Although short, it has been a joy reading your work. I hope you continue to add more chapters to this. Best of luck Report Review
good chapter update soon :) Report Review
Hehe harry is a bit jealous. I loved this chapter. I was so happy you updated! I thought you had forgotten about this story but i didn't give up hope. I loved it. you didn't disapoint. Its no longer a secret thats for sure poor hermine everyone knows now. Report Review
Please continue this story! I'm quite obsessed with checking your updates :) Report Review
really good writing.Author's Response: thanks so much Report Review
This is the first HHr I've read and so far I'm loving it!Author's Response: Well, I'm thrilled you like it. I should be getting another chapter into the queue soon. Report Review
First, I would like to mention how much I enjoy your story and the direction you're taking. However, I would like to point out a few things to help your writing.
You sometimes switch tenses mid-sentence, like here:
Hermione leaned against the door, crossing her arms and fixed Ron with a glare.
Your verbs should all be in the same tense as in "ed" endings with "ed" endings (past tense) or "ing" with "ing" (present tense).
Also, there are occassions where you repeat words. I was wondering if you had a beta, which I strongly suggest. No one can get all the grammatical errors when they first write it, or even re-read it. A beta reader is a great resource.
Finally, while I enjoy your story, I find that alot of it isn't fleshed out. This is where a beta can really come in handy. A lot of the time, your sentences may make sense to you, while at the same time be vague or confusing to readers.
That's all for this chapter, keep up the good work!Author's Response: Agh! Repeated words. So sorry. That happens every once in a while when I type, so, yeah. I don't know why, but it only ever happened on my husband's version of word. Not mine so that should not happen anymore Report Review
PLZ PLZ keep writeing this story I lov it I am on my knees here i keep picing what harrys and Miones baby would look like SO Plz keep writingAuthor's Response: Lol! Well, I'm glad you like it Report Review
Okay, forgive me. I know I usually start out by helping you and pointing out a few slip-ups...but I feel lazy. =_="
And for all that we waited, we get this? Yay!
I didn't expect it, I was beginning to think you were abandoning. Update more often, 'kay? Looking forward to the next,
Lots of Loff,
SevvyAuthor's Response: Lol! I'm trying. But with NaNo and whatnot and the fact that my hubbys computer was on the fritz, it caused a couple of problems. But all good now Report Review
LOVE IT !!!
I can not wait for more.
I do hope this become more Harry Hermione though and not jsut baby making.Author's Response: Thank you for the review.
And it is a lot about them. I plan to make this a long story and not to her have pregnant for serveral more chapters. But we will see how it goes Report Review
HAHA, too funny! I loved the slug spell- nice touch!
this was a good chapter!Author's Response: Thank you. :) Report Review
Once again, another interestign chapter! There was a few typos that you made but, once again, nothing too major! :)
So, I liked hwo this chapter developed the plot, having Harry and Hermione plan out their idea a bit more. I think that this story coudl be really interestign and turn into a great idea, the way that the story is progressing! ;)
In this chapter, Harry's characterization seemed to be good, but slightly off. I think it was the winking thing that seemed un-Harry. I just can't see him winking and being that flirty kind of kid. Also, I forgot to mention this in my last review, but, I think it's kind of odd that you have Harry and Ginny calling her 'Mione. Never in the series did they call her that, and I just find it kind of weird.
Anyways, I liked how you ended this chapter, kind of leaving the reader wondering what'd going to happen between Harry and Hermione! I think this story is really good so far! Coem back my review thread if oyu want reviews for chapters 3 and 4! I'd love to hear from you again! ;)Author's Response: Once again thank you so much for the review and feedback. :) Report Review
This was an interesting chapter. There were a few spelling mistakes I noticed, but nothing too major, so that's good! ;)
I like the idea oyu have here, having Hermione ask Harry for a favour, since they were rather close friends at Hogwarts. I just don't know if I coudl see Hermioen actually asking Harry something as big as she did. It just doesn't seem Hermione-ish to me.
I liked oyu characterization of Harry and I also liked how you featured Kreacher in this! The way he spoke seemed a little off, but I loved it none-the-less! House elves are awesome! :)
Overall, I like the way this story is going! I've never read a Harry/Hermione fic before, so this kind of gave me a good impression of the ship! Really great beginning and good luck with the rest of the story! ;)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. ^-^ Report Review
omg thats sooo good u should write more i love this it's wicked. lovely sweet ive read this chapter a million timesAuthor's Response: Wow. Thank you Report Review
that was great nice finsh i think u should really write more story about harry and hermione nice touchAuthor's Response: I plan to write more. Just having a bit of touuble with the fifth chapter Report Review
that was great really niceAuthor's Response: Thank yous!!! Report Review
Hiya! I'm back with a review! *woot woot* er...riiight...
So uhm, as I said, I find the plot good. I like the events that took place in this chapter, Ginny especially.
The characterizations were all perfect except Harry. I find him very odd and strangely, he seems to act to much like his father than himself...
The spelling and grammar were good. But here are a few slip-ups I've found:
as his fingers mode smooth trails down --er...I think it's "made"?
Hermione bought Ginny a deep green cocktail dress for Ginny, --you need to evict one of the "Ginny"s...
“Don’t even know why he('s) so worked up anyway.”
The flow was good except you really need to work on the spacing. Most of the *spaces* became *enters* instead. See?
But aside from that, I can't wait for the next chapter and I bet all your other readers can't wait either. So update soon!
Keep Writing to Improve!
SevvyAuthor's Response: Oh wow thank you. I did not see that.
Ack! The spacing. You know it's weird, everytime I update my story now, it comes up wierd in the preview..
But thank you again for the review. I really appreciate it Report Review
aw why you leave it on a cliff-hanger?Author's Response: I had to. LOL Report Review
*squeals!* OMG that is totally not what I was expecting.
Spelling/Grammar: Uh...uh...uhm...forget that.
Flow: Well, I thought it was a bit too fast but somehow, it fit in. ^^
And Characterization: I think everything was perfect except for the memory of their Fourth Year. I mean, yes, I understand their hugging and celebrating. But I expected Hermione to be the one to hug Harry first and Harry would just hug back because, well, it's always Hermione that's hugging. Harry is just, I don't know, all I know is that he doesn't hug first *shrugs* but anyway,
Overall: Fantabulawesome! -- Like my new word? I made it up just recently and as you can see, I love showing it off and grabbing any reason to use it. XD
Sooo...Thanks again for Requesting, I really enjoyed. Feel free to request again!
Keep Writing 'coz We're Waiting,
xoxo SeverusLoveAuthor's Response: Ok, I was a bit skeptical about the flow as well, because I was not sure, whether I should go ahead and make it happen, or let it happen later on. But, like you said, it does seem to fit and I'm really pleased (and relieved) that you think so.
Also, the memory scene, I just needed to put that there. And yes, you're right, Harry was never the one to do the hugging (Did Hermione ever give him a chance? And what about Ginny? They literally just fling themselves at him when he leasts expects it. Lol), but I felt I just HAD to put that there.
Again thanks for the review, and I will be returning with the other chapters (You'll see me soon. Chapter 4 is in the queue)
Oh my, hehe sorry for the previous review. You have told me to ignore the grammar errors since you were in the process of correcting it. I guess it's just my habit of pointing out grammar/spelling mistakes to start a review. So...er...right, down to business then.
First, you plot was still good and so was the flow. It was perfect.
But next, your characterization. Ginny, Hermione, Molly and Kreacher (since they're the only ones who appeared so far) is doing great. But Harry was completely off track. I mean, I understand the clothes thingy but the winking? In the whole series, I have never seen Harry wink once. But other than that, all is well.
Third is your spelling/grammar. *trying best to ignore mistakes* I know I might sound a bit overreacting on how I'm struggling with not pointing out mistakes but I guess it has become my habit to start each review with a few slip-ups. I can find mistakes in almost ALL the stories I read and I pretty much point them all out. Note: almost being the key word. So, I'm gonna leave this section untouched and move on...
Overall, once again, a brilliant chapter done. (Oooh, and I like the idea about the Malfoys being all good. XD Lucius is like SO hot.)
Thanks for Requesting,
SeverusLoveAuthor's Response: THANKS THANKS THANKS!!
Oh and it's ok if you have to do the spelling/grammar thing. I told you before, you pointed out things I didn't even realize after going over it myself. So it's ok if you do it.
Ok, yes, I admit Harry is a little out of character, but it won't be like that for the whole story. He'll become more of his old self as the story progresses. I wanted to make him just a little more (OK a lot more) flirty but also serious.
I'm glad you liked it. Thanks so much for the LoNg review. I Ã¢Â™Â¥ long reviews! Report Review
Hi! Here I am with your review! ^^ Muahahaha*choke* *cough* Anyway, as I start all my other reviews, I would like to point out a few spelling/grammar mistakes:
a pitcher if pumpkin juice --change "if" to "of"
"You may go now." If I need you for anything else I'll call you and you'll get extra pay." --you don't need to put an apostrophe after "go".
Harry's and she suddenly felt like --I think you double-spaced there.
"I most defintly want to do this with you." --change "defintly" to "definitely".
Other than that, all's good. Hmmm, okay, first things first, I think your plot was good. It was rather surprising and unique. But about the part where Harry holds Hermione's hand and tilts her chin to face him, I don't know, it kinda felt OoC and rushed. I mean, sure, Hermione usually leans on Harry and hugs him and all. But I don't really think they hold hands casually or touch each other's face. So, yeah.
Next, the flow and characterization. Well, it's the same as I mentioned earlier. ^^
Third, Overall score, well, as I told you, aside from what I've mentioned earlier, I find this story unique and surprising. I mean, please, I didn't expect Hermione to be asking for a baby. XD So, overall, I think it was pretty good. I was really impressed. Your descriptions were perfect. Not too short that you can't picture the scene, and not too long to make the reader bored either. It was simply perfect. ^^
I have to be honest with you, this is the first Harry/Hermion fic I've ever read. I've seen the movies before I've read the books. And so, I'll tell you honestly that in PoA, I thought Harry and Hermione looked cute together. But my mum forewarned me that it was Ron and Hermione that would end up together. I thought H/H was cuter though...until I read the book. Just saying. ^^
Anyway, thanks a bunch for requesting, and feel free to request again.
Keep Writing to Improve,
SeverusLoveAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review.
And you found a couple errors I did not notice before. Thank you so much. Lol! Report Review
Oh this is a great start so far! I love it! I hope you continue this story as I'm already hooked!Author's Response: Thanks. I'll update quickly Report Review
LOV IT wonderfull 10/10Author's Response: Oh! Thank you Report Review
wow they r definably gonna have a child tonight lolAuthor's Response: perhaps. then again. Report Review
vcery nice i love this and its one of my faves fso u know i like it and look forward to more updatesAuthor's Response: Yay! Thank you Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection