An intense narrative; I felt like reading one of those really nice, hard to read-between-the-lines-but-beautiful-when-you-do-read-between-the-lines books... even if it was only a short chapter.
Will you develop this into a story? The imminent pull of darkness, the underlying emptiness that is slowing getting filled by intoxicating chaos is very attractive (I'm really sorry about the wording!!) - it's wonderful... :)
M.H.Author's Response: Hey there!
Wow thank you so much for your absolutely stunning review - can't tell you how much feedback means in fanfics :)
As for developing this further, I may possibly; that said, I'm not a hundred percent sure yet - it's all time permitting and if my muse for it works out :D
Thanks so much for your interest and review! Really glad you liked it! Report Review
This story feels real dark. The narrator has a vengeful, even spiteful aura about her that I rather enjoy. (Spite is deliciously sadistic to me.) I'm guessing this character is an OC? I heart those! And although I don't really care for Voldemort stories (which this seems like he'll be a very dynamic character in this story) I do love a tale about other "antagonists."
However, there are a few points you should look at grammatically. You've written a few fragments for dramatic effect (which is perfectly fine) but some of them felt a lit eerie to me, as though, they would've been better with a comma instead of a period. In the first paragraph, you forgot a word ("to" I think it was), and toward the end you begin a sentence with the word "infiltrating" where I feel (or at least when I read) that that entire sentence would be better attached to the previous one.
Almost forgot: you've written "bidding" everywhere. Bidding, you know, like at an auction. "Biding" is the word you're looking for. The general rule for adding ing to word like this is to simply drop the e for words with long vowels (bide > biding, spare > sparing) and to double the consonant for words with short vowels (bid > bidding, spar > sparring).
In any case, I'd like to see where this is going. Keep me in the loop.
Your Birthday Buddy
--AxjionAuthor's Response: Thank you Axe! :D
Really pleased you like it ^_^ It's weird as anything getting back in to fanfiction :p Spite really is awesome, I agree ;) I love the darker fics with the angsty emotion, and I prefer writing them too :)
Ahh grammar; the bane of my existence :D Now you know why I'm much more in to Sciences than languages even though languages are more fun :D Thank you for all those pointers!
I've edited the title... And the chapter I will edit...eventually... when I'm not being lazy. Kick me if I am :D Maybe I can use the "Brits spell differently to Americans" thing.. hahahaha *procrastinates*
Thank you so much and really glad you liked it and the review was awesome helpful :) If I write more... I'll letchoo know ^_^ *squishes* Report Review
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