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Reading Reviews for A Fate Unknown
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Tonks101 Never call Lord Voldemort sexy

25th October 2011:
Cliff hangr! Please update! I love this story!

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Review #2, by Tonks101 Divina Yaxley

1st August 2011:
Hehe I like this story! Please keep writing!

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Review #3, by Evermore Divina Yaxley

28th July 2011:
I love it this is so amazing. I really did not expect this! Merlin please continue!

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Review #4, by academica Divina Yaxley

17th July 2011:
This is a good story and I enjoy reading it. I'm not sure why this is the first review I've left for you; I'm usually a bit more disciplined about reviewing each chapter I read, so I apologize. I haven't read much about Bella's time at Hogwarts or the beginnings of her relationship with Riddle, so I appreciate your fresh take. In the future, you may want to lessen the spacing in your chapters and make sure to double-check little things like punctuation. The content is very good, though, and I'm excited to see what's coming next in this story! :)

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Review #5, by 4648 Divina Yaxley

13th July 2011:
Keep writing and upadating, this story is really good!

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Review #6, by Kon Weasley Divina Yaxley

12th July 2011:
Awesome chapter. Can't wait to see what you write next. Please please please keep writing the story, for me if not for anyone else. You CAN'T leave a story like that OK!

Author's Response: thanks i'm glad you liked it :)
i'm continuing writing, so continue to review, will post a new chapter soon

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Review #7, by Kon Weasley Sorting and Solitude

12th July 2011:
Cool story. I liked the bit with Lucius and the bits with Rabastan and Rudolphus too.

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Review #8, by adluvshp Divina Yaxley

9th June 2011:
hey! a great fic you have here. quite different, 'twisted' in a way and yet enchanting. it draws the reader in! great plot and characterization!



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Review #9, by Pretense Of Perfection Divina Yaxley

28th May 2011:
I'm a bit confused at this point, as the continuity is off... Regulus is Sirius' younger brother, so if it's Sirius' first year, Regulus wouldn't be there. In an earlier chapter you also wrote something about Karkaroff being caught, and about the Great Dark Lord, but it seems as though Voldemort really isn't Voldemort yet, but rather still Tom Riddle, since he is at school. And since Karkaroff is about the same age as Snape and Sirius, he most certainly wouldn't be out of school and arrested if Tom/Voldemort was still in school.

Sorry for all the questions, I'm just completely confused.

Some of your words really flow, and it reads as though they must come naturally to you, although the mechanics of sentence structure are slightly trickier to conquer. Several of your descriptions of scenes or people are quite excellent, almost like painting a picture. There is real promise in the descriptions you write.

And Bella wanting to be a Healer definately threw me for a loop. I wouldn't have ever pictured that in my head, but now that you've written it out I can sort of see it. The dynamics of her relationship with Voldemort/Tom are quite interesting, almost as though she considers him a lover almost instantly, and worships him with the same devotion early on as she does later in her life. This particular relationship is explained better than the ones she has with Lucius or Rudolphus, but I still think there are some unanswered questions lingering about your readers brains.

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Review #10, by Pretense Of Perfection Riddle me out

28th May 2011:
I'm sure you already clarified this, but I'm in complete shock that Voldemort is in school with Bellatrix. It is now a known fact that he went to school much earlier that the Black sisters or the Marauders, crossing your story into a sort of Alternate Universe. It's an interesting twist, I'll certainly give you credit there, since it is certainly due. I simply cannot wait to see how all of this plays out.

Overall this was a pretty good chapter. My only complaint, which is actually one of my pet peeves, is when irrelevant times and dates are included in a story at random. While saying that she knocked on his door at ten o'clock the next morning doesn't detract from the story or the writing itself, I definately feel that the parenthesis afterwards does. Unless it is absolutely vital for your readers to know this all happened on a Tuesday, they don't need to be there. Unless of course they're there for a purpose.

On to chapter four. I hope my feedback has been helpful thus far, and I simply cannot wait to check back for more updates.

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Review #11, by Pretense Of Perfection Sorting and Solitude

28th May 2011:
At certain points I feel more like your writing should be a narrative, rather than a story. Your usage of the word "well" furthers this point, as though you are looking for a pause point or to add heavy emphasis during a speech or narration.

Delve into Bella's emotions a little deeper. Sure, she was mad when Rabastan tried kissing her, and you described her as having a temper, but really get into her twisted little brain and pull those emotions up by the hair if you have to. Everyone has a dark side, and while hers is way darker then most, have fun with her. Let your imagination run wild with the most insane and brutal things you can think of her doing, and push it a step further.

You should also dig a bit deeper into her relationship with Rudolphus, as I feel that it's a but unclear. In the first chapter she barely speaks to him or thinks of him, besides for mentioning his nickname, and is then hit on by both his brother and friend. And in this chapter he swoops in and kisses her, which she obviously enjoys, and the second after he leaves his brother tries pulling perverted stunts again. If this is part of your plot and storyline, I feel that the backstory or this four way love triangle need to be explained and explored more.

But I definately can't wait to catch up on the rest, and keep up the good work!

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Review #12, by Pretense Of Perfection Lunch is always a sordid affair

28th May 2011:
I must start off by saying that I love Bella stories.

Your fic starts off quite promising, although I must echo previous reviews as to the grammar and quotation usage, and shifts in point of view. All these are easily fixed, and this will surely make for a great fic.

I think Bellatrix is pretty true to her character, although I feel that at a few points her strange internal dialouge is just that...strange. I know its only the first chapter, but I also find it a bit strange that all the boys seem to want her.

Overall its very interesting though! I'm moving on to the next chapter, and I hope to see a new update soon!

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Review #13, by Katie Sorting and Solitude

25th May 2011:
i really like it. I like bellatrix. this is the first one I've read with rudolphus but I like it a lot so far. please please keep writing. 9/10

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Review #14, by Bellatrix_Black Riddle me out

29th April 2011:
It's good, Write some more:)

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Review #15, by vienna Lunch is always a sordid affair

7th April 2011:
You change to first-person halfway through the thing. And the punctuation and syntax are rather difficult. I would advise pasting this into word or something.

Besides that, meh? It rather disagrees with the era, with the characters, and personally with me. Less Mean Girls, plzkthnx.

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Review #16, by lalala Sorting and Solitude

13th January 2011:
this was really good, i hope you'll wright more! :D

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Review #17, by daisychain1 Lunch is always a sordid affair

2nd December 2010:
i liked it, i like your vocab - sloppy chicken,quizzically,pleading,neurotic and more :D
i like the whole idea of Bellatrix being young and hating Lucius! i think it would be funny if Draco ended up being their child not Narcissa and Lucius's is. Thats what i had in mind :) and plus i LOVE the banner its really good and connects with this story so well :)

but something to work on is your speech, so with the speech marks - " you seem to put them in the wrong place.
"What he says"? i think you mean - "What?" He says.
and then this confused me - "I know mother Bella replied sarcastically, wonderful" i dont know if you mean "I know mother." Bella replied sarcastically.
I know it seems picky but just tiny little things like instead of putting - "word"? put "word?" it just makes it nicer to read and flows better.

anyway thats all XD

Author's Response: thankyou, i really appreciate your review- i am actually surprised at my bad grammar :o shocked in fact considering i have a sort of grammar obsession... they are just stupid mistakes of rushed paragraphs but i appreciate your honesty... i actually have an idea to do with a lucius and bellatrix lovechild but it's not draco. no spoilers!

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