Okay, I'm too lazy to sign in. This was really good, and sweet, and...very well done. I also love that your inspiration was Mr. Brightside, by the Killers, because I love that song and you really did a wonderful job of putting that song into a ScorpiusxAlbus fic. Report Review
Nice. I do like how you made Scorpius and Albus friends..Author's Response: Thank you :) I always pictured them as friends, actually. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Evil, evil child! You nearly made me cry! *Wipes tear from eye and sniffles* so sweet, so beautiful, I ADORE it! :) 10/10 it's amazing.Author's Response: Aw, don't be sad! Thank you so much for reading, I'm really glad that you liked it! :) Report Review
This is pure genius! I'm so glad that someone else is a fan of Al/Scorpius. I'm not a huge fan of slash but the way this is written is great. I would love to read more about Scorpius' reaction to Al's confession and find myself wondering whether or not Scorpius knew Al was gay or not.
Also - LOVED the "I never" stuck in there. I'm a huge fan of the song so that made this even better than it already was by that point. :)Author's Response: Aw, thank you! :)
I got the pairing as a challenge and I do like it, as well. I'm not a fan of really explicit slash, that's why I didn't go too much into it in this, but I like slash done tastefully. I realize now that I should have gone back into the flashback and gone more in depth about their feelings, but it seemed like too much at the time.
I'm glad someone got the reference! Thank you so much! :)
Amandax Report Review
So first of all I’d like to thank you for your brilliant entry. :) I really enjoyed this!
Your first two paragraphs were perfect, launching directly into Albus’ confusion/feelings. I also really liked your contrast of the two boys in the third paragraph (I think you mean “strived *for* attention,” though, not “strived *on.*”)
When I started reading this I didn’t really have the lyrics to “Mr. Brightside” in my head, so it took me a while to remember that “it was only a kiss” is actually a lyric in the song. I LOVE the way you used that phrase. :)
Poor Albus! Your dialogue during the argument was fantastic. You had me cringing and gasping and everything. :) The idea of Scorpius being incapable of loving seemed real. I would have loved to have read a longer monologue-type speech from Scorpius about his issues, though.
I’d also have liked to have seen some sort of detail as to why exactly the kiss was a landmark for Albus. Was the kiss what made Albus realize his feelings for Scorpius?
I hardly know how else to critique this. :) The song has a clear and interesting influence on the story. It’s beautifully written and believable. You’ve done such a good job with this!
Thanks again for your entry (and for being the first one to submit). I'll have the winners up soon!
-AngeAuthor's Response: I'm really glad that you did! :)
Thank you! I guess you could say it both ways, but I meant he strived on the attention given to him, not that he strived for the attention he received.
Yeah, I was so glad I got that song as inspiration because it's one of my favourites. I tried to incorporate a few lyrics from the song into the story.
Thank you :) Yeah, I was even going to go into a flashback of the kiss, but I didn't want the chapter to be rejected. In the end, I just focused it on Albus.
Thank you so much! :)
And no problem, I enjoyed writing this!
Amandax Report Review
Albus' yelling was really cool. His and Scorpius' characterization's where well done and realistic. I really enjoyed seeing those two chracters interact.
The ending was a little cliched and cheesy. "We where doomed from the start" was a little to much for me and it left a strange taste in my mouth.
I really wanted to know about the kiss. Was it sudden? Did they talk first? Where they drunk? Sober? How did it happen?
I think you should write and read some more stuff and then comeback and revise this. It's a great start that can become an amazing story!Author's Response: I was trying to make it really natural. Like, if this was tearing Albus up inside, if he confronts Scorpius, he's obviously going to get angry because all these feelings have been building up and he's bottled them up. As for Scorpius, if Albus was in love, Scorpius had to be the oblivious one. I'm glad that they came across as realistic. Writing the dialogue was definitely fun.
Really? And I was trying really hard for it not to be cliche. But, I added in that line because I had been thinking about relationships that don't work out - how the signs are there from the start, but always ignored.
I was going to put it in, but a lot of people aren't comfortable with slash and I wanted to make this accessible to everyone, you know? But I think the fact that it isn't mentioned lets everyone have their own idea of what happened.
I think that I like it as is. I'm quite pleased with it now, but who knows, maybe I'll edit it in the future. Thank you for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it! :)
I really loved this! I am definitely going to fave :)Author's Response: I'm really glad that you did! Thank you so much for reading! :) Report Review
Wow, this is so much different than any of the Albus/Scorpius pieces I've ever read, which is really saying something as I've read my fair share.
I know that this might sound terrible, but I do like that it didn't end on a happy note. Sometimes things just don't work out the way that we want them, too, and I think you conveyed that beautifully.
I love your characterizations of Scorpius and Albus. I really do. Not to mention I did like how Albus struggled with the idea of being gay, he just didn't jump out and shout it from the mountain tops. It really seemed realistic as did the dialogue.
Your descriptions were really wonderful. You can really understand the motives of both of the characters even if you resent Scorpius in the end for it and want to give Albus a hug.
Thank you for this piece. It was magnificent and unique, two things that seem rare with this pairing. I adored that.
Also as far as grammar and spelling are concerned, I didn't stumble upon any hiccups which only makes the piece more polished and more of a joy to read.
LindersAuthor's Response: Really? I'm flattered, thank you!
No, it doesn't sound terrible! I was contemplating ending it on a happy note, but it just didn't fit the way that I'd written Scorpius. It would have been too cliche to end it with Scorpius reciprocating Albus' feelings. Yeah, it was just more realistic to end it this way. Thank you!
I'm really glad that you do because I played with their characters a lot before deciding their personalities. Well, most people don't. Most gay boys I know keep it a secret for as long as they can. I'm really so happy that the dialogue and story came across as realistic.
Thank you! I really love that readers can empathize with my characters.
No, thank you for appreciating it! I'm really so glad that you enjoyed this.
Thank you so so much for your lovely review! It really made writing this worthwhile in the sense that someone could read this and enjoy it. So thank you for giving my story a shot :)
Brilliant! So unexpected for me, I didnt expect that but I thought it was well written, extremely funny and yet really poinient at the end. well doneAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you! I'm glad that the end wasn't what you were expecting. I contemplated having a happy ending, but then I decided to end it on a sad note. I just thought it was more realistic. I'm so happy that you think it was well done.
Thank you for reading an reviewing, I really appreciate it! :) Report Review
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