Awe, I am enjoying this story :) Please continue! It's very good, I love your interpretation of the characters. Elspeth is the perfect, lovable young adult.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! :) Report Review
I noticed a few typos-
“Really?” she asked. “Because you are both obsessed with Weasley’s, so..”
Plural of Weasley is Weasleys. The apostrophe makes it posessive
Lorcan smiled at me, showing that she was just kidding. “We real should start our homework,” she pointed out.
I think you meant really not real
I smiled. “I told you that Danielle is evil.” I reached out and pulled the door to the Potions classroom open.
I think that Olivia is the evil one, not Danielle
A lot of interesting careers involved Potion making, and I needed back up if the whole ‘actress thing’ didn’t work out.
you don't need the quotes around actress thing
Other than the typos, great job! I can't believe she took some love potion- that never goes well!Author's Response: Once again, thank you for checking out this story, and thanks for spotting the typos! I'll have to go back and fix them all soon! :) Report Review
Great chapter! Elspeth is such a likable characterAuthor's Response: I'm glad that you like her! Report Review
How’s school? 6th year’s tough, isn’t it. I warned you!
The second sentence should be a question too. Other than that, awesome job! Good job on the plot and all the grammar type stuffAuthor's Response: Thanks! :) Report Review
Good job! Make sure you're proofreading really well though- I noticed in Transfiguration that it says something like the essay on animagus sue at the end when it should be "due" not "sue." And I think animagi is plural for animagus but that's more of a wild guess. Great plot!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you liked it and thanks for pointing out the typos! ;) Gosh, I hate those things :P Report Review
i hope louis smells like peppermint. that would make my dayAuthor's Response: Hm... I'm not sure what Louis smells like! :) Anyways, thanks for reading. Report Review
Your writing's quite good! I have no qualms about any writing tics that distracted me and it all flowed well. I like your OC in that she used to be a fangirl HAH, I totally understand. And I love that she wants to be an actress and that she's a 'puff. Quirky but not annoyingly so -- genuinely awkward, but definitely an underdog. I like that!
I think you have a lot of potential for humor in this story. I don't know how you'd want your story to go, but I think some exaggeration might be good, or something to make her voice even more interesting.
*tromps off to throw a snowball*Author's Response: Whoo! Snowball fights are quite fun, aren't they? :)
Anyways, thanks for the review! I'm glad that you like my OC. It's good to hear that she doesn't seem to Mary Sue-ish or anything like that. I'll keep your advice in mind. :) Report Review
Hi, Aderyn here from the forums for your review.
This is a good introductory chapter, though it feels like you left some things out. I think more about Will Corner would be nice, since he is so important to Elspeth. Also, physical descriptions would be nice.
I also think that you should tell more about the Weasley fan club. It's an inspired idea, but I also think that Elspeth would know who Louis was, if she was a member.
You had one spelling mistake at the beginning. "It could be a very useful spell t times" should be "It could be a very useful spell AT times." Just left off an "a" :)
AderynAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you like it, though I'll fix up what you pointed out. :) Report Review
Oh I love Elspeth's character already :) she's funny and ii love that she's best friends with Lorcan. The story is really good! :) update soon please!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) I'm working on chapter 5 right now. Report Review
Okay, I am so sorry I didn't review this until now! Between school, reading my ACT study guide, and NaNoWriMo, I have no time! I probably won't review the next chapter unless you re-request, and even then I probably won't even get to this until later this month or until December. Again, I am so sorry!
So anyway, this is way good. There were a few typos here and there, such as the second sentence: It could be a very useful spell t times. I see that it was just a typo, but that T should have an I in front of it. :)
The good is that it's a rather original plot line, and I don't think I've read very many fics like this one. :) Also, another good thing is that there wasn't very many typos other that the one that I specifically pointed out. :)
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums.)Author's Response: That's okay. I still have a lot of reviews I have to get to writing, since I am doing NaNoWriMo as well. I'm glad that you think I have an original plot. That's really great to hear! :) Report Review
Another nice chapter. The more I think about it, I think I remember his name from somewhere (sometimes I get a littel confused on the characters who were mentioned after the books, such as on the family tree or in interviews and such). Characterization is again, nicely done.
Keep up the nice work!Author's Response: Thank you! :D Report Review
I really like the character introduction, however, with so many new characters in one chapter, it can get to be a bit confusing. Louis, for example, is he going to be explained a little more in later chapters? I'm a little confused on who he is exactly...although that may be the point. I think I have everyone else figured out, though.
Other than that, it is really great and seems to be the beginnings of a great story.Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'll look into the bit about Louis, but I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! :) Report Review
I really love this so far :D
El is really likable, and the the fan club thing is hillarioiusAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
Oh the banana, what a different thing to happen and it would only happen to her. She got to talk to Hugo and Louis in those early hours but what are they up to? It was somthing right?
I love how you have Lorcan as a girl and that she is a bit like Luna in a way but not at the same time. There friendship is very real.
Great work I loved it! But it was missing one thing, and that would have to be what in the world was Louis and Hugo up to?
LouiseAuthor's Response: Yeah, the banana was really fun to write! :) I kind of just wrote it randomly and decided to keep it in because it was really funny. Anyways, you'll be seeing what Louis and Hugo are up to soon! Report Review
Yet another great chapter. Now I'm hungry :) haha anyways I am still loving where this story is going and you are still doing a great job with your characters. Keep up the good work! :)
~Danceinggirl109Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! :) I'll definetly tell you when Chapter 3 is up. Report Review
I really like your story so far. Elspeth seems pretty cool and I love her dramatic attitude. Your banner is awesome! I a really excited for the next update! :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed. I have the next chapter written, and it will probably be up rather soon, though I do have other chapters and one-shots that need ot be validated. :) Report Review
I like this its funny and it has the best line to say when falling over on the floor in front of people, 'I think that they should get Filch to look at that floor. I dont want anyone else to, uh, get injured' If I was at Hogwarts I sure would use this.Author's Response: I'm glad that you think it's funny. Yeah, I really like that line too. :) I don't know if you've seen or not, but chapter 2 was just validated. ;D Thanks for the review! Report Review
This is a good length. The paragraphs and sentences are well structured. I like it, and I'm quite happy to read it, but it just needs something exciting to happen to make it better to read. Hopefully you have something good thought up for the next chapter! Also, it would be great to have a bot of humour in it too.
The feelings of Elspeth are slightly muddled up... there's no way the reader can tell who she likes. I mean, is it Hugo or Will or Louis or a mixture of all of them???Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I know not a lot happened in this chapter, but more will happen soon. I know that Elspeth's feelings or sort of odd, but I wanted it to be that way. I mean, when you like a guy long enough, you'll always have soem slight feelings for him, which is kind of where the feelings for Hugo come in. I hope that makes sense! ;) Thanks for reading! Report Review
This story is amazing and I love it. The main character is awesome! I can't wait for more because this chapter made me laugh so many times.
I think that the whole idea of the story is really good so far and I am proud to say that you will be having another favorite in about 5 seconds. :) Keep up the good work!
~Danceinggirl109Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! :) I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
I can relate to elspeth cause I too am a drama queen and once obsesesd with a boy. great first chapter.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
I loved this! Eeep, you're such a fun writer and I loved the fan girl theme xD Yay!Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! I'm glad to know that I'm a fun writer! ;) Report Review
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