Reading Reviews for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by charlottetrips Home For Summer Holiday

12th February 2012:
I thought you had switched tenses! I didn't notice particularly where there were mistakes just that the beginning segment seemed a bit stiff. You could loosen up on the flow a little.

You've firmly established the Potter family with this first chapter and I like all the sibling spats because it's funny and so what a family is like sometimes. Makes me think you are a sibling, eh?

I can dig what the parents are trying to do for young James. What kind of trouble can he get into? XD

Author's Response: That tense thing bugs me so much! I really need to get this rebeta'd for like the 10th time I guess.

I'm actually an only child (a spoiled one at that!), so I'm really glad I was able to portray a big family. My cousins are always fighting, they're my inspiration!

As for James and his trouble... you'll just have to read on and see!


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Review #2, by Moonyxluna Muggle Magic

30th January 2012:
First off, I want to apologize that this got rejected, I should have realized to let everyone know to put page numbers. I hate getting that notification that something was denied, so I felt really bad when I found out that happened to you.

Anyway,
This was really great! I loved the trip to the muggle magic shop, and his reactions to what muggles think of wands. Us muggles have it all wrong, don't we? :) I would have done the same exact thing as James, been an hour late because I didn't realize my boss meant go before instead of cutting into your shift.

I really like James' personallity, him and Fred together make as great of a team as Fred and George did. I was really happy when I saw challenge helped you out of a slump, because this is really a great story, with an original idea.

As far as using the quote, you got it spot on, so kudos for that. Teddy coming in to visit didn't feel forced, and the context of why he said it flowed well. Also, I loved the news he's proposing to Victoire!


Prank ideas... Well... how about James and Fred steal the Sorting Hat and convince it to put everyone in Slytherin as a joke? I don't know if you'd want it to be in the end of the year though, because that would happen in the beginning. Just off the top of my head, don't feel bad if you don't like it, I won't be hurt :)

Great job, I'll be watching for updates for sure! Look for the blog a little bit into April for the results.Thanks so much for participating!

Author's Response: Don't apologize! It's my fault for not checking the rules first!

I had a ton of fun writing this chapter, and I really owe it to your challenge, so thanks so much for letting me do it as a chapter of this fic!

That was my goal, to have Fred and James be like Fred and George! I'm so glad you see that resemblance!

I've never written Teddy before, so it was really interesting. That's another reason why I like writing this piece, I keep adding new characters whom I never written before, it more fun than I expected!

That's an interesting idea, I might have to tweak it, but I like using the sorting hat... hm

Hopefully the next update will be quick! James' crush is going to come visit him next!

Can't wait to read some of the other entries! Have fun judging! And thanks for such a detailed review!
:)BaletGir


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Review #3, by Moonyxluna First Day of Work

30th January 2012:
Crunchy is the greatest name for an owl I've ever read. It fits James so well.

And I LOVE the chapter image. I always pictured Fred II as Prince Harry, it's perfect!

So I decided I'd read your whole story so I could get the idea of what was going on for your contest submission, and I'm really glad I did! This is really great so far. I love Fred and James together, they make a great duo. I think you got Ginny's characteristics spot on, so great job.

Author's Response: I forever owe whomever gave me the name Crunchy! Its brilliant, and fits James perfectly! I'm so glad you agree!

I love picking people for the chapter images! It makes me want to introduce new people each chapter! haha

I'm glad you decided to read the entire thing, and I'm so glad you're seeming to be enjoying it! It'll really help with understanding the 4th chapter!

Ginny was hard! All of the main HP character's scare me to death though, so I'm glad you liked how I wrote her!

THanks so much for the review!
:)BaletGir


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Review #4, by George Whitman My Sister, The Stripper

4th June 2011:
Hi! This was a very fun read. I'm excited about the prank. I like how there is a struggle in finding one. I really like the Roxy stripper thing, though I find it hard to believe that only muggles strip. ;)

I really think the characterization and pace of this story is the strength. I believe your characters are real and you are good at giving them depth. I was nervous that James would be this psychotic angry person when he was fighting with Albus (like I've read in other fanfics) but their brother rivalry turned out to be very realistic. James is perfectly snotty, and arrogant for a seventeen year old. It reminds me of my brother recently and myself at that age. I enjoy the simple interactions between the characters. Most of the time you do not try to reveal too much at once. We get a taste of them with each appearance. Albus is the frustrating younger brother (something I can relate to) and Fred is a great older brother. Harry and Ginny are portrayed well I thought. George is someone I cannot quite put a finger on yet. I don't feel comfortable with his character yet and I'm not sure I'm supposed to. As Fred and James alluded to, I feel like he is a very controlled person, someone who is trying hard to conceal stress. Lily is also a character that I don't know what to make of yet. I think she is budding well, however. I think that it is important for me to note that the qualities that I have pulled out as examples of what defines your characters are not the only qualities they possess. Which speaks of your ability to flesh out your characters and make them far from one dimensional.

The pace is good, you sent us right into the story and just as you reveal character, you reveal plot bit by bit, until we are lulled into a comfortable train ride. The only time I am pulled from this trance is when I read dialogue from time to time. The opening dialogue in fact was hard for me to comprehend and there was a couple moments (esp. in the second chapter) when I thought James spoke a little unrealistically, that is to say long winded. The flow of dialogue, I also thought was at times dragged down by too many hand rails. I think that it better to leave dialogue wide open without indication to how something was said exactly, especially when there is only two people conversing and there is no question as to who's talking when. That way you can pick and choose which things are said exactly what way, therefore emphasizing a particular phrase. I don't know if I've explained this sufficiently. Please feel free to ask me to give you examples from your work, and further show what I mean. It would honor me if you did!

Well done!

Author's Response: Oh my, thank you for such a detailed review, it really means a lot to me. I'm shocked at how much you seem to understand the characters, I had no idea if I was portraying them all too well.

As for your comments on the dialogue, I completely understand what you are suggesting. And I do feel that the dialogue, especially in chapters 1 and 2, needs a bit of a revamp. i hope that in the coming months I will have time for this, and believe me that when I do, I will most definitely be asking you for a few examples/suggestions if you don't mind. Thanks again!
:)BaletGir


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Review #5, by George Whitman First Day of Work

4th June 2011:
Haha. Crunchy I love it!

Author's Response: I love that name too! And I wish could take credit for it!

:)BaletGir


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Review #6, by thehyacinthgirl My Sister, The Stripper

9th May 2011:
At least of your parents werenít amazing jokesters at Hogwarts,Ē comments a defeated Fred. I think you missed the word one, there, dear. Other than that, I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors.

As far as the pacing and the flow go, nothing seemed amiss there. So kudos.

I like the whole stripper conversation between James and Fred. Merlin Fred II seems so dense. I hope it's because he's tired and not because he's really that daft. Ah, and James continues to hate work? Silly boy, what does he think he'll do once he's out of Hogwarts?

As far as characterization goes, I think you did a good job. Though, I can't imagine Ginny being such a drill sergeant. Ah well, I can easily see her waking James up more so than Harry.

I also thought it was amusing that both Fred and James found their sisters rather annoying because I think that is rather realistic. Most people do get annoyed by their younger siblings (I do by my sister, too, sometimes; and she's twelve years younger than me).

I feel bad for George. I wanted to hug him in this chapter. He seems so tired and worn out, and I can only imagine that it was one of the days where he missed Fred I. Poor guy.

As far as pranks go, I do think they should come up with something. After all James I was good at pranking people as were Fred and George. So they must think of something.

Whether it's something big or small, I'm not sure. Maybe they could think of something small and get really rather annoyed that they can't think of something bigger then someone sarcastically insists that they should do something - and being the trouble makers they are they actually take that person's inspiration and do just that.

For instance Molly's suggestion that Fred and George blew up a toilet, only James and Fred wouldn't be joking when they told Roxy they'd give her a toilet seat.

Ha ha. I'm not sure. I think you'll figure out something.

Good job.


Linders

Author's Response: Hahaha, I think those are great ideas, I will be keeping them in mind for sure as I write the future chapters.

Arg... I guess I didn't check that sentence over all too well, but if that's all you saw, wow I'll take it!

I really wanted to show how George has changed over the years, and I hadn't found an opportunity in the earlier two chapters, I'm glad I got to fit it in because I think it is pretty important.

I think Ginny needs some work, for all three chapters. SHe needs to be toned down just a smidgen. Well, I guess I better start planning a prank!
Thanks for the review!
:)BaletGir


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Review #7, by thehyacinthgirl First Day of Work

9th May 2011:
Hmm, this seems interesting. I wonder what James would have himself and Fred do for a prank. Heh.

I can only imagine that it won't be very fun for those whom have to deal with the aftermath of it, whatever it would be that those two would come up with.

I think Ginny is being sufficiently annoying as a mother so I can understand James' pain. I probably wouldn't want to be anywhere near her, either.

As far as grammar and spelling go, I didn't pick up on any errors this time so kudos there! I'm something of a grammar nazi, though, so don't mind me. xP

I love your characterizations. They're fun. I particularly like when Ginny asks James what he's wearing and he responds with "clothes". It seems like something Fred or George would say, and it is very reminiscent of James I, as well - so I think it's rather fitting.

And I do like that Harry simply agrees with Ginny. We know that Harry isn't very swift with girls, so he probably doesn't want to fight with his wife. -snickers- Such a hero he is, and yet he can't face his own wife's temper.

As far as the pacing and flow go, it seemed to be reasonable.

Good job!


Linders

Author's Response: Thank you! This really means a lot to me. I'm really glad that this is coming off as fun to you. That's exactly what I want, nothing too serious or dramatic, plain and simple fun! You also seem to get it, which is a relief as well. And honestly I appreciate the Grammar nazi-ness.
:)BaletGir


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Review #8, by thehyacinthgirl Home For Summer Holiday

29th April 2011:
Hey there!

This is an interesting story. It definitely isn't the stereotypical Potter sibling sort of story. So your characterization was definitely interesting.

However, I do think that Harry and Ginny were entirely too harsh to be kept in character. Yes, I think they would punish their son, but I don't think they would give him a punishment as severe as that. Not to mention, I think Albus would be punished, too.

As far as grammar and spelling go, I found a few errors. You are missing some comma's. Like for instance in this sentence: ďAre the two of you going to ruin this summer for me too?" It should read: ďAre the two of you going to ruin this summer for me, too?"

I found a couple of spelling errors, as well. Answeres should be answers, and explods needs an 'e'.

Over all, I like the idea of this story since it isn't cliche. However, I do think that James would have had to have done something a bit more serious to get the punishment that he got.

That's just my humble opinion.


Linders

Author's Response: Interesting... I'll take that! Haha I'm glad it was different which is what I was going for, something not too stereotypical.

You make a good point when it comes to the punishment. I think that I might not have done the best job of showing exactly how fed up Harry and Ginny were with the fighting between the two boys. In my mind it is a constant struggle, every school holiday it begins immediately and doesn't even stop when they are off at school. Harry and Ginny are constantly getting owls from Hogwarts. I guess with the next update I will try to flesh that out a bit better. Also since it's kinda from James POV I thought that he wouldn't know that Albus did get a punishment, though a much lighter one. James once too caught up in himself and complaining to see Albus get in trouble.

As for grammar, I'm not surprised. This was beta'd when I first wrote it, but I have made a ton of updates since. It is currently with another beta, so hopefully it will improve as soon as I get it back from her.

Thanks so much for such a wonderfully detailed review, it really helps!
:)BaletGir


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Review #9, by natallyharrypotter First Day of Work

26th February 2011:
OH COME ON! where is the next chapter?
I really want to know what those two will do now... ;)
Great job!
100/10

Author's Response: Awww, this makes me smile so much! I am so glad you still want to read more! I have written chapter 3, but I am waiting for chapter 1 then chapter 3 to be beta'd first. Or re-beta'd in the case of chapter 1. I may end up posting chapter 3 with the betaing, but I promise, either way, it will be in the queue by the end of March!
:) BaletGir


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Review #10, by Miss MarlaG Home For Summer Holiday

20th January 2011:
oh. this is too good. i wonder what things will James do at WWW :D I laughed at the NO note. that was sooo funny. my little brother called me a freak when i laughed out loud. yeah. well, whatever. he's seven so his opinion doesnt matter here :p the thing is I like this story and I want you to continue it!

Author's Response: Too good? Well, I think I'll take that as a compliment! Haha. Thanks so much for reviewing, it's these types of reviews that really make my day! I am working on chapter 3 right now, but chapters 1 and 2 will be getting some revisions before I post 3. I hope you continue to read! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
:)BaletGir


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Review #11, by natallyharrypotter First Day of Work

25th December 2010:
oh, come on, where's the next chapter?
i LOVE this story!!!And Fred and James, they're so interested! And George!!! He's bossy in kinda funny way...!
:)

Author's Response: Hahaha, this was the best christmas present I could have gotten... A REVIEW! I am so glad you seem to be enjoying this piece of mine! I am currently working on some additions to this chapter and finishing up chapter 3. Hopefully both will be done very soon!
Happy Holidays!
:)BaletGir


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Review #12, by celticbard First Day of Work

13th December 2010:
Hi baletgir!
I thought I'd drop by from the Review Chain thread over on TGS to take a look at the next chapter of this fic. ;) James certainly is lazy, isn't he? And so is Fred! I feel a bit bad for George. It seems like he's got quite a handful there. I also enjoyed the scene in which George tells James to drop the Uncle and call him Mr. Weasley instead. It's nice to see him adopting an air of professionalism.

Now, on to my nitpicky comments. You did a good job of staying in the same tense throughout this chapter, however, it was in a different tense than the previous chapter (chapter one being in the past tense, chapter two being in the present). I would suggest you find the tense you are most comfortable with and use it throughout the story, otherwise, the switches from chapter to chapter can be quite jarring.

My only other complaint regards the content of this chapter. In my opinion, nothing really seemed to happen. James started to work for his uncle, stacked some boxes and then went home. It wasn't the most interesting thing to read about, if I'm being entirely honest. As a reader, I would like to see more happen. Maybe Fred and James accidentally break something important, or James tries to work the cash register and ends up making a mess of things. Also, some more description would really make this chapter shine. Does George still look the same or has he aged? What about Fred? What does the shop look like? Smell like? Is it noisy? Adding these little details would really help bring your readers closer to the characters and the story as a whole, I think.

Other than that, this chapter was well-written. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it and I look forward to your next update. Until then, take care and be well!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Hahaha, Fred and James. Yes they are quite lazy. I think that's why they get along so well with one another.

Ahhh tenses... How I hate them. First I am fully aware of the change from chapter one to chapter two. I think I took on too much with writing in 3rd person and past tense both for the first time in the first chapter, I decided that I should just try to work on one or the other for the rest of the story.Every chapter from here on out will be in the present! I am planning on going back and rewriting chapter 1 to make it more cohesive. But thank you for the comment on that, it will hopefully motive me to work on Chapter 1.

It was kind of boring huh? Thanks for bring my attention to that. I guess it was a kind of filler chapter, but much too early. I like the idea of them doing something wrong to get a bit of action into it. I think I may go write something where George can do some yelling...

I am so glad you thought this chapter was well written and are considering to read more!
:)BaletGir


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Review #13, by gingersnape Home For Summer Holiday

13th December 2010:
Hello, gingersnape here from Review Tag!

First off, congratulations on writing your first chaptered story; they are a lot of work, but they have their benefits. Good luck on this!

I also want to say, I really liked reading this because it gave me a bit of new insight to how Al and James do fight, because it is not always portrayed as well in next gens. I like being able to relate from the epilogue to this with that connection.

As for constructive criticism, there really isn't much. I was a bit confused when Al had his wand out, because he can't use it as he is underage. I know the Trace is funny and isn't very exact, but I think having that explained a little more would have made the scene more clear.

I think the story moved at a nice pace, the sentences had a good mix between long and short, which is always a plus, and I didn't spot any grammar or spelling problems so well done!

Overall, I think this was well done and a good set up for the rest of the story. I'm interested in reading more of this, so you may see me back again!

-ginger

Author's Response: Well, thank you so much for such a lengthy and wonderful review! I am so glad that you really seemed to enjoy this! That really, really means a lot!

As for Al and his wand, I feel he was very in the moment, as was James and neither was thinking about being under age. Also they have just returned from Hogwarts where they can practically use their wands 24/7, so I see that as a difficult transition.

I would love for you to continue reading! And if you do so, feel free to leave another review!
:)BaletGir


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Review #14, by celticbard Home For Summer Holiday

8th December 2010:
Hi Baletgir,
I'm here from the Review Tag thread over on the forums. First off, congrats on starting your first multi-chaptered fic. They're tons of fun to write and I'm sure you'll have a great time watching your characters grow and the plot progress. I think you have a strong opening here. You did a good job introducing your main character and the Potter family. It was nice to see the Next-Gen kids portrayed as somewhat bratty and less than perfect. Also, I enjoyed your take on Harry and Ginny's parenting styles. They're definitely not perfect parents, but that makes them all the more real and easier to relate to.

On the nit-picky side, I did notice a tense change in the first few paragraphs. There were also a few awkward sentences/phrases here and there, but other than that, this chapter read smoothly. Nice work.

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Why thank you so much for the review celticbard! I am so glad that you seemed to enjoy the characters how I portrayed them and that it seems somewhat realistic! I had a feeling this warranted another read through and possibly another beta. Tenses are the hardest thing for me. *Sigh*
:)BaletGir


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Review #15, by natallyharrypotter First Day of Work

28th November 2010:
well, this chapter was very interesting!!! i love it!!! it's so funny! keep writing!!!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am so glad you find the story funny. I was so worried that I was way off on the humor, just because I think its funny doesn't mean anyone else will!
:)BaletGir


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Review #16, by Diana Hanson First Day of Work

28th November 2010:
I love this chapter.you have the characters spot on! Exactly as I would have imagined them. Great work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! For such a kind review and for taking the time to read and review in the first place! I am so glad you like the characters, that really means a lot!
:) BaletGir


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Review #17, by Radioactive Home For Summer Holiday

9th November 2010:
Here because of the 'Review Tag' game on the forums!

I really like your characterization of James II. That boy is just like his grandfather... The way the Potter family acts in your story feels very real (the siblings arguing, the parents yelling at the siblings) The next chapter sounds exciting, and I like the way you set it up so that we're excited for what comes next! Can't wait.

-Maddie

Author's Response: I am very glad to hear that you think it is realistic. That means a lot to me. I also love that you are excited for the next chapter! I'm hoping to post it to the queue sometime next week.
:)BaletGir


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Review #18, by Brady Home For Summer Holiday

28th October 2010:
Pretty Mad, id like to read more of it so hurry up yeah? ;)

Author's Response: I promise that the next chapter will be out by the end of November. Most likely just another week or two. I'm sorry, but it is very difficult to find a beta reader!
:)BaletGir


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Review #19, by CSKDK Home For Summer Holiday

13th October 2010:
I really liked this so far, it's sure going to be great (how could it not, if the story takes place in the WWW?). I could just imagine Harry and Ginny to have a hard time dealing with an older James. (If they didn't already have that, by the epilogue). I would very much like to see more. :-D

Anyway - in your story, James is off age, so his parents can't really force him into doing anything, as his is a legal adult.. Well, if Ginny is anything like Molly (as I reckon she is), she probably could, though - or at least, she would try. But he is legally an adult.

Oh - and I noticed you called Ginny 'Ginny Weasley' - she would be 'Ginny Potter' by now, wouldn't she? ;-)

8/10!
I hope to see more soon. :-D

Author's Response: I'm so glad you seemed to enjoy this first chapter! And you nailed everything I was going for, especially James being difficult to deal with and Ginny being like her mother. Though that is a good point about James being of age, I think he wouldn't want to face his mother's wrath if he all out refused to do as told. And many families have a rule that as long as you are living under one's parent's roof, you must follow their rules or else move out, I think a similar situation has occured in the Potter home.

And great catch of the Weasley/Potter names! Thank you for that! I am going to change it right now!

You can expect a chapter update as soon as I find a beta and get them to look through the second chapter! (it's already written!)
:)BaletGir


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Review #20, by jowx97 Home For Summer Holiday

5th September 2010:
My rating is 7 solely because not all that much has happened yet, but for a first chapter of a first ever multi-chap fic this is very good indeed! I am excited to see how James gets along at his summer job (although I use the word 'job' very loosely, because to be honest the idea of working for George as a punishment is laughable). More soon please, thanks for writing!

Author's Response: I completely understand rating hard, and seriously, but are you aware as the author I don't see your rating? Just a point. Anyways, I am so glad you seem to have enjoyed this so far. I hope you do stick around and see how much of a job it is!
:)BaletGir


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Review #21, by clane234 Home For Summer Holiday

5th September 2010:
Pretty neat! I suggest you writing " and then all the pygmy puffs jumped on George's head" ha ha!

Author's Response: I'm not sure if you realized, but this is my first review for this piece!! This is so exciting! I am glad you seemed to like it, and I may just have to steal that line from you. haha, I like it as an idea! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
:)BaletGir


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