I liked your story. I have never seen one on Lee Jordan before and was curious. And I'm glad I checked it out.
You write well and I look forward to reading more of your works and another story on Lee.
Good job.Author's Response: I happy you love Lee! I to post a novella on him soon so I hope you'll stick around :) Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Not read many stories about Lee but this is really good. He is another underloved character and you portrayed him really well, as is Katie.
I like how everyone know's Lee likes Katie, except for Katie herself.
I think this story is really sweet and I like the humour. I've never read Lee/Katie before either and I think they make a good couple.
The way you have charcterised them is really good. Lee seems like a cool guy who is always up for a laugh.
It's nice to see that even though he is a popular guy that he doesn't have a date. You would think with him being popular, he would have girls queing up.
Overall a good story but there were a few grammar mistakes.
-Potterfan310Author's Response: Lee deserves more love :) I hope to someday write a novella with him as the leading character. :)
I usually ship them, I think they would've made a cute couple :) True with him being popular girls probably would've queued up for him but poor Lee had his heart set on Katie.
Thank you for the review :) Report Review
I am so sorry for such a late response to our review swap. I fail terribly. Very,very terribly.
First off,I really really like it. Everything from flow to characterization was just brilliant.
The only thing the that really erked me was some grammar mistakes and whatnot. It was distracting,which really took away the brilliance of it all,and thankfully,that can be easily cured by a beta(:
Lastly,most unromancric saying ever,Katie! Not cool -.- haha! It was very odd,I thought I had misread it,I was almost sure something wasn't entirely right! Haha! I loved how she kissed him though,very adorable,
EverAuthor's Response: Hullo it's okay :)
Thank you, yeah this and all my one-shots need a look over XD I'm just so concentrated on BDITS that I forget about them...poor one-shots.
Yup Katie was unromantic she totally killed the mood :P Yeah I liked the kiss too I thought it was the cutest thing :) Report Review
Here from review tag!
Lee is definetely one of the more underrated characters in the books, so it was nice to see some fresh insights into his character. I enjoyed his witty narrative voice, and it was interesting how you made him pretty insecure underneath his layer of humor.
It seems like the Yule Ball caused endless drama and angst for so many characters, a total contrast to how easily Fred asked Angelina. This was definetely an accurate depiction of high school age romance and drama.
This was a very amusing story, and it made excellent use of the line you had to use.Author's Response: I love Lee! I wish in fan-fiction he'd get the same love.
I'm glad you like his narration, yeah the Yule Ball, in my opinion must have been alot of drama. Thank you, my inner teen helps me alot :) Thank you! I'm glad you like it :) Report Review
"Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here."
You got a great line to work with... I was quietly laughing (quietly because it would've been heard by my parents) at the end there.
Lee had the right idea about not trusting the twins; I sure wouldn't have!!! You kept him in character throughout; he's been one of my favourite secondary characters forever.
I didn't really pick up on anything grammar-wise - a couple of missing punctuation and bits that could've been shortened, but nothing too major.
I've never really gone for the 'Hogwarts era' fics because to me, anything JK Rowling wrote is canon, but this oneshot convinced me that there's all these little backstories that we can play around with. I'm really happy you sent me your link to review, because you've got me intrigued about all the minor characters running around with their own stories.
And on that note *goes off in search of minor character stories*...Author's Response: I'm glad I made you laugh! That line was great for me it was hard since I'm not really used to writing anything funny.
Of course Lee couldn't trust the twins XD I love Lee too which is why I chose him to be the main character of this one-shot.
I'm glad I sent you my link. And of course even in Hogwarts-era there are things J.K left to our imaginations. Report Review
So in the spirit of Gryffindor Monday(I'm all for interhouse unity :) ), I decided to review this story. I find this story so sweet. Your characterization of everyone is so wonderful. Especially Lee and the twins. It really showed how the three of them were such wonderful friends. I especially loved the last line.
HufflepuffAuthor's Response: *nods* I like interhouse unity myself :) Thank you for your review :) I wrote this for a challenge a while back. Report Review
Happy Gryffindor Monday!!
Another very cute of you. So adorable!! I loved the fact that while he is a popukair guy he didnít have a date . Itís very refreshing to read you know. You have a very distinctive manner of writing. Itís light. Maybe it doesnít make sense to you but itís the best way I can describe it. Also it was his first kiss how freaking terrific especially for a populair guy.
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)Author's Response: Even if Lee is a popular guy, girls can be intimidating :) I can understand what your trying to say about my writing :) Lol having his first at sixteen must have been terrific :)
Thank you for your review. Report Review
Uh. . .whaaa? It was very funny, and quite adorable, this thing was. The kiss was sudden and left me slightly bewildered, but at the same time, it definitely worked! Aww, Lee and Katie? That's cute--why does no one come up with cute pairings? This is a cute pairing. I've read, uh, this about them. That's it! Sheesh. And I loved how Alicia and Angelina and Fred and George all knew that Lee liked Katie, haha. :D
-Katherine045 (Slytherin!)Author's Response: Lol they were all in on it XD I've always thought they might have had a thing at Hogwarts, I wanted the kiss to be "whaat?" because it was supposed to surprise for Lee and the reader :P I've never read anything on Lee and Katie so no worries.
Thank you for your review :) Report Review
Aww, this was such a sweet little story! I enjoyed Lee's distress a little too much I think! Poor boy, how hard it must be to like a girl that is already taken and to have everybody BUT HER know about it...
I think you captured the moment quite well and the idea to have the twins plan a meeting (with the very same girl) and then get detention; that was brilliant. I really didn't see that coming!
Although really good, this story could use a little work when it comes to the flow. See, there is a lot of punctuation problems in there; sometimes is missing comas, other times it's misplaced comas and some other times, it's no coma at all when one is needed. Did you know that one of the great way to know when a coma is needed is to read your sentences out loud? That way, you know that when you stop for a breath or a change of pace, a coma is needed.
I'm saying this because it would definitly help improve this story. Right now, there are times when we get completly lost while reading a sentence because, by the end, we can't remember how you began or where you were going with it. Here are a couple examples of what I mean. You can decide to ignore it - and that would be fine - or you can decide to go through your story again and try to fix what you notice.
"...a blonde haired girl that though a bit dumb is cute."; this is how I think comas could help this sentence : "...a blonde haired girl that, though a bit dumb, is cute."; I personaly think this flows better
"I shook my head again, don't get me wrong I didn't have anything against the French but these Beauxbatons girls were too picky."; here, I would use a coma after "don't get me wrong, I didn't..."
Here are other little things I noticed through my reading that are not punctuation related. Ok, most of them aren't...
"... asked Fred's familiar voice, I turned to his usual white face now completely pink?"; here, I cannot really understand why there is an exclamation point, typo maybe?
ďWe have things to be done.Ē; I think you mean things to do or that things need to be done
" Merlin where women physic?" I think you mean psychic
Well, that's it. I hope you will not take this review the wrong way; I simply wish to give you some pointers and help you improve your writting. I know this is an old piece of yours and you probably already have improved but, hey, I liked it and I do not regret one bit chosing this read. Good work!
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Akussa fellow lirate I did not take your review the wrong way. Quite the contrary I'm glad you pointed out what could be improved. :) I'm going to read through this to fix the flow of it :) Report Review
Thanks a lot for requesting this review. I REALLY enjoy stories like this, and it was a pleasure to read.
The concept is neat and I like that you've used some characters that usually don't get a lot of attention.
The 1st person style of writing was really nice here, and to me everybody felt very in character and very realistic.
If I have some CC, it would be to take a look at some points in the grammar and punctuation. There were a few spots where I caught myself having to re-read because I wasn't so sure.
The end where the "one-liner" was used kind of confused me as well. I wasn't quite sure what was happening (in regards to positioning or who said what) and a few more details and more specific punctuation could make a real big difference. It would be easy to find a Beta for a great story like this!
So once again, thanks for sharing. It was truly a lot of fun to read!
schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Thank you for your kind review :D Report Review
Hey! I'm here for your review.
Ok, so I was looking and I really like it. I think you can work a little on your grammar, because at times it was a little hard to follow.
Finally I liked how Katie and Lee were written, and I think you got their personalities spot on. The twins, too.
Great job!Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I'll keep my grammar in mind :) Report Review
i really liked that story it was really goodAuthor's Response: Thank you! :D Report Review
Haha, I liked it. Great job. The only thing you need to work on is using commas. A few time it was confusing to read and needed a comma to make more sense. But don't think it matters much cuz I'm a perfectionist :D
9/10Author's Response: Being a perfectionist is good :D Hey thank you for the review. :D I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
Haha I loved that :P Especially the last line, it finished it off really well :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! I enjoyed that one-shot a lot and I actually I'll write more like it :) Report Review
NGseries here from the forums to review! The name's ash. ;)
Okay, so how things work for me is that I first review your story based on what I see before reading, then I review it based on how I feel after reading. I usually try to be extra kind in my reviews because I know how distressing it can be to have a reviewer slaughter your work. Yuck! ;)
All right! Here goes before reading.
Before delving into what looks like a really entertaining story, I took a look at the big picture. Firstly, I see that you have a banner. That's always good when trying to draw readers. Though, I must say, the man on your banner looks nothing like how I pictured Lee Jordan! Hah! An interesting take. I like it. :) I also find the title quite intriguing. It sound slight and interesting. Good job!
Well, for starters, you have a very funny writing voice! It's light and witty with a distinctly sarcastic air. There were some issues with grammar; absence of needed commas, some dialogue issues, and some odd sentences. However, it wasn't a big deal seeing as how interesting your writing voice is. I really do like it - particularly the way you use certain words. ^^
Keep up the good work! Request again sometime!
ashAuthor's Response: *breaths in* Woof! I gotta scared for moment lol! Lol I'm trying to get better at sentence structure. It's a long road but here we go! Thank you for your review! I'm glad you think I have an interesting writing voice (I admit I'm not a fan of first p.o.v) Guess I did pretty well :) Will request again in the near future :P Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection