This was a truly beautiful one-shot.
I loved the way you wrote about Alice's thoughts, and how she remembers everyone as eyes. I also liked how the present and past seem connected by a few specific words, making the story flow really well.
The ending was so cute, the idea of Alice drawing a heart for Neville made tears well up in my eyes. :')
~Khanh (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Why thank you!! :)
Alice's thoughts were pretty easy to write, to be honest, it was just the most basic thoughts really anyone could have. Thanks for noticing the past and present thing, you're the first person who's commented on it!!
Thanks for the wonderful review :) Report Review
I think your a beautiful writer.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
I hardly ever cry, and this made me cry like a baby for about fifteen minutes... I realise it's kinda weird that I'm happy about that...
But it's an amazing story, I like the idea of a forever day; not in the sense that it's good that Alice an Frank are insane, but just in the sense that it would be a bit like heaven, as I imagine it, if not for the voices and the pain and the memories of worse pain...
This all makes complete sense in my head.
I loved it though, it was well-written, well thought out and I give it 10/10
A xAuthor's Response: You did? I'm sorry! I'd send you tissues or something if I could.
I like your interpretation--I was kind of aiming to make the story in a kind of Alice-world, pretty much white and pretty except for, like you said, the voices and the pain and the memories.
No, it makes sense in my head too!
Thank you so so much for the review! It means so much. Report Review
I am very much in love with this story. The juxtaposition is wonderfully done, and the ending is most excellent. You have a great writing style and shift gears very well.
I love those short, stubbly sentences in the present, so much like the notions of a very young child (or my 78 year-old grandfather, god love him). And the past is also splendidly written with great emotional quality and a good attention to the details that matter.
You had a good idea here, and you didn't let it down.
"I wished I could slip into his dream and scatter love like birdseed" Don't we all...
Oh...10 for pure win :)Author's Response: Thank you so so much! :) JUXTAPOSITION'S SUCH A BIG WORD *flails*
I'm so glad that that's what you took out of it--the thoughts of someone somewhat innocent and naive (or your 78 year-old grandfather.) A lot of people have told me this story's really dark, which it is, but I did try to add some light to it with the simplicity and innocence of her thoughts. I am SO glad you noticed this!!!
Thank you so much for all the good-ish-ness of your review :)
Win. Report Review
OMG!!! These sad stories today are killing me!!! Goodness *deep breath* this was very beautifully written, I could feel the emotion and frustration of Alice Longbotttom. And I think along with everyone else I was wishing for her to get better, but we all know that isn't going to happen, which is why I think it makes this story even more sad. There isn't really a happy ending *cries*. And poor Neville, I loved how you portrayed him through the emotion of his eyes, that was nicely done! And that part at the end, OMG it almost killed me, the fact that she found someway to tell Neville that she loves him.*bawls my eyes out*. It was very good =).
SilverstarletworldAuthor's Response: I'm sorry!! Maybe some cookies could cheer you up? *hands cookies*
Thank you so much! Alice Longbottom really intrigues me, as you can probably tell. I just wanted to get inside her mind, you know--I didn't really have the right to wake her up...? Gah, I don't know. I'm still flustered from your review. *flails*
Thanks a million!! :) Report Review
Wow. I cried a little when Neville unwrapped the gum wrapper to see the heart. This is so beautifully written. You see that Alice and Frank were happy, ready to enjoy a war free world, only to have all that hope for a new life, gone in a second.
I was completely hoping that Alice would come round or you would have her somehow, remember Neville for who he was. You sort of did that, with her giving him the heart at the end, but I should have known better than to get my hopes up. Alice and Frank don't have a happy ending. :'(
I couldn't find a single thing that could be fixed in the story. It was perfect from the very beginning. I'll probably go stalk your author page now too :).Author's Response: Aww, you cried?!? That's such--well, not a good thing--but it's a wonderful compliment! Thank you so so so much. I tried to really show the contrast between the hopeful life and the hopeless one, and I'm glad you noticed that :)
I kind of wished Alice could have woken up too, but I didn't feel like I had the authority to do that, if you know what I mean? The story wasn't really about endings--it was kind of about being. I WISH I could have ended it...
Thank you SO SO SO much!!! :) Report Review
This was so heartwrenching. I can't even describe how sad it was. You do a really amazing thing here, because you capture sorrow that is more than heartbreak, it is more than angst, it is this very deep confusion and ache. It really came across in the piece even with the very stylized voice of the narrator, and I greatly admire you for it.
I loved the way you wrote the present. It was beautiful, but hauntingly so, the way you slipped bits of coherency in, and then they were lost again. It's so strange that I never gave much thought to what actually happened that night to Frank and Alice, I supposed I was always focused on the James and Lily version, but it was absolutely terrifying in this fic, and so well done. I felt like those parts were just so realistic, they were chilling.
The theme of the "forever day" was probably my favorite part, because truly, it just shows how completely separate she is from real life, and it is so disturbing and so sorrowful. She really does live in this endless unchanging fantasy. It is almost a bright idea, endless day, and it has that sort of fantasy-happy connotation, but then it is put in this very haunting context. Very well done.
The end is so sweet, but so sad. I think you couldn't have ended it more perfectly. It turns out I suck at finding anything to criticize in stories, who knew, but I really couldn't if I tried here. You're a truly gifted writer!Author's Response: Thank you so much! ... I don't really know how to respond besides THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
I never really gave much thought to Alice either until I wrote a one-shot about Neville, and then I became really interested in what was going on inside her mind. It was actually pretty fun because I got to write in a bunch of sentence fragments and be like HAHAHA TAKE THAT GRAMMAR.
Wow, I really appreciate your complements. I had thought this was a lot more morbid than chilling, especially because of how she isn't scared at all really. It's such a huge deal for me that you said that :) *happy dance*
Thanks a MILLION for the review!! :) Report Review
That was so beautiful. I truly enjoyed it. It's so hard to pull off writing an insane Alice, but in first person, it's even more difficult. You pulled it off, brilliantly, however.
I think it makes sense Alice only sees the eyes and nothing else. She only remembers a person's eyes, and I think the move from flashbacks to present time is very clever.
On a bit of an unrelated note, your banner is stunning.Author's Response: Thank you!!! Writing Alice was a lot of fun for me. I got to write in a bunch of sentence fragments and get away with it.
I'm glad you liked it :)
GAH THE BANNER IS SO GORGEOUS. RAWRRJESSIE IS A GENIUS. Report Review
Love it!! Poor Alice :( i seriously adored the story!Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! :) --L Report Review
Am utterly in awe.
-x-Author's Response: Thank you for the review!!! I really appreciate it... A LOT. :) Report Review
... that was intense. I feel like crying actually...
krapfmAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review!!! Report Review
This story was amazing. I love how you interpreted the whole story of Alice and Neville and also the way that it swaps between focusing only on the eyes to then flashback type memories. It's very clever. And you captured the sadness of this part of the story perfectly. Thanks for a great read. :)Author's Response: Thank you!! I really liked writing this story and I'm glad you enjoyed it :) --L Report Review
Maybe I cannot exactly say why, but I find this story very very well-phrased, and exceedingly neat as well as movingly deep...
I think by all that tosh, I meant I really loved it! :)
Maitri HarysAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review!!! I'm glad you liked it. I didn't really expect it to come out the way it did, but I'm glad:) --L Report Review
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I was wandering around the stories on here and spotted this and I hoped it would be well-written. (It is.) I almost let myself wonder if you'd let her become a little more sane at the end, but I definitely prefer this. It's nice to see some kind of resolution for Neville, and I like the way you wrote the flashbacks - Bella not believing Voldemort's gone seems very fitting.
Overall, a really, really nice piece. The banner is also very pretty too :) Ten out of ten for you! ^^Author's Response: Thank you!! Personally, I like reading happy endings where everything is resolved, but I love writing bittersweet endings. Thanks again for the review!!! Report Review
Wow how sad. It was an awesome story it was so effective and the end was just..wow. I'm totally speechless!
LpF123 xxAuthor's Response: Thank you! I was having a horrid day and then I read this review and it totally made up for it:) Thank you so much for the review!!! --L
P.S. I'm so busy with school that I'm going to take a break from writing for a little bit, but no worries, I'll be back soon!!! Report Review
aw that was a seriously amazing story!! i loved how you used the past to help tell what was going on now.
i havent seen many alice stories so it was a really nice change :)
one of the best one shots i've read, everAuthor's Response: Thank you so much!!! That's really sweet of you. All the one-shots I saw of Alice were always her and Frank either being tortured or their time at Hogwarts, and I thought this would make--well, not a nice change--but it would be something different. Thanks! --L Report Review
Oh, my goodness.. I cried. This really is one of your very best stories. I think maybe you've found part of the Luna you're searching for (I'm remembering the story of your name SearchingForLuna) and I really love this. 10/10, would be 100/10 if I could do that.
P.S. Off topic but--Get to work on Secretive, chica! I'm dying to read more of that!Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! I really hope so too. Now I have to go write a happy story. Or the next chapter of Secretive, maybe...? :) --L Report Review
Ok, I have tears in my eyes. Do excuse me while I check my eye-liner :P
This was...sad, beautiful, amazing, touching, bone-chilling, deep, entrancing, heart-wrenching...I could continue for pages! (I will be using the above words again for this review :P)
Your characterisation of Alice was amazing. The way she just focused on eye-colour was brilliant, and it does seem like something that a woman in her condition would do.
The flashbacks flowed flawlessly. It fitted perfectly with this story, and were written beautifully.
The line: "All I can remember is not remembering." really sent a chill down my spine. It really gave me a reality check that the HP books are quite dark; Alice is proof of that.
I liked the added details about Bellatrix, like the gleam in her eyes. It just added another depth to the story, and made her a real stand-out of this piece for me. And, for the first time in my life, I found I hated her beyond belief.
The gum wrappers made me want to cry. Actually, I almost did. Those, tied in with the haunting ending, made this story completely heart-wrenching.
10/10 + favouriting. This was such a beautiful and dark story - just amazing! This is more proof that there are some really talented writers on this site, and this story is one of the best I've read.
~LizzieAuthor's Response: Oh no, I'm sorry. I would give you some waterproof eyeliner if I could.
Thank you so much!! I once read that babies only see your eyes and that's how they know you're there, and that's what I figured I'd do with this story.
Yeah, I really tried to portray the dark side of HP. I always thought Bellatrix was an interesting character, but I knew she was as evil as anything. I think she's a great character but I absolutely despise her, if you know what I mean.
Thank you so much!!! --L Report Review
very good story great job =)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!!! --L Report Review
This was beautiful. I cried. Truly amazing.Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you. You cried? That's--well, not great, but a wonderful complement. Thank you!! --L Report Review
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