Awesome story! I liked how it showed that the 'Good' side isn't necessarily perfect; it made the story really realistic. The only criticism that I have is that the story's over! Great writing!Author's Response: Thank you, that's great to hear! :) I'm glad you liked that! Thanks! Haha, sorry about that. But it's good to know that you liked that story!
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Poor boy really. How hard must it be to accept that your faith is to stay detached of everything and everyone? You make this loud and clear in such a heartfelt way; it feels kind of hard not to feel pity for him though not necessary like him nevertheless. I feel if he isn't a bad guy, he isn't one that wants to be liked anyway, right?
I really loved this little piece; the rythm is perfect, following Theo's reflection and introspection. The moments you chose to present and the obstacles he faces presently and the ones he can anticipate are perfect moments to show him grow as a person.
You did a really wonderful job in giving life to this minor character and I had an amazing time reading it. You have a real flair for catching the soul of a character and putting it into words. I can honestly say that you have a real gift for writting so keep going because you are a pleasure to read!
Thanks again for requesting!
AkussaAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you! It's great to hear what you thought of this. I really don't know how to respond, but thanks for all the compliments! :)
No, I don't think he really wants to be liked. In fact, he probably doesn't care much about being liked or not, as long as people don't acknowledge him most of the time.
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! It's good to know the rhythm was perfect this way, and that the moments seemed meaningful :) I hoped they would be.
I'm glad you did, and thank you! Once again, thanks a lot for all your great compliments! I'm fairly sure I'm blushing here :)
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Hey hun, thanks for giving me the opportunity to read the two other chapters of this story; like I said in the forum, I didn't see them pass by!
What a wise young man. I really, really love your characterization of Theo. It is rare that a loner such as this one can be presented as well as you do here. You write him as an insighful and really quite down to earth person; a boy stuck between two sides of a war and seeing the strenghts and weaknesses of both.
I liked the way he perceives his classmates too; how he is so observant but refuses to take part in anything when he could do great things for which ever side he choses.
All in all, this is a really great chapter; short, but it carries so much emotions and insight into a very unlucky young man who hasn't found his place in the world.
AkussaAuthor's Response: That's okay, and thanks a lot for reviewing!
Thank you :) I'm very glad you like his characterisation so much! It's great to hear you think he's presented well here.
I'm glad to hear that too, thanks! It's good to know that he really came off as a loner and an observer. He could probably do great things indeed (I have to admit, I hadn't even thought about that).
Thank you, I'm glad you think so! And thanks a lot for all your very kind words, and for your review in general! :D Report Review
Ah, the last chapter already? Seems like this little gem flew by! :)
You know what I've just noticed? You never mentioned his name. In all three chapters, you never actually said Theodore's name out right. I mean, you gave clever little hints and prodded the readers in the right direction, but you never said his name. I thought that was so nifty of you! I mean, it's obvious who the MC is (at least to me, it is) but you never confirm it in the story outright. This might have to do with the fact that it's in first person. I mean, Theodore isn't one to refer to himself in third person, is he? Malfoy, I can believe. :P But I thought that was very, very clever of you!
Something else I just noticed: there's no dialogue in this story. Yet another reason why the identity of Theodore is never mentioned, I suppose. But the fact that there is no dialogue is rather good, in my opinion. Dialogue would have taken away from the story, I think. The reader is simply on a little journey in the head of Theodore Nott. We listen to his thoughts, and he's telling us a story, in a sense he probably doesn't even realize. Dialogue would have disturbed the flow and feeling of the story. And I imagine, no dialogue would've given you an easier time writing present tense. ;)
Like I ranted on about in my last review, the characterization of Theodore really leaps off the page. The style you choose to write this in -like the reader is inside the mind of Theodore- really helped the characterization.
Now that I think about it, the last line for all three chapters has been "It's all Potter's fault." It ties in with the title quite nicely, of course, and it brings a point to the story.
All around, this was a well-written story. Thank you once again for entering my challenge. Hopefully, the results will be out soon, so keep an eye out for that! See you around hon, and keep writing! ^_^Author's Response: Yep :) Thanks!
:D Thank you! I'm glad you liked that aspect of the story! You're right, I don't think Theodore would be the sort of person to refer to himself in the third person. That would be just odd to write, too.
Haha, that would be funny, writing a story about Malfoy in the third person and reveal at the end that he himself is actually the narrator :P
No, there's no dialogue indeed. As you said, I think I might've had some trouble writing dialogue into a present tense, third person story, so yeah, that's also part of the reason. And you're right, it wouldn't really fit in the story. His constant repeating of the fact that he wants to be left alone would make no sense if people were constantly talking to him and he talked back ;) It's kind of like a little journey indeed, I think... it floats around a bit, and dialogue would've been odd. Thanks for noticing that!
Once again, I'm uberglad you like the characterisation! :D It was nice trying to write a character this way.
I'm glad you noticed that too! It kind of keeps the chapters from just being random outtakes of his fifth year, or so I hope.
Thank you, that's great to hear! Thanks for landing me with such an interesting character to write! I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for the results, and I'll see you around then! :D
Thanks a lot for your review!!
Hello again Flying Rabbit! ^_^
Your characterization, I think, is what truly makes the story. Mind you, there are many other great things- the present tense that managed to stay consistent, no glaring grammer errors, etc. There's a thread in the forums about engaging writing; I don't know if you've read it. But your characterization of Theodore is really what makes your story engaging. You write him so well. I think you've nailed his character perfectly. Like I said in my last review, you've taken every single little detail we know about him into account.
You've gotten the point of the challenge. I made this challenge because so many people were overlooking the minor characters. Just because the character mostly stays in the backgroud, it doesn't mean they're not interesting people. Many writers don't see the potential of minor characters, and when they do write them, they're bland and boring. Which isn't necessarily true. Just look at Theodore Nott. You've made him come alive, in a way. He isn't just the quiet, loner Slytherin; he's a complex character with faults and virtues, quirks and the like.
He's wise beyond his years, in a way, isn't he? Or perhaps he has a knack for noticing things others miss. But his thoughts on the Inquisitorial Squad and Malfoy seemed not only very in character for Theodore, but also quite deep and thoughtful. Particularly the bit about Malfoy thinking he is a leader and not realizing it's in his blood to follow and obey, rather than lead. How very silly and vain Draco seems in comparison to Theo. Though I can spot the same arrogance of Malfoy in Theodore as well. I suppose it's something all purebloods have in common. ;)
I'm very sorry for taking so long to get here. I don't have any excuses. Though I'm now off to read and review the next (last? Didn't you mention it would be around 3-4 chapters?) chapter. Take care, dear.Author's Response: Hello :)
Thank you, that's great to hear! I must say, I'm positively glowing right now ^^ Thank you for all your great compliments! (and to think it's only the first paragraph of your review!) I'm glad you liked the characterisation so much (and the other things as well, of course!); I think he's just fascinating like that :D
Thanks, that's also good to know :) It's quite a pity indeed that so many people write only the major and not the minor characters. You'd throw away most of the people that are mentioned in the books, while they're all interesting in their own way. Thank you!
I think he might be wise beyond his years, yes. I mean, he's seen his mum get murdered - that should have some impact on him, I assume. But I also think that people who stay in the background might (if they want to, that is) notice a lot of things nobody else pays any attention to. I'm glad you thought those thoughts seemed in character for him, that's great to hear! :D And yes, I think all the old pureblood families like the Malfoys and the Notts might still have a certain degree of arrogance they can never quite get rid of, even if they turn away from everything their family believes in (I mean, look at Sirius).
That's alright :) You got here eventually, didn't you? And yes, as you had already noticed by now, the next chapter was the last ;)
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Again, this is really good.
+ Who is the main character? (Sorry if you answered this in your last reply! I haven't seen it yet, if you have. :D)
+ I love the mystery. It makes the reader hungry, thirsty, NEED more. So he or she can understand what is happening. I love it.
(LiveLoveLaughHarryPotter on the forums.)Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you think so!
Ah, I promised I'd tell you, right xD Uh... well, think back to the paragraph about the dorm (which is about as explicit as it gets, I know :P). Right, since you could easily read it in other reviews anyway, I'll just tell you it's Theodore Nott. I hope that wasn't too unexpected ;)
Thanks :) That's great to hear!
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I decided to give you two reviews, because (a) it'll be easier for me to remember what happened this chapter. (b) Also because it adds more to your review count! :)
I just have one question: Who is the person? The main character, I mean. Does it say in the next chapter?
Well, that's two questions. :)
I love the mystery in this. It's so... mysterious. Sorry, not good with coming up with synonyms on the spot.
I'll go review the next chappie now! :)
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums.)Author's Response: Haha, okay :) Thank you!
Who's the MC... well... I'll tell you in your next review :P But, as you already noticed, it's not (specifically) in the next chapter. If I would've put the MC's name in the story, he'd have to... mention his name to himself, pretty much. Since the story focuses on what he does and thinks. And that would be a bit weird, I think ;)
I'm glad you like the mystery in this, thanks :) Haha, and that's fine. I'm not too good at that either.
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Hello, flying_rabbit! ^_^
First of all, thank you for writing this and requesting for me to review. I always like reading about minor characters and Theodore Nott is really one of those really obscure, intriguing ones, don't you think so? I know this is for a challenge but still. Haha. And I must say, I really like how much effort you've put into creating the character. I remember reading an interview of Jo before, where she discussed about one of those scenes that didn't make it to the books and one of them featured Nott. She described him as a 'clever loner' and I must say, you did a nifty job portraying him as such in this story.
He was rather independent, possibly antisocial and just someone who never had the need to seek out friendships and company, and he definitely had that arrogant demeanor that most purebloods have when they regard themselves, too! I like the complexity you brought to his character over all. Like the fact that he was smart enough to accept that he could not possibly escape being recruited by Voldemort, but strong enough to keep his head high and refuse to be a servant in a way. And the way you hinted about his family background was cleverly written as well! They were like the Malfoys in many ways, except that I couldn't imagine Lucius to beat up Narcissa the same way that his father did to his mother.
And can I just say, I truly admired you for writing this in the present tense, as I believe not many writers around here take that path. Technical-wise, I saw no glaring errors that I feel like I should point out and that's actually one of the reasons why I enjoyed reading this, because I got to think more about the character and the events instead of getting distracted with the nitpicky details. Thank you! :P
Your characterization was obviously the strongest point in this story, but quite liked the style you chose of keeping the character unknown until the end as well. I must admit that I only realized that it was actually Theodore Nott on the part when you mentioned something about him being that hardly known Slytherin - and I was like, oh yes! Of course, it's Nott! Ha! (maybe not exactly that reaction, but you know what I mean :P) Revealing him would've ruined the whole mysterious aura for me. And it's quite a challenge, to figure him out, so nice one! ^_^
I'm sorry if I can't offer much CC's, but seriously, you didn't need it. This was very well-written over all and as I said, I enjoyed reading this. This is it for me! I'll see you around, dear, and keep writing! ^_^
PS. It took me a while to leave you this review and I have no excuses for being late. But please accept my apologies? *puppy dog eyes*Author's Response: Hello :) Thanks for reviewing!
I love reading/writing about minor characters as well (especially the ones in Harry's year at Hogwarts, for some reason), and Theodore Nott was actually on my list to write a story about at some point, so this challenge was a good reason to do so now :)
Thank you, that's great to hear! I read about that scene/interview as well, and the info was quite useful for the story; otherwise there would've been even less known about him.
I agree with all your characteristics, though I must say, I didn't even think about the arrogance at all while writing this. It's there completely unintentional, but I think it fits him, since, as you say, most purebloods have a certain arrogance. Thank you!
And I'm glad you liked that complexity :) I can't really see him as a simple character; he must've had a reason to stay out of Malfoy's group and keep to himself. And it's good to hear you liked the hinting at the background as well :) Yeah, let's hope for Narcissa that Lucius would never do that!
Thanks a lot! It's not the first story I've written in the present tense, but all the other present tense stories were from a first person POV, not from a third, so it was still a challenge :) I think if there had been any dialogue in the story, I couldn't have done it ;)
And that's great, thanks! I'm glad there were no errors and such.
And thanks, I'm glad you liked that :) I thought it would be strange to mention his name, since it's pretty much his thoughts and actions we're reading about and he'd have to think about himself in the third person... that'd be a bit weird, at least in my opinion. It's good to hear you liked that challenge ;)
I suppose it's also a good thing, right, that you can't offer much CC? Thank you for all the compliments and I definitely will keep writing ;)
And of course it's alright that it took you a while to review; everyone's busy at times, right?
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Hello FlyingRabbit! ^_^ I hope you are well.
In terms of characterization, I think you did a wonderful job. You picked up on the little information we know about Theodore- his mother's death, his father being a Death Eater, his loner type and his assumed cleverness. You took it further and in a way that made sense. While he doesn't want to join Voldemort, he isn't against him either.
I also liked how you never actually mentioned his name but it was still clear it was Theodore Nott. I thought it was rather clever of you. Another thing I enjoyed was how he says he would just like to be left alone. Something about that rang so true to his character.
Overall, I think this is a very well done story. Thank you for entering my challenge!
-LizaAuthor's Response: Hello! I'm quite well, thanks :)
That's great to hear, I'm glad you think the characterisation is good :) Thank you. Theodore has always fascinated me as a character, so he was great to work with. I think he's a rather complex boy indeed.
Thanks, I'm glad you liked that. I kind of did that on purpose and besides, it wouldn't make much sense (to me, at least) to mention his name while actually following his thoughts and movements (he'd have to think about himself by his name, I think, in order for his name to be mentioned... but perhaps I'm overcomplicating it now, sorry xD). It's good to hear you liked that comment too, as it will be a recurring comment in the other chapters as well.
Thank you, I'm very glad you liked it! And thank you for issuing the challenge ;) Thanks a lot for your review! Report Review
Oh what a nice little chapter!
I'm guessing we are talking about mister Nott, right?
Anyways, although it was a bit short, I really enjoyed this; you have a really good beginnig for what could become a great story. You chose a great moment in the timeline to introduce this character; I always wondered how the children of DE reacted to the article.Author's Response: Thank you! That's good to hear.
Hehe, you're completely right, it's mister Nott indeed! *hands over tray of cookies*
I know it was short - the other two chapters won't be much longer, I'm afraid. I'm glad you still enjoyed it! And thank you :) Nott is one of those minor characters who fascinate me because we don't hear much about him in the books, and his reaction to the article was never portrayed explicitly. So I'm glad you liked this moment to start a story :)
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This is very well written and as I'm sure was the point, I couldn't find who the character was.
great job ^^
I'll be sure to read more of your writing and would love if you would a little of mine :D
-lilllAuthor's Response: Hi! :)
Thank you, I'm glad you think so! I have to admit though, it is written from a canon character's POV, but maybe it wasn't clear enough. Thanks a lot!
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