of the time he's a joker, sportsman and a general idiot ;)
I found one spelling/typo mistake: 'James, you are so far past the line, the line is none existent to you' should be ''James, you are so far past the line, the line is non-existent to you'.
I have to say, the spacing in this chapter is a bit distracting to read. Just thought I'd let you know. :)
Really good chapter, and Drew fell down again! Hehe.
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review =D!! Yeah i really need to change the spacing, but it never seems to work right. Definitely going to have to try and sort that out. Thanks for pointing out the mistake, there are quite a few and I am trying to sort those out:-). Glad you enjoyed it!! Report Review
Hehe! Great job. This was full of little humorous moments. I like your characterization of drew and Mimi and I love how James is kind of clueless. Loved this part "WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR SHOULD DREW WEAR FOR JAMES? SHOULD SHE WEAR THE BLACK OR THE GREEN?"
Woho! It was beautiful! Go bronze!Author's Response: Ha Ha glad you enjoyed it =D, I know typical Fred shouting across the Great Hall. Thanks for reading and reviewing:-)!! Report Review
This was really cute! I found Drew to be very funny and witty. All of the other characters were really nicely done, as well. Actually I pretty much loved them! They were so funny together. The conversation across the Great Hall between Fred and Al about her underwear had me dying of laughter. It's one of those things that's a bit ridiculous, but hilarious!
Also, I think the premise for the story is really refreshing. I love that it didn't start out with a girl having unrequited love for James or a hate/hate relationship. Not many stories start out with the couple being together, so it was nice.
Well done!Author's Response: Aww thank you so much!!! Yeah I wanted it to be a little different from all the other stories =D. Glad you enjoyed the story and thanks for reading and reviewing!! Report Review
Hey! I'm here with your review :)
I've reviewed your first chapter, but if you want me to review a specific chapter, feel free to request again and let me know :)
Onto the review: That was amazing!! As an OC, you've introduced Drew very well. She's got an interesting personality and a brilliant attitude :) She seems able to cope with being part of James' massive family and often being embarassed.
The psycho ex-girlfriend looks like a force to be reckoned with :P and I suppose Drew's got to have a certain amount of humour to deal with her and the wannabe girlfriends.
The flow of the story was also good. Although a little tricky to understand at times, I liked how you started the story with action, (Drew falling over in the corridor), before introducing herself and James.
I do have one criticism though. Toni and Kieran seem to be too perfect. As James' friends, I would expect them to be fairly good looking and everytihng, but at the moment they are Mary-Sues. You may have already planned this, but if not, I'd suggest finding them some sort of a flaw.
Apart from that, a great start and I really enjoyed reading this! :D
-SophiaAuthor's Response: Hi, thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I am going to make sure I find the time to go through the chapter again to make sure it is easier to understand, Don't worry their flaws will come out soon, it is just how Drew sees them at the moment. Thanks again for the review. I have made sure to take everything you said on board =D!! Report Review
Haha! That was funny! xD Can't wait to read the next chapter. Update soon, please!Author's Response: Eeeek i'm so glad that enjoyed it, a chapter should be up soon:-). Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I've never quite read a story like this. That is a good thing believe me. I've never read a story where the main OC is already the objects of affections girlfriend already. It is a refreshing change and makes the story much more interesting because it isn't like a hundreds of plotlines I've read before.
So, in all, I love it. You have a brilliant writing style. The words just float off the page and you're able to imagine the story perfectly. I love the characterization of James and Drew. They're both wonderful characters to read about. They keep the story interesting and they make me want to know their story.
I hope you update soon :) I love it.
xxxAuthor's Response: Eek I am so happy that you chose to read it and liked it!! I thought that I would mix it up a bit lol, I mean I reckon there would be so much more drama if they are already going out. I mean with a family that big there will always be something going on. Glad your enjoying the characters and the story, you will deffo find out more about James and Drew in the next chapters:-). Thanks again for the review!! Report Review
In the words of Ron Weasley.. "Bloody Brilliant".
I was literally laughing my socks off when she'd ate that and was chasing Jessica, That's a really good twist ;)
I also loved the way all she could think about was the muffin between the conversation - Its something I'd do ;) I'm loving this story at the moment, Waiting for its next update ;)
xAuthor's Response: Aw thank you sooo much!! Glad you enjoyed the twist:-). Ha ha yeah cravings can just take over your mind sometimes lol. I'm so glad that your still reading and your enjoying it. Glad your arms better:-D and hope that you continue to stay tuned!!! Report Review
Omg I love this story!! I love how the 'Wotters' are a crazy, semi-dysfunctional family, my favourite characters would have to be Drew (obviously), Ruby, Sam and Fred :) James sounds really fit, and good on Drew for giving him stick about being mean about the Hufflepuff team, I always feel a bit sorry for them, ever since they lost Cedric... Drew's friends are awesome, you should definitely write some more about them. Also, WILF... Genius. In a completely innapropriate way... Keep writing!!!Author's Response: aww wow thanks you very so much for the review. I am so glad that you like this story. Yes, you will gradually see more of Drew's friends, ha ha yes people need to know that Hufflepuff's are awesome lol. Hope you keep reading:-)!!! Report Review
Hi there, CDCdancer here from the forums with your review!
I could tell that this chapter was a bit of a filler. All stories have them, so it's okay, yet there could have been more action here. It was sort of slow-moving, which can make some readers lose interest quickly. I would work on having more action, and shorten up the parts that aren't that important to the plot.
You did have about the same about of grammar and punctuation errors, in there. Once those are polished up, this story will also improve greatly.
You also introduced A LOT of characters in this chapter, maybe a little too many for the readers to remember. If you want to use that many characters, and they are important to the plot, you should introduce them to the story more gradually. The characters that you don't really need can be taken out.
Anyway, good chapter, although there were those few things to improve on.
JackieAuthor's Response: Hi there thanks again for the reviews it was much appreciated:-). I have taken all your pointers into account so my next chapter will be much better hopefully. Thanks again:-D!! Report Review
Ha! That was a funny situation! Great long chapter.. Update soon!Author's Response: Thanks for the review, will update soon:-)!! Report Review
hahaha! that is so hilarious! you did a great job, writing it xD
i love your characters. fred, al, james in this chapter were awesome... and drew! obviously. her being hungover and then craving for that muffing. drew being intoxicated ^^ loved it! i really like the way you write the stroy.
wonder what she'll do about lily...Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review it made me smile a lot. You will find out soon:-), hope you keep reading:-D!!! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection