Okay so i'm probably one of the biggest H/Hr shippers out there and I love it when they always end up together but for your story i'll make an exception.
I'd love to totally agree with one of the guys who commented previously and say that this story was just plain BEAUTIFUL.
Your writing skills are really great and they come out in this totally non-cliche H/Hr fic. There are times when I hate ron but ur story makes it a bit difficult to do that and I really it for that too.
I still wish they had ended up together but I guess it wouldnt have worked with the whole plot thing.
Great job btw, please keep it up! Report Review
There's a good base here for a really great story (which puts you far ahead of the vast majority of other fanfiction writers) but there are some structural defects that keep this from actually being anything more than "a good start," in my opinion.
First off, it's good that you take things slowly between Harry and Hermione. One of the biggest complaints I have of Rowling's work is that one kiss suddenly means people are going together, have these deep feelings that last for years and years, and that it's fine to blur through time in the story until the next plot point is needed to be mentioned and thereby leaving all the relationship development left to the imagination and open to interpretation.
Secondly, don't blatantly tell us what's NOT happening. We know something's not happening when you don't tell us it IS happening. If you want to draw a parallel between what is perceived and what is real (like what you did with Harry being a name/figure and him being an actual human being) then let us (by virtue of Harry) hear those rumors and expose us to his thoughts as Harry mentally tells the audiance the truth of what's been going on.
Thirdly, don't shy away from the awkwardness and inter-group tensions that are involved here. I know you're trying to write a story where this kind of development doesn't throw everything out of whack, but that's where the heart of the story lies. You need to have that awkwardness and attempts at interaction to keep things moving forward, so don't have Ron disappear, keep him around. He and Harry are in all the same classes; where's he going to hide? There's only so much time he can spend with Fred and George (two characters you inadvertently forget are still there and would have included him in their endeavors, if only as a way to show solidarity).
And finally, even in this "non-relationship," where each of the characters go into it claiming not to feel anything other than familiarity and friendship with the other person, you can be absolutely sure that ONE of them, at least, would have had a change of heart during all that time they spent together. Even if they aren't aware of it at the time their "association" ends, one of them would have realized that something had changed or had difficulties going back to being "just friends" as they had been before. But, it's a very Harry-like thing to do to sacrifice his own happiness in order to have the group back together again and to give his two best friends the chance at being happy together. Report Review
First off, I should mention that I'm a devoted Harmony shipper.
I still really liked it, It's different, in a good way, and something about it just touched me. Most of the time, I would have preferred that they did love each other, but this is an exception. I don't know if it's the way you built the emotion or what is, but It was just great. Report Review
How can the pairing be Harry/Hermione if the ship of the story is not Harry/Hermione. That's just stupid!! Report Review
I loved this! It was so...real. You write the trio so well.Author's Response: I'm very glad you like it. Thanks. Report Review
Just beautiful. I enjoyed it immensely, I love H/Hr stories. 10/10.Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. Report Review
Heyo-- I definitely wanted to drop you a line (or multiple lines) telling you how much I enjoyed this work.
I'm not a devoted H/Hr shipper by any means, but I think that there are ways to make H/Hr work very well. This is definitely one of them, so you should feel very proud! *hands congratulatory cookie*
That being said, I don't want to make it sound like the way you have written their relationship is remotely prevalent on HPFF; I don't think I've ever read a story quite like this one. It's beautiful, and I love (I'm serious-- I adore) Harry's voice and the way it comes through in this piece. You managed to write Harry voicing his own insecurities--something he does rarely in JKR's books, even to himself--in a way that is not remotely implausible (or painful to read--added bonus!). In fact, it seemed so real and was quite wonderful. Major kudos.
I feel the same way about how you wrote Hermione's character; the way she speaks and the way she acts is very true to the books. The way she tells Harry how she feels in the initial scene is very well-written because it conveys what Hermione means to say without directly stating it. And let me say-- thank you for not turning Ron into the evil-demon-monster. You gave his character as much thought as Harry's and Hermione's, and it makes your work rather unique amongst other H/Hr reads. I like how you've put the trio into a very human situation where there aren't good guys and bad guys, blacks and whites. You play with gray, and it makes your work distinctive.
And before I go-- I wanted to let you know that I liked your (I hope you don't mind me saying this because it's not meant to be remotely critical) very minimalist syntax style, using sentences like
"Harry closes the curtains and collapses on his bed. Tonight, well, tonight he needs to think. Just him, no escape." When you use this technique, you manage to say so much in so few words in a way that really moves the reader, so congrats on that. It also puts the reader directly in the character's head, without disconnect, so super style points to you!
Thanks so much for posting! I loved it! Cheers--
HallowsAuthor's Response: *grins* This is the nicest review I've gotten in a long time. Thanks so much for everything you said. I LOVE that you love my character's voices and the minimalistic style. Thank you SO much. Report Review
Nice, I can see u gave this a lot of thought. I still prefere Hermione with Harry though.Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked the story, in spite of the pairing. Thanks for giving it a chance and reading and reviewing. :) Report Review
oh so beautiful. i definitely love ron and hermione together, but harry and hermione have something that just attracts me. so well done.Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Report Review
I just cannot see Hermione with Ron he hurts her too much for there to be any love there. It is impossible for a healthy relationship to develope from anger, hurt, and pain. Ron is the reason Hermione was nearly killed in her first year, He is also the true reason behind Harry and Hermione's arguments lasting as long as they do. I can see Harry with Hermione because she is the only one who truly sees him for who he truly is not the Boy-Who-Lived.Author's Response: I guess you have the right to be disappointed in the story then. Report Review
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