Very interesting beginning to a story! Thank you writer.Author's Response: No, thank you! :D Report Review
It's a fun idea for a fanfic, but you really need to work on your word choice and grammar. It sounded really cheesy at points.Author's Response: Thanks for the crit, I'll try and work on that. :) Report Review
That was as good as it's predecessor :)
I can't wait for you to post the next chapter, so update as soon as you can!Author's Response: Ah, thank you! Hopefully my muse will come back for this story some time soon because I have really good feelings for it. :) Report Review
Good but you need to try to keep your characters the dialogue sounds like it's coming from one character.Author's Response: ok thanks :) Report Review
still intrigued...now to meet her father? Mother?Author's Response: Ah, yes. Her father. And her brother. And perhaps a special someone... ;) Report Review
I hope your writing muse comes back soon! I'm extremely intrigued and I really like it so far. I think it's a good foundation for the coming chapters, I'm quite interested to see what will happen while they're trapped in the book.
I'm sure Rose and Scorpius will get on better terms eventually, and obviously find a way out!
Great job, I look forward to reading more soon. :)Author's Response: Thank you :) I hope my muse comes back soon too xD Report Review
I quite enjoy this so far, do update when you get a chance! I can't wait to see where you go with it. : )Author's Response: thank you! the next chapter is in the validation queue! Report Review
It seems like a very good story! Can't wait till the second chapter!Author's Response: thank you :) Report Review
Ooh no!! You can't leave it here! Now Im just dying to read further. The beginning is great, very intriguing. Do update soon :)Author's Response: Thank you! It's just your luck that I have just written my second chapter and am just waiting for my beta to edit it before putting it up :) Report Review
Hey! I really like this as an introductory chapter - it's very intriguing, and makes me think that anything could happen next! I'll deffo be checking back for updates!
EMJAuthor's Response: thank you ^_^ Report Review
Mmm, interesting. :)
It is short but that kind of gives it a more stronger effect.
Can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thank you :) Report Review
That was really good :)
I can't wait to read the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you :) Report Review
whoa, exciting stuff!
Can't wait to read more! :)
xxAuthor's Response: Thanks! ^_^ Report Review
Hello! Just fulfilling your review request!
First, I'd like to say that this is interesting and that I'll probably still read it after this! :)
Now onto business... Rose calling the librarian "miss" seems a little weird as she's known as Madam Vincent, and it doesn't seem right that she would call an elder and superior "miss". And supplying her appearance where you did seemed out of place, though I DO think that her description is accurate, even her hair since red hair is a recessive trait (meaning that for her to have red hair like the rest of the Weasley's, Hermione would have to have been a redhead as well). You could have mentioned that Rose was looking at the librarian through her sunglasses and then gone into her eyes and why she was wearing them.
One of my questions is this: Why did she need in the Restricted Section in the first place? If it's not going to interfere with later in the story at some point, I'd mention it.
The description of the "whirlpool" and its affects could have been more dramatic; where is it coming from? The pages of the book? out of thin air? Why was the pull of it emotional, what else was she feeling?
Last thing, I don't know if it was mentioned before but your use of "forwards" instead of "forward" is, to me, distractiong. While they are the same thing, "forward" would sound better. I even had to read it aloud to myself.
Overall, I think this is a good start. If you go back and tweak it, I think it could be a really strong prologue and start. :)
Hope that helped!!Author's Response: Thank you. Another reviewer has mentioned that where I described her was a bit out of the blue. I guess I should have tried to lead onto it a bit more.
This is my first adventure/action fic, so making things dramatic is new for me. Hopefully as I get deeper into the story my adventure/action writing skills will improve.
Thanks for the nice review.
NARIS Report Review
I like this story, although I think that the eyes and hair seem a little off, I think that rose would have red hair. But other than that grammar and spelling are good also it is a nice cliff hanger. I would have prefered for the chapter to be longer but the storyline seems good and I will definatley continue reading if you update.Author's Response: Thanks you!
I thought that Rose should have a mix of red hair and brown hair, so it was auburn. I think it should have been lighter red when she was younger but keeps getting darker as she gets older.
Sorry it's so short. I usually write longer chapters but I just wanted to leave it on a cliffhanger. xD Report Review
Wow, a good start. I like your description of Rose, although when you described her hair and eyes it seemed a bit out of place, as she's giving the librarian the slip. But still a good description :)
The end was a good cliffhanger! I'll definitely read more if updated :) Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thanks!
Hopefully I'll update soon, I have a whole week with nothing to do so I'm sure the ideas will come. Report Review
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