I liked the twist of Harry having totally different best friends (Instead of Ron and Hermione), though I never expected Neville and Gregory. Will you be writing anything else along these lines? 10/10 For the original twist and 10/10 for the story.Author's Response: That's good to hear, thanks :) I'm glad you liked that. Haha, I can imagine that! It was for a challenge though, I don't think I would've thought of those two myself. Along which lines do you mean, exactly? ;)
Oh, wow! Thanks a lot! I feel very honoured :)
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So, here's the review I promised as you submitted this to the challenge.
Overall, I have to be up front an honest that I'm not the hugest fan of AU, though I've really been surprised at it by times. I thought the pairing of Neville, Gregory Goyle and Harry was a bit strange but you oddly made it work, so compliments there.
So I kind of made some notes as I was going along and I'll share them with you here.
You have some commas missing here and there, especially when addressing people. I think you know the rule, as you have it about 70% of the time...but sometimes you miss it.in you know "Thanks Hermione" (needs a comma after thanks) and "Hey Harry, Hey Neville"...you're still addressing people there so don't forget that!
Some of Goyle's dialogue at the beginning was a bit confusing for me because I didn't realize that Neville and Goyle had been living together. I feel like you explain this fact a little late for the reader and that it would really improve the flow by moving this detail up towards the beginning.
Other than that, to be a bit picky, I think you should capitalize your titles. It looks much more refined and it doesn't take that long :)
So, those CC points aside, I really enjoyed the ending. I thought you pulled the story together lovely at the end, making it a very good one-shot.
Job well done!
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Oh, alright. I'm usually not really into AU as well, though I do write it from time to time. I'm glad you still thought the pairing of the three of them worked, thanks :)
Missing commas? I'll keep that in mind when I'm editing this some time soon :) To be honest, I did know that those commas were there most of the time, but I didn't know that there was actually a rule about it, so thank you for pointing it out.
I actually didn't put the explanation about Goyle's and Neville's summer in the beginning because I thought that would work too, but apparently, it didn't really work out. I'll have a look at that as well, then :)
Haha, I know (or should I say, I'm also convinced of that now?). And I will, sooner or later, capitalise all my stories' (and chapters', which will take a little longer since, I think, the chapters will have to go through the queue again) titles. So yeah, I will do that.
Thank you, it's great to hear that you liked the ending :)
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Hey RandomRed here from the forums.
Would you believe this is the first AU I have ever read. Shocking I know, I have even written one.
Anyway the weird thing is it is quite and ovbious thing to change. What would have happened if he had never met Ron but I have never seen it done. However that might be because I have never looked.
I really like how you added a few canon things into the story so it didn't gravitate too far away it was well done.
The characterisation is very well done even on Harry, who now I just avoid reading as much as possible.Anyway, sorry I keep going off track, Goyle and Neville are perfect. every so often each one would say something and i would be, that is so Neville/Goyle. So well done.
I really liked the ending simple and it ended the story without complications. Also this is where I realised you had a very good Harry.
Catching his friends' eyes, Harry grinned
It reminds me of him so much.
All in all a great story and I love the simplicty of it, it isn't trying to be something it isn't.
RandomRed/Ginny45 xxxAuthor's Response: Hey :)
Really? I feel honoured :) I'm not a very big AU fan either, normally, but like you, I do write it sometimes.
Thank you, I'm glad you liked that - I didn't want to stray away from canon completely, but it had to be somewhat different, if only for who his friends now are :)
It's good to hear you liked Harry's characterisation, thanks! Especially since you'd rather not read Harry now. I'm glad you liked Goyle and Neville as well :)
And I'm very glad you liked the ending too - I didn't want to overcomplicate things; I mean, the rest of the story (to me) wasn't very complicated either so it wouldn't fit :) It's good to hear that you liked Harry there, and thanks for the compliments!
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Hey! It's moonbaby here! Don't worry about requesting so much on my thread. I love to read your stories! :)
I don't normally like AU stories, but this was rather interestign and well written. I thought that you portrayed Harry, Neville and Goyle's friendship realitically and I could see this fitting into canon!
I liekd how oyu had Hermione find Neville's toad, because that just made me think that she coudl still be friends with Harry and Neville, like in canon. :)
I thought you did a good job with characterizations! Goyle didn't seem to do a lot of talking, but he doesn't really talk a lot in the books, so it was good. I liekd how you had Neville losing Trevor and being kind of shy. That's just so Neville-ish. (well, I guess it's yougn Nevillie-ish, since he matures so much over the course of the books.)
Overall, I thought it was really great! I'll be awaiting your return to my thread with another great story for me to review, I'm sure. ;)
On another note, THIS IS MY 200TH REVIEW! :D :D :D YAY! Congrats for recieving my 200th! :) Keep up the great writing.Author's Response: Hey! Oh, okay :) Thanks a lot!
Alright, I'll keep that in mind then :) It's good to hear that you still liked it! And I'm glad you thought the friendship seemed realistic, thank you!
I didn't want Hermione (or Ron, for that matter) to become Harry's arch enemy all of a sudden, so I gave her this role :) I'm glad you liked that.
That's great to hear too, thanks! Goyle never struck me as the talkative type of person indeed, so it would be odd to make him the talker all of a sudden. I didn't want them to be completely OOC :P I'm glad you liked Neville this way; I agree, he still seemed quite shy in his second year :)
Thanks a lot! :D Haha, that's good to know. I'll surely return soon, then! And yay! Congrats on writing your 200th review!! :D
Thank you very much for your review! ;) Report Review
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