Reading Reviews for Helpless
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by draconian88 Helpless

30th October 2010:
Hi! This is Saeli from the forums, here for your review :).

I love how you used the first line in both the beginning and in the end of this one-shot. Nice touch right there. I also felt Arthur's annoyance with the receptionist, so that's well done, albeit he might have sounded like a teenager for a moment there.

I would like to suggest to get a little more into the details of the story. Like how did he feel when he said goodnight to his son? Did he know or even had an inkling that those will be he his last words to Bill? What did his room look like? What was his dread like when he walked towards his son's ward? What crazy assumptions did he make?

Other than the details, I loved the story still. The end part just left a gaping hole right there, knowing you'll never see your son again nor hear his voice or even see him smile again...At least that's what I felt while reading it :D.

Good one-shot:)

Hoping to read your next feat.

-Draconian88

Author's Response: Wow. You got to this fast!

Thank you. I thought using the same line would add an effect, and I'm glad you picked up on this.

Yes, I can see why you think Arthur seemed a little childish - but, this was intentional, because I feel that we see the "grown up" side of Arthur alot, we never seem to see him "lose his lid" as they call it, so I wanted to show this side of him a little more I guess.

Thank you for the suggestion, If I ever get around to editing this story I think I will consider adding more details in to these areas, especially the ending (which I'm not 100% happy with)

Thank you for taking your time to give me the wonderful review!
- Laurie.


 Report Review

Review #2, by lilylunapotter26 Helpless

1st October 2010:
AW! I cried that was so sad!! Poor Bill!! That was amazingly written, you made me cry!! I loved it even though it was sad!
10/10
-Graceyn

Author's Response: Hey Graceyn! :)
Aw, I'm glad I touched you that much.. Thanks for reading and reviewing and the BRILLIANT rating :'D!

laurie x


 Report Review

Review #3, by Ms Malfoy Helpless

18th September 2010:
This was a really good piece, you captured the moment really well. It was a good example of something Arthur would do I think; trying to reassure not only Bill, but himself as well.

I liked the flashback too. The receptionist was characterized well, and she was developed in a short period of time.

I would've liked to see how this story panned out in third person, but this first person view is really well done, and you should be proud of your work.

Well done :)

Author's Response: Aww thank you :)

To be honest, I was actually quite proud of my Receptionist, she reminds me of someone I used to know so she was easily developed.

Thank you for reviewing!
Laurie x


 Report Review

Review #4, by Canadian_Hogwarts Helpless

15th September 2010:
*sniff sniff* that was so sad. Poor Arthur, watching his son die. I really liked how you portrayed Bill and his father. It was quite realistic. There were a few grammar slip ups (you should have said 'I won't need to' instead of too), and I wondered a little where Fleur and the kids were. Other than that, it was a really well written piece. Good job!

Author's Response: My grammar is awful >< Considering beta's even more now hehe. but thanks for pointing that out. Also, I wanted to include Fleur and the children but I wasn't sure that I could as this was written for a challenge (': Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it.
- Laurie.


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login