Hello again! Its been too long, once again and that's mostly my fault because the power got off in my house! I know, right? Its almost like its not meant to be! Haha. I like the differences with this, versus some of the other NG out there but does this count as Next Generation or AU? Hm..I should pay more attention! Anyway, nice start, just a few of those boring grammar issues but other than that, nothing wrong! Sorry for the delay with Albus, I'm trying to get another story up and they're giving me a hard time, so check that out when its up if you like! Anyhoo, my friend, my mum is booting me off the computer so I'll chat with you another time!Author's Response: Hi again.
Thanks for once again taking the time to stop by and taking the time to read and review one of my chapters. Reviews help an author to better their writing. And I think you do that wonderfully. I'll try and catch the other story when it comes out. Catch you later. Report Review
i was totally surprised when james told all three first year " that big guy". how come potter children haven't meet hagrid before and here also when they finally met to hagrid , he treated them just like another stranger which is complete opposite to hagrid . even ade was not surprised after seeing so big man ( its not usual for him to see hagrid type man as he has come from muggle community )
8/10Author's Response: I see what you mean where Hagrid is concerned, how could I have overlooked that. I will go back and change that and add more description once my T.E.C.H. story is complete. Thanks for pointing that out. You were the only one to spot that out of all reviews I've received.
Thanks again for the words of advice. They're much appreciated.
Please don't let those silly mistakes put you off reading the rest of this or any of my other stories. Report Review
its different story that's why i picked it up
i have read only this chapter u have named harry daughter hermoine , i am afraid that actual hermoine didn't survived the battle in ur story and also ron as there is no description about them. i hope my assumption goes wrong.
overall its well idea but what i feel that u should elaborate the few scene just like the departure of twins u have simply written that they were nervous , no special talk to their parents before going to hogwarts , u have even not described the sorrounding of platform
hope i will get more in the next chapterAuthor's Response: Harrys daughter was named in honour of Hermione. I will be looking again at some of my stories and making any changes then. But for the time being most of my stories are on hold until my T.E.C.H. story is totally down loaded to the site. It is complete and I'm adding new chapters as each is validated. If you want a good read I'd recommend it. It's based in a different type of Hogwarts, which is why it's AU.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a few words of advice. Report Review
The story was fine till here, looking forward to read more.
Keep writing... :)Author's Response: Hello again.
Thanks for stopping by again.
Could you please explain further by what you mean by alright until then. I was a bit puzzled. Many thanks.
Please check out my T.E.C.H. story and tell me what you think. Report Review
The chapter's good, but I think you should mention Stephen as 'he' or 'the boy' before he tells McGonagall that he would like to be called Stephen. Rest chapter's fine...
Keep writing... :)
P.S. I read your story after so long, I wanted to read since long back but was busy with RL.Author's Response: Hello.
Thanks for the advice. I'll have a look at that later and see if I can make any changes.
At the moment I'm concentrating on my story T.E.C.H. I want to get all that up, so I've put all others on hold.
Thanks again for stopping by and leaving a review. Report Review
Hi there, was just browsing and I thought I'd drop a quick review. I like the plot and the idea a lot as it's given you a great deal of flexibility and potential to explore as the storyline progresses: it's certainly not clear what's going to happen next!
There's also just a handful of things that I'd like to suggest that could help make it even better and easier for the readers to follow:
* More description of the characters (height, size, face, hair...)
* Direct speech: who said what (can be tricky to keep track)
* Point of View: it does jump around a bit and I find the stories that hold my attention the best follow one (or maybe two) characters the most closely. I'm not sure who the main character(s) are here.Author's Response: Hi. Many thanks for reviewing. If you read the short story (prequel) that I've started you will see who the main character is in this story.
There is another main character, but the identity is (for the time being) remaining secret for now. SORRY. I'm glad you like the plot and storyline, I'll try and edit and make the changes you suggest. Please feel free to read my other stuff and let me know what you think.
Thanks once again for taking the time to leave a few comments.
magicmuggle01 Report Review
Also, great bit of humor at the end, about "Minnie" McGonagall!
~mugglemaniaAuthor's Response: Thank you my friend, I thought I would add a bit humour, and the Minnie bit seemed very apt for that moment in time. Thanks again for reviewing and I think I will make this story my priority for the next update.
Magicmuggle01 Report Review
A loverly chapter
9/10 for a few grammatical errorsAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review my friend. As I said before, there is still more work to be done on this story.
Magicmuggle01 Report Review
Interesting prequel. I think the prequel was a very good idea.
~mugglemaniaAuthor's Response: Hello my friend. Thank you for the review. I still have some more work to do with this story. So watch this space.
Magicmuggle01. Report Review
You have got an interesting and original plot here and I'm really loving it!
However the chapter dosen't really flow and there are a few grammar mistakes - I would suggest getting a beta to help you sort this out.
This isn't normally the sort of thing I would read as I prefer to read canon Next Gen and I can't say I'm really pleased that the twins are called Hermione and Frederick when Harry and Ginny's two younger children are called Albus and Lily. I'm hoping there is an explanation in a later chapter as to why they are called that.
xAuthor's Response: Hi Mi Lady. First I would like to say thank you for taking the time to leave a review. I decided to name the twins Frederick and Hermione because I thought it would be something different to what everyone else was doing. Has you can tell I'm not quite a conformist when it comes to alot of things. Please do read on, I've been told in other reviews that the story does get better. I've been thinking of going over the first chapter again and correcting any mistakes. Thanks once again for taking the time to leave a note. Report Review
Wow good story great writing!!!
Plus don't read my response to the review you sent my
My Phyco of a friend wrote it so ignore her
My idea for the whole story was based on a picture i saw on the internet!!!
Keep the chapters coming
Kako XAuthor's Response: Many thanks for reviewing the first chapter of this story. Much more to come so please continue reading. Report Review
deff a great start, back at kings cross! so many memories there... 9/10
~~VAuthor's Response: Awww thank you for those kind words. I hope the rest meet up to your expectations. Thanks for the review and keep reading. Report Review
This has potential!
7/10Author's Response: The stranger (before you ask) is not the son of bellatrix. There will be a surprise where that peson is concerned. But Ade will be playing a big part in the main part of the story. Thanks once again for the review. Report Review
"To quote a great headmaster..."
That made me sad...Author's Response: Thanks once again for the review. Reviews mean so much. Report Review
Huh... Very AU! Though I suppose I'm a fine one to talk with Bella turning good...
I like it!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I hope you enjoy the rest. Report Review
a nice chap.
waiting for more.
update soon. :)Author's Response: I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the review. Report Review
Very interesting chapter! Your descriptions are a little brief, so for people like me who read fast I tend to skip over little bits and get confused.
I'm a little confused on whose POV it is. Steve, McG, or general, cuz it seemed like we got into a little bit of everyone's brain, or was that just me?
all in all, I'm likin' it, and keep on writing!Author's Response: Hi Sev, thanks for the review. I'll go back over the story and see what can be corrected. Report Review
Good chapter! Short, though *sigh*
Also, I was confused a few times in the first few paragraphs because it called him Stephen before he decided his name.
Good job overall!!!Author's Response: You have to remember my muggle friend, when he was doing the thought talking with another person he had already said his name. But since he was in a strange enviroment he thought amnesia would be a good defence until he was sure of things. So when he was asked what name to be called by he thought about it and came out with his own name. Thank you for the review, I'll try and update asap.
magicmuggle01 Report Review
I have this funny feeling he's gonna go into Gryffindor, am I right? :D I see it's a crossover of some sort? You were talking about the tomorrow people in your other review. not a bad chapter, but please update soon.Author's Response: I'm not saying at the moment about the house. But what I'll say is this (since you appear to know about the tomorrow people) the person concerned has been sent to find a fellow tomorrow person who is about to break out and also has extraordinary powers (which I will not go into just now since it would spoil the story). Thanks for the review. I'm working on the next chapter just now. Report Review
AAH! you are as bad as I am, for the cliffie.
well, the chap's nice, but you could improve a bit. You see, when you write down the conversation, as the one between McGonagal and James, either use direct speech or if you want to use reported speech, see that you write in the third person. Also, when you are writing a paragraph or a scene, the extra info in the brackets is fine but when you enclose anything between " " avoid using brackets, try to write it as if the speaker is adding on the info.
Well, you're story's really nice, and don't mind the instructions, I just thought of suggesting you with tips as a friend.
Keep writing... :)Author's Response: No that's find my friend. How else is a person supposed to improve their story. It's comments like yours and others that really help. With my bad memory I hope I remember what you said. Again I'm glad your enjoying the story, and I'll try and update soon, I'm still awaiting the first chapter of a new story to go through validation, and then I'll be posting chapter 5 of daughter of Voldemort. I'm trying to get as many chapters through while the validation period is low. Report Review
Yippee!!! Another great chapter. I hate cliffhangers, though, so add the next chapter as soon as possible before I explode, wondering which house he'll get into.
Also, this chapter was much better length wise. Longer than the other short ones.
I've noticed something about the dialogue, though. It sounds a bit uptight and formal. Not too badly, though. In real life, people don't always say everything perfectly and formally. I always try to throw in a few "uh"s "um"s and slang in there, and maybe that would help.
Other than that, all I have to say is great job and update soon.
9.5/10Author's Response: I suppose I am kind of formal in my writing now that you mention it. I'll go over it later and edit in a few uh's and um's and maybe a few wass up's as well. Thanks again for the great review and rating and the update will be going in tonight, since I first put this story on the HPFF site it has been very popular with nearly 1500 reads. So who I'm I to disapoint my readers. The latest addition to my Daughter of Voldemort story is short again, before you say anything I'm sorry. Report Review
i really like the detail however i feel that more should have happened, also there are quite a few typos...
a good start though, 8/10 :)Author's Response: Hi, the first chapter is really more of an intro to introduce the main characters. The name Ade is a real Nigerian name which means crown, which fits in with what's in the summary. I'll have to go back and fix the spelling. 8/10, I can live with that please keep reading, it will heat up a bit. And please read the other chapters for my other stories.
Again, it's short, but intriguing
9/10Author's Response: Thanks again for the 9/10. Glad you still like the story. In the new story I plan to make the chapters no less than 1400 words a chapter. It'll be good practice for writing longer chapters for my regular stories. The new story is going to be something special that will blow peoples minds, so remember to look out for sonething new in about a week and a half. Report Review
Great chapter. I wonder what the results are... I'm about to read the next chapter and find out
9/10 only because it's shortAuthor's Response: I know I know. I never was one for long chapters. Glad you liked it. The rating is still great. Report Review
good chap! however I would have liked it had you included some more information in this chap, not that I don't like short chapters but the info in this one seems limited.
But I liked the form your story is taking, I'm sure the story is going to be quite interesting...
And yes, it is 'Wingardium Leviosa' and 'Repairo'.
Keep writing... :)
annie snapeAuthor's Response: Hi I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. I having a really good time writing these stories and it gives me great pleasure to know that people are enjoying the things I write. I have already made the changes to the mistakes you mentioned. Thanks for the great review and once you read the last chapter I'll update soon. Report Review
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