this is great!! update soon please!! 9/10 =] Report Review
my guess is that hermione had an affair with draco malfoy. i quite like al, scorpius and cass. 9/10 =] Report Review
i think this is a great idea for a story and an excellent beginning. 9/10 =] Report Review
Still interesting, but now I'm just confused. James and Lily aren't twins, for one. If Albus is a seventh year, then why are James and Lily even there? They should be out of school by now. Same with Rose and Hugo. The ages have really got me confused.
I did like the subtle hinting about Scorpius and Cassie, which is making me think they're siblings or related in someway at least. They weren't too obvious, but they were plain enough for good foreshadowing.
You might want to label this story AU because there are just so many different things from canon. Like, it was Fred that died, not George. Once again with Lily and James not being twins. Etc, etc.
It is still an interesting story! But I am pretty confused when it comes to all the changes. So, maybe clear it up a bit?
Dem Report Review
DemetersChild here with from the forums with your review!
Ooh, this story is very interesting. A blind man that uses natural, raw magic and has no need for a wand to channel it? Interesting, indeed!
I didn't really notice any grammatical errors. A few typos but nothing that a quick read through wouldn't catch.
I wonder if the price for being rejected by the castle is a bit too harsh. Is this only for new teachers or anyone visiting the castle? What would cause it to reject someone that it would kill them? It just seemed a bit intense to me, especially for a school.
Oh, the bit about Severus telling Dumbledore not to push Rush seemed out of character for Severus. I don't really think that Severus would care very much about pushing the boy.
Also, I found it a bit odd how some information was put into the story--information that did not really seem relevant to the action. Like Hermione and Ron's divorce. Was this important right now or is it something that could be added later when it was needed? It was really out of place to me.
Other than that, this story has definitely caught my interest.
Dem Report Review
Are scorpius and cass related!!!???
and wasn't it Fred who died not George ??!!?
Please continue this soon! Report Review
Sorry it has taken me so long to read and review, I feel as if years passed since I last did this! I was caught up in school work for the past months or so and I literally had no time for anything else...so I had to say "pasue" to fanfiction for a while. But anyways, I shall stop rambling now.
I love the way you "made" Cassie. She is a really memorable character and the fact that she avoids her sister and cousins is even more interesting. I can't wait for the entire family history behind her life to be revealed.
I also love your new trio. You write Scorpius really well and really believably (is this even a word...?). Al is also a memorable character and I don't know if you intended this or not, but her reminds me a great deal of Sirius. I mean, the whole "different from the rest of the family" thing really appeals to me. If you didn't intend for this, then let me just say I love it anyway. :)
Rush amazes me. I love the way you describe his actions, without using his eyes. I mean, you don't just say that he is blind--you show it through your descrpitions, which I find really good. The dialogue is also very "real"...it has a very creative touch to it. Many of the stories I read these days have really mechanical dialogue--just for the sake of putting it in. But you make it fit in really well, making this story really crative and uniqe.
Anyway, please keep writing, because you are very good at it and your stories are always very original (this story is perhaps the best example for that :) ). I cannot wait for you to update and I can wait for Cassie to meet Rush. I think they would get along well...but maybe I am mistaken.
Merope Report Review
Another good chapter!
Your story is fantastic, but I do have a couple of questions about the characters. I mean, clearly it doesn't quite follow the epilougue. I get that James and Lily are twins, but they're younger than Albus, right? Rose and Hugo are both older than Cassie? Also, is there a particular reason that you used Fred instead of George?
Other than that, I really like what you're doing with the characters. Especially Cassie, Albus, and Scorpius. I like the parrallel with the Golden Trio, and I can't wait to see what they get into with school.
You're doing a fantastic job, there is so much room for this to grow into something totally epic!
Great job, and feel free to request the next chapter!
Kristen=] Report Review
Okay, so I just wanted to say that I absolutely adored this first chapter!
Your mentioned grammar as a concern in your request, but I didn't see anything that really stuck out to me. Your flow was good, and it was easy and enjoyable to read.
I really liked Rush! I feel like there's so much more to him than is already revealed, and I can't wait to see what happens. There's not a lot to go on here, but I think he'll be a really great guy. I also didn't realize this was nextgen when you first requested. That is by no means a bad thing, I was just a bit surprised. I hope that there is more about Hermione/Ron, and I believe there was mention of another child. I'm sure that it's all things that will be covered, it was just things that jumped out at me.
I can't wait to see what happens!
Onto the next chapter.
Kristen=] Report Review
I love the interactions with Jerome and I find the idea of Rush making a connection with a portrait (not sure if we can talk of friendship now can we?). Oh and the Arithmancy teacher's introduction to Rush was priceless.
The first part with the kids was good too; the relationship between the girls was just as I pictured it and you really played it well; believable and very well described.
I noticed one small grammar error that jumped in my face :
"the fact that your Harry Potter’s"; should be "you're"
Well this was a good begining to this story; I can't imagine how things will be between the Weasley / Potter/ Granger at school and I hope you have fun writting it; we'll have fun reading it. Keep going; you could go far with what you have written and created already, good work!
AkussaAuthor's Response: Again, I should probably invest in a beta *face palm*
Rush needed someone to talk to besides the other teachers, and out of that need, Jerome was born. He's a snarky, ill man that wishes he was a real person instead of a portrait, so he can be a little harsh sometimes. But if harsh is what Rush needs as motivation, it's harsh he gets! I'm glad you approve of the Arithmacy teacher!
I was unsure about the entire scene with the girls, but if you think it's believable and good, then my fears should vanish! Thanks!
I'm happy that you enjoy this story, and if you don't mind, I'll just let you know when the next chapter validates?
Thanks so much!
~ShadowChanger Report Review
Hello again and on with the review you requested!
Well this was another really packed chapter; I found it hard to read it all at once (actually, I had to take a break at one point because I had no idea what was going on anymore). But after going back to it, it felt easier to catch on to everything.
Like I said in my review offer thread, I am a canon purist therefore, the fact that you made Lily and James twins or that Fred isn't dead like he's supposed to, well that distracted me a lot. I understand you can do what you want as a author and respect that, I just needed to point it out like I said I would in my offer...
I like Cassi; she's a refreshing character and I'm very curious as to what kind of relationship she might have with Rose! Also, as to who her father might be, well I think I have a pretty good idea of who it is but I'll wait a little longer before I give it a try!
I found this chapter very well written; the dialogues were good and you kept a great pace going all through the chapter. Good work, keep going. The foundations of your story are solid so far and now, I can't wait for the action to start!!!
AkussaAuthor's Response: I probably should have split this one up into two chapters... *sigh* (again)
I'm definitely not a 'canon purist', but I can understand what you are saying here and I respect your opinion!
Cass is a fun OC to write. She's basically a super awesome version of me, I guess! haha. Her relationship with almost every Weasley is strained at best. Her paternal parentage is not exactly a huge secret, but it's also not a public announcement, if that makes any sense. Your guess is probably correct.
Thanks for your compliments! I'm glad you think the story is interesting!
~ShadowChanger Report Review
Hi! Here I come with the review you requested!
This is a good story I must say; interesting and original. Your introduction is packed with so much information though that I must say, after being finished reading this chapter, I do not remember everything I've just read.
Not that it's not interesting there's just an impressive amount of details that - and I am probably wrong here - gives this chapter a heavy feel.
I'm not sure how I feel about Rush and that's a good thing too; you portay him in a mysterious way that makes the reader wonder what is so great about him. I am very much intrigued as to where you intend to take this story and will read the following chapters with interest.
Now, here comes the less interesting part of my review; the points I noticed that might need some adjustment.
I noticed some typos and grammar errors and here are the most important ones :
"in her offices"; I do hope she only has one in which she paces! (and why more important than others ? because it's the first paragraph of your story and most important place you will gain or lose readers)
"She had just passed 'the' 100 year mark herself" (I added the 'the'; the sentence flows more easily with it)
"No one blamed Severus anymore, however. Harry Potter had seen to that." using a semi-colon to make those two sentences into one would help this part of the story flow more easily.
This is something I noticed at some places in this chapter. Some sentences are short and it gives a robotic feel at times. By combining short sentences into one not too long sentence, it gives more rythm to your writting and is easier to read.
You are a great writter, excellent skills, imagination and gifted when it comes to making characters come to life. The flow of your story needs some work but it's just details for someone like you; Great job!Author's Response: I seriously need a beta, don't I? *sigh*
Anyway, thanks for reviewing! Too heavy on information? Now that I go back and reread it, I can agree. There's not much I can do to fix it now, but thanks for pointing it out.
Rush=Love. This is the first time I've tackled writing such a different character (like a blind man). He's mysterious, yes, and I'm glad you find him interesting! Thanks!
I love to write, if you haven't noticed. Haha... Most of Rush's story was planned out on coffee shop napkins and the back of my hand with a Sharpie, and I finally thought to myself "What the hell, I'll post it." It makes me really happy that you think I'm great! Thanks so much for reviewing!
~ShadowChanger Report Review
This was so, so, so,so,so brilliant!! I love the way you have "made" Scorp's character as well as Al, Lily and the Weasleys. But I particularly like Cassiopeia Granger..ah...she is a pleasure to read about--so nice an original and relatable! I do miss Rush, but I have to say you got me back in that womderful Hogwarts senior year spirit I have missed reading about for a while.
So where shall I start? This chapter was amazingly written, it flowed really well and the way you changed the story line is really interesting. I like the fact that Lily and James are twins and I really love your new personal trio. It's almost as if it's a story coming straight fom J.K herself!!! It's awsome.
I also liked how you involved the entire Potter world, with Diagon Alley and all the books and small jokes-I particularly liked the one about the mer people. :P
The ending was awsome. I can try to guess about who Cassiopeia's father is, but I'm probably wrong so I am not inclined to share just yet. I love the crisis in Hermione's family and the clues you give as to Cassiopeia's relationship with Rose and Lily make me mad to read more. Please update soon, this story is really good.
Anything else? I loved every word of it, but I think I've said that before. Keep up the amazing work and I can't wait to read of what shall happen wehen the "kids" go back to Hogwarts and meet Rush!
Amazing work and please, please, please update soon. :)
MeropeAuthor's Response: *squee* :D
Your reviews make my day! They're the greatest!
Anywho, Scor is fun to play with since JKR hasn't had a chance to really mold him the way she wants yet, so I can say "Hey. Be like this. Don't be a snob." if I want to :) Same with Al, Lily, Rose, Hugo, etc.
Like The Woman herself?! Really?! ME?! *dies* thanks :D
As someone who devours books on an hourly basis, I felt it only natural to include stuff about different books. The mer joke was kinda lame, but I guess it was ok ;)
I made Lily and James twins because I need Lily in the story and I think she may be older than James in the way JKR wrote it. So, to fix that I just decided, "Hey. Let's make them twins. It'll be fun." On a side note, Rose has already graduated from Hogwarts in this fic, so she won't be returning to school.
I'm sure your guess as to whom Cass' dad is is correct. In the story, no one exactly attempts to make it a secret, but neither do they just jump out and say X is Cass' father. More on that later.
Rush is like my new obsession ;) He's so much fun to write and experiment with and I can't wait to get back to him!
I'm so glad you love this! I do too. XD Updates will come soon, on both CSI and this!
Thanks for reading, reviewing, keeping up with my work!
~ShadowChanger Report Review
Okay...how should I say this without sounding...crazy. THIS WAS AMAZING! I loved everything about it, every word and everything about Stone! He is an amazingly created character and you trully have a talent for creating unique personalities in the narrative. He's just amazing.
The entire chapter was written impeccably. The opening chapter was very natural and it made me read on. The middle part where you started describing Stone was very, very, very interesting and I especially liked how you set the scene in place. Descriptions were awsome, I almost felt as if I were there with McGonagall.
I loved how you included Severus and Dumbledore through their paintings and how well you have written them--exactly the same as I would imagine them to be like while in their paintings. Great dialogue as well!
I especially loved the way you wrote McGonagall and the way she described Hogwarts to Stone. But not only this, you've also added a bit of creativity with the castle testing you before allowing you to enter. It was very well thought off and it sounds like something which could have easily come out of the book itself.
The ending! OH MERLIN! I loved it! I love the fact that you are going to write about something that the Harry Potter readers don't know about--raw magic. It sound awsome and I seriously cannot wait to read more. You're a great author!
I'm really looking forward to reading more of this and it definitely sounds like a creative and amazing story.
Keep up the great work!
Merope :)Author's Response: You really thought it was amazing? Wow! Thanks! I wasn't sure how this one would go over considering it's so different from CSI.
I've been playing around with having a blind main character for a long time, and after the release of several rabid plot bunnies, Rush Stone was born. I imagine him as a man that hates his "affliction" and would do almost anything to regain his sight. He's a rather melancholy man, but his students bring the best out of him. I'm so glad you love him!
I actually started with a brand new Headmaster, but I decided to throw him out and rewrite with McGonagall since she would be a little more familiar, and it's one less new person I have to deal with.
How could I write a story without including Severus? I like writing him as the portrait, it's fun :)
Hogwarts is Hogwarts, a beautifully magnificent masterpiece of a castle that I can't even begin to describe properly. Even so, thank you for the compliment.
The testing... I don't know where that idea came from, but it worked, so I kept it. I thought it would be a good opener to the discovery of Rush's magical nature.
Raw magic is another little idea that I had that was a part of another story that I thought up. I just stole it out of that story and meshed it into this one. Rush's magic is highly unpredictable and a little wild. He has some control over small stuff, but if his emotions get in the way. oh dearie.
I'm so happy you like this! I'm almost done with Chapter Two, which introduces my versions of the Next Generation. I hope they meet the public's standards!
Thanks for reading and reviewing, yours are the greatest!
~ShadowChanger Report Review
This was a very good start. It was good to see that Albus and Severus work well together. Rush Stone looks to be an interesting character. Will he be the one to pair with Hermione? Does Hermione teach at Hogwarts now? Hope to hear from you soon. The Keeper.Author's Response: Thanks so much! Severus Snape is my favorite canon HP character ever, so I love writing him in different situations. This, however, is the first time I've written him as a portrait. It was fun, so I'll probably keep him and Albus active in the story line.
You think my OC's interesting? Yay! He was a complex character to create, I'm glad you like him.
Honestly, I'm not sure about pairings involving Rush. I don't want to reveal any possibilities just yet; it's a little too soon for that. No, I'm sorry to say that Hermione Granger does not teach at Hogwarts. She is a prosecutor for Magical Law Enforcement. But that's not relevant to the plot, so whatever.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Next chapter almost done.
~ShadowChanger Report Review
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