I've never, ever, ever read a fic about Padma. I'm really intrigued by the Patil sisters, though, so this is pretty great. :)
I also love how you gave Padma a past. No one really knows anything about her, so it's funny to hear about her ex-boyfriend adn how she wants to make him jealous or
whatever else. It's just amusing.
“The Giant Squid doesn't dance,” she teased.
“Neither does Ron Weasley,” Padma responded through gritted teeth.
OHMYGOD this cracked me up. I love this. It's so cute, and I also apprecite the No Warnings. It's rare to read a fic about /anything/ without a single warning.Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was a bit of a challenge trying to think up something with no warnings at all. o.o Funny enough, I've always wondered more about Padma than her sister. I guess cause we only got to see Padma like one time. :) Thank you for the kind review. :) --Jenna Report Review
I really love the spin you took on the Yule Ball. I've always felt bad for Padma; it wasn't what she signed up for.
Great job, truly.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. ^^ --Jenna Report Review
This is so cute :) I like the way you did the challenge, and I love the way you described her dressAuthor's Response: Thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. :D --Jenna Report Review
Hi again! Ok I had to review this story because I adore the 150 things you're not allowed to do Hogwarts list. It makes me smile.
Anyway just one little thing. "You could have some alone" I'm guessing you meant come.
I think you filled your challenges well and this one shot does exactly what is it supposed to do. Your characterisation of the twins ans Ron is brilliant. He does talk about food a lot.
It ended so well as well. All happy for Padma, yay! Doesn't the giant squid make for the best story lines :). I think I'm just being weird now.
I'll go look at another story.Author's Response: Aha, thank you. :D Come...yeah, that's probably what I meant. Lol. It's been a while since I wrote this one. :P
Thank you for that, I always stress over writing Hogwarts Era canons. :D --Jenna Report Review
Bravo Jenna!! You are amazing keep up the good work on this writing lovelyAuthor's Response: Thank you, Cassie. ♥ --Jenna Report Review
I thought this was just too cute for words! Wonderful job, Jenna!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D --Jenna Report Review
aw, this was really cute! i love the whole idea of it and am amazed that you managed to fit three different challenges into one story! i thought the characters were very believable and the situation fits in perfectly with what JKR wrote.
it's nice to read a humor fic without cursing and sex every other sentence once in a while :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed my little bit of fluff. :D I really appreciate the time you took to review! --Jenna Report Review
Ah, using a boy to make another boy jealous. Always a wonderful tactic, haha.
This was just fun to read! I love reading about events that happen in the books from an entirely different point of view. And I think this may be the only Padma story I have ever read. It was really interesting to have a look at the way you interpreted her. And I think you did well. She was just your average girl who had a cunning plan for the ball. You didn't embellish her characterisation, you made her very real and easy to relate to. Props to you for that!
One thing, though. This sentence is a bit awkward: She did not, I repeat not come to the Yule Ball to sit at a table and stare at the back of her date's head as he talked about another girl.
Two things. After the word 'repeat', I think you need to insert the word 'did' as it does not flow in its current state. Secondly, I think you should consider getting rid of the "I repeat" as those two words imply an entirely different point of view to the rest of the story and look out of place.
But, really. This was just a lot of fun to read and I kind of want to see what happens next with Padma and Marcus Belby (awesome last name, by the way!)
Hope you enjoyed the challenge because I certainly enjoyed reading this!
Joop :]Author's Response: Thank you for coming by and I'm glad that you liked it. :D It means a lot that you found her to be real.
Hmm, maybe it would sound alright without the I? Dunno. I'll take a look at it a few different ways and see how it may flow better. :D
Well, Marcus was a canon character, so I can't steal credit for the last name. :D
I DID enjoy this challenge. This was probably the single hardest challenge I've ever done and it was so much fun. Thank you for coming up with such a good one. :D --Jenna Report Review
I'm here to fill out your request for a review on my thread. I hope you are well. ^_^
You mentioned that humor and fluff are not really the genre you're comfortable writing, yes? I know how hard it is to write humor. It's not just something that you can whip out of thin air, you know? And, I must say, you did a very good job! I love humor fics and I truly enjoyed reading this chapter. I think you are off on a great start. As you said, you did not mean to make this a riot and I think that's a very good decision. I love the brand of humor you've chosen for this story - not the laugh-out-loud-roll-on-the-floor type of funny, but more of the light-hearted kind, which worked really well. Good job!
I like your Padma. We've never really seen much of her in the books, except that she was Parvati's twin and she was a Ravenclaw, so we don't know what kind of personality she had, but I like how you've chosen to write her. Her concerns were very typical for a fourteen year-old girl, which added a touch of realism to her, in a way, so thank you for that! She had this bit of girly angst about her that made her more likeable for me. And Ron was pretty much in character as well. He didn't say or did much, and we only saw him through Padma's POV, but those little tidbits of description she had of him, like talking when his mouth was full, endlessly commenting about food etc. - very nifty! Haha. I think one of your reviewers mentioned this already but the details you put into your descriptions were very clever. I love it!
Okay, so I'm dangerously on the verge of leaving you a gushing review now, and I hope you forgive me. I'd like to give you some CC, but to be honest, there's really nothing much I could give you. Technically, your grammar, punctuations etc. were impeccable, your flow was smooth, descriptions great - just enough, not over-the-top - in short, this chapter is amazing. One thing that bothered me though (and this is just me being extremely nitpicky, and this is also me making a pathetic attempt to leave a proper review :P) was the word severing charm, which I think should be capitalized. I know it seemed very trivial but I'm just very particular about writing the Potter terms correctly. I told you it's pathetic. :P
I'm so happy for you that you are choosing to write something out of your comfort zone, which is really a good way to explore writing strengths and weaknesses. As I said, you had a great start, and all I wish for you to do is to keep up the good work! I'm sorry if I couldn't be of much help. You didn't need it, at least for this chapter. I am really excited to read more from this story, so I'm adding this to my favorites. And I can't wait to read more from you, dear. See you around! ^_^Author's Response: Hello. :D Thank you for coming by.
Wow, thank you so much for that. I'm glad that it came across the way I hoped.
Yay, I love that he seems in character. I fear writing such a well known character because there is so much than can go wrong. :D
Hmmm, I'll go look that one up. With the charm. I didn't really think about that. I'm pretty sure charms are meant to be capital. LOL
Oh, this was just a one shot. :( I don't think I could do much more like this. It was hard. :D I am trying my hand at more lower rated things, however, with the Epic 12+ Challenge too. Thank you so much for all your kind words and the fave. --Jenna Report Review
Ha, I thought this was a rather cute one-shot! I liked the idea of Padma choosing to go with Ron to maker her ex-boyfriend jealous. It makes a lot of sense and could totally fit in canon.
You mentioned that you were trying to make it funny, and I thought it did have some humor in it. Especially the conversation about the Giant Squid and the list of three important things Padam had learned that night. I think you did good with making it funny!
Overall, I thought it was really good! I can't really think of anyways to improve it, since the plot and flow seemed really good. It was also a good length for this one-shot, and I don't think it dragged on too long. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much. :D I appreciate you taking time to come by and review and thanks for all the kind words. :D --Jenna Report Review
Hey there! This is lizzacc from the forums, in case you were wondering. ^_^
I had no idea what to expect from your minor character and your title. I have to say, I was intrigued right away and not disappointed. It was an enjoyable one-shot.
I didn't see any grammer errors or anything like that. It was a well-paced and smooth read.
I liked your characterization of Padma. I could clearly see the ways she was similar to her sister. Their differences showed through as well. I thought it was a pleasant one-shot.
You did a wonderful job. Thanks for entering my challenge!
-LizaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. :D I'm glad that you liked it. Your challenge was so much fun and I'm happy that you issued it. Thank you. :D --Jenna Report Review
Haha. Interesting. I like the twist on the rule there! (Yes, this is SlytherinRavenclawChick on the forums) 10/10!!Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. :D Your challenge was really fun. --Jenna Report Review
Aside from the abrupt ending, I thought that this was absolutely wonderful!
I couldn't help but grin as the girl drew comparisons between Ron Weasley and the Giant Squid. It does seem quite unfair to Ron, but he was a great prat to her that night. So that doesn't seem too bad in regards to how he treated her.
I also like that while she is a Ravenclaw she is still petty and childish like her sister. That was a nice way of portraying them. They are different and yet they still have their similarities.
Though, I was glad that Marcus Belby got jealous. ;) After all, he's a jerk and a half for ditching her right before the ball.
I was pulled in to this piece by the title admittedly, but this almost seems to have that JK feel to it. I can picture her writing something like this.
I liked your descriptions and your flow was very good. One thing that did jar me was this sentence: She stopped in her tracks, her breath hitching in her throat as she spotted Marcus and some too-skinny brunette with heels so high she could barely stand upright on them without holding onto the boy's arm. I had to reread that sentence to understand what get the true meaning of what you meant. I would advise turning that sentence into two or putting a comma after the word 'throat' and maybe even change 'and' to with some too-skinny brunette. That's just a suggestion, though.
The little details made this piece all the more magnificent. For example Ron talking about how dry the food was seemed completely in character and only enhanced the piece whilst showing why the girl's irritation was quickly growing.
I didn't pick up on anything else worth amending, including spelling, so wonderful job there.
I quite liked this piece and kudos for fitting in that many challenges into one piece without making it too full or too forced!
LindersAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! :D I'm glad that you liked it. I was nervous about making Padma act so teenage, but in the end I figured, she was just 14, so it could work. Glad to see that it worked out.
Your compliment literally left me with my mouth open. That was just...thank you! I see what you mean on that sentence. I will definately take your suggestion, thanks for pointing it out. :D
Yay! In character? Ah, I was so scared to take on Ron because I'm such a canon freak. LOL Thank you for that.
I appreciate your taking the time to review and offer the help. Totally made my day. :D --Jenna Report Review
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