Reading Reviews for From Marauder to Madness
  
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Review #1, by Jim Curtin Decent into Madness

24th September 2010:
I must congratulate you on this story if for no other reason than it's the only Peter-centric story I've read. Peter is a hard character to write for because he is so hard to sympathize with. You've definitely tried to see the whole character and for that you should be applauded.

That is not to say there isn't room for improvement. First, the story needs to be beta read. the misspellings I can look past, but there are some grammar issues and wrong words used that hinder the flow of the story. I'll just mention the two that most took me out of the story. First, "this war had taken my parents and now I had a vendetta against those who caused." And then later, "Frank and Alice shoes Frank's mother to be their secrete keeper." There are other ones, but I'll leave those to a beta reader.

There were also a few issues with canon as well. First, the wolfsbane potion was invented by Marcus Belby's uncle, Damocles (HBP). Second, I believe both Frank and Alice were both Aurors, but in your story only Frank is.

Now to the literary review. I like the first person confessional feeling to this story, but there is an inconsistency to the tone. It starts off with the impression that this is a story of regret. It quickly makes the reader think Peter is ashamed of what he has done and wishes he could repent for it. Your second paragraph starts, "I am a Marauder, but I am also a coward." But at some point it loses that feeling and becomes a story of Peters self justification, as though he feels people should not only forgive him for what he's done but applaud him for it. The sixth paragraph from the end actually says, "Many might see what I did as cowardice, but it was survival of the fittest at work. I ran from those trying to kill me, there's nothing cowardly about that." In short the end of the story contradicts the beginning.

As far as your characterization goes, I do give you credit for trying not to make Peter immediately and completely evil. But you may have gone too far the other way. We already know that Peter is an animagus, but you've also made him: (1) One of the "most good looking guys in Hogwarts." (2) Head of his class (dux), (3) Able to attract a "wonderful, amazing, gorgeous, intelligent girlfriend." (4) Inventor of the wolfsbane potion. (5) Skilled at occulmuncy. And finally (6) able to somehow deduce that Voldemort was using horcuxes. This doesn't match the Peter described by McGonagall as a "stupid" and "foolish boy." Now, witha a little editing this can all be changed to an example of an unreliable narrator and examples of Peter's inflated self-image, but if that is your goal you need to clue the reader to it more.

In the end I think you have a story here with a lot of promise, but further editing is required. I hope this has been helpful and not to harsh.

Author's Response: Thank you for this review.
I have found it very helpful.
The points you have made have made me look through this story and I think I might edit it.
I agree with your point that I parted ways with the beginning, and I will attempt to rectify that.

Thank you, once again, for the constructive critisim. I hope that it will help me to become a better writer.
Lollie :D


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