Your ideas seem good, but I wish they were more flushed out. But I am one that prefers longer chapters. Good jobAuthor's Response: Thank you very, very much:) Report Review
This is good :)
Punctuation, grammar and spelling could be worked on but doesn't generally affect the story too much.
Bit excessive on the use of capital letters. If you read a book, capital letters are hardly ever used apart from in exceptional circumstances, so try describing the emotion and how the characters are speaking with more adjectives, and edit out the capital letters in both chapters.
This is the start to a really good novel, please keep going and be positive about it - well done (y)Author's Response: Thank you and actually if you read 'Order of the Phoenix' they use quite alot of shouting near the start. Thank you and i hope you like the next chapter i just did. :) Report Review
this is a great start! I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this- you have a good grasp on the characters and, with a little work on punctuation and grammar, you'll have the basis of an absolutely fantastic fanfic on the way. :)Author's Response: Thank you :) Report Review
AWESOME! I loved it! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Especially the chicken bit. :PAuthor's Response: Thanks and i don't like being serious all the time. :P Report Review
Hee hee hee hee hee. I loved this chapter. It was time for grieving, but humor will help. Good One.
FoMAuthor's Response: Thank you so much and thank you for reading on :) and commenting on both :) Report Review
Interesting. A good start, but check your spelling. I'll continue.
FoMAuthor's Response: Thank you i think :P Report Review
LOL!!! :-) The Molly-as-a-chicken scene is just too funny and a very original, clever idea... LOL!!!
There were only one or two grammar errors in there; one I noticed was "WHAT HAVE YOU LSO EXACTLY"; LSO should be LOST.
There is one part I strongly disagreed with was the bit where Ron shouted out "SHE ISN'T YOUR MUM AND NEVER WIll BE, YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD, GONE, DECEASED- SHE IS MINE AND ALWAYS WILL BE". No matter how angry he gets, I don't think Ron could ever, ever say something that horrid. Maybe he would get jealous of his mother's love for Harry, but he would never rub it in Harry's parents are dead.
The only other note I would make is that I think Harry and Ginny are rushing into things by getting engaged; they are still so young and Ginny hasn't even left Hogwarts yet.
Despite this, this is a good chapter, the best so far, and Molly's chicken moments are hilarious! The cliffhanger is good, I look forward to the next chapter! Please update soon :-)Author's Response: I would like to say if you haven't watched the Part 1 of 'Deathly Hallows' i wouldn't read this but Ron actually says something to that extend in it.
You will find out what happens with the engagement in the next chapter. Thank you for keeping to read my novel :) Report Review
An interesting start. It is well-written with only a few grammar errors. I liked the Molly vs Draco scene, it's one I haven't seen done before.
But, as for Harry and Ginny, personally I don't agree that they'd just click back together like that; obviously they'd still love eachother but they'd brpken up, remember? JK would have written it with them at least talking a little before kissing.
And as for the rest of their... activities, I definately don't agree with this. They are only seventeen and sixteen; is it even legal for Ginny to do that? JK always writes them as honest people who do not seem to randomly sleep with eachother, especially not at their age and just after all that grief. The same goes for Ron and Hermione.
Sorry for being so critical, I know everyone has their own interpretation of what happened after the battle, it's just I strongly disagree with "sleep with eachother straight away" scenes (especially at their age).
Besides that, this is a very good story and I look forward to reading more :-)Author's Response: With there grief and the way their feeling there bond to be overrun with emotions about everything and just want to hold each other and never let go.
I never actually said their activities, i only said when they put their clothes back on but that could have just there tops so it only became that way in your head. I did this so people can imagine it how they want to imagine it. Thank you for reading and thank you for being my first review. :D Report Review
I hope you write more it's really good!Author's Response: Thank you so much. :) Report Review
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