Ooh, this is intriguing! This was a nice first chapter, your description of Lucius at Malfoy Manor was fantastic--you captured the haughtiness as he walked into Malfoy Manor and the fear when he was talking to Voldemort; very good characterisation. You've included some valuable background information about your OC already, and the description of her mother's death, as a brief flashback, was vivid and poignant. Very good scene setting here, a well written first chapter :) Merry Christmas!Author's Response: Thank you very much for such a lovely review.
Merry Christmas to you too :) Report Review
I love it! I can't wait for you to update and I hope it doesn't take too long. More specifically, I like that you have perfect grammar and spelling haha and your detail. I also enjoy being able to see the story from both Draco's and Camille's points of view. It makes it more interesting and better. I'm super excited to follow your story and see what happens next!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, I don't tend to get many so I really do appreciate you taking the time :)
I'm afraid this story is currently on hiatus! For a short time I hope. I'm in the process of writing a new story which I hope to post after Christmas. I'll return to Camille and Draco once I fix a few loose ends with the plot but they will be returning eventually. Report Review
Hi! It's Elizabeth23 from the forums, here with your review :) (I'm so sorry it's taken me so long - life has been a tad busy)
I really liked the first part with the Death Eaters. It had a brilliant mystery to it, and I felt that you captured the "air" really well :)
Camille seems a very, very interesting character. I really liked how you included a flash-back, as they do wonders for character development, and it's easier to connect if you find out about their past. I also really like how you have accentuated the veela part of her, and that she does use it to her advantage. :D
As to your main concern; yes, I do think it does grab readers attention. Like I mentioned, the mystery is good, and I can't wait to see where you will go with this!
10/10 - great opening chapter :)
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Thank you and don't worry about the delay, there was no rush :)
I was a bit worried Camille may come across a little Mary-Sue in the first couple of chapters so I hoped the flashback may help with understanding her a little better.
Again, thank you so much! Report Review
Me again :)
I love Draco! He's one of my favourite characters in the entire series and Draco/OC is one of my favourite pairings but there aren't many good ones but this is an certainly an exception, I can't wait to read more! Great Chapter, Thanks for requesting and see you in Chapter three.
x ElyAuthor's Response: Oh wow, I'm glad you think so. Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
I'm here for your review. I'm not usually much of a Hogwarts Era reader but this seems rather interesting. I'm quite excited to see where this is going to go. Great characteraztion and love the memory of Camille's mother, I'm a fan of flashbacks. Thanks for requesting and I'll see you in the next chapter.
x ElyAuthor's Response: Thank you for taking the time to give me such a kind review :) Report Review
Aw! A little romance. (: I'm a big ol' sap so romance is such a good thing for me. XD
Your story is progressing very nicely! The plot is moving well and you know how to write a good cliff-hanger, which will keep the reader wanting more. I'm intrigued and hope you continue your story soon!
A few more minor punctuation errors but again, nothing serious. Very well done!Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you think so :) Next chapter is waiting so I hope it'll be validated tomorrow.
I'll have to go back over it and double check for those then, thank you again! Report Review
Hello! This is TenthWeasleyWriter from the forums with your requested review. (:
I'm very much liking your story so far! I love the Malfoy family so I always enjoy reading stories about them - everyone writes them so differently! I'm excited to see what happens next.
There were a few punctuation and spelling mistakes but nothing you really need to concern yourself with fixing, unless you're one of those people who needs to fix things like that. (: I also got a little lost during Camille's recollection of her mother's death - it switched from past to present tense at one part and I had to go back and re-read to make sure I had understood everything.
Overall, very nice! I'll be watching for updates from this story.Author's Response: Thank you very much :)
I also love the Malfoy family, they really interest me, I considered not including them and starting Camille's story from Hogwarts but I couldn't resist including a bit of Lucius. Report Review
Another fantastic, with fantastic description again :D Love it. You have a brilliant pace to the story, and it's good to see it isn't being dragged out and it's lovely to see our lovely Draco enter the picture too.
My comments are very much the same as my previous chapter :) Again, just be careful with Camille because she does seem to have every perfection so far and it can be a little bit irksome to read. I do love the bit where her facade falls though. Shows she isn't all powerful and there is an aspect to her that makes her human. I'd love for you to keep playing on that and building it up :)
Brilliant work so far and keep it up! I'm sure there will be a lot of followers for this one :DAuthor's Response: Yeah, I was dropping a hint there to show she wont always be so in control of herself and I will be working on that part of her character a lot.
Your reviews were a lot nicer than I thought they would be haha, so thank you very much for taking the time. I really appreciate it :) Report Review
I've just read your first chapter and will be reading and reviewing the next in a moment (I never read it all and then review it one by one otherwise the opinion always changes to the initial) :)
First off, I absolutely love your description. It's beautiful, it's soft, it's harsh, it's visible for the reader and that's exactly what you want to give when writing.
The depth at which you managed to stay in Voldemort's POV was amazing. I loved how realistic he was and how much he was stuck to canon despite this all being fanfic. A round of applause for you for that alone :)
For me, the plot development for the first chapter is fantastic. It sets a scene and it flits neatly between different locations to merge them together wonderfully.
I understand you're concerned about how Mary-Sue Camille might become, and I do realise where your concern is coming from. To keep a Veela/part-veela to be remotely human is extremely different as they are half-breeds ;p I think it would be better for Camille to have some negative traits too - she's beautiful and smart. She's witty and caring. She's dark and sly. How about giving her some annoying habits? In a sense it feels really good to give your character a habit that gets on your nerves, as the author. Maybe she bites her nails; symbolically ruining her own beauty and destroying her own 'power' over the male race? Just be careful with how you approach Camille's personality - that said, I have yet to read what happens next :)
Spelling, punctuation and grammar all look brilliant to me! And also loving the story summary - really catchy. Also love the banner :D
I shall be back next chapter!
Curiosity is not a sinAuthor's Response: This is a great review thank you!
I used to really struggle with description so it was the one area I really worked on in the last few years, I'm glad to see it seems to have paid off :)
My biggest pet peeve is seeing Voldemort speaking like a teenage boy so again I'm glad I managed to keep that more realistic.
Camille does have flaws but I didn't want to throw everything into the one chapter, I wanted to make her more complex so instead I'm trying to let it develop over time, we'll see how this goes! I love the idea of biting her nails and the symbolism for it though, that sounds really interesting. But yes, I think Camille may prove to be my biggest challenge with this story.
Again, thank you for the review! Report Review
Ooh, this is interesting! I can't wait to read more! :)Author's Response: Thank you very much :) Report Review
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