Aw so sad :( but very well written.Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
Ah. These little moments that define a war; when someone will fight for what is right and wrong and when someone won't fight, who'll stay at home and stay out of the way. This was a very clear look at that and I liked that you approached it from the girl's point of view. It leads me to be sympathetic where normally I would scowl.
"She takes the [cowards’] way out" - typo? [coward's]
"She can’t help thinking, sometimes, that she is a pureblood and so, if the worst should happen, perhaps the Dark Lord would spare her." - Something people think sometimes in a war and I'm sure something many purebloods thought during the war who were on the "good" side but just wouldn't say. It still kind of shocks me to even think thinking that thought!
Your language and phrasing is so lyrical in my mind. I love how it flows and I kind of want to sit at my computer and read aloud but since I'm reading this at work, it would give away what I'm doing. :P
Again, great work.
charlottetrips [Ravenclaw]Author's Response: One of the reasons I generally stay away from writing Marauder-era stories is because the idea of writing in wartime scares me a bit - I just wouldn't know where to begin. This is my first real foray into the area and so I thought I should stick to just doing little snippets, focus on certain important moments - I'm glad you liked it!
I personally have a lot of sympathy for those guilty of 'cowardice' in the face of war - I certainly wouldn't blame anyone for being utterly terrified in that situation - so I'm glad Emma doesn't come across too badly :)
Oops that is a typo, thanks for pointing it out!
I think that's Emma's lowest point in the story, really - it seems like such a betrayal to even think it, and I actually felt sort of guilty even writing it! I'm sure you're right - plenty of purebloods would just have been too scared to stand up to Voldemort so just tried to keep out of the way.
Thanks so much for another lovely review! Report Review
I'm stunned, absolutely stunned.
WHY DOESN'T THIS HAVE MORE REVIEWS?!
Sorry, the question needed capitals for sheer urgency ^_^. This was honestly one of the best Sirius/OC I've ever read. That fact that so much plot and characterisation was condensed into a relatively short one-shot amazes me to no end. This is a side of the Marauders era most (including myself) forget about. That, as fun-loving as they were, the Marauders were living in a time of war and turmoil. You restrained yourself from making it too melodramatic and stuck to making it more matter-of-fact, which did wonders for flow and believeability. Dialogue was realistic as well as dynamic, every line had believeable emotion behind it and I could imagine them saying those lines. Imagery was astounding, you did so much with so little words. Some of my favourites were:
they are velvet midnight to her clear blue sky.
Her paradise is his purgatory.
These are just description but they really packed a sizeable punch. I didn't include dialogue because there were too many to choose from but believe me, they were brilliantly written. Characterization-wise, I thought you captured Sirius perfectly. This is as canon as I've ever seen him. He's brave, noble, reckless, passionate, somewhat tactless, insensitive and rather self-centred and selfish. Somehow, I got a sense of how the boys during World War II must have felt like and how their woman feared for them and for themselves. Coming to Emma, she came across as a very well-developed OC, especially considering that she's paired with Sirius. Her views contrasts so severely with Sirius that I can't help but feel their relationship can't have a happy ending. Her personality, while it does contains strong strains of Hufflepuffness, doesn't totally dominate it. You took the typical Hufflepuff traits and developed it further into a person who fears the danger war brings and values security and self-preservation over the greater good. Yes, she is being a bit cowardly and selfish but enough so that the reader understands and empathises with her plight. I loved that the romance was almost secondary to more important issues (the war and the future). It reflects a strong maturity in your writing.
If I were to critique one thing, it would probably be the ending. It was a bit abrupt but maybe you were going for that ambiguity, forcing the reader to make up their own ending? I dunno, it disrupted the flow a bit and feels like a string dangling in the air in a not good way. Maybe a smoother transitional ending would work better?
Other than that, it was amazing. An easy 10/10. :)
~MistyAuthor's Response: Wow, THANK YOU! (that also needed capitals for emphasis xD) Honestly, what a review! Thanks :)
I have rather a fondness for angsty war-focused Marauder stories but, as you said, there aren't too many of them around (mainly because writing about fun!Marauders is rather more enjoyable than depressed!Marauders, but whatever). So I thought I'd have a go at one.
I'm glad you like those lines, I have to admit I rather do too x) I'm also very relieved to hear the characterisation of both of them was good. Sirius is SO hard to do - I've never really written him before, and Sirius in fanfiction can often be very different to how he is in canon, so I was afraid of him going wildly OOC. I also found Emma really difficult as I don't regularly write OCs, and so that was rather worrying as the challenge I wrote this for was all about characterisation xD
Oh don't worry, I absolutely agree about the ending. This was one of those stories that just sort of comes from nowhere, and I managed to write the whole thing pretty much in one go and then realised I would have to end it somehow, and I hadn't a clue about how to do it. I probably was going for some kind of ambiguity, I'm not sure, but I do know that it's needs sorting so I'll definitely take what you've said on board :)
Again, thanks so much! This is one of those lovely reviews that just really gets me smiling :D I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get onto this. I really love the contrast between Emma and Sirius, you've got some really good comparisons in here and you've developed both characters well in a short space of time. Well written in terms of spelling/grammar/punctuation etc. Well done!Author's Response: Ahh it's fine :) I'm glad you thought the characters were developed well, as the challenge I wrote it for was all about characterisation :D Thanks for the review! Report Review
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