Reading Reviews for He Visits Twice A Day
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by wolfgirl17 Twice A Day

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Hufflepuff

Hey there,

So this one had all the poignancy and mystery and it was just wonderful to read. I loved the mysteriousness of the entire story and the way you ended on the idea of maddess and despair pulled at the character, and I loved the way you used such fancy language to really bring another level of awesomeness to this piece of writing.

Overall a really interesting fic that I enjoyed immensely. Keep up the good work and I hope to read more from you soon.


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Review #2, by LadyL8 Twice A Day

20th July 2015:
Hufflepuff - House Cup 2015

Hi Sian. This was such an interesting piece. Very different, but also powerful. I love the idea, though it breaks my heart to imagine Sirius visiting their graves twice a day - in his mind, because he's been wrongfully imprisoned for their murders. I feel sorry for him, especially knowing the real guy's still out there. There's so much beautiful description and emotions here, and I'm so envious of you for it, cause description is my biggest weakness as a writer. I can't get it right, but you obviously can. The repition of "he visits twice a day" has such a strong effect - it really shows how much he cared for them and how much he misses them. And I love how the story comes across as almost poetical - I hink it's the structure and beautiful descriptions that makes it appear poetic to me. But I liked that, I really did. I found it to be - and this is the terms for stories that are beautiful but sad - tragically beautiful. Sirius' emoitions are well-conveyed and I sympathise with him. Seeing as he's also my favourite character and ai'm generally very critical when people try to write him, that's a huge compliment. So good job. I'm going to have read more from you when things calm down, cause everything I've read so far has been good :)



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Review #3, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Twice A Day

20th July 2015:
Hufflepuff, House Cup 2015!

Wow - this is a very powerful piece you've got here, dear! I absolutely LOVE your use of syntax here - it's very refreshing and oh-so-different from anything else I've read on the forums - kudos to you for originality and excellent use of grammar!

It really breaks my heart to read about Sirius visiting their graves twice a day - and even moreso because he can only visit in his imagination, since he was wrongly imprisoned. I can't imagine all the sorts of things that must have gone through his mind all those years in Azkaban, and it seems to me that this would be happening at the very beginning, just after their deaths - that time must have been even harder for him, especially with the dementors there, feeding off of his emotions.

I love your description here, especially when you described the orange mist - you made it very easy for me to picture what you were describing!

Overall, great piece dear! Well done!

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Review #4, by nott theodore Twice A Day

11th July 2014:
Hello again!

I really like stories about Sirius but I think all too often they seem to be focused on a romantic relationship with him and an OC, rather than his friendship with the Marauders or the effects that the war, and their deaths in particular, had on him. So it was really refreshing and interesting to get to read this story.

There was a really beautiful, lyrical quality to this story that I didn't expect to find in a story about Sirius. You captured the wistful nature of his dreams really well, besides the melancholia and the deep sadness that he feels at the deaths of Lily and James. The sentence structure was quite unusual at times - almost old-fashioned and poetical - but I found that added to the overall effect.

Am I right in thinking that Sirius was visiting the graves of James and Lily twice a day in his dreams? Because he couldn't visit them in real life... But I loved reading about it, and I thought you portrayed him really well. Great job!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #5, by Beeezie Twice A Day

9th July 2014:

I really liked the concept behind this. I love the idea of Sirius continuing to think about the friends he's lost - of the overgrown garden and the gate, and imagining over and over again their demise at the hands of Voldemort. That came off as painfully realistic to me.

That said, I didn't love the way you put the sentences together. I'm pretty sure that it was an intentional stylistic choice, but it didn't really work for me - it felt a bit too much like Yoda.

Again, I really love the concept behind this, and the imagery is beautiful. The sentence construction just didn't always do it for me.

House Cup 2014 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: It was definitely intentional, but it was also definitely very experimental, and so I completely understand why it hasn't worked for a lot of people. The author I was inspired by was someone whose writing style I didn't enjoy to begin with, but it grew on me, and it so just so interesting that I felt I had to try something similar.
I'm glad you enjoyed the concept though! Sirius breaks my heart, I really can imagine him reliving moments with Lily and James over and over in his cell, and imagining moments he wasn't there for.
Thanks for the review! :)

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Review #6, by HarrietHopkirk Twice A Day

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This is stunning! Such an oddly beautiful and poetic piece. I really liked the narrative - so refreshing to see it done, but in some place it did get a little too Yoda-ish for me. Maybe it's a question of when is the limit, but then again that's a personal preference.

I thought it was so moving that Sirius came to visit the Potters' house and their graves (and the way you described them was beautiful). I was wondering at what point in canon did he do this? Before Azkaban? While he was on the run as Snuffles? Before his death? Either way, it doesn't matter, and the image of him visiting it is still really sad.

You manage to convey so much in only 500 words. Your sentence structure and word choice makes it flow seamlessly, and flow is so important in short pieces like this. You manage to fit in so much emotion through your imagery and description. Really well done.

Author's Response: I'm sure it's definitely a question of when is the limit - this was absolutely totally experimental, and it's received completely polarising views because of how odd it is. It's not a style I enjoyed when I first read it, but it grew on me to the point where I had to try to emulate it.
The way I saw Sirius visiting the graves was that it was all in his head, something he replayed over and over again sitting in his cell.
I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Thank you very much for reviewing, and so sorry for the late response!

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Review #7, by Pretense Of Perfection Twice A Day

8th July 2014:
Hello there!!

I'm not even going to lie, the first time I read through this I hated it. My first thought was that the author was very inexperienced, and needed a very good beta.

I decided to read it again, because I felt like something was missing. And wow, i'm glad I did. I didn't really realize until the second time around that it was meant to sound the way it did, and once I repeated the words aloud it made sense. It's almost like a form of poetry or narrative. I really liked the style, once I figured it out of course. It's different, but refreshing. Definitely a big risk here, but ultimately I think it paid off. It definitely set the scene perfectly, with an air of despair and melancholy lingering throughout. You have a way with words, that's for sure, and quite possibly an understatement.

I think your characterization of Sirius is spot on. I totally see him visiting the remains of James and Lily's house, along with their graves, over and over and over again. I feel like he is in a sort of denial over it, even though deep in his mind he has begun to accept it, you can tell he just doesn't want to believe it.

The pacing was perfect, and the twisted plot really kept me on the edge of my seat. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors (although it might be hard to, given the sentence structure), so great job there.

i'll definitely have to check out more of your work! Amazing!

---House Cup 2014 Review---
Pretense of Perfection, Gryffindor

Author's Response: I totally sympathise with hating it the first time through! I was inspired by a poet who wrote in a similar kind of style who I was studying in english class at the time, and I wasn't the hugest fan at first - but it really grew on me. I also went back and re-read this story after seeing this review, because it had been ages, and it took me a few paragraphs to be able to get into the style - and I wrote it!
I'm really happy you think it all paid off the end. This was really experimental for me, I did want to try doing something rather different, so thank you for deciding to give it a second chance! And thank you so much for leaving such a lovely and thoughtful review :)

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Review #8, by slytherinchica08 Twice A Day

17th January 2013:
Wow this is so beautiful! I've never read a story that has this sentence structure before but I found it to be beautiful here! It really added this whole new layer to your story that has really made it stand out in my mind. I loved the description and word usage for this oneshot as well. It all really added to the scene and the ending was just perfect! I love how in the beginning I really wasn't sure where I was at or what was going on but as I continued reading, things began to fall in place and I began to understand what was going on. This was very well written and very unique! Great Job!


Author's Response: I am so sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I only just noticed this review. Thank you so much! I took inspiration from a poet I happened to be studying at the time, who uses quite unusual sentence structure that I thought was really pretty. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for taking the time to review :)

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Review #9, by Maitri Harys Twice A Day

7th October 2010:

Author's Response: Haha, thank you so much *hugs*
(and sorry for the long wait, I replied to this before but I only just noticed it didn't go through)

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Review #10, by s_amy2014 Twice A Day

11th September 2010:
I really enjoyed this. The writing style is great. Seems very old-fashioned. Although it was only 500 words, it was still very powerful.

"Their bravery through his cloak does not permeate. Like ants he brushes them aside, in flashes green."

This would have to be my favorite line. I'm unsure if I've correctly interpreted it, but it seems like a metaphore comparing his unbreaking bravery with the killing curse.

Very nice, I enjoyed it :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the writing style, it was an experiment - I wanted to try something a bit different. That line was more describing Voldemort's murder of Lily and James and their incredibly bravery, however it does work rather interestingly as a metaphor too, now that you've mentioned it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a lovely review, I'm happy you enjoyed it :)

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Review #11, by Violet Gryfindor Twice A Day

9th September 2010:
That was great, very moving at the end when you realize exactly what he's come to see, who he's visiting. What I liked best was the language - there was an old-fashioned feel to your sentence structure and style that make this unique and more interesting to read, more of a challenge. The description of the overgrown flowers being just like James's hair was fantastically creative - it's like the graveyard is taking on the Potter's characteristics.

Very well done! :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it! The writing style was rather experimental, so I'm thrilled it worked out. It was largely inspired by Gerard Manley Hopkins, a poet I'm studying at the moment who uses odd word orders, I had the sudden inspiration to try doing something different with sentence structures. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I'm happy you enjoyed it :)

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