Reading Reviews for Hopelessness
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lady Asphodel January 9, 1971

26th March 2014:
Hello! Alishya here from the Gryffindor Review Tag!


Wow... I am amazed by what I read!


I never really read stories of Severus' younger years, but yours did a good job at capturing the painful essence of his childhood.


It also breaks my heart that because of his lack of parental affection, he grew up to be the man we know (even though it's what makes us love him all the more.) And I am Severus Snape fan too - in case you didn't know. ;)


What really struck home and I liked your comparison a lot - I mean when you had Severus love the rain because it cried with him. I thought that was a really perfect touch to this one-shot.


Great job my dear! This was a great read - and good job for it being your second fiction!




- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hey there Alishya,

(Yay Gryffies!)

Hey, thanks! I'm glad you think it did that; Sev is my favourite HP character so you'd understand how I want to do his character justice when writing 'bout him. :3

We love him 'cause we feel his tragedy. :') (Go Snape Fanclub!)

The rain - that means something personal to me and I can't help but feel so much gratitude whenever reviewers compliment that bit; thank you for that.

Thanks again for stopping by my page and taking the time to read and review this!

Love,
From One Sev Fan to Another,
~ Sevvy
*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #2, by HEG January 9, 1971

24th March 2014:
Hello!

I've never liked Snape so you've done well to make me feel sorry for him. No one has ever managed to do that to me before. I really love the emotional description that you used and the way that you said that Sanpe always liked the rain. It is so mean when his dad starts roaring at him and when he gets 'Hopelessness' for his birth day.
You've done a good job!
HEG

Author's Response: Hey HEG! (wow, that penname is really hard to make up a nickname for. xD)

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this review, I greatly appreciate it. I'm sorry to hear you don't like Snape much, but I'm glad I managed to draw some sympathy from you for him. Strangely enough, a lot of people tell me that this story makes them sympathise with his sad childhood.

Thank you for that praise about the rain imagery, it's one bit that is so close to me. You're right; it is mean, but that's what made it so sad. (I felt sad writing it, but also kinda enjoyed that because I live off angst. e.e)

Thank you again!
~ Sevvy
*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #3, by Dracolovergirl5000 January 9, 1971

2nd November 2011:
I think that the characterization is really good. Severus seems to be in character, and I like how you keep that even though it is before Hogwarts. In general, I do not know overly much about Severus's parents but in your one-shot they are how I have always imagined them to be. As far as Grammar and spelling, there is not anything I noticed, not saying there isn't, but its not my forte. try reading the story backwards it sometimes helps to see if you are missing anything.

Author's Response: Hey,

Thanks for getting around to reviewing, I hope you enjoyed it. :)

Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #4, by alicia and anne January 9, 1971

13th August 2011:
This is a really sad story! The way you wrote Snape was so believable and you just got a real feel of his emotions and the how bad Snape's homelife was. I really feel so sorry for him, I can't believe his parents forgot his birthday! You got the emotion of this across really well and I felt like I was there with Snape going through what he was going through. This was just fantastic.

alicia and anne
Slytherin

Author's Response: Aw, thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I've been on a hiatus from HPFF and I totally miss it. I came back, and read this, and well, let's just say my heart is aching in happiness and nostalgia. This made my day. :)

DJSevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #5, by mexprizoner January 9, 1971

10th March 2011:
awww soo sad, I almost cried, lovely truely lovely , but I'm really here to ask you something some time ago you offered to beta my Speak of the Devil story and I just wanted to ask you if the offer still stood?

Author's Response: Oh cr*p, I'm sorry. I went on a few months hiatus and completely forgot. *is ashamed* However, if you still want me to beta it, sure, just PM me in the forums. x3 Also, I'm glad you like my story. ^^

SeverusLove

*jumps up and down squealing*


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Review #6, by NervousTruth January 9, 1971

2nd December 2010:
I like how you showed why snape found home at hogwarts, like Voldemort before him and Harry.
Great fic!

Author's Response: Hey again! Thanks so much for sparing some time and checking out this fic too. You're amazing! Thank you!

~Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #7, by DemetersChild January 9, 1971

11th November 2010:
Oh, wow. This is by far the best of the three you've written. It's so elegant, deep, and beautifully written. I got shivers several times while reading this. I just can't get over how beautiful and sad this is.

That poor child. No wonder he turned out the way he did. :(

This was excellent. Truly truly gorgeous.

I'm really looking forward to reading your Lucius/Narcissa piece now!

Magically Yours,

Dem

Author's Response: Demi, (yes, i will be calling you that from now on)

Thank you so much for reviewing all my stories. I would do the same for you if I had the time. (btw, why'd you abandon your Snape story? *pouts*)

I'm glad you like the story, you're being awesome doing this. By the way, the Lucius/Narcissa story's out already.

Thank You and I loff you!
~ The Amazing Sev


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Review #8, by baletgir January 9, 1971

28th October 2010:
This was so sad. It really makes me pity Snape, which is a rarity. Though I do find him an average person, I never felt that his choices were all that honorable, but this makes him seem very human and real to me.

I feel that the last line is a bit repetitive. I think you could do without one of the two "hopelessness", it's just a bit much and unnecessary.

I really was able to understand the rain and how Snape felt about it. You described it very well.
Good job!
:)BaletGir

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story. I greatly appreciate it. To me, I find his choices pitiful and honorable because he went through a lot of hurt to get there. And I also wanted to write about him because most people still doesn't like him even if JKR explained about him already. So I decided to help them see what I see by exploring deep into his past and showing his feelings. Which led to the birth of this fanfic. I'm glad you like it, and I'll take into consideration your suggestion. Thanks again!

'DJSevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #9, by ekroman January 9, 1971

27th October 2010:
Again I really like your writing :) You write Severus very well.

Author's Response: Yeah, thanks again. I guess I found my true calling with Sevvy, huh?

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #10, by xtinjsc January 9, 1971

26th October 2010:
Hello, love! *hugs*

I'm finally here! Party!

*composes herself*

The first time I read this, I was really impressed. I like your style of writing - you used simple words but they way you wielded them together made all the difference. I mean, I think you've managed to balance the use of narrative and description really well on this one-shot. I love those lines about the rain, how you incorporated it with the mood of the story and to your character.

Speaking of which, I must say, you did a good job of presenting us the young Severus Snape. We all knew about his dismal childhood experience, right? And I always love reading more about that - how reacted to his parents, how his parents reacted to him. And you gave him that childhood innocence that made readers sort of empathize and sympathize with him. That's saying something in my case, because I'm not really a huge fan of the guy. :P The part when he just cried and tried to ignore his parents when they argue? Or him resorting to hide his tears in the rain instead? It was rather realistic. Children normally do that - they block their senses out, they block their surroundings out and they try to find that safe place where they couldn't be troubled with the harsh realities, you know? It was a very nifty characterization.

Technical-wise, you did a very good job! I didn't notice any glaring grammatical, tense and punctuation slip-ups on this one, nor any typos, that might've distracted me when I was reading, so good job, editor! This sentence though: It had become a daily routine now; to awake with shouts from downstairs. --> the semicolon should be a colon. Just a tip, you only use semicolons to connect independent clauses, but since to awake with shouts from downstairs is a dependent clause, a colon is more appropriate. And I'm not sure whether to awake is proper too, because it should be to wake in my opinion.

I'm a little bit of disappointed, though, because I found this story rather short. Whilst you did a good job in the beginning of this with the exploration of Snape's emotions, I think you went rather fast with how you ended this. It's probably just me, you know, because I always like it when a character's feelings were fleshed out substantially. I am slowly getting used of writing style, dear, and I know you don't like to explore the details very much and you prefer a straightforward storytelling and I must say, you did a good job in that sense, but for a story that was supposed to be themed on hopelessness, I guess I wasn't as affected as I assumed I would be. Again, that's just my opinion. ^_^ And one of your reviewers pointed this out already, but you tend to repeat some of the words a lot that made the story sound redundant at times, so I suggest you try to consider a different word or even a different phrasing with some of them. For example, instead of using the word 'hope' (you did use it in a lot of different versions :P), you can also use desired, assumed, aspired, wished... instead. They're not as strong as 'hope' but see, the more you repeat a word sometimes, the less impact it has after a while, and we don't want 'hope' to lose that, right? Just a suggestion again. ^_^

There were really good lines in here, beautiful ones, that really made me think that for someone as young as you are, little sis, you're a very talented writer indeed and you have a lot of potential. I am so proud of you! Especially the beginning sentence? The way you connected the rain on the window panes to the tears sliding down the boy's cheeks? Very clever.

Okay, I think that's it for me! I couldn't offer that much CC, because this story is rather short, yeah? So, there's not much to point out, really. As I said, the technical side of your writing has no problems, so keep up the good work! Keep writing and keep improving! I can't wait to read more from you! I'll see you around! ^_^

Author's Response: Tinny!

F-I-N-A-L-L-Y FINALLY! :D Wee!!! But for all that wait, it's totally worth it since you left a really long and (ignore my personal vocabulary :P) detailedly complimenting review. :O

Blame my depression years. I guess going through depression, insanity, and a whirlwind of really strange events, and turning to writing on diaries: makes you write better in the long run. :P But no, really, I don't want to boast so I'm just going to say, "No, I'm not really that good in writing. I'm just...er... not good in writing." :D

I know, *bites fingernails* the ending was a bit scratch that, a LOTly (again with the personal vocabulary) rushed. I hope I could get around to fixing it some time.

Yeah, the word repetition. Damn.

My To-Do List:
107. Fix word repetition in Hopelessness.

See? I'm going to get around to fixing that, once I finish all the other things I've been procrastinating lately. Most of which are my challenges.

And to think, I should've learned by now. But nooo, I'm still entering a lot more challenges. Okay, now I'm going completely off-topic. Sorry, it's just that you gave such a long review I feel entitled to reply long too. :P

Anywayz, before I say any more completely insane and off-topic things, (who can blame me? Insane is my middle name! Well, erm, not technically, you know?) I'm gonna wave goodbye now. GOODBYE!

Thank you again for wasting five minutes of your life to read and review!!! And thanks also for the helpful tips. :D

LOFF YA!!!
~DJSevvy :)

P.S. I'm beginning to consider writing a girl who uses a lot of her personal vocabulary for the NaNo.

P.S.S. See, now I'm straying off topic again so I have to say GOODBYE again.

P.P.S.S. GOODBYE!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #11, by lauraf68 January 9, 1971

24th October 2010:
Dear SL,

Wow. How sad. Well written, but sad. Too bad Severus hadn't had a "Weasley family" to rescue him like Harry did.

However if we tie it into your first one-shot we can go away knowing that Severus finally had a chance of happiness and redemption in death.

Good job. Keep up the good work. ~Lauraf68

Author's Response: Hello again Laura!!!

Thank you again for reviewing. I really appreciate the time you gave to me by reading and reviewing.

Yeah I know, it is sad. I actually am beginning to find my calling in writing Severus fics. I'm also glad you chose to read them and add me to your favorite author's list.

Thanks again!
~ Sevvy

P.S. I already edited Always and it's in the queue now.

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #12, by blueirony January 9, 1971

29th September 2010:
To be perfectly honest, I was amazed that you managed to touch on such dark concepts and ideas and still manage to write a 12+ story. Kudos to you!

This was really lovely. I absolutely adore one-shots which simply offer a glimpse into a moment - or a few moments - of someone's life and the reader gets a really nice sense of emotions and intensity of the character in question.

I love Severus. But he is so hard to get right. Especially at such a young age. You really managed to nail his character, though. It was heart-breaking to see him in this. My total sympathy went out to him. Poor Severus. And at such a young age, too. It really highlights the fact that Severus was, once upon a time, a young boy who was in a very unfortunate circumstance. Poor thing!

This was such a nice entry for the challenge, hope you enjoyed it!

Joop :]

Author's Response: blueirony,

Thank you sooo much for your review, you've given me hope! er...anyway, yeah, it's probably obvious with my penname that I'm in love with Snape too and that's probably why I like writing fics about him especially the heart-breaking ones. Because I've been so touched by his story, I can't bear to not write about him. :) I really appreciate the time you've given to read and review, so thank you!

Ta!
Sevvy


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Review #13, by VeniceLily January 9, 1971

28th September 2010:
This is a really nice one-shot - you're very good at making them only a tiny glimpse in time.

I originally saw how short it was, and thought I was going to have to tell you it needed to be longer... but it doesn't. I think it works just the way it is.

One thing I noticed, is you use "But." at the beginning of sentences a LOT, often consecutively. And it becomes rather irritating to read.. just because but isn't really the softest, most inconspicuous word - it has a hard sound about it. So, I would suggest fixing that.

Also, You repeat yourself, from the first paragraph, to the second, like so:

He had always loved the rain. It seemed like it was always crying with him.
and then:

This was exactly why he loved rain. It always seemed to understand him.

I know they aren't identical, but almost. I would suggest changing them around.. and maybe trying to not say "rain" so many times :)

I really do like this piece though, it's a nice insight into his life that we never really knew. However, Eileen's maiden name was Prince, so shouldn't it be Eileen Snape? I'm not sure if she took his name, but I always assumed...

I hope this is helpful!

-Lily

Author's Response: Ven,

Thanks for the input. I appreciate the time you gave me to read and review. Yes, well I get complaints on that repetition so I'll have to look into changing that in the near future. Thank you though.

I also thought Eileen took the Snape name and would've put it in. But it didn't quite sound right to be repeating Snape so I decided to just put Prince anyway. :)

Thank You Again,
Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #14, by potterprincess07 January 9, 1971

28th September 2010:
The characterization is done wonderfully. It really draws you into the story. The same goes for the plot flow. I saw no issues of grammer or spelling. The only thing I did wonder about, was that it almost seemed as though he wasn't expecting his Hogwarts letter, until it arrived. That might be something you would want to add in a little more, not only is he dissapointed because of how his parents are acting, but because the letter hasn't arrived yet. I thought this was wonderfully written and doesn't seem to need any improvements at all. I hope this helps!

Author's Response: Hm, I think I need to explain deeper on that, thanks for telling me. ^^ I was thinking he did expect it at first but after a few moments thinking about his parents, he somehow forgot about it. But, I guess it's my fault, I didn't add it to the story so thank you. I appreciate the time you gave to read and review.

Sending you my Gratefulness,
Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #15, by moonbaby11 January 9, 1971

27th September 2010:
It's moonbaby, here with your review!

This peice was good. Once again, I noticed no spelling/grammer mistakes. You're rather good in that area of your writing. :) You also seem to be really good with getting into the mind of Snape, who is probably one of the most complex and complicated character in the series!

You asked me to be nit-picky, and the only thing that I can really think to say is that I think this peice shoudl be longer. You captured a good moment with a small amount of words, but I think that if you made it longer and went into more depth about Snape's feelings and what was going on around him, it woudl make your story even better! :)

I thought this was a great one-shot, and you seem liek a really talented writer! Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Hi!

You really think so? Thanks! I'll try and edit this in the near future and make it a tad bit longer I guess. Thanks, I guess I found my true calling with Snape fics. Thanks for giving time to read and review, I really appreciate it. :)

Thank You So Much!
Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #16, by schoenemaedchen January 9, 1971

27th September 2010:
So, you urge me to be as nitpicky as I can, eh? Are you sure about that? :-)

All smiles and jokes aside, the piece isn't really all that bad! I'm going to break this review up into pieces, I think it will be the most effective.

So, here goes.

Spelling/Grammar: Nothing that jumped out at me. I love stories where this happens. If you're ever concerned though, always find a Beta. I swear by having Betas.

Characterization: I think you have portrayed a good image of Snape here. I think you've captured a fundamental and repetitive scene in Severus' childhood.

Plot: If I'm being super nitpicky, I think you could go deeper than this. I'm not saying that quantity equals quality or anything, but your fic is a bit short for a topic that is so emotional.

How do you do that, you might ask? Well, your fic is called Hopelessness. You mention that his parents gave him this gift of hopelessness, but I think you don't really go further than that. There are many more actions, many more scenes and moments that can demonstrate hopelessness.

Flow: Flow isn't bad at all. It moves nicely. As I mentioned, you throw the reader with "hopelessness" at the end and I really think you could expand on it. For me, ending with that left the ending somewhat abrupt.

Style: I think talking about feelings is difficult. Sometimes its quite difficult for the train of thought to come over clearly. I think what you say is clear, but for me, seemed a bit repetitive at times. Its picky, but you start quite a few sentences with "but", in the first paragraph two consecutive sentences even.

A lot of the same concepts are also happening in the first and second paragraph. I.e. First paragraph: "He had always loved the rain. It seemed like it was always crying with him."

and a bit later in the second paragraph: "It was almost as if it were offering to cry for him." Not quite the same, but very similar. I found this a bit distracting, as if saying to myself..."didn't I just read that?"

So really watch out for your sentence structure here. Change the syntax up. Use your thesaurus to get some great new synonym. Add more action instead of thoughts.Actions speak louder than words and can be a great way to pull yourself out of the danger zone of being repetitive.

If you need any ideas on this, feel free to PM me, because I didn't want to over barrage you with examples.

Otherwise, I say the piece really was a great snapshot into Severus' world. I just wrote a one shot about Severus' childhood as well, and I think its most definitely a very interesting place to explore in the realm of fanfiction.

Hope I could be of some help and that the review was nitpicky enough ;) Your wish is my command!

Take care!
-schoenemaedchen

Author's Response: schoenemaedchen, (I swear I'm beginning to lurve that name just because I find it interesting to type such a long word without any spaces)

Anyways,

Thank you for being nitpicky, I appreciate it.

Spelling/Grammar, well, not to be arrogant or anything but I pride myself on not having betas and have CCs in the reviews instead. It's more effective in learning to me.
Characterization: I seem to get a lot of that. I guess I've found my true calling writing Snape fics. :)

Plot: Yeah, people seem to say that a lot so I guess I'll look into rewriting this in the near future. That's if I have time of course. You see, I always find stories with too much detail kinda boring so I really like to get to the point.

Flow, you're right, it does seem abrupt doesn't it? Thanks for pointing that out, I'll have to look into that later.

Style, yep, I've heard it was repetitive. I really need to look into this and get a thesaurus. Thanks for pointing it out.

No you weren't being too nitpicky, you were just perfect. Thanks for the examples, I lurved them. I don't mind if you barrage me with examples. If you really want to, you could PM me instead, I don't really mind both.

Thank You for Giving Time to Read and Review,
I Really Appreciate it,
Thanks!
Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #17, by Ravenclaw333 January 9, 1971

26th September 2010:
You have urged me to be nitpicky, so I shall be.
Characterisation is good, you seem to have a knack for getting inside Snape's head.
Suggestions: Maybe a bit more on the feeling of hopelessness specifically, considering it's the title of the story, you've only got a couple of lines about it. Spelling and grammar are good, I couldn't see anything to complain about there. The flow could have been better if you made it longer, I felt there wasn't quite enough detail with the interaction with his parents, there were only a few words exchanged, though you did give some background detail. Oh, and put a full stop at the end of your last word, if I'm being picky.
Overall though, a very good insight into Snape's life/mind/etc once again. Well done :D

Author's Response: RC!!!

ehehehe, Yeah well I guess I've found my calling with Snape fics. XD Thanks for being nitpicky. I'll definitely put your ideas into consideration. :) Thanks for coming to read and review, I really appreciate it. ^^

I loff you fellow CalFan!
Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #18, by MajiKat January 9, 1971

26th September 2010:
hey hun
here to review!

im typing as i read so bear with me...
alright the first thing i notice, straight off the bat, is that the first sentence is really long! maybe try break it up into two smaller ones or fragment it with a comma somewhere. for instance:

Rain pelted the normal little houses of Spinnerís End. Tiny droplets slid down the window pane, an echo of the tears that slid down a young boyís cheeks.

just an idea, lol.

there is a lot of repetition, which sometimes works but not really in this case ie "downstairs", "shouts" and "the rain". try using different phrasing to create more variety in vocab ^_^

"caresses" should simply be "caress."

this has the potential to be expanded into something bigger and deeper. you do really well with the tragedy of snape's life so i'd love to see more of this - more depth, more reason and more emotion. there seems to be a slight detachment between narrator and reader but im not sure if that is deliberate, as an echo of snape's detachment to the world.

i think the ending is the strongest in this piece - it gives a little more detail, which is good. i think, and feel free to ignore me, that this piece would work better without direct speech. the conversation with his parents/between his parents sort of breaks the flow of the narrative. why not have snape simply recall the things that happen? it would go well with the idea that this has become ritualistic and routine.

overall, not bad hun. work on your language use (simile, metaphor, personification etc. rain and the weather are perfect natural occurrences for such literary devices - in Shakespeare, the forces of nature often react to the actions of the characters ie in King Lear, the storm is an echo of Lear's growing madness and inner turmoil).

hope any of that helped!
kate xx

Author's Response: MajiKat,

I really appreciate the time you gave to read and review this so, thank you. XD

Yeah, I've got reviews about that first sentence so I'll try and edit it somewhere in the near future. Thank you though.

Hmm, I haven't really paid mind to the repitition but now that I think about it, you're right, I'll try and find some other words that I could replace that with.

More depth, more reason, more emotion...? Hmm, I'll try and see if I have some time in the near future to redo it but I'm not sure though...but it's really something to think about.

Well yeah, I find it uhm...much simpler to have some dialogue just to show that it happens daily and that they don't really care much to notice that he's already gone up to his room, they're just looking for excuses to fight. But it does kinda disrupt the flow doesn't it? I'll try to think about that. Thank you so much for the CCs and the Pointers, I'm glad you helped.

Thank you again!
Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #19, by benpowerman January 9, 1971

26th September 2010:
promise me if you feel hopeless to go see a psychology

Author's Response: hahaha. Sure, but I don't so you don't need to worry. It's just a fanfic. But thanks anyway. :3

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #20, by Elizabeth_Black January 9, 1971

25th September 2010:
Sevvy! :D Hehe, guess who? I hope you know who this is... Anyway, to the review!

Aw, this was so sad! Poor Severus, I can't help but feel that this would have definitely happened in his life if JK ever wrote about it. :'(

I just have to point out this tiny, itty bitty mistake first: '...talking to you yet." Tobias Snape retorted...' - there should be a comma instead of a full stop.

Moving on! You are so good at characterisations! I thought you captured Severus perfectly, and I could feel what pain he was going through. I liked how you included little things, like the rain. It made this seem very real, and something that an 11 year old would do.

The way you wrote the parents was haunting, as was the way you described their fighting. I think that not saying anything was more powerful than if you bombarded the readers with swearing and threats. However, I did like how there was some dialogue when Tobias saw Severus wet from the rain. I have to say it almost made me cry...

The end was chilling and, despite being a dark, depressing subject, beautifully written. It was easy to "connect" with this story, and I really felt sorry for Severus. It was such a sad birthday for him :(

This was a great piece, Sevvy! I loved it, and it was so well written! 10/10 :D

Loff you!
~Lizzie

Author's Response: Lizzie,

Why should I ever forget it's you? Besides, you left your name at the bottom. :P

Thank you so very very much. I was never that good with commas and full stops in dialogues. I couldn't tell when to use which. :P

I guess I found my calling writing Snape fics. :) I just lurrrve him. ^^ Want more Severus love? Check out my other story, Always.

Thank you so much for giving time to read and review Lizzie, I really appreciate it. *hugs*

I loff you more Lizzie!!!
SeverusLove

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #21, by wolfygirl January 9, 1971

25th September 2010:
Hiya :) It's firebird from the forums with your review.

This is a beautifully sad story. It's so short, and yet you manage to get your point across perfectly. It's not easy to write a story that is both succinct and compelling. You manage wonderfully. The level of description is perfect - enough that you can picture what's happening, but not so much that it disrupts the story's flow and makes it drag.

And the rain! I also absolutely adore the way you've made the rain such an integral part of the story. Passages like this:

*He sighed contentedly as the gentle caresses of the rain washed all his tears away. It was almost as if it were offering to cry for him. This was exactly why he loved rain. It always seemed to understand him.*

Are beautiful, and give the story wonderful power. You also manage to construct a vivid image of Snape's young life - what he was like and what it was like - in only a very short story. Impressive.

Now, to be constructive... In general your spelling and grammar are good. However there were a couple of spots that caught my eye. For example, the first sentence is a little long. I feel as though it needs a comma, or perhaps even to be broken into two separate sentences. Hardly an earth-shattering problem, I just think it might flow better with a bit of a pause inserted in there :)

Another example is when you say "He simply just shed silent tears." I don't think you needed to say 'simply just'. Either of those words would work alone, but as they're synonymous it isn't really necessary to have both.

Neither of these are huge problems, but I feel obliged to give some criticism, and you asked me to be nitpicky :P

Aside from that I love it. I especially love the last paragraph, when he receives his Hogwarts letter. It's so terribly sad that such a little boy can't even be excited about going to Hogwarts, because he's too hurt over the situation with his parents. Your ability to create emotion in your story, and evoke it in your reader, is a wonderful skill to have.

Congratulations on a terrific one-shot :)

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to read and give such a wonderful review. ^^ It really made my night that I had to go and boast about it to my family. :P ^^

You're right about your CCs thanks for being nitpicky. :)

I really appreciate your review, it was such a nice thing to say, thank you again. ^^

Sending You My Biggest Thanks,
xoxo Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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Review #22, by spencefa January 9, 1971

24th September 2010:
Poor Severus. Good story.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. ^^

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Review #23, by MidnightBlue_x January 9, 1971

24th September 2010:
Whoa.
Hey Sevvy.
I didn't notice any spelling/grammar mistakes but I haven't slept in days so I might have missed them, So sorry if I have. The plot is very interesting, not something I've read before but then again I don't really hang around Snape fics. Flow was good, Easy to read and wasn't confusing although I think it could do with a little more length. Some more describing words maybe? Characteraztion= Good. You are amazing at characterazing (Not sure if that's a word) Snape. Well done.

I loff you and excellent story m'dear.
x Ely

Author's Response: Elly,

Yeah, it is a bit short isn't it? Well, I've always thought describing words always made it a bit more boring to read so I didn't really put much...Hm...

Well, I guess I found my true calling in writing Snape fics, hehehehe XD

Thank you for talking the time to read and review, Elly, I loff you so so so much!

Thank You!
xoxo Sevvy ^^


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Review #24, by LivingFairytale January 9, 1971

24th September 2010:
Hi! Aww I felt so sorry for Severus while reading this. Even though it was a little short, you wrote it very very well. I love the way you describe things, it really pulls you in as a reader, and not many people can do that. It feels as if the story comes alive.

I can't help but adding you to my favorite authors, haha. I want to read more!

Author's Response: Sandra,

Thank you. You just made my night! ^^ I love your reviews also so that makes us even. :P :)

Well, I was never fond of too much descriptions. I mean, as a reader I get so annoyed at them that sometimes, I just skip all the unimportant descriptions. I guess it shows through my writings.

Well, thank you for being my first reviewer and thank you for the time you gave me to read and review! *hands over cyber cookies* You deserve it. ^^

Thank You,
Sevvy

*squeals and jumps up and down*


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