Reading Reviews for He Visits Twice A Day
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore Twice A Day

11th July 2014:
Hello again!

I really like stories about Sirius but I think all too often they seem to be focused on a romantic relationship with him and an OC, rather than his friendship with the Marauders or the effects that the war, and their deaths in particular, had on him. So it was really refreshing and interesting to get to read this story.

There was a really beautiful, lyrical quality to this story that I didn't expect to find in a story about Sirius. You captured the wistful nature of his dreams really well, besides the melancholia and the deep sadness that he feels at the deaths of Lily and James. The sentence structure was quite unusual at times - almost old-fashioned and poetical - but I found that added to the overall effect.

Am I right in thinking that Sirius was visiting the graves of James and Lily twice a day in his dreams? Because he couldn't visit them in real life... But I loved reading about it, and I thought you portrayed him really well. Great job!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

 Report Review

Review #2, by Beeezie Twice A Day

9th July 2014:

I really liked the concept behind this. I love the idea of Sirius continuing to think about the friends he's lost - of the overgrown garden and the gate, and imagining over and over again their demise at the hands of Voldemort. That came off as painfully realistic to me.

That said, I didn't love the way you put the sentences together. I'm pretty sure that it was an intentional stylistic choice, but it didn't really work for me - it felt a bit too much like Yoda.

Again, I really love the concept behind this, and the imagery is beautiful. The sentence construction just didn't always do it for me.

House Cup 2014 - Ravenclaw

 Report Review

Review #3, by HarrietHopkirk Twice A Day

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This is stunning! Such an oddly beautiful and poetic piece. I really liked the narrative - so refreshing to see it done, but in some place it did get a little too Yoda-ish for me. Maybe it's a question of when is the limit, but then again that's a personal preference.

I thought it was so moving that Sirius came to visit the Potters' house and their graves (and the way you described them was beautiful). I was wondering at what point in canon did he do this? Before Azkaban? While he was on the run as Snuffles? Before his death? Either way, it doesn't matter, and the image of him visiting it is still really sad.

You manage to convey so much in only 500 words. Your sentence structure and word choice makes it flow seamlessly, and flow is so important in short pieces like this. You manage to fit in so much emotion through your imagery and description. Really well done.

 Report Review

Review #4, by Pretense Of Perfection Twice A Day

8th July 2014:
Hello there!!

I'm not even going to lie, the first time I read through this I hated it. My first thought was that the author was very inexperienced, and needed a very good beta.

I decided to read it again, because I felt like something was missing. And wow, i'm glad I did. I didn't really realize until the second time around that it was meant to sound the way it did, and once I repeated the words aloud it made sense. It's almost like a form of poetry or narrative. I really liked the style, once I figured it out of course. It's different, but refreshing. Definitely a big risk here, but ultimately I think it paid off. It definitely set the scene perfectly, with an air of despair and melancholy lingering throughout. You have a way with words, that's for sure, and quite possibly an understatement.

I think your characterization of Sirius is spot on. I totally see him visiting the remains of James and Lily's house, along with their graves, over and over and over again. I feel like he is in a sort of denial over it, even though deep in his mind he has begun to accept it, you can tell he just doesn't want to believe it.

The pacing was perfect, and the twisted plot really kept me on the edge of my seat. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors (although it might be hard to, given the sentence structure), so great job there.

i'll definitely have to check out more of your work! Amazing!

---House Cup 2014 Review---
Pretense of Perfection, Gryffindor

Author's Response: I totally sympathise with hating it the first time through! I was inspired by a poet who wrote in a similar kind of style who I was studying in english class at the time, and I wasn't the hugest fan at first - but it really grew on me. I also went back and re-read this story after seeing this review, because it had been ages, and it took me a few paragraphs to be able to get into the style - and I wrote it!
I'm really happy you think it all paid off the end. This was really experimental for me, I did want to try doing something rather different, so thank you for deciding to give it a second chance! And thank you so much for leaving such a lovely and thoughtful review :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by ImagineHarmony Twice A Day

15th July 2013:

The tone and the air weight feeling of this is amazing! I think you really connected to his thoughts and paired it up with amazing description with that suspense in mind. I think its him dreaming, dreaming that he is visiting twice a day. The walk he walks is so beautiful and ethereal. I felt like I was really there!

So really great job on writing this! The structure and plot and every thing else is just really amazing :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you! You're too kind -blushes-
Thanks for the lovely review :)

 Report Review

Review #6, by slytherinchica08 Twice A Day

17th January 2013:
Wow this is so beautiful! I've never read a story that has this sentence structure before but I found it to be beautiful here! It really added this whole new layer to your story that has really made it stand out in my mind. I loved the description and word usage for this oneshot as well. It all really added to the scene and the ending was just perfect! I love how in the beginning I really wasn't sure where I was at or what was going on but as I continued reading, things began to fall in place and I began to understand what was going on. This was very well written and very unique! Great Job!


Author's Response: I am so sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I only just noticed this review. Thank you so much! I took inspiration from a poet I happened to be studying at the time, who uses quite unusual sentence structure that I thought was really pretty. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for taking the time to review :)

 Report Review

Review #7, by Maitri Harys Twice A Day

7th October 2010:

Author's Response: Haha, thank you so much *hugs*
(and sorry for the long wait, I replied to this before but I only just noticed it didn't go through)

 Report Review

Review #8, by s_amy2014 Twice A Day

11th September 2010:
I really enjoyed this. The writing style is great. Seems very old-fashioned. Although it was only 500 words, it was still very powerful.

"Their bravery through his cloak does not permeate. Like ants he brushes them aside, in flashes green."

This would have to be my favorite line. I'm unsure if I've correctly interpreted it, but it seems like a metaphore comparing his unbreaking bravery with the killing curse.

Very nice, I enjoyed it :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the writing style, it was an experiment - I wanted to try something a bit different. That line was more describing Voldemort's murder of Lily and James and their incredibly bravery, however it does work rather interestingly as a metaphor too, now that you've mentioned it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a lovely review, I'm happy you enjoyed it :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by Violet Gryfindor Twice A Day

9th September 2010:
That was great, very moving at the end when you realize exactly what he's come to see, who he's visiting. What I liked best was the language - there was an old-fashioned feel to your sentence structure and style that make this unique and more interesting to read, more of a challenge. The description of the overgrown flowers being just like James's hair was fantastically creative - it's like the graveyard is taking on the Potter's characteristics.

Very well done! :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it! The writing style was rather experimental, so I'm thrilled it worked out. It was largely inspired by Gerard Manley Hopkins, a poet I'm studying at the moment who uses odd word orders, I had the sudden inspiration to try doing something different with sentence structures. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I'm happy you enjoyed it :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login