This was quite adorable. It almost reminded me of "A Knights Tale" the way he was seeking out her name. :D
I like your use of the character and color. Very creative to have her the object of the main character's desire rather than the main character. One tip, don't use " " to write letters. It looks like speech. Just italics can work or if you want something extra, give it a blockquote.
A few tense slips here and there and the Snitch is worth ONE hundred fifty points. Mainly, I adore that you didn't use 250 instead of writing it out. Thank you so much for that!! So much better on the eyes. You have 3 really large paragraphs in there and you might wanna consider separating them into two each. Just a thought. It'll make it look more uniform.
I actually preferred the parts where his own name was a mystery. I don't know why, it just seemed more mysterious. :D Thank you so much for entering my challenge, better late than never, right? Great story! --Jenna Report Review
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