Hey there! academica here with your requested review :)
I really loved this, as simple as it was. Your imagery was beautiful, and the emotions really came through quite poignantly. I didn't see any errors with grammar, spelling or punctuation either, which is always a plus.
As for a spin-off, I think this could do with one. Your characterization is very vague here, and if you wrote a short story to expand on it, things might be a little less confusing. You could more fully identify the characters and explore the moments that led up to this argument and what came to pass afterwards. If you do that, it might be good to do it from the other person's perspective, so that we can see the woman's side of this feud. Your writing is really beautiful, and I can't help but encourage good writers to write more, obviously :)
Great job! Thanks for requesting a review, and I hope my comments are helpful to you. I always love to stumble across a hidden gem, and this one was definitely a pleasure to read.
academica (Slytherin)Author's Response: Thank you very much (:
I have been brainstorming and trying to figure out how to introduce the characters - as well as decide which characters to use! I have been thinking of four-five chapters with both of their pov in each, however I'm not too sure.
Thank you once again (: I'm glad you did like it!
-Malia Report Review
Wow. Talk about awesome writing! This story is amazing! I loved how the characters could have been anyone. It made it seem really mysterious. It was so bittersweet; the reminiscences were lovely, and happy, but in the context they made it sound like the relationship was failing, even if both sides were trying their hardest to make it work. I loved it. Excellent work!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it. I'm thinking of making a short story off of this, and building onto the characters more so if you're interested - come back! (: Report Review
Wow, this was beautiful. Terse yet it is eloquent and flowing and all sorts of lovely!
I have to admit the banner was what intrigued me first, but the summary coupled with the graphics - that was just a good choice.
I really rather loved the description in this piece. You manage to convey so much in such a short space of words and the depth of this piece is amazing.
The characterization of your male character was so gorgeous. You could see his pining and yearning for better times, and yet you could only feel bad for the female because it seemed her heart was breaking.
It's heartwrenching and painful yet it simply is, and whilst being so very simple it is also poignant and profound. I rather enjoyed it very much.
I don't have any criticisms or anything I would change. I know there's always room for improvement, but I would say that this was perfection - just the way it was.
If anything, though, I would love to know whom the couple was. In the long run, it isn't important, but I'm curious.
Oh gosh, thank you so much!
Ha, I'm one of those people who judge stories by their banner (it's a bad habit) so I try to make sure that when I make the banner, it sort of reflects the story itself and looks well put together :P
I'm really glad you liked the description! I'm never sure about that when I'm writing. However, I am sort of proud of this oneshot with the flow of words. Ah! I'm glad that's what you get from the characterization; that's what I was going for (;
I'm really glad you liked it, I'm sort of smiling my face off :P
Ah, the couple! In my mind, I was writing it as Hermione/Ron. To me, they're relationship never seemed as if it would run smoothly at all. However, I know how some people like to imagine their own pairings when reading so I more than always don't give it away when writing (;
Thank you so much! â¥ Malia Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection