Reading Reviews for The Doe
  
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by thesinandthesinner The Doe

23rd February 2012:
"But he got so caught up in darkness, he couldn’t go back to her light." Such a beautiful line. This was a really a bit of wonderful writing. I loved how you described Lily.

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Review #2, by Reyes91 The Doe

30th September 2010:
Hey, dude. Reyes here.

Now, I don't like Snape. I never had, and probably never will. However, I really enjoyed your story. You do write in a poetic way, but it flowed well in my head. You could feel what Snape was going through, and it really makes me wonder what would have happened if Snape and Lily got together while in Hogwarts. Like, what if Snape never called her "mudblood" and never got into the Dark Arts? Your story shows that something could have definitely worked between the two.

Excellent story, and wonderful writing. I did enjoy it even though I can't stand Snape's character.

-Reyes91

Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by to leave a review!
I'm glad I got you thinking, even though you don't enjoy Snape all that much. I very much believe something would have happened in he hadn't been so intrigued by the Dark Arts, so this was kind of taking a peak at that possibility.

Thanks again,

-Lily


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Review #3, by haras The Doe

29th September 2010:
please make it longer!

Loved it

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

-Lily


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Review #4, by Ravenclaw333 The Doe

25th September 2010:
Wow. This is utterly beautiful. You've gone so in-depth with the character and the emotions of Snape, his love for Lily, and the differences in their characters. You've stayed true to both characters and their stories but you've added a layer of emotions and experiences. I loved the connection with the doe. Definitely the best Snape/Lily story I've read. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for all the lovely comments! I'm so happy you enjoyed this!

-Lily


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Review #5, by MajiKat The Doe

24th September 2010:
here to review as requested hun

Lily, this was beautiful! thank you for asking me to read it! i loved every word, from the opening line to the ending. i adore stories that make me really feel for snape, and you have done that. i feel a pathetic yearning from him, a wistfulness and hope and deep deep regret. you characterised him wonderfully!

lily was wonderful too - more so when you consider that we are seeing her through snape's eyes only. i like that you didn't deviate from that, and also, that you didn't gush too much, even when he realised he was in love. you kept it simple and beautiful, and i liked that.

the opening really stood out to me, esp the use of the space:
would hear her last scream – and then hear how it was

bluntly cut short.


very clever and very powerful. i commend you for that! i also like the circular feel of the narrative, how we end as we begin. it gives the sense that yes, this is something, the dreams, the memories, that he goes through over and over. repetition is a powerful writing tool, either stated or implied, so again, well done!

figurative language was lovely - you didn't drown me in it, which I am grateful for - and you didn't make it too sparse either. there was just enough.

the moment with the doe, and the use of the doe at the end, are brilliant. in this sense, the metaphor is very poignant, knowing as we do that snape's partonus was a doe, as was lily's. it was a beautifully woven canon reference.

i don't know what else to say - i hope this was helpful at all. it is a beautiful piece you should be very proud of. it is heartfelt and moving and i feel strangely peaceful after reading it.

kate xx

feel free to request again!

Author's Response: hi,
Thank you so much for such a lovely review, I really do appreciate it!

I never pictured Snape as the type to gush over Lily - yes, he loved her, but I don't think he was one to constantly think that - I think he must have always felt he loved her, rather than thought or said it...

I'm thrilled you noticed my formatting with the first lines! I wanted to make sure it stood out, it's an important line.

Thank you for all your very kind words, I'm pleased you liked it.

-Lily


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Review #6, by Pen2Paper The Doe

24th September 2010:
Hey,
Pen2Paper from the forums here with your review.

I have always detested Snape/Lily fanfiction. I don't know why, maybe something I read that left an imprint in me. So I've tried to not choose Snape/Lily ships to review.

Your story was so deeply moving and incredibly heart wrenchingly beautiful that it has changed my faith in the Snape/Lily pairing. I salute you for creating such a masterpiece that someone who detested the very essence of it was left captivated.

You are without a doubt a great writer for it's mark is left is the enchanting prose and silk like flow of this story. Every word and every sentence will stay in the memory of the reader allowing them to replay this narrative again and again.

I have no criticism for this story. My only sadness is when the words come to an end and the story is completed for there is no more.

Thank you for requesting and giving me the opportunity to read this.
~C

Author's Response: Thank you so very much for such a kind review! I'm so pleased you like this story, and I can't think you enough for your compliments! I'm also happy that I could open your eyes to something new.

Thank you again, I really appreciate your words.

-Lily


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Review #7, by KinionShip The Doe

24th September 2010:
I liked it. I really did. It was informative and touching. Snape is living in regret and remorse for what he did to Lily,

This is very well written. Though if you go back and read it over, you might find just a few errors.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.
I'll have to edit it yet again I suppose :)

-Lily


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Review #8, by Draco_ron_Lover The Doe

23rd September 2010:
Such a beautiful story!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you :) I'm so glad you liked it!

-Lily


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Review #9, by FoundriaPenguin The Doe

22nd September 2010:
Hi, here I am from the forums with your requested review! (;

This was so touching. I could really feel Severus's pain at losing Lily, having her slip through his fingers. It's really difficult to encompass such a long span of time in just a one-shot, but you've definitely managed to do it, and very well, too!

I've always thought that words painted pictures. You have painted a most beautiful one. I can see that doe contrasted on the backdrop of trees and snow...and I really love this line:

"But he got so caught up in darkness, he couldn’t go back to her light."

The only CC I have for you is on a little bit of Snape's character. You mention that he was "curious" about their secret meetings, but I don't think he was just curious. I believe that he did think that purebloods were the most dominant, and Muggleborns were filthy except for Lily. Lily, of course, was special. I think that's a key point in Snape's and Lily's relationship. But this is just my opinion; you can depict them any way you want :D

To tell you the truth, I'm not the biggest fan of Snape or Snape/Lily. Thanks for requesting this in my review thread, though! You're helping me broaden my horizons! :] Good job!

~foundriapenguin

Author's Response: Thank you very much for all the kind words, and for the review in general.

To be completely honest, I'm not sure how I think of Snape - i lean more towards the way I wrote it, that he really was just curious in the beginning, and then fell into believing as they did, but I can just as easily see your way.. I'm not sure which one's right - but for this story, the first one worked the best :)

I'm glad I could get you to read something new :)

Thanks again,
Lily


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Review #10, by Canadian_Hogwarts The Doe

18th September 2010:
Poor Snape :( You really got the essence of his sadness here. I felt that when they saw the doe, Lily might have possibly loved him, just a little, but as he went to the dark side she lost that little part of her. I love it. Well done!

Author's Response: That's the whole idea - that Lily had loved him, that she wanted to share the doe with only him. But he ruined it. And I think it truly must have been like this, that she really did love him at one point, which makes their story so tragic.

I'm pleased you liked it. Thank you so much for taking the time to review!

-Lily


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Review #11, by Ginny45 The Doe

13th September 2010:
Hey RandomRed here from the forum. Sorry for the late review my computer is on the fritz.
Anyway, ok the scene with the living doe was beautiful. I had never thought of it before. You description on that particular scene was amazing.
I will give you my next complimemt with this peice of information, I am a najor James/Lily shipper but this was gorgeous. I can't even place my finger on why.
You didn't portray Snape as a hollow shell and as the reader you can link this in with the actual books as it shows why he was so annoyed with Harry all the time.
The story is just so touching. I wouldn't say the doe scene is cheesy at all but even if it was cheesy can be sweet and cute.
Ginny45/RandomRed
9.5/10 because everyone has room for improvment. :)

Author's Response: Firstly, thank you so much for coming by to review! I really appreciate it.

I never thought of Snape as a hollow shell, although I think many people do. That's why I find him so intriguing - he's so misunderstood - I love it!
I'm so glad you think so highly of this :)

Thanks again,
Lily


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Review #12, by Esmerilda The Doe

12th September 2010:
This is such a heart-wrenchingly realistic portrayal of Snape...

I found it so characteristic of a man in love that he would be able to describe her appearance in such detail.

Although our stories are completely different (the reason for the decay of their friendship, the time the fics are set, etc.), the style feels familiar, as if I am reading my own writing.

I commend you for the beautiful scene with the doe. I did not think of a scenario where they see a living doe together.

The line 'She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen' is perfect for the scene and I wish I'd thought of something similar first! (It would fit very well with a very different scene that I'm planning.)

I usually like to include some suggestions / problem areas in my reviews, but I just can't be objective enough to do so here!

It really feels like I have found a kindred Snape spirit. Most authors insist that he must have a happy ending for some reason.

Es

Author's Response: Thank you for all the lovely comments. I always thought that when a man is truly in love, he would notice everything about the object of his affection. I'm a little obsessed with the idea of that I think, because it makes an appearance in almost every story I write.

I'm really pleased that I thought of the doe scene actually. I don't know where it came from - I think just the fact that Severus' patronus is a doe, I mean, it follows that Lily IS the doe, but why is never really that clear, other than that she was with James...

I love writing Snape, because I adore unhappy endings. It's not that I'm sadistic, and like to see people suffer, but I love emotions, and somehow sad/heartbroken emotions, are more intriguing to me, than happy ones.

Thank you for coming by to review! PM me when your stories are up wouldcha? I'll pop by to see!

-Lily


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Review #13, by WhatAboutRegulus The Doe

12th September 2010:
Hello Venice Lily, here for a review :)!

I thought this was amazing. It was very original and I liked how you showed him and Lily through out time. I also thought it was nice to start with the end. Like you wrote the ending of the chapter as the beginning and the end. Wow I made that more confusing than necessary! I also liked how you showed his conflict with the dark side and the light side even if it was shortly written!

Amazing overall, very VERY good!! If you ever want me to read anything of yours again just ask me! I would love to read more of your stories!

WhatAboutRegulus

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely comments! I really do appreciate it!

I'll be sure to take you up on that : )

-Lily


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Review #14, by EllenGranger The Doe

4th September 2010:
This so made me cry... :'( Poor Snape.

Author's Response: I hope you still liked it though!
Thank you for the review.

-Lily


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Review #15, by Blissbug The Doe

28th August 2010:
Hi, its BB from the forums here with your review. I have to admit, I kind of approach any Snape/Lily piece with a heavy heart. It's such a popular story concept that absolutely everyone writes it. Most of the time I avoid those kinds of stories because I'm not much impressed by something everyone does, but I'm glad I came by here and gave this piece a read.

What I noticed write away was the real tension and angst of the piece. You did a good job of achieving that and tell me, who doesn't like angst? But on the other side of that, I also notice that you mostly do a lot of telling instead of showing. What I mean by this that you literally tell us how things were. Snape tells us how kind Lily was, but we don't actually see much of that. I do love the scene with the doe in the snow, and kuddo's for that because it is a great example of showing. I just wish there's been more of it.

I also like the repetition of the dream in the beginning and the end, and as a central thread through out. I'd recommend really exploring more sensory details in those bits though. Really get into the body of the character, let the reader be super anchored by how Snape feels in that moment. Don't be afraid to get wordy.

Overall not a bad piece. Thanks for coming by my thread, 7/10

BB

Author's Response: See, I find Snape/Lily to be a bit of an ignored ship. We all know it's there, but I've always felt like most authors are afraid of it.. Snape is rather intimidating.

I'm a little undecided on what to think of your 'showing' comment. For a one shot, can you really 'show' that much? I mean, in a novel, you have various scenes and scenarios to demonstrate the way a character thinks and feels, but this is really only a few select scenes. I'm not sure how I could 'show' what was happening in this piece anyways - like how he thought about her? how he lost her?

I'm glad you liked the repition of the dream - I wanted to get across the fact that he always dreamt of her. It's supposed to be simple though, like a poem. Too many words would ruin the effect. So, while I appreciate your thought, I don't think I'll be changing that part :)

Thanks for reviewing.
-Lily


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Review #16, by moonbaby11 The Doe

28th August 2010:
Wow. Just... wow. I really loved this. It had a sort of poetic feel to it, and so many lines just made me want to go 'aw'. Your description was really good, and I could definetly get the feel of what was happening. Also, I loved how you used the word 'Always' a lot. One of my favourite Snape lines.

I've never really liked Snape, but after reading Deathly Hallows, I have to say that I find him to be a very interesting character in his Hogwarts years, and than I just don't liek him. He was really mean to a lot of his students.

That being said, I really liked hwo you portrayed him in this. I could definetly feel the longing for Lily that he had. I was really sweet. :)

I adored the doe scene. Now I'm just wondering if that influenced Lily's patronus, or if it was a doe before she brought Snape to see the doe. Mayeb that was why she seemed so enchanted by it.

The one thing I want to point out is that the 'mudblood' thing wiht Snape and Lily happened in their Fifth Year, because it is right after one of their OWL exams.

Overall, really brilliant. I'm glad you asked for a review. :) Definetly adding to my favourites, so that I'll remember it. Always. ;) lol

Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by :) I'm really pleased you liked it.

I'm so happy you noticed the use of 'always'! That's my favourite part of all the books - I'm a huge pushover for anything adorable like that, so I wanted to include that sort of idea in this.

Is Lily's patronus a doe? I can't even remember. I know Snape's is though, and my idea with this, is that this instance is what caused it.

I know about the mudblood bit being in fifth year - I have yet to edit it to fix it :) Thanks for pointing it out though :)

I'm so glad you liked it!
Thank you again!

-Lily


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Review #17, by Dark Marked The Doe

26th August 2010:
This is a great story. You really have Severus and Lily's character down. I escpecially love the doe scene. It's a sad and soft. I enjoyed it very much. I really feel like I'm walking away from a story with something a little bit different this time. Personally I love James but I always thought Severus and Lily were a tale that was merely a dream that wouldn't come true, but a happy one at that. I would suggest to add James into this story but I'm slightly afraid it might affect the whole flow. Only you as the author can decide that. The more one-shots I read, the more I like them. Escpecially this one. You've done an amazing job.
--dark marked

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the lovely review. I'm thrilled you like the doe scene.
I would consider adding James into the story - but it's not really about him, it's about Severus and Lily, and how their relationship almost was, but wasn't.

I LOVE one-shots. They are my favourite thing to write - you can't put the same amount of emotion, and description into a full length story, without it being too heavy, is my feeling. I love to read them too, because they are beautiful little insights to a bigger picture.

Thank you for stopping by to review!

-Lily


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Review #18, by xtinjsc The Doe

26th August 2010:
Hello!

I'm really glad you requested for me to look over this story, because otherwise, I wouldn't have read this on my own. Let's just say that I have this, er, problem (?) with Snape. I never liked him from the very beginning, even when it was revealed that he was actually a good guy. I don't like that about me actually, I want to like him but I just can't. But I'm glad I read this, because this is really a very stunning piece and I truly enjoyed it!

Was the formatting of the line 'bluntly cut short' deliberate or just an error? Haha. I'm not quite sure.

He would always wonder... --> I love how you repeated these lines at the end of the first two paragraphs. There's just something about repetition of words or sentences that makes the story seem poetic, you know? I just wished you kept on it til the end though, I was slightly disappointed when you didn't.

He heard her before he saw her... --> For some reason, I love this. I don't know, there's something about it that I found really, I don't know, intuitive? Gah! I've ran out of words! Haha

I love your style. I honestly do. There were a lot of stories out there that has the same intention as you, to create a poetic feel, but failed miserably because of too much wordiness of their descriptions. The story flowed very well, because of your choice of words and the way you put them together. Very nice. I loved these lines:

The image of her flying down the hall towards him was one of the most poignant memories he had of her.

But he got so caught up in darkness, he couldn’t go back to her light.

She had waited for him, waited for him to choose her instead of the shadows.

I'll be extremely nitpicky now, not because I want to, but I had to; because a good review must be objective about everything, whether good or bad - something that I'm finding hard to do at the moment, because I really adored this story - and I have to find something to comment on.

Lily's hair is red - not auburn. Auburn is Dumbledore's hair when he was younger, it's more on the brownish side than red.There was one part in the beginning where you described her hair as 'burning auburn' and it slightly distracted me. I'm sorry, I know this is so trivial and inconsequential, but I had to find something to complain about to make me feel better about this review. So far, I'm seriously in danger of leaving you a gushing one and I don't want that, so I'm trying my best. Haha

That day when Snape called Lily 'Mudblood' happened during their fifth year, not sixth.

The last paragraph, the centered one, did you intentionally write that in the present tense? Because before that, you've been very consistent with your use of the past tense. I'm not sure whether you meant to do that or just, you know, style. Haha.

You mentioned that you want to know whether the premise of this is ridiculous? I think not. I mean, you just basically chronicled the story of Snape from the day he met Lily to the day he lost her so... If you meant that sweet scene they had together watching the doe, where you hinted (or I think you did) that Lily was starting to have some romantic feelings towards Snape too, well, JKR said so herself that it's possible - if only Snape wasn't so engrossed with the Dark Arts.

Can I just say, I love the second to the last paragraph! There's just something about people in a park bench waiting that just totally gets me - even if it's Snape. Haha. I feel really sorry for him. Poor Severus. You really wrote that part well. I better stop now before I start gushing again.

So, overall, I truly enjoyed this, but you already know that, right? Thank you for posting on my thread and I hope I'll see you soon! I'd love to read more from you! ^_^

Author's Response: Thanks for coming!

See, I'm the opposite. Snape always intrigued me, I always hoped he would be a good guy in the end. So, I like to write about him - and I'm a sucked for the Snape/Lily ship - unrequited love is so hopelessly romantic.

Yes, that line is deliberate. I wanted it to be noticed :)

I know, I kind of wanted to repeat the always wonder bit too, but it didn't seem to work as well in many other places. I did, however, repeat the word 'always' throughout the story. It's in there a bunch of times.

I'm really glad you liked it so much, especially because you said you don't really like Snape. Lots of people seem to have issues writing with the' poetic style' you say I have, and I seem to have issues writing without it - so I always wonder if it works with a story.

The nit picky detials: I did say Lily's hair was red at first, the burning auburn description comes after that, to make it more vivid. But you're right, I'll have to find some other word for it.

The 'mudblood' fiasco, I honestly couldn't find anything definitive that said it happend in their fifth year. I must have been looking in the wrong places. Thank you for pointing it out. I'll be sure to fix it soon.

The last paragraph was indeed intentionally in present tense. I wanted to make sure the reader knows this is something Severus never got over - he always felt like that.

I did mean to Doe thing, when I said it might be ridiculous. I wanted to write something that was the reason Snape's patronus is a doe, and this is what I came up with.

I'm very glad you liked it, and thank you again for the lovely review!

-Lily


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Review #19, by PoppiesAndDaisies The Doe

25th August 2010:
this was really heart touching, I enjoyed reading it. Your writing is very poetic. :)

Author's Response: Thank you - I'm rather pleased with this fic of mine, so I'm very happy you enjoyed it.

Thank you for taking the time to review!

-Lily


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