Hey hey fellow gryffie :)
I liked the beginning a lot! It was a very interesting way to start a story, by directly addressing the reader you really got me thinking! Plus it's from the perspective of the main character looking back, which is cool. I'm interested to see how James is going to change her life.
I saw one error, " I always seemed to find the worse in every person." I think that would make more sense as 'worst in every person'. But other than that, I didn't really notice any problems. My only tip is be wary of being too abrupt, I felt like things jumped from one thing to another really quickly where you could have given more detail.
Overall, I thought this was a very nice start to the story. You give us a great idea of what the main character is like, and set up a nice base for the story.
Ronsgirl29 (gryffindor!)Author's Response: Thank you so much! It really does mean a lot and I am so grateful for this!!
I completely understand what youre saying about being too abrupt..I always worry about that and I'll definitely try to smooth it out!
thanks again!! Report Review
This Ange giving you the reviews for the blog posty thing. :)
A little thing that's bothering me (I'm kind of crazy about formatting..lol) is the uneven spacing. I'd suggest you edit the chapter using the simple editor and edit out the spacing. The advanced editor tends to add spaces and mess things up generally. :/
You've done such a good job with this so far. :) I'd really like to know more about your MC, though. Personality/description wise.
Taaa!Author's Response: Thanks! I'll definatly go back and check out that spacing! :) Report Review
I loved this! I really can't wait for the next couple of chapters, I can feel that this story is going to have an impact and going to be beautifully written as well. Seriously. This is going to be an amazing story. :)Author's Response: Wow.. thank you for making my day! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
I like it so far. It leaves me wanting more.
I didn't catch many grammar errors but then again i wasn't looking either. I would continue writing i i were you. Good luck with a beta... I love the story title and summery.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Hey, it's lizzacc from the forums with your requested review. :)
Firstly, I noticed one little error. Here it is:
I'm far from perfect and up until recently I struggled to except that.
-Except is supposed to be accept.
Yes, I spotted only one. So good job!
Secondly, I think this story has potential. The whole idea of your OC wanting to be perfect is quite an interesting one. I want to know why she wants to be perfect, why made her want to be perfect. It seems to be a pretty intriguing plot.
I don't mean to sound rude, but this chapter was rather... bland. I want to know more of your OC's quirks, like how she see people's flaws and inspects herself and feels bad because she's not perfect. There wasn't a whole lot of character in this chapter. I don't mean to offend.
That said, I do think with some help from a beta, this could turn out to be a really good story. I see the potetial. It could easily be a very interesting and popular story here.
You are more than welcome to re-request when you update, if you want.
-LizaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I love reviews with CC and I definatly was offended!
I understand what you mean about the chapter being bland so I'll probably try to go back and spice it up with character! Like I said this came out of nowhere so I don't really know what I was writing!!
Thanks again for the wonderful advice and for being nice and blunt! :)
musiclover Report Review
I like your story. It definitely has it's potential to be a great one. I'd love to know what happens after and who she is in Hogwarts.
By the way, If you's still looking for a beta I'd love to beta read this. Email me at originalpattybuns[at]yahoo[dot]co[dot]nz . I've seen a few errors but they're minor and your writing style and grammar is up to scratch.
Can't wait to see more of this story,
-Patty.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and the offer!! I actually found someone on the fourms but maybe if I need a beta I'll email you :)
Thanks again!! Report Review
I like it! Hope to read more from you soon :)Author's Response: Really? Thanks!! :) Report Review
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