So you requested this review from me awhile ago, but I kind of unofficially closed my thread down for awhile. Now I'm back and here with your review, and I hope that you forgive me!
You were wondering about Oliver's character in particular, which I don't think I can really comment to just yet - if you want to rerequest when spots are available, feel free. Thus far, I think you've done a decent job with it, and I'd be interested to see how his relationship with his family has developed, given the glimpse you gave us of them shortly after his birth (which I found quite interesting and imaginative). However, like I said, I just don't feel like I've read enough to say too much about it right now.
As far as improvements in general…
Well, I do think that this is a solid first chapter, and I certainly found it intriguing. This is a take on Oliver and his life I haven't really seen before. Starting with it caught my attention as a reader, and I'd be surprised if others didn't feel the same! My only issue with this kind of prologue is that while it often feels interesting and helps draw the reader in, it sometimes isn't really as relevant to the rest of the story as perhaps it could be.
I only mention that because from your story summary, it sounds like this is entirely focused on Oliver and showing depth to him as a character. I'm not sure how that ties in with a prologue about his parents during the FWW - it just seems like it might be a dramatic change in tone in a way that isn't strictly relevant (as opposed to an angsty prologue but a happy chapter 1 because the story will explain how the angst came to be). I could simply be misunderstanding the story summary, of course. It's just a thought. :)
The major issue that I saw in this chapter was in your description and prose. I just didn't feel like there was enough of it, and what was there sometimes conflicted with itself. For example, in your first paragraph, you mentioned that Oliver's parents were holding hands as they walked down the street, but in the fourth you say that Oliver's father was holding him in his arms. Both of those things can't really be true unless he has three arms.
There were a few cases of contradictions like that in your description throughout the chapter, and there were a lot of cases where I felt like you just weren't including enough in the first place. Both scenes have a lot of emotional significance - in the first, the mood is tense and somber, and in the second, it should be light-hearted. I didn't really feel as much of that as I'd have liked to. What were the shadows like in the first scene? What did Oliver see below him as they flew? You don't need to add in paragraphs and paragraphs of description, but a bit more would help flesh it out, you know?
As is, this is an intriguing prologue. It gives a perspective on Oliver that, as I said, I don't think I've seen before, and I like the way you've displayed the end of the FWW from his point of view - it's easy to forget that people like Oliver, Bill, and Charlie were all old enough to remember the end of the war, and that gives them a very different perspective on it than people who are closer to Harry's age. It's was a nice addition, and a nice way to open the story, especially since that's how he discovered flying.
I hope I was helpful, and I'm sorry again about the wait.Author's Response: Hello Beezie and it's okay, I'm sorry for the late response :)
I'm glad you review because I've been meaning to reboot this fic, I wrote under such a different mental state that I feel I didn't do the best job on it.
Thank you for pointing the contradictions and my problems with prose and description I'll keep that in mind while I edit the story :)
You were very helpful and it's true people tend to forget that Bill, Charlie, and Oliver were old enough to remember what the war was like.
Again thank you for this helpful review. :) Report Review
Poor Oliver! I really didn't want to read this chapter because I knew what was going to happen. I'm so sad reading it. I feel awful for him. But bless him for being so gracious to Diggory.
I'm really intrigued as to what the letter home is. I cannot wait to read more. I wonder whether it has anything to do with the Dementors, and what he hears every time they come near him? Or maybe it's something else? Hmm...I wonder? So many questions.
I hope you write another date soon... I think he needs something to cheer him up. Sorry that this review isn't long, but I feel like I'm repeating myself by saying that this story is so good. I cannot find any flaws...well apart from the fact that nothing really happy has happened for him yet.
I liked the interaction between him and Percy too by the way. It was unusual that it was Percy who stayed up to talk to him. It was a nice change.
I cannot wait for an update. Apologies that it took so long. I'll try not to get that busy in future. =]Author's Response: Sorry for such a late response!
I know I felt bad writing this chapter but I'm thinking of expanding it along with some of the others.
Ha you shall see the letter in the next chapter!
He'll get another chance at a date with Robin soon, poor thing he does deserve something happy XD
Yeah I wanted to show that Percy isn't a complete git I mean somewhere in there was a nice guy. I'm hoping to update this more often over the summer :) Report Review
Hey there again. I am so sorry for how long it has taken me to do this... I've had exams so I've been busy, but I'm here now...and this time I promise to finish reviewing for you.
Another great chapter again. It's so weird reading things that we read in canon but from a completely different perspective. I love it. I thoroughly enjoy reading this story, and I must say I am truly grateful that you introduced me to it.
Yet again, Oliver was sublime as a character! I think all of his interactions are perfect as I can imagine them. I can truly imagine how much he panicked when he discovered they were no longer playing Slytherin. I can also imagine him being really shy and socially awkward when it comes to the ladies.
The interaction between him and Robin made me laugh, which was a nice change from the last chapter.
I truly love this story. Your writing is fab! I cannot wait to read more, and please do keep me updated on the story. I'm intrigued to see how it develops in the future. =]Author's Response: Hello sorry for the late response XD between my school work and Nano I have almost no time left over so it's okay for you to be late.
Really thank you I'm happy you enjoy this story, I'm dying to write another chapter. You don't know how happy it makes me to see that you like Ollie, I thought he was unlikable. Especially since he's usually portrayed as this confident jock-y type.
Don't worry I'll keep you updated :) Thank you for the review :) Report Review
Oh how cute! I'm so happy little Oliver got his chance to prove to the guys that he could play quidditch and they won! I thought you did a great job with the chapter showing how much Quidditch means to Oliver even before he gets to Hogwarts. I only noticed one mistake and it was here: "Elliot there his arm around Oliver" I'm not sure if there is supposed to be threw or what but I thought I would point that out and then also this sentence: "That day for the first time the children of the north won a Quidditch game." was repeated twice and it broke up the flow of the story a little bit. But other than that i didn't spot any other errors and the flow was fine other than in that one part! I really liked the look into Olivers life and hope to keep reading this sometime again! Great Job!
Recensio 2012Author's Response: Isn't he cute :P I loved writing this chapter. :)
It's okay thank you for pointing out the mistakes in this chapter. Thank you for your review :) Report Review
I have one huge issue in this chapter. Is Dai a significant character? There just seems to be new characters being introduced into the plot all the time, and I'm finding it a little confusing. I mean, what's happened to Sophia? Is she still around? I think perhaps sticking to a few significant characters, otherwise it may get a little confusing for people like me.
Negatives out of the way, I think this was again such a lovely chapter. I am very very very sad though. I told you that I would be if their date was awful. Guess what? I'm crying! That was the worst date I've ever read. (Not because of your writing just to clarify) You know it's an awful date when you don't even get to the date part! I feel so bad for the two of them. They were both definitely looking forward to it, and it's such a shame that it had to be ruined. I'm so sad!
However, I suppose there is always hope as she has told him that he owes her a date. I only hope that if they do go on another date, it turns out better than this one did.
So far the characterisation is fine. Honestly, it seems to come naturally to you, and I think you've planned Oliver brilliantly. I cannot emphasize enough how much of a great character he is...and he's so likable! Keep up the great work! =]Author's Response: Dai will be significant, in the sense that she's Robin's best friend. As for character introductions that'll be it.
Yeah I tend to write bad first dates XD but hopefully they'll get another shot especially since I'd like to see who asks who out. Thank I always thought my Ollie lacked "POW" you know and these reviews make me smile, aww of course he's likeable I mean it's Oliver :P (PS: sorry to make you cry lol) Report Review
Well well well, isn't he a complicated cookie. Firstly, I must say I feel bad for Sarah...but...not that bad...Oliver got himself a date! I am actually currently dancing I'm that excited! Though, it wasn't with Sophia as I wanted. Still, I will forgive you.
I wonder how their date is going to go. I hope it's a nice one, and that you don't make it awful. This would make me sad again.
I really like Oliver as a character. I think you portray him very well. You seem to have great knowledge of how you want him as a character which I think is something very rare. You seem to know every intricate detail about him, which makes him so believable in this story. I definitely think it was believable that he was nervous about asking her on a date, yet was completely elated when she agreed.
I liked that you included chivalry again too. I seem to like that side of him as it was not something we saw in canon. I think you've developed that side of him very well.
Also, I liked the inclusion of the letter from his mother, though I do wish it had been longer. It gives a rare insight into how life is at home for him, and I for one would love to know what that life is like, though knowing my luck, I've written this and it will be in the next chapter, and then I'll feel silly.
I didn't see any issues or bugs in this chapter (yay!) which has made me an incredibly happy bunny! =]Author's Response: Sorry about this being a complicated cookie XD I don't like Sarah so I don't feel bad for her :P No it won't be an awful date I promise :P You know what now that I will take the time to edit this story I will make that letter longer because I rarely write his home life. (I thought my version of Ollie wasn't as obessesive of Quidditch as in the books so I was worried about him but I'm happy to see that you think I have a good grasp on Ollie!)
I'm happy your a happy bunny! In fact now I'm a happy bunny or cat because I like cats better :P Report Review
Wow! Okay now.
So, I thought Sophia was the girl that he met in Diagon Alley when they were shopping...but now I don't think they are...are they? Perhaps I didn't read it close enough? Goodness, I am confused. Though I do think it's just me. I don't think my confusion is a reflection of your writing at all, so don't worry about it too much. I'll figure it out in the end.
I can't believe Sophia blurted out that his dad had an affair! What? I think it was right for Oliver to react in that way, as he does not seem the confrontational type in canon, and therefore it would have been unrealistic for him to confront his father about what had happened. I am very curious as to what the family life was like when it happened, and years later. I hope you write a little about it or refer back to it at some point.
I loved the inclusion of Charlie Weasley's influence on him too. It was nice to see that Oliver admired that he was fair and hard-working. These are qualities we later see in Oliver, so it makes sense that he would have been under a captain with the same qualities. I think this was very well thought out on your behalf so I commend you for it.
Robin? Well hasn't this just thrown a spanner in the works. I was hoping for a little romance between Sophia and Oliver...but now Robin is in the equation. I don't know who I'm rooting for here! Please just end my misery and tell me which one he falls for, as I'm assuming it is not both of them...or is it? I don't think I could handle that either to be perfectly honest!
There are so many twists and turns in the plot, yet none of them are unrealistic. I think Oliver so far has been brilliantly written, and very well thought out, and I definitely think that you should be proud of the work that you have written so far, for it is brilliant! =]Author's Response: Hello! Sorry I'm taking so long to respond XD
But between revision and coming up with a decent response I'm lost.
No the girl for the alley wasn't Sophia, lol sorry for the confusion.
Sophia thought he knew poor thing, I thought it would too dramatic to get him to confront his father. I will refer back to it at some point don't worry.
I had to include Charlie! What kind of Ollie fic would it be if I didn't mention him :P Thank you I always thought Oliver admired Charlie.
Lol don't we'll see who he falls for soon ;) Thank you for taking your time to review :D *blushes* and for your compliments. Report Review
Hey, sorry it's taken so long, I've had exams to study for and stuff. This is the first proper break I've taken, so I thought it was about time I caught up with this. I hope you forgive me?!
Is the beginning of this chapter meant to be the same as the last one? I will admit I only skim-read the first part as I thought it was the same, so I sincerely hope that it is...otherwise...well I'm going to feel daft to say the least. If it was, why? If not, then yeah, it's similar/the same.
The whole Diagon Alley scene was incredibly adorable. I can imagine Wood as a character defending people in that way, so I don't think it was too unrealistic. Also, the fact that he was raised in a magic family helps, as he knows the meaning of the word, which is similar to canon.
I love that they are still friends when they get on the Hogwarts express, though I do wonder whether that will change now they are in different houses? I hope not. I would be sad, and cry, and eat chocolate then become obese...and all because they are no longer friends. You may want to bear that in mind...some chapters may need editing after you read this review...haha!
I think the only thing which bugged me in this chapter is why Sophia was alone in Diagon Alley? Please tell me you had a reason for this, as otherwise it is just confusing.
Sorry for the ramblings. Overall I think the developments of Oliver's character so far are alright, and none of it had been unbelievable. Great job so far! And once you again my sincerest apologies for how long it's taken me to get around to doing this again! =]Author's Response: Hey it's okay I took a long time to respond XD I've had homework and exams and such XD
Yes the beginning is the same but I didn't mean it XD God the mistakes, well that was a bit embrassing I admit :P But thank you for pointing it out.
No I love Sophia too much to abandon her, and I'm editing the story to include more Sophia and Elliot scenes (so no need for that chocolate lol)
I think I made a mistake Sophia wasn't alone in Diagon Alley it was Robin, which means this chappie needs a lot f editing! Thank you for your review and sorry for taking so long to respond :) so no worries :) Report Review
Aww it was lovely to witness Oliver as a child playing quidditch with the other kids. It was nice to get a feel for his childhood, and I liked how Oliver managed to save the goal and help his side win the game! I liked the idea of the teams being split based on where they lived and the different ages as I can see it happening. And I really liked Oliver's father's advice and how in the end Oliver is accepted into the group. A nice chapter, it'll be interesting to see where this goes next! :)Author's Response: Yay! So I just got a chance to sit down and respond my reviews :D BOO- YEAH!
Thank you :) I really wanted to give a different view of Ollie throughout this fic, so I decided to show what I think were the most important parts of his life (tis fic will go on into the war and all that jazz.) So I'm happy to see you enjoyed his childhood :) Report Review
Two issues in this chapter, so I'll get those out of the way before I move on to the positive stuff. The first is that I was a little confused as to who was speaking and to whom at the beginning of the match before people had kicked off. It may have been just me, but I was really confused by it.
The second was that this sentence was repeated twice, one right after the other:
That day for the first time the children of the north won a Quidditch game.
You may want to just check that, as I know you are going through some editing at the moment, or it says so in the summary. Besides that there were no other issues.
Once again, I cannot really comment on Oliver's character as such. He seems a very pleasant character which is something we know him to be...though he does seem a little doubtful, which I'm sure anyone wanting to prove themselves would be at the beginning. Of what I can see he hasn't done anything that I would consider OOC yet, so I think so far his character is fine.
None of my questions have been answered yet! I sincerely hope that they are. If not I may just keep asking them until you tell me? Only kidding, but yeah, I hope you explain some of them at least in the next few chapters.
I like the time line of the plot so far, especially the way you focus on certain time periods in his life. I'm hoping that you continue to do this, as it's quite refreshing to see how he develops yet remains as passionate about Quidditch. Also I love that he practiced over summer. I thought that was very sweet!
=]Author's Response: Hullo! Nice to see ya :)
Oka saw the two issues, and re-read the chapter so those will be tackled as soon as my editing commences XD (hopefully this week!) Aww thank you I thought the timeline might be confusing but that's what the story will be doing focusing on certain periods of his life otherwise this project would be too big for little ol'me :P Thanks for the review! Report Review
I thought this was a very interesting introduction. Oliver Wood is not a character that we get to know much about in the books, so I always think it's nice when people write their own back stories for him as they have much more creative license.
Were his parents in hiding for a specific reason? Did Voldy come after them for a specific reason? Was he just trying to recruit them the same as lots of others? These are the questions that I hope you will answer...
I notice that the home of their grandparents is in the glen of Ravenclaw. This interests me greatly as I wonder whether this is connected to Voldy coming after them? Are they related to Ravenclaw in some way...or is it the same as Godric's Hollow???
So many questions needing to be answered...
As you mentioned in the thread, you were worried about Oliver as a character. I cannot be of much help in this chapter as we don't really see much of Oliver as we know him, so I don't think he can be OOC in any way. However, there was a nice inclusion of the flying and the broomstick there. I like that you included that, as we get to see where he develops his ambition for flying, though I do wish you had explained what it is he likes/liked about flying so much.
Sorry I could not be of more help in this chapter. Hopefully I can be in the next ones. =]Author's Response: So many question that I need to answer XD See I love this review because those questions are honestly things I never thought of! XD I am worried about Ollie as a character mostly because this fic wasn't as well planned as my other novel XD Thank you I thought the broomstick scene was something cute plus Oliver had to have his love for flying come from somewhere :) You were of alot of help thank you :) Report Review
Oh, this was such a sweet prologue! I've never read about Oliver's parents; in fact, I've never even thought about Oliver's family in general! I think you portrayed the mood of the time perfectly; Charles was rightfully protective about his wife and newborn son, what with Death Eaters prowling the streets everywhere. It was just how a prologue should be; short and mysterious.
I only noticed a minor mistake:
"Charles, is everything alright?" She- "She" should not be capitalized. After dialogue, pro-nouns are not supposed to be capitalized. Definitely not a big deal, it doesn't bother me at all! I still thought this was a wonderful first chapter! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: Thank you for the swap your fic was wonderful :)
I never of Ollie family either until I wrote this but this story is on haitus until the summer when I can edit this story. I feel like I didn't portray Ollie correctly. Report Review
Heey! I decided to do another chapter since the first one was so short compared to mine (x
I really like this chappie too! It's so cute. I think you did a good job with the characters! The kids seem to act just like kids their age should!
And Quidditch! That's always my favourite! Great work!
~EAuthor's Response: Hola!
I glad you also enjoyed this chapter. I always have trouble with kids so I'm really happy your think I portrayed them correctly :) Report Review
This was a really nice first chapter! I really liked it and it makes me want to read more to know more (:
I loved the idea of the couple on the run with the little baby with them, it grasped the interest immediately, so really good work there!
Oliver is one of my favourite characters and I always love to read fics about him, so I'm curious to see where your taking this!
Keep up the good work and thanks again for the swap (:
~EAuthor's Response: Thank you :)
I love Oliver fics as well (it's the reason I wanted to write him :) )
No need to thank me for the swap. I enjoyed your story :) Report Review
a great beginning to your story! I'm so sry that it took me so long to review this story! I really liked how it started out with the war and him being born and then switched to him being five years old and voldemort being defeated. I really liked this chapter it opened it up and I can't wait to see where this story will go particularly with Oliver as the main character. Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: It's okay, it's my first time writing Oliver and I'm shocked to see that people like my take on him :) I'm so happy and I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. Report Review
Hi there, VioletBlade from the forums with pt. 2 of your requested review!
I liked this chapter much better, because it finally featured Oliver (one of my most favorite characters to read about). And, I really liked your chapter because it showed us something most people don't really ever bother to show: the reason Oliver really got into Quidditch, and even him trying hard to prove himself to the others from around where he lived.
Again, there were some issues with dialogue punctuation, and some grammar issues, but nothing that couldn't be fixed with a beta, and it didn't take much away from the storyline. I hope I've been a bit helpful at least with your story, and thank you for requesting from me!
~VioletBladeAuthor's Response: Hello! Thank you for your review I'm happy your like the chapter :)
I love to read about Oliver too :) Report Review
Hi there! VioletBlade here from the forums with your long, long, long overdue review. No doubt you had given up on me, and you would be in the right to do so, but I just looked at my review thread randomly and realized how many people I was letting down so I decided to get to them all.
Language: I will be blunt with you, just because I will make up for it later, I promise! To really attract readers, the first chapter of a story must, must, must be gripping. And to me, the beginning really was not all that gripping. This couple is on the run from Death Eaters, and yet I felt as if they were in no particular hurry, in no particular danger, and thus I felt as if I was slightly let down because of it.
Characterization: Charles Wood: I have mixed feelings about this character. On the one hand, he says he does not see Oliver as a blessing at all, rather an inconvenience, which to me screams 'jerk!'. I do understand that the baby came at a rather violent time in Wizarding history, but to me, any caring father would look at the bundle in his arms and feel nothing but concern and love for his child—especially if he loves its mother. And I can see that Charles cares, just not as much as he should. He does get worried that the baby is sick, and does want to care for his family, which is good, but still, he just struck me wrong I guess.
I might comment on the other characters later on in the story, but there just was not enough of Elaine or Oliver really to do an analysis on them.
Grammar: There were a few grammar mistakes here and there, and you might possibly want to invest in asking for a beta for the story if you wanted to improve it. However, nothing was so bad that it took away from the story at all, so that is very important.
Plot: I am a little confused as to why the Woods had to hide so deeply from society. I mean, they are Purebloods, which would mean that even though they did not necessarily side with Voldemort, neither would they really have been harmed. He does not enjoy harming Pureblood families. And I believe that is what you are insinuating the Wood family is, correct? On the other hand, it is a very different perspective on what Oliver’s life was like growing up, and it is refreshing to see that maybe he did not have quite that perfect life like everyone thinks. And it gives a new side to him, even though we have not met the Oliver we know from the series.
Overall, I think you have a good start to the story, and perhaps if you found a beta to fix some of the grammar issues and whatnot, it would really add more to the first chapter.
Sorry again for the awful wait and I hope I was somewhat helpful!
~VioletBladeAuthor's Response: Thank you for the lengthy review! You were extremely helpful :) I will find a Beta for this story as soon as I can finish edit my other novel.
I wanted to give Oliver another perspective, I mean I don't think he's some mindless jock plus I wanted to explore why he was so into Quidditch amongst other things.
Again thank you and sorry I couldn't write a longer response (I just don't know what to say) and I'll take your advice about the prologue. Report Review
That was a really good introduction! I like that you included Oliver's parents, it was a very original touch and gave a lot of character development that I'm sure will come in handy later on in the story. I also like how you showed Oliver's first time flying, as I think it's probably one of the most important moments in his life for him. The only thing would be that at the "Some day, my son, this will all be yours" line, I couldn't help thinking LION KING!, but that is probably just my brain making wierd connections. Anyways, this a great prologue!Author's Response: Thank you! I wasn't even thinking about lion king when I wrote it XD Now all I can see is Mufasa .
Thank you for reviewing Report Review
Hmmm, short, but intriguing. It's actually a good thing it's short, 'cause it's late and I need to sleep lol :P
Good job!Author's Response: lol It is short isn't XD Thank you, hopefully soon I'll have the next chapter up. Report Review
Hey there, it's Acrules stopping by from the forums with your review.
I've got to say that I was a little dubious about this, but it was actually really nice :) I'd never really thought about what Wood's parents might be doing in the war (or what Wood might be doing at all, really) but I really liked the depiction of a couple with a baby who are really scared. But, I think you could have fleshed out the description of things at the beginning. There was no real description throughout the whole thing, appart from the mention of the stars... and although some people have more descriptive styles than others I think I wanted a LITTLE more. For a start, if it was London - why did it seem so empty? Were there supposed to be other people about, and if they weren't - why? London is pretty busy whenever the time of day, I can see that you've set this at night - but how late is it for it to be quite? Just give me a bit more. You're writing is good, so I definately want a little bit MORE of it, you know?
I liked that the father, Charles, was really unsure about having a son. I thought you captured the whole awkward-first-time-father who doesn't know what to do, especially combined with the effect of the war pushing down on them. That was really good.
Couple of mistakes too:
Charles had to keep them away form harm but where could he go? (should be from harm and personally, I think there shoud be a commar between 'harm' and 'but' although I have been wrong about these sorts of things before).
Also, this sentence threw me a little, but I think it just needs a commar -"She stared(,) panicked at his sudden excitement."
Anyway, after that lovely first section the transition into the second part of felt quite jarring to me. I think you lost some of your poetic style at that point (which I really enjoyed, by the way, it had an almost lullaby-esque feel to it - which is always fun in prologues). And, I dunno, although I truly and honestly love little Oliver's first fly I just didn't warm to that section as much as I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed it a lot - just not as much as the first part.
This was a lovely prologue and it really was a pleasure to read. Feel free to re-request if you think my review's been at all helpful :)
-ACAuthor's Response: Hello! Sorry for my late response.
Thank you for your review, I suppose London would be late but at anytime of day... Oliver's parents weren't involved in the war itself but I do think it would have affected. I take note to correct my errors (thank you for pointing the out)
Really it felt lullaby-esque *blush* Thank you I mean I wrote this such a long time ago I suppose I could write the second part to sort of match the top since it'd flow better that way .
Thank you again Report Review
Tag! You're it!
Just be careful with punctuation and typos! I spotted quite a few places where a comma would have done nicely, and a few missed out words. One is here: 'Her husband turned his brown eyes gave him an exhausted look ' You missed an 'and' out.
Sometimes the sentences don't seem to flow together that easily or coherently.
BUT! Apart from those little things, this was a lovely, perfect prologue! It's sweet, touching, moving and with some gorgeous emotive and descriptive language in there. I've never seen a boy-oliver written before, and it was a pleasant surprise!
Keep it up!
LWG :)Author's Response: Hello LWG
I'll look this over :) Thank you, I'd never seen boy-Oliver so I decided to see what I thought boy Oliver was like :) Report Review
This chapter had a very good reprsentation of dementors and the effects they would have on people. That's intersting that Oliver's parents fighting was his worst memory and how the demontor's really brought it to the forefront.
I remembered when this happened in the books that Harry fell off the broom and I was curious to see how you would incorporate it. We could really feel Oliver's disapointment as something he had worked so hard for was slipping away. I also liked how Cedric was completely a good sport about it.
I can't wait to see what happens in the rest of the story!Author's Response: Harry falling off his broom was the hardest part for me to intergrate but I'm glad it came out ok :)
Back for another chapter!
I like how you manged to integrate the events we know from the books, such as Sirius trying to break in, it relaly gives an air of authenticity.
I enjoyed the paortrayl of Percy as well, how event hough he was a total stuck up prat but at the same time he still wanted to beat Slytherin as much as Oliver.
Oliver's characterization is very good, and we can relly see the pressure he is under since it his last chance at the cup.Author's Response: Thank you
I'm happy you enjoy my view of Percy and Ollie :) Report Review
Back for another chapter!
It was nice to see a chapter from Robin's POV. She definetely seems like a well rounded character, I like how she is feisty and individualistic and not really one of the popular girls. The potential love triangle is also intriguing, but it doesn't seem like Sarah brings a whole lot to the table other than crying all the time. Is Dai Chang Cho's older sister?
Robin and Oliver's interactions were very nice, and getting intoa quidditch argument was so in character for him. The part with filch was funny as well, and I like how Oliver stuck up for her to the Slytherins.
If I may make a suggestion, it would be to just add a few more descriptions, like for example, you could tell us what type of curse Flint used and describe the effects a little more.
Overall this is a really good story and I will definetely read the rest of itAuthor's Response: Dai is Cho's cousin, yeah I need to bring more of Sarah but for now she doesn't have an important role for now.
Of course you can make a suggestion and that suggestion is a good one :) I'm glad you like the story, it makes me happy to see people are enjoying Oliver's tale. Report Review
Back again for chapter 5!
I liked the further developments to Oliver's character, giving him some added layers of depth. First, we got to see how he kind of put academics on the backburner, which was toally in character. I also liked how he was totally awkward around girls, it makes sense given how much time he devoted to quidditch that he might not have the best social skills.
I really enjoyed Percy's inclusion. He is such a prat, but its totally in character. The parts with Fred and George were a nice touch as well.
I liked how Oliver stuck up for Robin, and their relationship seems to be developing at a nice pace so far.Author's Response: Santa! Another present! Yay XD
Thank you :) Yeah I always thought Oliver wasn't very smooth, I mean he seemed so devoted to Quidditch and all. Percy seems like a prat but he isn't
I love Robin :) Report Review
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