Reading Reviews for Kiss
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by house elf Dream

19th August 2011:
Wow, that was so strange, yet so nice! It's a really interesting idea, and I enjoyed reading it :)

Author's Response: Well thank you. I enjoyed writing it a lot. I even ended up basing my NaNoWriMo on the same sort of idea, since I love writing this fic so much. It is rather odd though XD

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Review #2, by LunarLuna Dream

17th April 2011:
Aww!!
That was so sweet!

I've always loved moaning myrtle! I'm happy someone finally made her look good!^^

And I really like scorpius too (always did, always will) so I find this great!^^

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm glad that you liked this! :) It's probably one of my favourite things that I've wirtten, so I'm glad to hear good things about it!

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Review #3, by maskedmuggle Dream

8th January 2011:
Wow. Scorpius Malfoy in love with Myrtle? Never would have thought of it.. but it works, especially how you've written it!

Nice characterisation of Scorpius, it really strays away from the typical cliche guy, and especially with him in Ravenclaw, having no friends, it really is a different portrayal of him.

Nice writing :) And Lysander is pretty awesome ;)

Author's Response: I love the Scamander twins, so I just had to include one of them in this. I'm glad that you liked how I portrayed Scorpius. I'm guilty have making him that cliche guy, so I thought I should change it up a bit for this one-shot!

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Review #4, by Life As We Know It Dream

28th November 2010:
I thought this story was very interesting. I've never really thought of someone falling in love with Moaning Myrtle and the fact it was Scorpius Malfoy made it even better!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad that you enjoyed it! :)

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Review #5, by Illuminate Dream

23rd September 2010:
Hi! Sorry I took so long to review!

I think this is a lovely romantic oneshot. I like your Scorpius and the fact that he is just a normal misunderstood guy rather than the beefcake he's described as in most other fics.

I really like this. I think you could improve it by adding some more detailed description- I think it would make it more poetic, and therefore more romantic. However though I did enjoy reading this so well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for review! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'll take oyur suggestion into consideration.

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Review #6, by xtinjsc Dream

11th September 2010:
Hello, Moo!

Like it or not, I'm calling you Moo from now on. Hehe :P Thank you for dropping by my review thread, btw. I hope you are well. ^_^

First of all, I really like the your first paragraph! It really pulls a reader in, which is what you always want to do. You did very well on writing that, so good job! Overall, I enjoyed reading this. I've never read a Moaning Myrtle fic before, but I like your story. Your characterization of Myrtle is impeccable. You really captured her whiny, overacting, slightly annoying ghost self. Yaaay! Even the way you wrote her speech was spot on. I'm really impressed. As for the flow of the story, it was very good in general. But I did notice some parts where you seemed to have forwarded the story a little too fast. For example, those two lonely paragraphs about Scorpius' Christmas and summer holidays? It all seemed very rushed to me. The duration for this story is four years, yes? I probably just wanted to see more of how their relationship developed, you know? While the idea about Scorpius feeling something romantic towards Myrtle was not entirely impossible, it would've helped if you explored their interactions a little more too. Just a suggestion. ^_^ Whether it was love or not, is another matter entirely. Let's get to that later. *wink*

I saw no glaring technical errors on this one like grammars and punctuations etc. so well done! But I did notice some typos. I'd be very specific now and point some of the ones that jumped out on me as I was reading, just to help you in case you decide to edit this someday:

... but than (should be: then) I think of her.

You think someone could have at least wandered (should be: warned) all of the first years...

That was really of rude of me. --> remove first 'of'

I watched as the snake withered and feel (should be: fell) to the ground...

"Oh Scorpius," Myrtle cried out, running over and embracing me in a hug. --> the last part seemed redundant. You can remove 'in a hug' and settle for 'embracing me' period. ^_^

... I knew she was going to (you can add: be OR get) angry.

One of your concerns was whether this story is believable or not, and my answer is yes, it is believable. Falling in love with a ghost is not really an oddity in the Harry Potter world. And with the way you described Scorpius - how he was a lonely, sensitive boy without any friends - I can understand why. She's the first person he shared himself with; he trusted her, she trusted him. I didn't think it was love though. The two of them were more like feeding off each other's need for companionship. That could easily be mistaken as love, so I do sympathize. I think Scorpius was just too young to understand that. Haha. Speaking of Scorpius, if you think about it, Next Gen characters are like OC's, right? JKR never really told us enough about them for us to gauge their personalities accurately. Your characterization of Scorpius here was really interesting, and very fitting for the story. Good job! But sometimes, I found him a little too, I don't know, unaffected? He was a little too casual with how he reacted to things. For example, when Myrtle told him the story of how she died, he said something like 'it wasn't so bad' which I found a little off. I mean, she was killed by a basilisk. It's not something you hear about everyday, is it? Come to think of it, did Myrtle know it was a basilisk that killed her? Now I'm all confused. Haha. My point was, I was looking for a little more angst on Scorpius' part. But that's probably just me. ^_^

Some the of phrases here really caught my attention, because they were beautifully written. You have a very nice style with how you string together words that really appeals to me. Like this one: ...a part I was playing in a performance called 'Life' I probably read a lot of phrases with the same context, but I just loved how you fit that in with the paragraph. And good job on how you placed that phrase for the challenge! Teehee. If you think about it 'Why does love do this to me?' is very corny, but in the story, it made me laugh rather than cringe. When Scorpius tried to kiss Myrtle, I was laughing so hard. I'm sorry if that's not exactly the reaction you want, but I just found it funny for some reason. :P

That's it for my review, Moo! I really enjoyed reading your story! Keep writing! I can't wait to read more from you! *hugs* ^_^

Author's Response: Hey fan girl! ;) It's cool, I like the nickname Moo.

Anyways, thanks so much for the great (and long!) (in a good way) review! I'm glad that you liked the story and thought that Myrtle's characterization was good.

I know the story seems to go a little fast at times, but I'll go back and look at those spots that you mentioned and see if I can fix it yp!

Thanks for pointign out those typos! I'll get to fixing them. ;)

I really like that line too, so I'm glad oyu enjoyed it. Yeah, I don't know if I the kiss scene is supposed ot be funny or serious, but I was laughing while I wrote it! :D I guess different people might interprate it differently, though, but I thought it was quite funny!

Once again, thanks so much for the review! *hugs*


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Review #7, by darlingslytherin Dream

10th September 2010:
I absolutely adored this story, I think it was absolutely amazing. I have never read a story about Myrtle but reading this has made me thirst for more. I think that their relationship was just so sweet and innocent. It's so different then how most people perceive Malfoy boys. The story broke my heart though... knowing that they can never be together. Keep up with the wonderful writing! You just gained a fan!

Author's Response: I'm glad oyu loved this story! I loved this review! :) It's making me smile alot. Thanks for the great review, and I hoep that oyur heart didn't break too bad! lol ;)

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Review #8, by katebabelovesharrypotter Dream

9th September 2010:
Oh. My. Gosh! That was perhaps one of the most epic things I've ever read! I have to thank you so much for asking me to review this. I totally got lost in the story. I felt Scorpius' emotions and I just think it is too cute that they ended up some what together. Myrtle was written excellently, canon in my opinion. The flow was perfect and the pace was well-spaced and a whole lot of fun. It's kind of sad that they can't really be together, but I LOVED your writing and I'll definitely read more! Fantastic!

Author's Response: Oh my god. Thank you for the wonderful review! I'm glad you liekd it and thought the flow was okay, because that was the thing I was most concerned about! Just. Thanks. :)



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