Reading Reviews for White Lie
  
180 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Live Life Large The Salem Witch Trials

22nd July 2012:
Hey! So I was browsing your page in desperate need of something funny, when I saw this. And I was like, "Hey, is this what Arielle keeps talking about with the Oliver/Penelope thing?" So I read it. And it's absolutely hilarious! I'm so glad I did(:

I liked the character of Jason. His little devil-worshiping thing was funny and interesting, if a bit strange. Why does he hate Pen so much though? (Gah, I love asking these questions before reading the next chapter in which this is likely explained:P Sorry if that's what happens!)

I did notice one typo when I was reading this:

-'“You can put a down payment for two thousand and two hundred dollars,” said the sales lady.'
I think you meant to say pounds there, because you wrote pounds about three times before this.

Loved the chapter! This story has been my source of comedy recently, so thank you:D I love it.

-Rylan(:

Author's Response: Hey Rylan! Sorry for taking forever to answer this and thanks for pointing out the typo.

Do I go on about Pen/Oliver that much? *Shrugs* anyway, I'm glad you liked the story!

I'm surprised you like Jason, a lot of people claim Piper as their favorite character. :p


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Review #2, by KatnissMalfoy The Salem Witch Trials

8th July 2012:
This chapter is so epic.

I'd also give my left foot for a movie of this.

Alexander - David Tennant. Sideburns = mental picture of DT. Then, I see you cast him as such. :D fjfkalaksfjka.

The brother is so amazing - Jason - sorry. This story is so fantastic. And what I said earlier about Pen the DJ, it wasn't /bad writing/, it was bad for Pen! I thought it was hilarious, so keep it! Yeah!

All my reviews are so cheesy. Apologies.

Anyway, this story is so good so ajdjfka and that's all I can say.

Devil-worshiping brother. I think I have one too.

:)

Author's Response: You may think your reviews are cheesy, but I find them wonderful to read after a long day. :)

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the story and I love it when you mentally cast. :) :)


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Review #3, by KatnissMalfoy Football practice of which I play goalie

7th July 2012:
Best bloody chapter yet.

Coach = funniest character.

Casting - pending, because I have a good picture in my head. But Rupert Graves (DI Greg Lestrade, Sherlock) could be alright.

Oh my. This chapter is so bloody hilarious, just with Coach and the brother and Coach and Pen's sarcasm.

It's just flawless.

Author's Response: I do like this chapter as well, just because all the boys are just so darn awkward! And the coach as well, he's just so...whoa.

Rupert Graves...you know what? I never considered that before, but I like it. :)


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Review #4, by KatnissMalfoy Notes that weren't delivered.

7th July 2012:
Reading group *facepalm*

Ugh, this story is flawless. And very cringe-worthy. Reading group, Pen, READING GROUP fjdjaldha you are so weird and awesome

Casting: Well, who is that? EHEHE. Not sure.

Grammar: I think I am going to nitpick one sentence each chapter in order not to get too annoying.

Athena knows him though. She threw a coke at his head in fourth year. She doesn’t like Slytherins especially ones that disagree with her. And I may have given her the idea to throw the coke.

Athena knows him, though. She threw a Coke at his head in fourth year. She doesn't like Slytherins, especiallys ones that disagree with her (and I maybe have given her the idea to throw the Coke).

**

Audrey - Diana Argon, short hair. Or Kim from Scott Pilgrim. Normally, she's Kazza, but I can always make exceptions.
Percy - mmm in this story, he's more of a Michael Cera, but I can see Matt Smith or Arthur Darvill stepping up just fine.

Omg this is too funny and great. Eep!

Look at me. Talking about this, like it's a movie.
*headdesk*

Author's Response: Little children do tend to be awkward and rather annoying, I think I did them some justice in this chapter.

MATT SMITH WILL ALWAYS BE MY PERCY WEASLEY, as to Audrey, in all my stories she's Karen Gillian, but in this story she's more...sweet? I suppose, so I still don't know who I would choose.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #5, by KatnissMalfoy Donut eating security who don't share

7th July 2012:
Pen the DJ. Oh god no.

Again, awesome chapter, they all are!

Flawless casting :) Aww, Piper. So cute.

Grammar nitpicks:

"Hey Athena the crowds pretty big and smashed tonight," said Chris then he noticed me. "Well hello there," he said
offering me his hand. "The names Chris, Chris Smithe." Well if that wasn't an obvious James Bond impression I don’t know what is.

"Hey, Athena, the crowd's pretty big and smashed tonight." said Chris, and then he noticed me. "Well, hello there." he said, offering his hand. "The name's Smithe. Chris Smithe."

Well, if that wasn't a James Bond impression, I don't know what {one} is.

**

Just some commas, spacing, and last-name-then-first-name-last-name. Bond. James Bond.

Well, FANTASTIC story. I like Chris. Casting: John Barrowman, he seems the "Captain" Jack Harkness type.

Then again, not everything is a DW refrence. I should get my mind out of the Rift.

Maybe Chris Evans. Or Jeremy Renner. Not sure.
42/10
So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Author's Response: Oh God no is right, it's one of those things that are just getting re-edited, I can't re-read over this story without wincing at that bit. But hey, I'm glad you liked it! Although my mental image of Chris is a bit different then yours, he's more like Chris Martin, I just thought it would fit considering that he's in the music business and I had no idea what else to name him.

So long, and thanks for all the reviews!


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Review #6, by KatnissMalfoy In which obvious things are pointed out.

7th July 2012:
Omygosh. Your story is so amazing.

It goes like this.. I read, and then I snort super loud.

Deathly Cybermen.

Oh my. I almost died.

Great story. I also love Athena, well, I love her name, it's perfect, because the Greengrasses all have Greek names and Athena is a goddess..

In which obvious things are pointed out. I'm sure you already knew that.

Anyway, your story is great and Camilla-as-Athena totes works. Watch out because I am going to start rating your castings. Be warned.

Also one tiny-wimey nitpick: Time Worp should be Time Warp.

Amy as Ginny. Total win.

Author's Response: This is currently being edited, so hopefully all those awful grammar mistakes will be fixed because I know there are TONS in this story!

By the way, thanks for all the reviews, I logged on and was like 0_0. It was AMAZING to see!


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Review #7, by KatnissMalfoy Larry Rotter and The Sociable Pebble

6th June 2012:
Hi! Kat here.
Okay, first off, I read the whole thing last night, and I think your story is really good. All the characters are relatable, quirky, and they have their own personalities that make them unique :) Pen being Pen is hilarious, mostly because she acts /just/ how I act, so it's a bit creepy reading this and being like, whoa, Pen IS me. I am Pen. Except I have brown hair.
Sorry. Anyway, I will be reviewing all chapters because.. reasons.
This story is great. One thing that needs work, however, are the commas. COMMAS, yo. They matter.
But other than that.. well, this story is like one giant, humorous romp through Pen's cringe-inducing awkward moments. And yes, it is fantastic. Fantastic it is, including all Doctor Who references. Those are awesome.

I will keeps reviews so.. yeah. Amazing story, bro.

Author's Response: Hey Kat! I haven't seen you around the forums for a while now, what's up?

Wow, you read the whole thing in one night! You must have been really REALLY bored. That's a funny thing you said about the commas because normally I use to many commas. When in doubt use a comma, you know?

It's not creepy, several people have told me that exact same sentence. Minus the brown hair part. ;)

Wow more reviews! It's my birthday isn't it? *runs to check calender*


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Review #8, by Nelle07 Seduction (and how to fail at it)

27th April 2012:
Love this story! Please update soon! Penny is such an interesting story! I having read much on her!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it, thanks for reviewing!

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Review #9, by Parvati_Khatri Seduction (and how to fail at it)

14th April 2012:
This is not a crummy filer chapter! :P Sorry, but the hard truth is that it is! :P So, I liked it but you ruined it with a evil cliffie! :( Ya, umm, that's all I have to say, so plz, plz, plz, update, and I love his story!
-Parvati

Author's Response: Evil Cliffhangers you say? I call them wonderful cliffhangers, after all they keep you readers coming back for more. :)

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Review #10, by writeyourheartout Larry Rotter and The Sociable Pebble

13th April 2012:
Hey ariellem! I'm finally here! ^.^

I really like the pace that you set up right at the start. I always enjoy a story that jumps right in and grabs us with short sentences instead of a lengthy description. However, I think you may have tried a little too hard with this effect and compromised the quality of your writing. The structure in which the first sentences are set up in, while I understand your reason for creating all separate paragraphs for almost every sentence, it's left you with some weird moments. For example: "Even if it was September in London." You have this line here all on it's own, but it's actually an incomplete sentence. It should really be attached to previous sentence, more like this: "I honestly think that it was the heat that caused me to do what I did; even if it was September in London..." You can use an ellipses to create that lingering humor instead of a brand new paragraph, and this way your grammar is correct, too. The exact same rule applies to the next two sentences, which should instead read: "All right, maybe it wasn't the heat, but the lack of heat that caused it; even though the library honestly has a great heating system..." You could also use ellipses or parenthesis instead of a semi-colon, if you prefer. And then there's this bit: "But if you tell anyone I said that, I will… Deny it." There's a brand new paragraph between these two when you already have an ellipses to create space. Using both feels like too much, so I would suggest condensing them into one paragraph. Opening's are so important and when grammar is immediately misused, a lot of people tend to walk away. With these corrections the pacing will still be there, simply in a more condensed visual way, which I really think will help, cause it's got a great start to it otherwise!

"Everyone that knows me just calls me Pen,(semi-colon instead) not because Penelope is such a bad name(comma) but because it's such a mouthful. If you have the irresistible desire to go formal, you can call me Fountain Pen, because I despise Penelope." She starts off by saying that Penelope isn't such a bad name, but then says she despises it, contradicting herself.

I really like the relationship between Percy and Penelope! It's obvious that you put a lot of work into how the two interact after having been through so much together. And I think Percy's character so far is really well-defined and canon and that you did a great job with him here! The small details you've thrown in are my favorites, like how he reads the crossword upside down and can still beat Pen to the answers, and how he uses the third grade method of note-passing to tell a girl he's interested! I like Athena, too! I think you've done a great job hashing out each of your side characters, which a lot of people struggle with. Penelope is the only character that concerns me a little; she's feeling a little overused, like I've read her character before in quite a few first person stories.

So having read through the chapter several times now, I still cannot figure out what this sentence is for: "But you forget all about that when she smiles, because when she smiles she looks so pretty. Lucky for her she's a pretty optimistic person." I have no clue who's POV it's from, but it's clearly not Pen's. Is it the narrator or something? It's not even italicized which makes it feel even more out of place. It's just confusing and takes me out of the flow and feel of the story by making me go '...huh?'.

I wish you'd chosen a different way for Oliver and Pen to first run into each other because the tripping/falling thing is overdone. That said, however, I think it was one of the best post-fall scenes that I've run into. Between her thoughts and the dialogue it was entertaining; especially when he remembers her but she can't remember him: I've been in that situation way too many times and how you wrote it is EXACTLY right! LOL

I LOVE the ending. The moment when he asks what she's done with her life and it's so little in comparison. We've all felt that way, like we aren't doing the great things we set out to do and are instead watching other people in our life surpass us. It's so relatable, and the way it ends is perfect; a great little cliffhanger! I'm excited for the second chapter because I want to see what her lies will be!

A few grammar issues:

"Percy hit puberty later then(than) most teenagers"

"I peeked over his shoulder to see if hunky back boy was there." - In every other mention you capitalized Hunky Back Boy

"I inched back, I have(having, not 'I have') no interest in the secrets of Cauldron butts."

""Can you give her a note?" asked Percy, he handed(handing, not 'he handed') me a small folded up piece of paper."

"I honestly don't know how this man made it in the ministry." Ministry should be capitalized

"It works for all ages, trust me, exclaimed Percy excitedly. Just take a look at the note." - You forgot all of the quotations for Percy's dialogue here

"Mostly because the last time I did that I fell and hit my head against the marble desk." - Not a full sentence; should be combined with the one before it using a semi-colon

"I didn't even bother turning around" - Forgot the period

"I went around to check the books (translated, that means, I'm going to take a break and walk around the shelves reading, so then if Frank (my boss, who spends most of his day watching game shows on the mini television in his office) asks (which he almost never does), I can tell him I was working." These parenthesis are all sorts of screwy

So to sum all of this up, I think this story has a lot of potential to really shine because you're so great with your plot line and the side-characters and the big picture stuff. But I would consider finding a beta who specializes in grammar; someone who's really picky about those small details, because that's where this story is suffering. But it's a great start! Congrats!

Author's Response: Wow, this is one of the most awesome reviews I've ever received and it's really helped me re-write the first chapter. So thanks for all the help. :)

(btw, I realize this is a sucky answer)


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Review #11, by Loony_Scorpy Seduction (and how to fail at it)

30th March 2012:
Hahaha Chester's seductioneering (because that is now a word) was hilarious! I loved the chapter! Just because it was a filler doesn't mean it was crummy :P Stuff happened anyway! Cool stuff! I loved the whole 'one year to write and four years to edit' heheh. I can't wait for more! (and more Oliver ;) because I'm that superficial :P)

Green With Envy 2012

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it (it's official, seductioneering is now a word, I have written Websters a letter of complaint that it is not in their dictionary). :)

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Review #12, by hpgrl Seduction (and how to fail at it)

21st March 2012:
It's not a crummy filler chapter! and that's not a lie :D I really enjoyed it. I love Chester, and her editor is all uncaring and mysterious- can't wait to read more on that!

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you liked it at least. :) Thanks for the great review. :)

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Review #13, by AC_rules Seduction (and how to fail at it)

18th March 2012:
This isn't a lame chapter at all! You've just been spoiling us with far too much beautiful goey Oliver/Penelope fluffy bits and in this chapter Oliver wasn't there but it's okay because there's some EXCITING stuff going on with Pen's career!

I bet he loves her book.

I really hope he does 0.o

(ahhha, his attempts at flirting were pretty hillarious, btw :P)

AC

Author's Response: I have been spoiling you guys too much haven't I? Not every chapter can have Oliver's forearms in them. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #14, by miluv In which obvious things are pointed out.

18th March 2012:
HILARIOUS! U R AMAZING!!!

Author's Response: Thank you! *takes a bow* You're wonderful too!

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Review #15, by Captain Kill Wormtail (Not Logged In) Seduction (and how to fail at it)

17th March 2012:
It's totally not a crummy filler chapter! Just a filler one...

Please update soon!

9/10
(But only because it was a filler chapter.)

Author's Response: Haha, I'm sorry it didn't meet your expectations of Oliver's abs or anything... :(

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Review #16, by AC_rules Weasleys and Quidditch.

16th February 2012:
OKAY SO I READ THIS CHAPTER WHEN IT CAME OUT AND FORGOT TO REVIEW. Well, I say forget. Mostly I'm just a terrible reviewer, but I'm here now so yay? Yeah, we'll go with yay.

I loved everything about this chapter. You actually have me full on shipping Oliver/Pen now. When I'm allowed to start writing another WIP that pairing might just feature - because it really is fabulous.

I loved how she continues to lie. "I'M NOT HUNGRY!" Sure, Pen. Sure. But, I've got to admit I'm pretty glad that she eventually got to eat and didn't starve.

Plus, my favourite line of the whole thing "next date, somewhere with food?"

NAWHH.

-AC

Author's Response: HEY AC!!!

You like?! I'm so happy I have shipping Pen/Oliver, YOU SHOULD WRITE THEM! IT WOULD BE AWESOME!

Poor Pen, she really has self-esteem issues doesn't she? I'm currently working on the next chapter, but my somewhat of a social life keeps clashing with it...


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Review #17, by Dramionie_Child Weasleys and Quidditch.

6th February 2012:
YAAY! I love Pen so much :D GO PEN!

:) AND OLIVER AND HIS AMAZING MUSCLES! Because Oliver is eepppiiic :P

(And the Weasleys are amazing. Especially Ron ;) Well, I actually feel quite sorry for him!)

Love this chapter! Next one, soon?

Emily x x

Author's Response: Haha, you feel sorry for Ron? I feel sorry for Hermione!

And Pen because she was starving. The next chapter should be done soon!


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Review #18, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Weasleys and Quidditch.

4th February 2012:
I will die trying to impress Oliver Wood. Although now that I think about it, his nose is a little smushed to one...

Oh god, this is what the lack of food is really doing to my system. It's making me find impurities on Oliver's gorgeous body.


Both of our Oliver's have impurities. I didn't even realize!

And a shout out? I'm honored. *blushes*

Author's Response: Haha! You so deserve the shout-out though! Because you're AWESOME SAUCE!

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Review #19, by Loony_Scorpy Weasleys and Quidditch.

4th February 2012:
Hahahah I loved this. One word; Percy. It makes me want to laugh like this - heggle heggle heggle. Except I don't even know how you can laugh like that. But whatever. Anywayyy, I loved how much description you put into Penelope's longing for food. Hilaaarious. Percy just made me cack myself. And then the game was over in five minutes. Aah and Penelope's line at the end with the yays at the start. Omygosh that made me laugh. Even harder when Percy came along. Don't worry about the wait. I have to admit the line in your note made me laugh when you said you were obsessed (or whatever) with the Percy Weasley guy. Anyway can't wait for more and I hope your social life goes well ;D [It's more than I can say for me at the moment]. Well, I'm off the check out dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap's story. Gosh that's a mouthful to type. Erm. I've read one of her stories. Yep. I'll stop rambling now. Bye!

Author's Response: I love Percy, even more so considering I play cards with a guy who's EXACTLY like him! I mean if I had to choose between Percy and Oliver I'd pick Percy, that's how obsessed I am. I'm glad you liked the chapter, I'm apologize again for the wait. If you want a social life start playing Magic the Gathering and you'll LOVE Deed's stories. :)

Bye!


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Review #20, by pinwheelgoddess Weasleys and Quidditch.

3rd February 2012:
Awesomeness yet again! If I were Hermione, I would have dumped Ron instantly for wearing all that orange…he has red hair…that doesn't go very well...

Author's Response: Well Hermione has to put up with Ron and Ron has to put up with Hermione, it all evens out. Glad you liked it!

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Review #21, by Cassius Alcinder Larry Rotter and The Sociable Pebble

24th January 2012:
Here from review tag!

I really enjoyed the characterization of Pen, she pulled off the awkward intellectual type very well, and her narrative voice was very amusing. I also enjoyed the type of dynamic she seems to have with Percy, it remindes me of Ted and Robin on how i met your mother. That was an interesting way of incorporating the Percy/Audrey ship into the story.

The way you had Pen run into Oliver was very entertaining, and it was a nice twist having her notice his back instead of his "quidditch toned abs" haha

Author's Response: I'm sorry you had to read this, it's really kind of girly-ish. But in any case I'm glad you liked it! I have not seen How I met your Mother, but I have seen Seinfeld and Elaine and Jerry's relationship is kind of how I pictured Pen and Percy's to be. :)

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Review #22, by Captain Kill Wormtail (Not Logged In) It's Six am In The Morning

8th January 2012:
Ooh! I love this story!

Pen is awesome, so is Piper, Oliver and Athena, hey, ever Jason is cool!

10/10
Update soon!

Author's Response: Updates are coming soon! In fact it's next after a one-shot that I have! I'm glad you liked this!

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Review #23, by Alopex Larry Rotter and The Sociable Pebble

1st January 2012:
This is sort of silly, but my favorite part of the chapter was when Audrey made that statement about pretending to remember who someone is until you actually do remember their name. Because I have totally never done that. Nope. Never.

Also, the last line was funny too.

In general, Audrey was an amusing character. Sometimes these loud obnoxious main characters get a little grating, but she amused me so far. Also, the bit about Percy with the crossword was fun. I've always pictured Percy as a crossword puzzle sort myself.

I'm not so convinced about the university educations and the computer programming and all that (especially from a Greengrass?), but it does add a different element to the story. I wonder what Oliver is doing at the Muggle library, though? Does he go there for the sake of anonymity?

Author's Response: Hello!

Alright, the main character is in fact named Penelope Clearwater, you probably just got mixed up because the female MC in my last story was named Audrey, but anyway I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #24, by Ronsgirl29 Martin Vs Doctor

26th December 2011:
The beginning with Alex was cute. He actually reminds me of Pen a bit, which is funny because they don't always get along.

Great chapter! I'm liking the Oliver/Pen action.

Author's Response: Glad you liked Alex! :)

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Review #25, by Ronsgirl29 Quidditch Museums

26th December 2011:
AW! A kiss! I'm so excited! I was not expecting that haha. Pen's thoughts about it were really funny. Good thing Alex interrupted them or Pen may have done some inappropriate things in that hallway! haha

Author's Response: Pen's desperate. :)

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